


monologues for two

by evocates, noalinnea



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Dialogue-Only, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-08
Updated: 2013-09-05
Packaged: 2017-11-24 04:00:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 121,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/630151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evocates/pseuds/evocates, https://archiveofourown.org/users/noalinnea/pseuds/noalinnea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sean and Viggo navigate conversation. A dialogue-only fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Viggo navigate conversation. A dialogue- only fic.

**January 2000, New Zealand**

7:15  
You there?

 

7:16  
yeah. just got back

 

7:16  
?

 

7:17  
i was at the stables

 

7:18  
You planning on marrying that horse?

 

7:20  
Vig?

 

7:22  
Jesus, Vig, did you fall over or something?

 

7:25  
I'm going to grab a shower. Are you coming over for dinner?

 

7:26  
you just managed to piss me off

 

7:33  
What?

 

7:35  
Why are you mad at me?

 

7:36  
sometimes you say something that annoys the fuck out of me

 

7:37  
Alright, what the hell did I do to piss you off?

 

7:38  
the thing about the horse

 

7:39  
The bit bout you marrying the horse? Vig, I was joking.

 

7:40  
Besides, if anyone is going to marry his horse, it's Aragorn, not you. He kissed Brego, didn't he?

 

7:41  
it's not about aragorn, it's about me

 

7:41  
i knwo it was a joke. but still, i don't seem to- i don't even know what the problem is. actually my plan was to just drop by here to take a shower and then come over

 

7:42  
Get your arse over here before you start making my head hurt.

 

7:43  
just need to take a shower. still smelling of that horse. you want to be my bridesmaid btw?

 

7:44  
Nah, I look horrid in pink dresses.

 

7:44  
Didn't know you're going to be the bride, though.

 

7:45  
I cooked a lot so shower faster.

 

7:46  
damn. now I'm conflicted about my sexuality. you cooked? what did you cook? (the shower time will be adjusted according to your answer)

7:47  
Beef spaghetti and steamed vegetables from the market.

 

7:47  
I bugged the hotel staff to use their kitchen just for you, so stop dawdling.

 

7:48  
If you're marrying a horse it's called bestiality, btw.

 

7:49  
be there in 20. and you brought up the horse. it's all your fault

 

7:50  
Aye, aye, it's all my fault, that. For that I'll keep your food warm for you.

 

7:51  
i w i l l take that shower now. see you in a moment

 

7:52  
wait for me with dinner?

***

**January 2000, Sean's hotel room, New Zealand**

"Say, were you actually pissed at me or were you pulling me leg?"

 

"No. I was. Pissed, I mean."

 

"Fer what?"

 

"I don't really know. Fuck. I'm sorry, we shouldn't even be having this conversation- I'm just being complicated."

 

"... Alright."

 

"No. It's not alright. I'm sorry." [Sigh] "Look, I know I can be a pain in the ass but something about that reply bothered me."

 

"Look." [Clink] "Either you tell me what I did wrong, or we just put it as a conversation hiccup and move on. You tell me."

 

"Somehow I didn't feel taken seriously. It felt as if you were mocking me for going to the stables, after work and in the dark and everything."

 

"Jesus, Vig."

 

"I know. And I am sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. But if I can't talk about this I'm just going to stay mad at you."

 

"No- Christ. Am I not supposed ta tease you, then? We're mates, Vig. I ain't ever teased you worse than I had Dom or Orlando, and not once have you even shown you took offense at me words."

 

"You know that I usually don't take offense. It's just that- - - sometimes I get the impression that you are putting up with me despite of the stuff that I do, not because I do things the way I do them."

 

"You annoy me sometimes, aye. Like now, fer instance."

 

"Believe me, I can tell."

 

"Can you tell why?"

 

"Probably because you think that I should shut up and eat."

 

"Nah." [Thud] "Come on, Vig. Yer been married before. It's impossible ta like a person all the damn time. Same with friends. Sometimes I'm sick of you. Sometimes you're sick of me. That's why we live in different houses."

 

"What is it you don't like, then?"

 

"When you start yabbering 'bout being mad and then trying ta say it's nothing. If I want that, I'd talk ta me wife."

 

"Maybe I didn't want to discuss this because I feared that it might turn out exactly like this."

 

"It don't work that way. Ain't you the one who keeps saying people should talk out that problems?"

 

"I had the impression I was trying to do that!"

 

"Way I see it, yer still trying to avoid the problem."

 

"Which problem?"

 

"Why don't you tell me what yer really pissed about? It ain't 'bout the horse, that much I know."

 

"Christ, of course it's not about the stupid horse! Why would I be mad about the horse?”

 

"Then what the hell are you mad about?"

 

"I'm not mad I'm fucking insecure!"

 

“About what?”

 

"About us, Sean. Because I can't tell anymore where we are going with this. I'd say it's pretty obvious that we are past casual sex but I can't figure out where we are standing."

 

"Didn't realise there's an 'us'."

 

"---. Right. --- Right. I- never mind. Thank you for dinner." [Scrape]

 

"For--" [Chair legs on hard wood, thudthudthud] "Stop fucking doing that."

 

"Well, it sounded as if we're done here. No point in forcing my company on you."

 

"When did I say that yer forcing yerself on me?! Christ, Vig, yer making no sense again, and you ain't even finished yer damn food."

 

"I'm not going to be able to eat more after- this. Do you have any idea how I'm feeling right now?"

 

"No. 'Cause yer not talking to me proper."

 

"Are you being obtuse on purpose now? Maybe this is some sort of game for you, but for me it isn't."

 

"We're friends, Vig. Friends don't play games with each other. Or talk in circles and throw accusations."

 

"No.You're right. And there is no point in having this discussion in the first place if for you there isn't even an "us"."

 

"I didn't even know you wanted there to be, for fuck's sake!"

 

"Right now I feel like a fucking moron for thinking there ever could be something to this."

 

"Shut the fuck up for a bit." [Click-] "Mm-"

 

[Gasp.] "What the fuck... ryoudoing?"

 

"I'm kissing you. Pretty obvious, ain't it?"

 

"Yeah. It is. But I seem to be missing the point you are trying to make. Just- wait, herregud, Sean, wait a second!"

 

"Alright. I'm waiting."

 

"Either you really have awful timing or there is something you are trying to tell me that I'm not getting."

 

[Sigh] "Look, I ain't good at deciphering secret clues and hints. I ain't ever been good at any of that. If you want more than a pair of mates fucking, you got ta tell me. Are you telling me right now?"

 

"I don't know, Sean. I don't know what I am trying to say. I didn't even know that I wanted to discuss this before your stupid horse stamped on my toes. But I- thing is, you are so much more important now than you were a couple of weeks ago and I- I like waking up next to you."

 

"Well, there's one way ta put things." [Huff. Chuckle] "Come on, let's stop talking and I'll fuck you."

 

[Enormous sigh] "I wish I could let you do that, just let you fuck all these thoughts away. But right now I think I can't. I'm sorry."

 

[Shift. Ruffle. Click] "You sure 'bout that, Viggo?"

 

"What-damn it, Sean, do you have any idea how cold your hand is?" [Shuffle] "And yes, I am sure. I should be going home."

 

"... Now yer back ta confusing me."

 

"I know." [Scratch] "I know. I'm sorry." [Soft kiss.] "Look, this idea is entirely new to me, too. And really, all I want right now is to let you drag me to the couch and make me shut the fuck up, but I just can't. I'm afraid I'll get hurt if I'm not very careful now."

 

"Just one question. Are you afraid of me, or of yerself?"

 

[Softly]: "I'm afraid of wanting something I cannot have."

 

"Seems too late fer that." [Sigh] "I can't promise hearts and flowers and forever, Vig. I ain't ever good at that, you should know that best. I can't even promise that we'd last the year out, fer Christ's sake. Doesn't mean I don't want ta try."

 

[Pause.] "What? You want- what? Say that again!"

 

"I want ta try. That's what you were afraid of, ain't it?"

 

"Christ, Sean, no! I was afraid you didn't want to try!"

 

"Vig, yer me best mate. We've been fucking fer awhile, and I ain't see us stopping any time soon. Why wouldn't I want ta?"

 

"Because there is a difference between- just fucking and wanting more than just the physical part."

 

"Kiss me."

 

"Yes. --- " [Shaky exhale] "Please, Sean, I want-"

 

"Come ta bed, Vig. Come ta bed."

 

"Stop talking and start moving, will you."

 

[Chuckles] "Patience, patience."

 

_tbc_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Viggo negotiate physical engagement. Still a dialogue-only fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

**January 2000, Viggo's place, TV couch**

 

"Hey---Sean, wait." [Shuffling of limbs] "I appreciate the sentiment but I'm just too tired today for any more physical activities."

 

"Mmhh. You really can be a terrible tease."

 

"Hey! I actually mean it. Any other evening this week but every muscle in my body is aching. They kicked my ass during swords training today."

 

"You could just lie still and let me do all the work."

 

[Chuckle.] "You know I am exceptionally bad at that."

 

"I know. But you could try."

 

"Look, another evening, okay?"

 

"Are you trying to tell me something?"

 

"Something other than that I'm sore and exhausted?"

 

"You know what me wife used ta say? 'I have a headache.'"

 

"Sean." [Sighs] "Christ. I'm just tired. This doesn't have anything to do with you."

 

"Alright, alright. I'll get me arse back ta the hotel then."

 

"What? Why?"

 

"Ain't no other reason ta stay."

 

[Quickly]: "If your dick doesn't get what he wants, there is no reason for you to stay? Is that, what you are saying?"

 

"Well, I don't see any other reason fer staying."

 

"Well, thank you so fucking much!"

 

"Now what are you on about?"

 

"I'm not a fucking sex doll that bends over whenever you demand it."

 

"Where the hell did you get that idea from? I don't understand your goddamn head, Vig."

 

"You just told me that there was no point whatsoever for you to stay if I wasn't inclined to let you fuck me!"

 

"Well, you can fuck me instead if that's why yer complaining 'bout."

 

"Can you at least _try_ to use your brain for this conversation and get your dick to shut up for a moment?"

 

"What the hell else would you want me ta stay fer?"

 

"Goddammit, Sean! I didn't plan every single detail of this evening in advance, okay? But until a couple of minutes ago was going to take a shower and see if that would make part of the pain in my back go away, and then curl up in bed. _With_ you, for fuck's sake."

 

"Your back- Vig, why didn't you tell me that your back were hurting?"

 

"Because- that's not the point! It's not going to kill me."

 

"We can argue later. Now turn around, you."

 

"I- what- ouch! What are you doing?"

 

"Yer back a mess of knots, Vig. No wonder it's hurting you. Why didn't you just tell me that?" [Thumpthump] "Come on, let's get you ta bed and I can do this properly."

 

"Where on earth is **this** coming from now? You're incredible. tYou make me want to throttle you one minute and hug you the next."

 

[Long silence] "I don't know what you want from me."

 

"What is it that you don't understand? If I can I'll try to explain."

 

"I- damnit, never mind."

 

[Softly]: "Please tell me."

 

"Not that good ta have a taste of yer own medicine, eh?"

 

“Look, the last thing I want is to argue with you and I'm sorry this took such an unpleasant turn. But please just tell me what is bothering you."

 

“I've already said it, Vig. I don't know what you want from me."

 

[Pause.] "Right now or in general?"

 

"Do I haveta choose?"

 

"Not at all. I'm happy to tell you whatever you want to know."

 

[Silence] "Not tonight. C'mon, let's get you in bed and yer back sorted out."

 

"No, maybe you're right. Not tonight. But we seem to keep misunderstanding each other. We should talk about this at some point. Now- _ouch_ \- let's just- go upstairs."

 

"Mm. You want a bath?"

 

"More than anything else right now. With you?"

 

"Alright. Stay here, I'll run the water."

 

"Great, thanks." [Calls after him:] "Do you want some tea?"

 

"Tea in the bath, Vig?"

 

"Why not? I surely won't need my hands for swimming? You can have a glass of wine if you'd prefer that."

 

"Ain't a bath supposed ta help you sleep? Caffeine's not going ta help with that. Unless you want that chamomile crap."

 

"I found a little shop that sells herbs when I was having coffee with Miranda last week. I think I got verbena, lemon grass, rose petals and thyme and- I don't remember. Wine for you then? There's still this half bottle of Rioja."

 

"Those are fer making food, not tea. And if you like 'em, I can plant 'em fer you in yer garden." [Chuckle] "The Rioja's fine."

 

"That would be great, I've been wanting to plant something new anyway. The avocado tree didn't make it. Here, take the glass. What about the water?"

 

"Hot enough. Get yer clothes off."

 

"Yes, sir."

 

"Lieutenant Colonel Sharpe don't take much cheek, soldier, so get into the tub with you."

 

"Yes, sir, thank you, sir."

 

[Laughter] "Never thought I'd see the Master Chief so obedient." [Splash splash.]

 

"I was promised a bath with you and a back-rub, a man needs to know when to pick his fights. Move over a little." [Splash.]

 

"I move over, and you turn 'round. Can't touch you properly like this."

 

"Right, wait- woah, careful with- like that?"

 

"Mm, yeah, that's fine." [Splash, slide] "That feels good?"

 

"Mostly hurts, actually- but I'm sure it's not your technique but my muscles that are the problem."

 

"Hurt's good. Yer back feels like rocks." [Shift] "Lean forward a little."

 

"Christ- I feel as if a horde of marauding orcs has stomped over my body."

 

"Sounds like that's exactly what happened."

 

"Actually, it is. At least if you want to call Chris, Eric, Rick and Lauren a horde. Can we stop for a moment? See if the hot water is of any help." [Slide, splash]. "Can I lean back against you?"

 

"Five's plenty. You ain't actually a Ranger, luv, just an actor. C'mere."

 

"Thanks. I know that I'm pushing myself hard. But Aragorn is only going to be as strong and as skilled as I manage to be."

 

"Mm, but you got more than a year left o' this, and I ain't always going ta be here ta give you backrubs and baths."

 

[Sigh] "Which is a shame, this is nice."

 

"Aye, aye," chuckles. "This here all I'm good for."

 

"That's not the way I see it. But you really give good back rubs."

 

"Had some practice recently. Abby's back was killing her when she was carrying Evie."

 

[Chuckle] "Yeah. I still remember how my arms sometimes hurt during Exene's pregnancy. Back-rubs-foot-rubs-neck-rubs..."

"Every which place, except south."

 

"No, actually... we had more sex during the pregnancy than at any other time."

 

[Muffled chuckle] "You lucky bastard. Abby won't let me touch 'er." [Beat] "You sure you don't want ta fuck tonight, mate?"

"Mmh, I can tell that you certainly are interested though... and there really is no reason to let my back ruin your evening--wait, let me- " [Slide, splash]

 

"Ah! Jesus, warn a guy before you- fuck!"

 

"Psssh, warn you. Maybe in public." [Chuckle. Softly]: "You like that?"

 

"Hand around a man's cock and yer asking if he-" [Inhale] "God, Vig, that's good."

"Get deeper inside the water. And close your eyes."

 

[Splash] "Now who's giving the orders, eh?"

 

"If I were you, I'd just should up and do as I was told." [Pause] Faster?"

 

"Never took you to- ah, Christ, that's good- be so damn obedient."

 

"I'm not. But I'd appreciate an offer as straightforward as this one. And now shut up." [Low voice]: "Or do I have to make you?"

 

"Ain't nice ta make promises like that without following them up, Vig."

 

"Who says I'm not going to follow them up?" [Splash. Lips meeting]

 

"Mmmmphrh- Vig- I'm going to- Jesus- ah- ah!" [SPLASH]

 

"Shh. Come on, close your eyes. I've got you. I want you to come, Sean.”

 

"Mm- Vig- let me-" [Shift, splash]

 

"Na-ah, hands off!" [Shift] "It's your turn now. Or do you want me to stop?"

 

"No, don't fucking stop, damnit!"

 

"I won't, if you promise to behave." [Lips sliding over lips] "Now, will you? Behave?"

 

"Aye, aye. Will I get ta touch you later?"

 

"Mmh, later... now I just want you to enjoy my hand on your cock, stop worrying about me for a moment."

 

"Mmm-- nngh!"

 

"Now that's better." [Softly]: "And try to close you eyes, please, just try."

 

"Mm, alright." [Exhale. Hitch in breath.]

 

"Good. You want to tell me how that feels? Or do you want me to keep talking?"

 

"Don't stop talking. Nn- love yer voice."

 

"If we weren't in the bath tub right now I wouldn't be limited to only using my hands-- I know that you like it when I'm using my tongue on you-- I can tell from the way that your breath hitches- and sometimes, just before you come, you make these sounds, I don't even have words to describe them- but they make me want to put in an extra effort each and every time, make me want to make it extra good- just to hear them- spread your legs a little, will ya?"

 

[Strangled gasp. Splash]

 

"Good. Let me just-" [Shift] "Shh. Relax."

 

"I can't relax when you've got yer cheating fingers going up- Vig!"

 

"'Course you can. It's going to be good, trust me. Close your eyes again."

 

]Shaky exhale] "If I drown in the damn tub it'll be yer fault."

 

"I'm right here. Nothing is going to happen other than that you might enjoy this. Pull up your legs a little."

 

"Here. You get ta hold me up."

 

"I will. I'll go slow. Just relax. Better?"

 

"Nn- yeah. I ain't- look- I haven't done this in a while."

 

"I'll be careful. Tell me if you need me to stop. I'll just- go very, very slowly. Like that- and then, I might do _this_ \- keep breathing. Concentrate on my hand stroking you cock."

 

"Yer making it sound like I'm having yer baby." [Nervous chuckle]

 

[Chuckle] "You won't, I promise. I- christ, Sean, you are tight."

 

"Told you I ha- fucking- ah- AH!"

 

"I take it you like that? Damn, I should have taken you to the bedroom earlier- then I could just- fuck you now."

 

"Christ, Vig, just- just do something."

 

"Oh, I will. There- maybe a little bit faster, mh, what do you think? And a little deeper?"

 

"If I'm still thinking you ain't doing a very good job- Jesus Christ!"

 

"Oh, but you are just babbling. I think both faster and deeper. And if you tilt up your hips a little I might be able to use my tongue as well."

 

"Don't break yer back- Vig- Vig, give me another finger."

 

"If you're asking _that_ nicely-"

 

"-- Mm."

 

"Knew I'd get you to shut up eventually."

 

"Yer ain't playing fair."

 

"Never said I would. Come for me, Sean."

"I- Vi- Viggo-" [Splash]

 

[Silence. Sigh] "It really is a good thing that we are at my place. Your neighbors would have kicked in the door to check on you."

 

"Hah- hotel walls are thin, aye." [Pant. Deep inhale] "Water's turning cold."

 

"Yeah. But I didn't want to stop. Let's just shower this off and go to bed?"

 

"Gi- give me a bit, Jesus." [Exhale] "Yer back's being stiff as a rock. You sure you don't want me ta get you off as well?"

 

[Chuckle] "Not now. Just stay put for a moment. But let me just turn on the hot water, then, or it'll get too cold." [Water running] "There. Good?"

 

"Mm." [Splash splash] "Thought we've rushed all the bubbles out, but there's more."

 

"Just shut up for a moment and let me-" [Splash, slide, scramble, sorting of limbs] "Rest my back for a moment- there, that's better."

 

"Mm, here," [Shift, splash] "That feels good?"

 

"Yeah. But you don't have to. I'm good. Let me just rest for a second."

 

"Don't fall asleep on me, old man."

 

"Can't promise that I'm not going to."

 

"Up. C'mon, up. I'm getting you into bed."

 

"Probably not the worst idea. Wait. Fuck. I'd ask you why there is no towel but it's my house so I guess it's my fault."

 

"Ain't nothing I haven't seen before."

 

"Indeed." [Snort] "I wasn't concerned about my state of undressing though. Can't have you catch a cold."

 

"I'm more worried 'bout you, Mister Overwork." [Splash, tap tap tap] "The hell's your towel on the dresser? C'mere."

 

"I must have been in a rush- probably to get to your place and get laid."

 

"You keep talking like that and I'm going ta get confused again." [Rub, rub, towel against skin]

"Thanks. Why would _that_ confuse you? I think I made it pretty clear that I enjoy having sex with you. Wait- let me- your hair's still all wet."

 

"You won't let me get you off."

 

[Chucke] "I didn't say that. Now get under the covers, I'm starting to freeze."

 

[Rustle] "We can't have you freezing, aye? Get under here."

 

"Scoot over." [Rustle] "Shit, your feet are cold."

 

[Laughs] "So are yers. Done whining yet?"

 

"Pretty much, I guess. Put your arm under my head?"

 

"I'll do one better." [Shift, rustle] "Better?"

 

"Mmh. Perfect." [Pause] "Can I kiss you?"

 

[Chuckle] "You don't have ta ask, mate."

 

"I know. But I wanted to."

 

"C'mere."

 

[Kiss] "Mmh. That's nice, I- never mind."

 

"Don't you go never minding me again."

 

"I figured I'd better shut up and enjoy this. Like I told you to earlier."

 

"Mm, alright." [Skin against skin] "God, you smell good."

 

"Freshly bathed by the courtesy of my Lord Stewart."

 

"You mean finally bathed."

 

"Do you mean to imply that I use to reek?"

 

"Rolling on the grass and straw does that."

 

[Chuckle] "I see. Of course you smell of nothing but roses, sweet little Boromir."

 

"Nah, I just don't look like I reek."

[Thump] "That's not my call. Talk to costume and make-up 'bout that if you prefer me groomed. And now get back here."

 

"Don't know why the filthy Ranger gets ta be King." [Laughs, shuffle, shuffle] "C'mon, stop talking. You need ta sleep."

 

"Envious, hm?" [Kiss] "I really don't want to sleep."

 

"Mm, I ain't explaining ta Peter 'bout yer eyebags tomorrow."

 

"Mmh. Screw Peter."

 

"I'd rather not, luv."

 

[Laughter] "Come here. I want you to-"

 

[Shift] "To what?"

 

[Deep breath] "To touch me."

 

"Here?" [Stroke] "Like this?"

 

"Mmmh. Yes." [Fingers sliding through hair] "And kiss me."

 

"Demanding, demanding." [Slide, kiss]

 

"Maybe. But I'm sure you can handle both. Ah- I-"

 

"Quit talking, you. Just enjoy it."

 

"If you want me to shut up then you'll have to do the talking."

 

"You want me ta talk, or you want me ta do this?" [Twist]

 

"I- oh- both, if you can- christ, Sean."

 

"I'd rather use me mouth in another way." [Rustle, shift, slide] "Mm."

 

"No, no. Wait." [Tugs] "As good as this is, today I want you to look at me. Please."

 

[Silence] "Alrigh'." [Slide, shift] "Good?"

 

"Yeah. Only come closer." [Shift]

 

"I'm going ta break yer back wi' me weight like this. Lemme lie down." [Rustle] "Hold on." [Suck, pop] "God, you feel hot."

 

"At least--- at least, I'm not cold anymore- I- continue-"

 

"I ain't stopping." [Chuckle. Shift] "I like you like this, all incoherent-like."

 

"I- ah- keep going and I -- might lose the gift --of speech completely."

 

"You feel so damn good, Vig. So hot and tight right here." [Pull, press. Circle] "Wish I can get it up again. I'd fuck you just like this. I'd stretch you open and make you scream until you wake the neighbours a damn mile away. You'd like that, aye?"

 

[Groans] "Yeah. I'd like that. But- you know what?" [Shaky exhale. Through grit teeth]: "That is exactly what I'd do to you now if my back was in better shape."

 

"You'd like that, aye? Just push me down and have yer way with me." [Chuckle. Exhale] "I can make you scream by fucking you, Vig, and now I'm wondering if you can make me lose me mind." [Twist, stroke] "Come fer me, now."

 

"God, I- Look at me, Sean- please, I- please!"

 

"I'm here. I'm here, and I ain't going nowhere."

 

"I need you- to- ah- look into my eyes."

 

"Open yers, Vig." [Softly] "Look at me."

 

"I- oh my god, Sean, yes- mmh- Sean, I- SEAN!"

 

[Soft kissing sounds. Pop] "Yer damn beautiful when you come."

 

[Shaky exhale.]

 

[Shift, rustle] "G'on, close yer eyes now. You need ta sleep, mate."

 

"I will." [Kiss] "Thank you."

 

"Ain't nothing ta be thanked 'bout." [Lips over hair] "Goodnight."

 

"Yeah, there is, back-rub n stuff. Sleep well. Did we set any alarm?"

 

"I'll set it ta six. Call's at seven tomorrow. Now quit stalling."

 

"Mmh. I will." [Muffled voice] "I'm still going to fuck you next time though."

 

"Maybe." [Chuckle]

 

_tbc_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean is in Britain, Viggo is in New Zealand. A dialogue only fic, now with emails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

from: Viggo <viggo.mortensen@hotmail.com>  
to: SB <notrichardsharpe@gmail.com>  
date: 02-02-2000, 10:49 p.m.  
Re: boxers, beer, britain...

Hej Sean,

I was wondering if you maybe are missing a pair of boxers, dark blue, that I retrieved from behind my couch? It made the vacuum cleaner roar furiously. I don't usually invite people over to take off their clothes in my house so I reckon they are yours. You can collect them when you come back (if I remember, I might put them into the laundry before that, they look as if we used them to wipe away proofs of frantic love-making. Which we possibly did. I suspect that one time on the living-room floor... I certainly didn't care what happened to my clothes then, and I can imagine that neither did you. I had to throw away that t-shirt you managed to rip off me btw).

I have spent a couple of evenings with Miranda, and Karl, actually, but you are missing here, especially when I'm alone in bed at night. My bedclothes still smelled of you, or maybe us, as late as yesterday when I fell asleep.

The others are all well, only Orlando has caught a terrible cold and is sneezing onto everything and everybody. It's probably safer not to come back for another week... when will you be back? Do you already have a date?

And last but not least, how are you? Do you get to spend time with the girls? I can imagine that it never feels nearly enough, and they must have grown so much already since we all left for NZ. I think that being apart from Henry for this long actually is the most difficult thing I ever had to do. I just want him to be here with me, it sounds stupid, but right now I would be the happiest father in the world if I could only watch him eat his cereals and hear about his day. Fuck. I hope you are getting to do all of this, and more. And I hope that the divorce... well, of course these things aren't easy. I hope the two of you find a good way to deal with it. You are probably busy as it is, but if you want, just give me a call or send me a message. I'd like to hear from you.

Viggo

P.S. The weather is terrible. You better bring wellingtons back with you. Oh, and can you bring beer? (as you are insisting that what I call beer really isn't I am dying to find out what the hell you are talking about)

 

from: SB <notrichardsharpe@gmail.com>  
to: Viggo <viggo.mortensen@hotmail.com>  
date: 03-02-2000, 11:32pm  
Re: are you trying to alliterate?

Vig,

Don't know if the boxers are mine. You can throw them out anyhow. It's not like it's any important, and it's not going to be the only thing I'm throwing out anyhow. Doing some spring cleaning this week. though it isn't spring. The girls are great. Evie's grown big now, and she smiled at me when I see her. I'll tell you more when I get back. Probably another week or so.

Tell the elf he doesn't really live in Middle Earth and to get some meds. He isn't in Britain anymore and he doesn't need to queue forever for the NHS to get off their arses.

I'll get beer when I get back. Anyway, you mentioned Miranda. Are you two discussing characterisations, eh?

Sean

 

from: Viggo <viggo.mortensen@hotmail.com>  
to: SB <notrichardsharpe@gmail.com>  
date: 04-02-2000, 6.45 a.m.  
Re: boxers, boxes and the NHS (screw alliterations)

Hej Sean,

of course the boxers are yours. Maybe I'm slightly mental but not demented. And sometimes it's nice to have something familiar to come back to, so I'm not throwing them out. Put the things that you are not ready to throw out just yet into a box and put them away somewhere. These things get easier with time.

Miranda and I are not discussing the NHS, that's for sure. Oh, and Orlando sends you his love. (his phrasing, not mine)

Viggo

P.S. Of course she's smiling at you, you're her dad.

 

from: SB <notrichardsharpe@gmail.com>  
to: Viggo <viggo.mortensen@hotmail.com>  
date: 05-02-2000, 3:12am  
Re: (no subject)

Vig,

Call me when you get this. I don't give a fuck what time it is, but if you don't have some crappy 4am call tomorrow, call me.

Sean.

***

**New Zealand, 06-02-2000, 1:54 a.m.**

"Sean? Hej. It's Viggo."

 

"Hey. What time is it over there?"

 

"I don't really know, wait- uh, 2am."

 

"You should get to bed- shit, Christ-" [Shaky inhale] "Christ, Vig, I'm a shit father, aren't I?"

 

"God, why would think that? What happened?"

 

"She cried, Evie did." [Strangled noise] "First time I picked her up, she burst out crying."

 

"Oh, Sean-- but that doesn't say anything about you as a father. You know how they are at that age. Probably it's just the beard. Give her a little more time."

 

"Yeah, but that's only 'cause she don't know me."

 

"My point exactly. You know how they only live from day to day when they are that young. And of course, you want there to be an immediate connection. But don't be that hard on yourself, from what you have told me there is absolutely no reason to believe that you are a bad father. You love the girls, don't you?"

 

"It don't matter how much I love 'em when I ain't here for 'em, does it?" [Hoarse, insincere chuckle] "Don't know how many times that's been said ta me."

 

"I know. It's the downside of our job. Of course you are away a lot, and of course they are going to notice, and miss you, and maybe things need some time after you get back. But children have a lot of potential to adapt to difficult situations. You talk to them several times a week when you are away, even if you have to stay up late. And from what I have heard you have a brilliant connection. What set all of this off? Evie's reaction?"

 

"Mm. Sounds silly, don't it?"

 

"Not at all. Henry used to cry each and every time I tried to put him to bed for a bloody year. I thought I'd go mad. I felt so... I guess insufficient."

 

"I- aye." [Self-deprecating chuckle] "You ever found out why he was crying?"

 

"No. And I really felt like shit for a time. You know, sometimes you can't deal with a role, but that was... failure on a completely new level. And so much worse. Because it was personal. But then, he just stopped. Just like that. Give her a little time. And yourself."

 

"I can't stop her from crying. She's all of five months all, barely big enough to fit me arm, and she won't stop yelling when I'm holding her." [Shuddering inhale] "She smiled at me from the crib but I don't think she means it, 'cause she screamed again when I tried to pick her up. I haven't the time ta spend with her, Vig. You know the filming schedule."

 

"I know. But try not to think about having to leave again when you are with her. Try to just be there. And maybe you can sit down with Abby first and she can hold her for a while and you can just be there, so that you can adjust, and she can adjust, just talk to her, tickle her feet or whatever she thinks is fun this week, and then when you all have settled down a bit you can hold her. Or, if she's already drinking from the bottle you can give her her meal. And even if she should cry then, you know that it's nothing personal. Even if it's terrible and you just want to cry with her." [Sighs.] "I don't know how many nights I ended up crying because Henry just wouldn't calm down and cry and cry and call for his mother, and he kicked and sparked at me in complete desperation only because I wasn't her. That seemed so incredibly... unfair. On my side, there were all these feelings, I had waited for him to arrive all these months, and then he just didn't want to let me take care of him. It was horrible. --- I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know how you feel. It seems unfair that you would do anything for them, anything, because you love them so much, and they simply don't care. But you just have to keep trying. She will come around eventually."

 

"Yer boy love you, don't he?" [Soft, quiet] "I can see it whenever he visits the set. He loves you beyond anything. I just- I can't believe me girl will love me as much, not if I keep working. But I can't stop working too, Vig. You know I can't."

 

"No. I can't neither. But you won't be away forever. And- you know, you will have a life-time to get to know her, whatever happens, you are always going to be her dad. No one can ever take that from you and it's going to matter to her. When are you seeing her again?"

 

[Silence] "You know, Mel married someone else."

 

"And you're worried that the girls might prefer him?"

 

"He's always there fer 'em, isn't he?"

 

"He's there every day, yes. But that doesn't mean that he is going to replace you in their hearts. I don't know how things are between you and Mel, but maybe you want to talk to her about all of this?"

 

"Nah, it's- fuck, this is fucking pathetic. Mel wouldn't've met James if not for me. She was bringing the girls ta me movie- the footie one- and James was the producer. He's a decent guy, a better husband ta her than I can ever be, and he told me he isn't going ta try to be me girls' father, but- fuck, this is fucking pathetic. Fuck."

 

"It's not pathetic. They are what matters most and of course you want to be with them all the time. But can't because you can't give up yourself and stop working. And then there is someone else who can be with them every day. Of course you are going to feel that. But don't tear yourself apart over this. And for all it's worth, he sounds like a considerate guy."

 

"I can't stop doing something just because you told me to, oy." [Tired chuckle]

 

"I know. But you can always call and make me repeat it and maybe someday I'll wear you down."

 

[Laughter] "Go ta bed, Vig."

 

"In a moment. It's not that I'm not used to being kept awake by you." [Chuckle] "And only if you promise that you'll call, me or someone else, when these thoughts return."

 

"Yes, Ma." [Another soft chuckle] "Thanks, Vig. 'preciate this."

 

"Well, that's what friends are for."

 

[Pause] "Mm. Goodnight, eh?"

 

"Yeah. Have a good rest of the day."

_tbc_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary:Sean comes home from Britain. Back to dialogue-only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

**Wellington Airport, New Zealand, 16-02-2000, 4:38 pm**

"Sean!"

"Vig- Jesus!" [Laughter, crash] "You crazy bastard, what are you doing here?"

[Rustle of fabric] "Let's just say I'm the official Middle Earth welcome committee." [Chuckle] "It's good to see you."

"It's good ta see you too." [Backslap] "Peter's not killing you all with the schedule today?"

"Nah. I just asked if I could have the afternoon off, actually. And he just squinted at me and said he'd never thought he'd live long enough to hear me ask for a break. And then he just said yes. And the weather is crappy for filming anyway. But, come on, let's go."

"Aye? And have you been sleeping instead of sending Peter faxes at 4 am in the morning?"

"Not really, no. I haven't been sleeping terribly much lately."

"Is yer back bothering you again?"

"No, it's fine. I guess I'm getting a little stir crazy with all the rain." [Pause. Rain falling heavily] "Hm. Let's just sprint over to the car?"

"Mate, I'm British. I've got a brolly, hold on." [Snap, pahp] "Get under here."

[Chuckles] "Right, Mary Poppins, off we go."

[Shah-splatter-shah-shah-shah] "I forgot to ask which is yer car!"

"The old blue one over there. I borrowed it from Miranda."

"Right. Is the rain dripping on you?"

"Could be worse. And I'm not made from sugar, it won't kill me, you know."

"I'm all aflutter with worry 'bout yer delicate condition, that I am." [Chuckles]

[Snort] "Careful, or I might actually make you chase the car home."

"Nah, I'd just get meself a cab." [Splash]

"In that case I would have to retrieve my sword from the backseat and chase you with the car. There we are. What's it going to be?"

"Can I choose the sane version that won't get me arrested? Get in the car, Vig."

"Psh. You really are no fun." [Doors opening, closing] "Be careful with the groceries in the back."

"What's the groceries fer?" [Drip drip drip] "Sorry 'bout the brolly."

"I thought you might be hungry. And my fridge was frighteningly empty." [Engine being started]

"So you aren't sleeping properly, you aren't eating properly, any other crimes you'd like ta admit now?"

"Excessive physical activities in my spare time. But apart from that, I managed to keep it together neatly, I think."

[Chuckle, slightly forced.] "Aye, that's good."

"Do you want me to drop you off at the hotel? Or, you could come over to my place for dinner-- if you don't really feel like staring at anonymous walls tonight?"

"How 'bout this. We go ta your place, and you drop off yer groceries. Then you come over to watch footie with me. I'll order room service."

"Sure. The salmon will still be good tomorrow, I guess."

"Aye." [Long pause, sound of rain, windshield wipers] "Funny. Fly halfway round the world, and the weather ain't changed much."

"Well, at least you don't have to worry about the acclimatization." [Pause. Quietly:] "At least one thing that is consistent."

"If you've grown a second head I don't want ta know 'bout it."

"Oh, I wouldn't tell you now. It would come out at night and bite you in the ass. Music?"

"That ain't what yer head wants ta do with me arse. Do you have Bowie?"

"No. I don't have Bowie. There's a stack of CD's in the glove compartment. Choose whatever you like."

*

**New Zealand, Wellington, Sean's hotel, 16-02-2000, 18:02**

"I think you left some of yer clothes here last time. I took them to the dry cleaners down the road, and they're in the closet. What do you want ta eat?"

"I have no idea. What are you having? And you don't have to take my clothes to the dry cleaners, Sean, I can just wash them myself."

"I didn't realise they were yers until I got 'em back, so it ain't matter. I'm getting steak."

[Pause. Paper rustling] "I'll have the lamb, then."

"Alright, give me a bit."

"Sure." [Sound of footsteps] "It's still raining."

[Click] "Food'll be here in fifteen minutes or so. There's proper footie on the telly. Come over."

"Yeah." [Hesitant steps. Rustling] "Who's playing?"

"Seems a replay between Arsenal and Chelsea. Cheh, they're both shite."

"Mh."

[Shift. Skin on cloth] "You alright with this?"

"Um- yeah, I am- I just hadn't-- it's good to have you back here."

[Soft laugh] "Nice ta be appreciated, mate. It's good ta be back."

"Mmh."

"Christ. Why this shite team is on the Premiere League's beyond me."

"Well, you could start taping the Blades games. So that you always have a fall back plan."

"Or I should depend on you ta entertain me instead."

[Laughter] "Now _that_ sounds like a plan."

"Yeah? What kind of idea is brewing in that head of yers, eh?"

[Shift. Rustle] "You know, I've had three weeks now to think about what I'd want to do to you when you got back."

[Quiet laugh. Hitch of breath] "That so?"

"Mmh." [Shift. Skin sliding against cloth] "And I have been wondering if--" [Quietly:] "You'd prefer it rough and fast or if you'd want us to take our time and go slow, really slow. Might make this even more interesting."

[Choked moan] "Well... Both sounds good. Still bit jet lagged, though. You sure I won't fall asleep if we go slow?"

"Oh, I _am_ sure." [Rustle. Shift.] "I'm talking slow, not boring."

"You keep talking and I'm going ta fall asleep on you."

"You won't. Not if I'm doing this." [Sound of teeth clacking together]

"Mm-- mmmph!"

[Chuckle, softly:] "You seem wide awake now."

[Breathlessly:] "You ain't doing a good job if I'm not, aye?"

"I would say I'm doing a very good job- if this-" [Slide, rustling] "is any indication."

"Vig, I'm still coherent." [Inhale- choked laughter]

"Mmh. That's deliberate. Because you'll have to get up to get the food in a moment."

"You want me ta flash room service?"

"No. That's why you're still coherent. But we should still have some more minutes--" [Kiss. Buttons sliding out]

"Are you trying ta insult me stamina- Jesus!" [Leather screeching beneath nails. Thump]

"Not at all. I just thought it would give you time to calm down again if I did this now." [Skin sliding against skin]

"How does it give me time ta- there!" [Knocking]

"Sorry about that." [Climb. Shift] "There you go."

"You fucking tease! Come back here!" [Knocking. Pause] "Fucking hell."

[Chuckle] "Maybe you should answer that. I'll be in the bedroom."

[Shuffle shuffle, rustling of clothes, thudding of quick footsteps] "Yer better be naked when I get there."

"We'll see about that. And maybe you want to cover that impressive erection a little better."

"If you don't want someone else ta see me goods you shouldn't have teased me." [More shuffling of clothes. Dryly:] "Let me get me jacket."

[Laughter from afar]

"Yeah- okay, thanks. No, I'm alrigh'. Thanks fer asking. Give my thanks to the chef, aye?" [Thud. Slide. Stomp stomp stomp] "Now you finish where you left off."

"Make me."

"You asked." [Thump, slam. THUD] "And yer not naked yet." [Riiiii-thwack-thwack-iiiiiip]

[Dryly:] "Now I'm _partly_ undressed."

"Patience."

"And you expect me to just stand back and let you take off my clothes?"

"Well, you don't seem ta be doing anything to solve that problem."

"No. I'm curious to see what your plan is."

"Get you naked and fuck you into the mattress." [Kiss]

"Mmmh. Well, you can always try."

"I don't 'try', Vig. I'm going ta do it." [Rasp] "Objections?"

"Yes." [Shuffle. Wrestle. Thud] "I've been doing 30 extra push-ups every day to be able to do this." [THUMP]

[Sharp exhale] "You've been training up just fer me?" [Slide, rasp] "What are you going ta do ta me now you have me?"

[Low voice:] "What would you _want_ me to do?"

[Sharp inhale] "Ride me."

"I'll consider it." [Shift. Skin sliding against skin]

"Consider-- Viggo, fer fuck's sake!"

"It's been three fucking weeks." [Pause] "I'm not going to waste this moment."

"So you miss me, eh?"

"Course I did."

"So are you going ta just sit there and look at me?"

"It's a pretty sight." [Shift] "But no worries, there'll be touching, too." [Kiss]

"Mmm. I ain't very patient, you know."

"I know. That's why I did the push-ups. You want me to touch you?"

[Shift, rock. Bedsprings squeaking] "Oh aye, I do."

[Exhale] "You are going to have to ask a little more nicely."

"You want me ta say please?"

"No. I want you to tell me _where_ you want to be touched."

"You have me spread out under you, Vig. Everywhere."

"Quit stalling if you want me to start moving."

"Thought yer supposed ta be the creative one?"

"You really would let me paint all over your body?"

"You want ta get off me and find paints now?

"I usually have a couple of stray crayons in the car..." [Chuckles] "But no, I don't trust you to stay put."

"Like hell am I going ta let you leave the room fer crayons." [Shift shift rustle rustle] "You going ta do anything?"

"I'm going to take off your clothes now." [Kiss] "But if you move, I'm going to stop."

"I can still flip you over, you know."

"Oh? Try."

[Rustle, rockrock, THUD-] "That wiped the smile off yer face yet?" [Chuckles]

[Laughs] "No. I'm exactly where I want to be."

[Cloth against cloth] "That so? Then don't move." [Cloths against skin. Thud. Clack. Jeans and belt falling to the floor]

"I won't. But get back here or I'll get bored."

"Bossy, bossy, bossy. Are you going to lie there like a fish, mm?"

"No." [Shift. Rustle. Thud. Kiss]

"Mm. There we go." [Skin on skin]

[Breath hitching] "Sean."

"Vig." [Pause] "That feels good?"

"Yeah. God---" [Shaky exhale]

"Come on." [Teeth on skin] "Touch me."

"Mmmh." [Nails on cloth] "I missed you."

"So have I."

"Are you going ta doing anything, or do I have to do all the work?"

"Mmm. Weren't you the one who had three weeks to think of ideas?"

"I had." [Lips on skin. Whispered:] "You can either let me fuck you, or I can ride you. Your call."

"Lie back and enjoy either way, eh?" [Chuckles] "C'mon, mate." [Skin on skin]. "Fuck me."

[Breath hitching] "You really mean that?"

"Aye." [Soft chuckle] "There ain't a waterfall round here, there's no man walking on the moon, and I ain't got tits. But you still know what ta do, don't you?"

"Oh, that, I- yeah." [Chuckles] "Do you have lube?"

"Hotel should have some in the nightstand."

"What? What kind of a hotel is this?" [Shift. Drawer opening and closing] "That'll do." [Shift. Teeth and stubble scraping against skin] "Lift up your leg."

"You have ta ask New Line- mmm." [Sigh, shift of skin on sheets] "Ah- that's good."

"Good. Tell me if it's not." [Wet sound]

"Ahh-" [Forced exhale] "I ain't made of glass, Vig. You can go faster."

"You said you haven't done this in a while." [Kiss] "And we have time."

"Food's getting cold." [Soft, unsteady chuckle]

"Never mind. Spread your legs a little further. ---Like that."

"Yes, sir." [Shift shift] "Mm- ah, that's good."

[Rustle. Skin sliding over sheets. Quietly:] " _How_ long since you've done this?"

"Short enough fer you ta stop fussing." [Hand in hair, finger on stubble] "Aye?"

"I know what I'm doing." [Kiss] "Trust me, Sean." [Kiss]

"Mmmmm!" [Nails on sheets]

"Mm." [Humming]

"Hurry up and fuck me already."

[Scramble. Skin sliding over skin. Muffled:] "Impatient, hm?" [Kiss] "You know, but it's never been a easy fit at any first time ever before and I don't want to hurt you."

[Snorts] "I ain't no virgin, oy." [Thump] "Don't treat me like glass."

"Oh, I won't." [Shift. Tearing of wrapper] "Wrap your legs around me."

"Aye, aye, Cap'n." [Soft chuckle, nervousness almost hidden]

[Murmurs:] "Look at me."

"Aint nowhere else ta look."

[Softly:]"And please, Sean, tell me if you need me to stop." [Shift]

[Hitched breath, soft, strangled moan] "Do I have ta tell you ta move?"

"No." [Shaky inhale] "I'm moving."

"Good." [Harsh exhale] "C'mere, you. Kiss me."

"Yeah." [Moans] "God. Sean. I- "

"Are still coherent. And so am I." [Shivery laugh]

[Through grit teeth:] "Damn, you are tight." [Forced exhale] "Gimme a second."

[Strangled laugh] "Don't do this a lot."

"Christ,Sean--" [Deep breath, scrape of callused skin over stubble] "This _must_ be hurting."

[Rapid panting. Soft thud of arm on forehead] "Are you- ah- waiting for an engraved invitation?"

"Feels as if I'm trying to circumcise myself." [Shift] "Wait. Let me-"

"Nng- ah, that's good." [Breathing gets even faster]

"Good." [Wet sounds of skin stroking skin] "Kiss me."

[Pants. Exhale. Sounds of mouths meeting] "Mm-"

"Stay with me, Sean. Look at me."

"I ain't- going anywhere."

"You know what I mean. I need you to trust me on this."

"Viggo. Stop. Fucking. Talking."

"Okay. Then-- god---" [Moan]

[Dragging inhale-] "Nn-" Shift, rock- "Ah--!"

"Still moving." [Softly:] "Easy. Keep breathing."

"Can't really- stop- can I-"

"You seem to be trying." [Low voice:] "Come on, I want to hear you."

[Rapid pants] "Vig- Vig- there, just-" [Shift, thrust] "AH!"

[Strangled moan] "Ngh- god, Sean- this is-" [Exhale] "Going to kill me."

"Don't die too quick- mm."

[Chuckles] "I'll try not to. Ah-"

[Strangled moan] "Harder!"

"Yeah-" [Rapid breaths] "Give me your legs."

[Choked laugh] "C'mon, you want me ta chop 'em off?"

"I want to-" [Panting] "Lift them- like this- rest them in the crook of my arm."

"So- mm polite. 'ere."

"Good. Ah- ah- christ, Sean."

"Vig- I- touch me. Touch me, you bastard!"

"Okay." [Shift] "And stop thinking already."

"Nngh-- ah-- make me."

"Ah-" [Skin slapping against skin, fast] "Still talkative?"

"Ah- nn-" [Hands on skin. Rapid breaths. Mouths slamming together]

[Kiss. Quietly:] "Let go."

"Vig- Viggo- I'm gonna- ah- fuck- AH!"

[Panting] "Damn- I- you're so beautiful like this." [Slapping sounds]

[Smack] "Not a woman- nngh. Come fer me, Vig."

[Gasping] "Not quite- ah- there yet."

[Hands on skin. Flick- flick] "Mm. Use me, Vig. Paint me." [Stubble on skin] "Inside."

"Nnngh- no, I-" [Slap. Slap. Slap] "Oh, fuck-"

"Ah- I- aaah,damn-- Sean, ah- Sean-Sean--- SEAN!"

[Long, slow sigh] "Mm."

[Shudders. Ragged breathing. Uncoordinated slaps of skin on skin]

[Soft kisses]

"Mmh---" [Deep breaths] "---"

"That's some welcome home." [Quiet laugh]

"---" [Sigh] "---"

[Exhale. Soft kisses]

[Quietly:] "Are you alright?"

"Oh, aye." [Chuckles.] "Ain't going ta do any horse-riding tomorrow, though."

"No." [Pause] "Thank you."

"What are you thanking me fer?"

"For trusting me with this."

[Long silence] "Aye. That's a word fer it, I suppose."

"You could have told me though." [Kiss] "Wait- I need to move. And the condom--" [Slide, twack. Rustle] "Can we stay here for a moment? I don't think I can walk just yet."

"Mm." [Tug, shift of sheets] "Stay here."

"Mmh." [Shift. Wraps around him. Lips on skin] "I won't go anywhere."

"Oy, you don't have ta try ta strangle me." [Soft chuckle]

"Sorry." [Shif]. "Better?"

"Mm." [Pause] "You know, we didn't end up eating."

"I know. Sorry, you must be starving. In a moment?"

"Nah, it's fine. Food's probably cold."

"I'm glad I decided to pick you up."

"Aye. It was good ta see you there, when I've been expecting a cold drive back."

"One familiar face, the least I could do."

"That's not all you did." [Laughs]

[Chuckles] "I guess I didn't. But you asked."

"Mm, so I did." [Yawn]

"Let me put the food into the microwave?"

"Stop fucking moving 'round." [Thump] "We can do that later. I'm fucking tired."

[Laughs] "Course you are. You crossed two oceans in the last 24 hours and just had- what 30 minutes of almost acrobatic sex?"

Chuckles. "I'm too old fer this. Sleep wi' me?"

"Alright. Come here." [Tug. Shift] "You want to get up again later?"

"Mm. Me stomach's probably will wake us both."

[Chuckles. Lips sliding over hair] "Sleep tight."

*

**Sean's bedroom, 16-02-2000, 8:36 pm**

[Yawn. Softly:] "Hey Vig, you awake yet?"

[Rustle] "Yeah. Have been for a while."

"Mm, why didn't you wake me?"

[Shift. Soft kiss] "Nah, I thought you could use the rest after traveling. And it's still raining."

"Hah." [Shift, rustle] "Looks more like a drizzle out there."

"Yeah, it's been getting a little less. Maybe I can take a ride tomorrow morning."

"Mm? And how's Brego?"

"Uraeus, actually. Last week we were practicing this scene where he nudges Aragorn with his head after he's been washed up on the riverbank. He was doing great, I really enjoy working with him."

[Chuckle] "You mind if I join you fer a ride once the rain stops?"

"I- No, not at all. That'd be great."

"You ain't allowed ta laugh." [Thump] "I'm not as good a rider as you are."

"Of course I won't laugh. I'd really like you to join me. There's a beautiful track leading up into the woods."

"I tell you I ain't good at riding and you want me to go over rough terrain." [Laughs] "But aye, that sounds wonderful."

"Oh, but you _are_ good. I watched you during the last training session before you left. And we don't have to race each other through the forest either."

"Aye." [Silence, then the loud, hungry growl]

[Chuckle] "Right. I got in the way of your food intake."

[Embarrassed laugh] "That's one way to put it. Are you hungry?"

"I can always eat, you know that."

"I can call more room service."

"Nah. We can heat it up."

"You mind doing it while I shower?"

"Actually, I do. But only because I want to take a shower with you."

[Burst of laughter] "I don't think we'll get very clean if we do that."

"Mmm. Maybe not-" [Tug. Shift. Kiss]

"Mn. Mate, not that I mind a second round, but I really am hungry."

"Sorry. Off you go, then."

"Silly bugger. C'mere. You can wash me back."

"I can try to keep my hands on your back, can't have you starve now, can I?"

"I can feed yer other hunger once we're done with pacifying me stomach." [Laughs. Rustle]

[Footsteps. Chuckles] "I'm good, actually. Maybe we should take things a little easy after- earlier."

[Huffs] "I ain't glass." [Water running]

"I didn't say that. But even I'm sore."

[Teasingly:] "Old man."

"Well, you can't be away for three weeks and expect to come back to the same level of fitness. I guess I'm a little rusty."

[Long pause. Sound of soap over skin] "You didn't have ta abstain, you know."

"I know. But I wanted to. Turn around?"

"Aye." [Wet feet on tiles. Silence, water falling, sound of soap on skin] "Why?"

[Skin sliding over skin. Softly:] "Because I like how things are between us."

"Vig, I-" [Pause. Calluses scraping over stubble] "Look at me."

[Shaky inhale].

[Shower spray stops. Soft, soft exhale. Quiet thud of foreheads leaning against each other] "I was so fucking angry in London. Evie. Abby. Even Mel and my other girls. Everything. I wanted ta go out, find a girl and fuck her ta the floor, or a man at the club who won't ask questions or look too closely. I was all dressed up, halfway out the door, but me feet took me ta me computer, and I was writing ta you. I don't know why I wrote ta you." [Self-deprecating chuckle] "I don't know what you mean ta me, Vig. Me head's all in a fog."

"It's okay."

"No. No, it isn't, it's-" [Frustrated sound] "I ain't used ta not knowing something 'bout meself."

"Sometimes things just are a little more complicated. You'll figure it out. And I'll be there, if you want me to be."

"Vig, I- what do you think of me?"

“W- what do you mean?" [Soft chattering of teeth]

"Shit, yer cold- wait-" [Sounds of water falling] "I- look- Vig, you said you like how it's like between us, aye? What do you think is between us?"

"I haven't worked this out either, Sean. But I missed you, a lot, and at odd times of my day. And I like being with you. And not just- well, in bed. I don't know what this is or means either or where this is going to take me but it's enough for me to not sleep with anybody else. You mean a lot to me."

[A frustrated sound] "Vig, I ain't going ta smack you 'round, and even if I were yer faster than me. Just-" [Sigh, flesh on metal, the shower stopping] "Yer avoiding answering me and that's just making me head even worse."

[Calmly:] "What do you want me to do? Do you want me to put a label on this? Do you want to know if I think this is a relationship?"

"I-" [Abrupt stop. Shower on, then off] "I can't have this damn conversation in the shower."

"Come here." [Shower door sliding open. Rustle of towels] "Here, wrap up. And now tell me what you want to know, I honestly don't know."

"I've never-" [Stops again. Sound of towelling hair] "I don't know what I want ta know, alright?"

[Towel dragged over skin. Long pause] "For me it is a relationship."

[Immediately:] "How long?"

"I don't have a date. It's nothing I just decided for." [Sighs] "Look, I don't really know how long. It's been gradual. I realized while you were away."

"Mm." [Pause. Vigorous rubbing of towel over his face] "I don't know what ta think."

[Silence] "Maybe- do you want me to go?"

"No, stay here. I ain't-" [Frustrated sigh] "I ain't mad at you. I'm mad at _me_ because- I don't- fuck. Me mind tells me letting you go now will kill me inside."

[Soft thud of forehead meeting forehead] "I'll stay, then." [Brief kiss]

[Soft laugh, disbelieving in its tone] "Everything seems so damn easy wi' you. No- wait-" [Kiss] "I ain't got the words. Never been good with 'em, really. Might be why I've gotten so many divorces." [Another self-deprecating laugh] "Wilde once said there's a love that does not dare speaks its name, but I don't think he's talking 'bout the same thing."

[Pause] "I think you just lost me. As much as I love Wilde---" [Another pause] "What are you afraid of? Of my reaction?"

"I ain't afraid." [Immediate] "I'm just. Christ, Vig, I don't know what's going on with meself!"

"Hey! Shh, look, don't try to force this. I don't need an answer, not now anyway. Take your time, I won't go anywhere."

"You sure 'bout that?"

"Yeah. I am sure. You matter to me, Sean. I'm not just going to walk away because you need time."

[Exhale] "Aye."

[Shift, skin sliding against skin] "Okay." [Soft kiss] "What about something to eat?"

"You were saying something 'bout heating up the food?"

"Yeah. Why don't you get dressed and find me a shirt that you haven't ripped off me and I'll prepare something?"

[Laughter] "Al'ight. Good luck wi' that."

_tbc_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Viggo navigate conversation on horseback. Still dialogue only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

****

New Zealand, at the stables, 17-02-2000, 9:32 am

"You look like part of the horse when you do that."

"Hm? What?"

"When you mount the horse."

[Chuckles] "Thanks, I guess. Do you want help with your stirrups?" [Shuffling of hooves] "Ho, Uraeus, easy, easy." 

"No, I'm good." [Huff] "Steady- steady, girl, there we go." [Hissed exhale]

[Immediately]: "You're sore."

"I'm fine." [Chuckles.] "Might need a smoother road, but that's all."

[Doubtful]: "Okay. If you're sure?" [Pause] "Alright, let's go then before Uraeus dies of excitement." [Clicking of tongue]

[Click click] "Here, girl. There we go."

"We'll just cross the road and then follow the path uphill." [Sounds of hooves on asphalt] "I'm sure you will be fine, she's easy to handle."

"She's easier than the one I had on Sharpe." [Chuckles]

"I chose very carefully, Peter would kill me if you fell off." [Pause. Quietly]: "Slacken the reins a little when we start climbing. She's just going to follow my lead."

"Aye, aye. Should I start calling you my schoolmaster now?"

[Loud laugh. Teasingly]: "One would think you'd be able to take directions better, being an actor... And who was all insecure about his riding skills two moments ago, hm?"

[Quiet neigh, and a faster clop] "I still ain't as good at this as you are."

[Chuckle] "It's not a competition, you know." [Rustling of leaves] "Watch out for your head. I'm just glad you wanted to come. This really is my favorite time of the day here, when the forest seems to be waking."

[Burst of laughter] "You sound like a hippy, Vig."

"Pssh. That's because I am one, if that's what you want to call it."

"C'mon, forward, girl." [Rustling leaves] "I don't think yer hair's long enough."

"Only because they force me to cut it on a regular basis." [Laughs] "If I had anything to say, I'd dance around naked in the woods all day and my hair would be blowing in the breeze."

[Chuckles] "I'd give money ta see that."

"I bet you would. There's an open stretch coming up, you want to go a little faster?"

"Only if you can catch up." [Snap of the reins. Sound of galloping hooves]

[Laughter] "Oy, be careful!"

"Come on, old man!"

[Shouting:] "Sean! I'm not going to race you!" [Clicking of tongue. Lowered voice:]: "Yes, come on, you are allowed, too." [Shouting again:] "And don't carry on straight ahead or you'll have to jump!"

"Do you think I can jump? Hey, let's go, girl!"

[Groans] "Christ, Sean, DON'T!"

"Why not?" [Burst of laughter]

[Muttering:] "Cause Peter will kill me." [Calls:] "At least wait for me so that I can pick you up!"

"Whoa girl, slow, slow..." [Chuckles, broken by pants] "Why, you don't think I can do it?"

"Oh, I think you can. Or rather, _she_ can." [Chuckles] "But let me go first."

"Al'ight." [Laugh] "Don't keep me waiting."

[Soft clicking of tongue. Thudding of hooves, getting faster, then slower again. From a distance:] "Come on! Your turn."

[Chuckles] "Show-off." [Galloping hooves, then a heavy thud and sound of hooves slowing down] "How's that?"

[Laughter] "I'm impressed. Just don't stick out your tongue in concentration." [Hooves on the forest ground. Creaking of leather. Kiss]

"Mm. Why not?"

"Because you might bite off the tip. And then I wouldn't be able to do this." [Sounds of deep kissing]

"Mm-!" [Soft sounds of hooves on ground. Breathless laugh] "So me tongue's just fer you ta kiss, eh?"

"I don't share well." [Impatient snort, shuffling of hooves] "Hooo, Uraeus, stand!"

[Burst of laughter] "Now he's getting jealous, he is."

[Hand clapping horse neck] "Hooo." [Chuckle] "Maybe he is. But there's no reason for him to feel threatened as long as you aren't offering to carry me through the forest. Come on, let's continue. The view is spectacular once we leave the woods."

"Nah, I prefer ta ride you in other ways." [Clicks tongue] "C'mon, girl, let's go." [Cantering hooves]

[Laughter] "I see. Maybe we should have stayed in bed, huh?"

"You need the exercise, old man!"

"Yeah, I do. Another day of rain and traipsing around indoors and I would probably have slayed a hobbit."

"Aye? What have they done now?"

[Sighs] "Just the usual stuff- being noisy, nosy and _always_ around. And you weren't there to scare them off."

[Chuckles] "They're as bored as you as." [Pause] "And as nutty."

[In mock offense]: "Now, we both know that's not true." [Silence] "I'm at least twice as nutty as all of them together."

"Haa." [Hooves going faster. Leather against cloth. Kiss]

[Appreciative hum] "What was that for?"

"Fer being the mad bastard that you are." [Chuckles]

[Amused]: "Thanks." [Silence, just the sound of hooves] "Look at this view, it's brilliant, isn't it?"

"Aye, it is." [Softly]: "It'll be better in a few hours, when the sun goes down."

"We can always come back, you know."

"Why, where are we going now?"

[Chuckles] "Nowhere, we ride across that plain over there and then double-back. I meant, we can come back some day in the evening."

[A little shyly]: "I mean, if the horses are up ta it, we can spend the day here. In the woods."

[Quietly]: "There's nothing I'd rather want to do today." [Pause] "The horses would be fine but your stomach wouldn't be."

[Muttered quickly]: "Or me arse." [Sheepish laugh] "And I forgot 'bout that. When did you become the sensible one, eh?"

[Warmly]: "We can bring food the next time. Maybe during the weekend. I'd love to do that."

"If we get another free weekend." [Soft kiss] "C'mon, let's go ride some more."

"Oh, but we will, I'm sure. Even Peter won't expect us to stick around on set 24 hours a day. Take the path to your left. And set the pace, I'll be right behind you."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Viggo negotiate appearances. Still a dialogue-only fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

**New Zealand,on set, some mountain top, 16-03-2000, 1:53 pm**

"Christ, I've got this fake snow everywhere and me hair smells like burning plastic."

[Coughs] "I think I ate some."

[Heavy slap] "Cough it up."

"Ouch." [Cough. Cough. Deep inhale] "Thanks."

"Welcome." [Beat] "Think PJ's done wi' this scene?

[Groans] "I really hope he is. I certainly am."

[Chuckles] "We all are, I think." [Beat] "Me, I'm just glad ta not to climb a damn cliff every morning."

"God, you must be twice as exhausted as I am." [Pause] "You are flying back with us, aren't you?"

"You got ta be fucking joking." [Snorts] "I ain't risking gravity and the winds."

"But, Sean, you can't-" [Pause] "Alright. But then I'll go with you."

"You don't have ta." [Immediately]: "I can deal with it. It's been at least three days, aye?"

"Feels as if it's been a fortnight." [Sighs] "I know I don't have to. I want to."

"You sure? Not that I mind the company, but it isn't much fun."

"It's probably much more fun if there's the two of us."

"I'll take yer word fer it." [Chuckle. Pause, sound of loudspeaker] "Looks like the next take's coming up."

[Groans] "Hit me hard so that I'm unconscious for a while?"

"Aragorn's not unconscious in this scene, oy."

[Teasingly]: "You been sleeping with the continuity lady?"

"Nah, I just have a better memory."

"Oy, help an old man up."

"Aye, aye. C'mere, up you go."

"Mmph. Thanks." [Skin brushing over fabric] "This damn fake snow is everywhere. God, I am looking forward to showering."

"Aye." [Chuckles] "And to a nice bed that doesn't move."

[Muttered under his breath]: "That I can't promise."

"No rest fer the wicked, eh?"

[Heavy sigh] "We'll probably just conk out on the couch."

"Don't be so pessimistic." [Beat] "We'll probably make it ta the bed."

"And engage in a snoring concerto within 30 seconds."

[Laughter] "Yer making us sound pathetic."

"It's just--" [Quietly]: "I wish I got to spend some time with you while both of us are awake, too."

"Shh." [Skin sliding through hair, lips against skin] "We'll get through it, aye? Let's go before PJ starts yelling.

[Swallows hard] "Shit." [Swallows again. Skin rubbing over skin] "Shit."

"Hey, hey-" [Beat, then into the distance]: "Give us another five minutes, willya? Think Vig's got something stuck in his eyes." [Quietly]:"C'mere. Sit down."

"I'm fine-" [Audible breath] "It's just-- crap."

"Don't tell me yer fine when yer crying all over the place." [Admonishing]: "Yer smudging all the dirt." [Brief laugh, skin over stubble] "Want ta tell me what's wrong?"

[Tired chuckle] "Sorry, I didn't mean to-" [Sigh] "I guess I'm just exhausted. And this scene- doing this over and over again just for the sake of different camera angles-- I feel like a fucking puppet." [Pause. Very softly]: "And it doesn't really help that I can't touch you."

[Hand through hair] "I'm starting ta think that Boromir should throw Gandalf off a cliff fer bringing all of them up 'ere." [Chuckles, then more softly]: "Come home wi' me tonight, luv."

"Yeah." [Pause] "You don't have that, huh? You don't have to hold yourself back so that you won't touch me?"

"I'm Boromir most of the time when I'm here." [Sheepish laugh] "It takes some effort ta make sure he doesn't want Aragorn."

[Sighs] "Damn. I really don't know what to do about this."

[Soft thud of foreheads meeting] "Yer an actor, Vig. You can figure it out, eh?"

"The thing is- it's the part of my life that isn't supposed to require acting. It's driving me crazy."

"Mm, I know. But there ain't much we can do 'bout it, unless you want ta tell everyone else."

"No, I know. It's just- I'm always worried that I will make you uncomfortable or any of the others and that just makes me- a little edgy, I guess."

[Laughter] "Vig, yer overthinking it. You kissed Billy full on the mouth and no one got uncomfortable and thought anything of it, aye?"

"No. But that was different, you know that." [Sighs] "I'm sorry. I'll find some way to deal with it. This shouldn't be your problem."

"No, see, what I'm trying ta get at is that yer overthinking it, because no one else can see the difference, or even if they do, they won't care." [Brief kiss] "Aye?"

"No, they probably won't. Maybe you are right. Maybe I'm just worried that I'll mess this up."

[Chuckles] "I'll start yelling at you if you do." [Beat] "Or PJ. C'mon, they're waiting."

"Yeah. Let's go. Just-" [Softly]: "Thanks, Sean."

 

 

**New Zealand, on set, some mountain top, 16-03-2000, 6:24 pm**

  
"Hey, you al'ight?"

[Tired chuckle] "Much better now that PJ got what he wanted and we can go home."

"Good. Let's get ourselves going, then."

[Affirmative hum] "Which way?"

"Down there. There's a bit of cliff ta climb down first, then we take the ski lift, then more climbing."

[Footsteps] "I can't believe you have been doing this every day."

[Chuckles] "I don't mind walkin'. It's better than sitting in that death trap."

"You would have been allowed to clutch my knee and dig your nails into my arm, you know."

"I'd rather keep me dignity."

"Everybody has fears. Admitting to them won't damage your reputation."

[Chuckles] "I ain't denying it, mate. If I was, I'd be in the helicopter. But I'd rather not test me fate."

[Smiles] "Alright. And I'm actually glad that I don't have to deal with the racket today."

"You could've gotten in the other helicopter. Wi' Ian."

[Laughter] "Nice. I was thinking about the rotor blades, actually. But yes, I can do without the hobbits for a while, too."

"The rotors are comforting actually." [Chuckles] "Use to remind me we're not falling over."

"Nah. I don't care about the rotors, they really are spoiling the fun. This way or to the left?"

"Left." [Beat] "What fun is there in a helicopter?"

[Teasingly]: "It's all about the view, my dear."

"The view here's better. It doesn't move."

[Chuckles] "True. And there aren't any hobbits or other weird middle earth species blocking it, either."

"Aye, exactly." [Beat] "C'mon, this part's tricky. The cliff's sheer."

"You go first, you've done it before. I'll be right behind you."

"Smart man." [Chuckles, then the sound of extending ropes]

"You can always cushion my fall." [Shoes gliding over stones] "It is tricky."

"Be careful, aye? The rope's a strong thing, and I know it can take a man's weight."

[Grunt] "I will. Can't break my neck on the way home. Would be a complete waste."

[Bark of a laugh] "That's one way ta put it!"

[Thud. Exhale] "There. That wasn't too bad. Was that the most difficult part?"

"Half of it. There's another cliff face further down, but it's another half hour's walk away." [Laughter]

"But after that, it's the ski lift."

"I guess I won't mind resting my legs a little once we get there. Come on, let's continue, I want to be home before it gets dark."

"We'll have ta run."

"Nah. We'll make it in time. Let's not stress. I've had enough of that today."

"Alright." [Slowing footsteps, leather against leather] "You still upset?"

[Silence] "I wouldn't call it upset. Confused, maybe."

"Confused then." [Soft breath, pause] "Orlando told me something funny a couple of days back."

"Hm? What did he say?"

"When he was in Guildhall, couple of his friends were talking 'bout Sharpe. One of them starting joking 'bout me and Daragh - Sharpe and Harper - and how we're obviously keeping each other comfortable in the cold night." [Chuckles] "Orlando asked if I mind what they're saying, and I told 'im- it ain't matter what other people say. They always see what they want ta see. I know what is, and that's enough." [Beat, brief kiss] "Aye?"

"Mmh." [Sounds of steps on rocky ground] "The others are not the problem, you know. Not for me." [Quietly]: "You are."

[Long silence] "Can you elaborate on that?"

"I can try." [Pause] "It's not when we are alone, it never is. But when the others are around I'm always worried, always nervous that I'll overstep some boundary and make you uncomfortable."

"What do you think I'd do to you if you make me uncomfortable, Vig?"  
"I think I'm afraid that you'll withdraw."

[Beat] "I don't know, mate." [Feet crunching hard on snow] "I don't much care 'bout what people think, but if I scare you, if yer feeling afraid 'cause of what you think I might do- I don't think I'm at all good fer you."

[Footsteps halting. Quickly]: "No. That's not what I'm saying. You're not scaring me. Christ. No."

[Frustrated sigh] "It's just- I know I can be- intense, maybe- and I'm afraid that-"[Swallows. Softly]:

"You might not like that."

"Vig." [Beat] "Stop thinking 'bout what I might or might not like. Stop trying ta change yerself ta suit me tastes, aye? That's not me mate, not the guy I can talk ta. He'll just be pretendin', and that's even worse."

"I know." [Pause] "But I can't-- I can't help wondering how it's going to feel if- if it's not enough. And that doesn't even have to do with you. It's just this thought of making a connection and then- well, waking up alone again."

"You'll haveta." [Softly]: "Either you take the chance or you resign yerself ta being alone. In a profession like ours- we'll have ta wake up alone plenty, 'cause of filming if nothing else. There's nothing ta it than ta keep tryin'."

"You're right, I know. But sometimes this fear just overwhelms me and then there are all these thoughts-- that it won't be enough because it never has been- that it's not what you could possibly want-- that you don't deserve this, some half-assed attempt at making this work because my brain insists on fucking up my life and keeps telling me that it's too dangerous."

"I've had three marriages." [A soft, self-deprecating laugh] "Three times of not being enough, and yet here I am, trying again." [Skin sliding over stubble] "It might not be forever. It might not last. But let's enjoy what we have now, aye?"

[Very, very softly]: "Is this what you are doing? Are you trying?" [Deep breath] "Cause it really would help me to hear that it's not just something I want, some crazy idea."

"I'm not as good with words as you are." [Leather-gloved hand stroking through hair] "But aye, it's something worth trying fer."

[Long pause. Shaky exhale. Fierce kiss]

"Mm--" [Soft laugh, broken up by a shuddering exhale] "C'mon, we need to get down before makeup starts complaining."

"Mmh. In a second."

"Alright." [Skin through hair]

[Rustling of fabric. Softly]: "Thank you for bearing with me today."

"If this is the worst you get, I count meself lucky."

_tbc_

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean is stuck in a landslide. Viggo is not helping. Sean is in a helicopter. Viggo is helping. Still dialogue-only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

**New Zealand, 28-03-2000**

5:31  
If Orlando doesn't stop stopping every 5 minutes for shopping I'm going to kill him.

5:47  
what on earth is he buying? just lock the car doors and make him beg for being allowed back inside the next time he stops

5:54  
Presents or some sort. Good idea, I'll try that next time.

6:18  
but seriously, how are you doing?

7:09  
Found a cottage. Going to kill the elf once filming's done.

7:12  
nah, but you like him, admit it! a cottage? is the road that bad?

7:16  
Landslides. Roads cut off. Fuck.

7:19  
but you are dry and safe and sound?

7:21  
Mostly dry. Safe, yeah. Can't say the same for Orlando if he keeps talking.

7:24  
just say a word and i'll get peter to send a chopper for the two of you...

7:29  
No. Fuck.

7:32  
or i could wade through the floods, chop off the elf's head and carry you home

7:35  
My hero. Can you really do that?

7:41  
if I can find a hippo to ride i can. but peter would object to me beheading his cast i think

7:45  
Why hippo by the way

7:53  
a hippo because uraeus doesn't like to get wet. i'll be home in 30 min, i'll call you then? and just tell orlando to shut up for a while if you're ears start ringing

7:55  
You know the kid never shuts up. And I'll wait for your call.

**New Zealand, 28-03-2000, 8:34pm**

"Hej. It's me. How are you holding up?"

"Hey." [Chuckles] "Pretty good. There's a stove here, we're making dinner." [Pause] "Or I am anyway."

[Laughter] "What happened to Orlando? Is he still conscious?"

"Aye. He's shut up now I've got a knife in me hand."

"Oh, I can imagine. You can be quite intimidating when you set your mind to it."

[In an Irish accent]: "I've got plenty practice playin' villains."

[Chuckle] "Nice. But try not to give him nightmares, huh?"

"I can't control what he dreams of, aye?"

"Well, you seem to be able to control what I am dreaming of, so..."

"Do I?" [Chuckle, voice deepening]: "You sure 'bout that, Vig?"

[Audible intake of breath] "Damn, Sean. Don't do that. I almost dropped my plate."

[Burst of laughter] "Alright, alright. What are you eating?"

"I think you don't want to know that."

"... Is it some weird shite again?"

[Chuckle] "It's the crispbread that you claim leaves crumbs everywhere. And pickled herring. And a hard boiled egg. Scandinavian dinner."

"How do you find all that in New Zealand? 'specially the herring?"

"I have friends who know that I'll get cranky if there's neither crispbread nor herring. I got a packet from a good friend in Denmark yesterday, from Lene."

"Lucky bastard." [Laugh] "Any chance of finding some kippers fer me?"

"I can ask her when I talk to her next time. But you can try the herring, it's good. I think I've got dill, mustard and curry sauce. And probably sherry and juniper berries. I'll save some for you if you feel adventurous."

"You might have ta wait a long time." [Laughs]

"You think it's that bad? Any news on the road situation?"

"It's still raining like mad, what do you think?" [Sigh]

"A pity that I wasn't in the car with you. Stuck in a cottage out of Peter's reach with you sounds just perfect." [Crunch] "I hope Orlando appreciates it."

"I don't think he'd ever appreciate it like you do, mate." [Laughs]

"I hope he doesn't!"

"I ain't going ta be the one to suggest it ta him."

[Chuckle] "You sure about that? All this teasing... maybe it's a good chance to take the edge off that?" [Barely held back laughter]

"Oy!"

[Snorts] "Sorry." [Cough] "Damn." [Cough] "Now I inhaled some bread."

"Serves you right." [Huffs] "'sides, I don't think he'd stop talking enough fer me ta do anything ta him."

"Do you want me to tell him to shut up?"

"I can manage." [Chuckle] "Unless you want me ta fuck him?"

"That's possibly the last thing I want."

"I'm kidding, luv."

"I know." [Pause] "It's just- I think I just discovered that I wouldn't like it if you weren't. Kidding, I mean."

"Mm, do you want ta tell me why?"

"Because I want to be that someone that you share these things with."

"Everything?"

"That you share everything with?"

"You sure you want ta know everything?"

"Not at once, not now. It's not something you decide on, is it? It's something that develops over time. It's a question of what you want to share with me, too. But yeah, I do."

"Are we still talking 'bout the same thing?"

"I'm not really sure what you are talking about, maybe. What I was trying to say was that I'd be jealous if you slept with someone else."

"...Ah. Yeah, that's- goes without saying, doesn't it?" [Nervous laugh]

"Not necessarily. I have had non exclusive relationships that worked pretty well. And we haven't really been talking about this before, have we? But I'm glad you see it that way. I really am."

"I don't do well with open relationships, Vig." [Talking a little bit too fast]: "Uh- I get jealous easily, and I get jealous when the other one don't get jealous, you know what I mean?"

"I'm not saying that that's what I want, Sean. I don't think open relationships are the best idea either, but they _can_ work if both want it that way." [Pause] "And jealousy, I don't know. I am very possessive but I don't get jealous easily."

"That don't make sense ta me."

"It's a little complicated. For me, it's like this: If I'm in a relationship with someone, of course I want to matter as much to that person as they matter to me. I have a huge desire to spend time with them, and am very possessive in that respect. But to me jealousy is something else entirely. Because if I am in a relationships with someone, I matter to them, right? If I didn't matter, why would they be with me in the first place? And if I matter, why would I be jealous? Do you understand what I mean?"

[Softly]: "Yer not afraid they'd fine someone better?"

"I wish I wasn't. When I was younger I never was. But both you and I know very well that even though you might want things to last, badly, they sometimes just don't. But I think the question is not whether or not there might be someone else some day, of course, there might be. But to me the most important thing about a relationship is that you stop looking for someone else. Because what you want is to be with that person."

[Long, shuddering breath] "Fuck, I hate this." [Thickening accent]: "I hate being here, so far from you. I want ta touch you."

[Softly]: "So do I.--- But don't worry about that, Sean. I _want_ this."

"I ain't perfect. I probably ain't what you think I am either. You know that, aye?"

"It's not about perfection, it's about feelings and the way you interact with each other. And didn't you tell me not so long ago that I shouldn't worry about what you might want or not want but just be myself and see where that gets us?"

[Chuckles] "Aye. Christ, I hate this rain."

"I don't mind the rain, but you are on the wrong side of these landslides. I wish I could be there with you now."

"Aye, same." [Sigh] "I really should get back ta cooking."

"What? I thought we'd have phone sex now!" [Pause. Chuckle] "Alright. Go make dinner before you starve. We can talk to each other tomorrow."

[Surprised laugh] "It's less of me starvin' than Orlando whining me ear right off. Alright, I'll see you, yeah?"

"I hope we'll already see each other tomorrow. Have a nice evening, you two."

"Aye, we will. You too, al'igh?"

"Miranda will come over in a bit, actually. She said she was getting annoyed by just sitting inside and staring at the rain. Oh, and greetings to Orlando, of course."

"I'll tell 'im. The roads are still working over there?"

"They were when she called. Seems as if it's worst where you are."

"And I can't be more than a few hours away." [Chuckles] "Damnit."

"It can't be very far, no. But maybe the rain will stop during the night."

"I'm more worried 'bout cleaning up the landslide." [Heavy sigh] "Won't get ta see you tonight, anyhow, and I got ta go before you burn the food."

"I'm not quite ready to let you go. But go, you can't eat burned dinner. And I can always text you if there is something that can't wait 'til tomorrow, I guess."

"Do me a favour?"

"Mmh?"

"Tell PJ ta not send a heli if the rain doesn't stop."

"I'll try. But you know he won't be able to wait forever."

"Aye, but trying's the thing." [Sigh] "See you tomorrow, luv."

"I really hope we will. Enjoy your evening. And don't worry about the helicopter now."

**New Zealand, 30-03-2000, 5:34pm**

[Roaring of rotor blades in the distance]

"I fucking hate these traps."

[Footsteps] "I know. That's why I'm here."

[Long pause] "Vig- Jesus- why are you-"

[Chuckle] "Why am I what?"

"The hell are you doing here?" [Muffled against cloth]

"What do you think?" [Quietly]: "I'm not going to let you do this alone."

"Mm." [Shaky breath. Murmured]: "Just let me hold you and don't let Orlando say anything."

[Softly]: "He won't. It's okay." [Pause] "Come on, you ready to go?"

"Nngh- fuck, fuck, I hate this-"

[Softly] "I know. But I'm right here with you." [Louder]: "Hej, Orlando. You good to go, too? Why don't you ride up front and let me sit next to Sean?"

"I'm not going to separate the two of you right now." [Laugh]

[Grumpily]: "Fuck off, Elf."

"Yeah, yeah. Just don't forget I'm here, alright?" [Chuckles]

"Nah, I trust you to make yourself remembered." [Softly]: "Come on, Sean, let's go." [Footsteps]

"Al'ight." [Footsteps stopping. Deep breath] "Go on, I'll get in after you."

"No way. I don't trust you not to bolt. I'll sit in between you and the door." [Door sliding open] "Go on." [Several slaps to shoulder]

[Shaky laugh] "Damn, you know me too well."

"Come here. Give me your hand."

"Mm."

"It's going to be fine. Let's get this over with." [Shuffling]

"Nngh." [Shuffling, cloth on leather]

[Door being closed]

"You all set?"

"We're good. Sean, that's Jack, the pilot. Okay. Let me just fasten your seatbelt.--- There." [Softly]: "Look at me?"

"Fuck, fuck, fuck I hate this fucking-" [Loud sounds of rotors getting faster]

[Loudly]: "I know. It's alright. I'm right here with you. Do you want to close your eyes?"

[Rapidly]: "Gets worse if I do. Don't know what's going on. Just-" [Inhale] "Just let me hold on ta you, alright?"

"Of course." [Louder]: "Do you want me to keep talking or shut the fuck up?"

"Keep-" [Roar of rotorblades]

"Shame that Orlando is -- want to kiss you."

"Aha-" [Forced laugh] "--ourselves-- obvious right now--?"

[Half shouting]: "Don't worry! He can't hear us! He's just glad that he doesn't have to do this!"

"--"

"What? I can't hear you!"

[Shouted, strained:] "I said! I'd probably! Break! His knee!"

[Loudly]: "You're doing a good job with that on mine, too."

"--asked for it!"

"I did! And if it helps, just go on."

"--you --hospital!"

"-- you won't be -- to sleep in my bed there!"

[Laughter] "That the only reason?"

"-- most important one. -- -- always look at me funny. Let's give them a break!"

[Burst of laughter] "Vig, it's all-- germs-- that's why!"

"No! it's my impatience! I want --- fix me and be on my way -- --not how it works."

"Had ta wait-- me leg ta-- was-- kid. Never again!"

"What happened? Football?"

"-- brat!"

[Pause] "Damn-- I'm going to be hoarse tonight--- but do you already-- --- -night?"

"What? I can't hear you!"

[Louder]: "Do you already have plans for tonight?"

"No! I don't!"

"Everybody is going out for drinks. But I -- some time just with you!"

"No drinks!" [Sudden, louder roar of rotor blades. High-pitched sound]

"Come here, it's fine! -- gaining height. Take my hand!"

"---"

"Hey! Look -- Sean! Just look at me! Nothing -- happen to you!"

[Shouting:] "We're going ta fucking die! I just knew it!"

" _Look_ at me! -- deep breath! -- another one! --- going to be fine. We are almost --. You are -- great!"

"Goddamn fucking _death traps_!"

"Sean! Just try -- deep breaths, okay? And--- faint, I'll kiss you back to life ---- Orlando ---- tease you forever."

"What's that 'bout Orlando?!"

[Shouts]: "Never mind! --- About later! I promised Karl to come but- if you don't want- to go out- I can call him."

[Roar of rotors, muffled sounds] "--don't want to go."

"What? No, wait, we can talk--- at home. Almost there."

[Rotor blades slowing down]

"There. You did it!"

"Ground stopped moving yet?"

[Chuckle] "Mmh. You did great. But wait until the rotors come to a complete halt."

"I ain't want ta move."

"We can just sit here for a while, there's no hurry. Peter didn't schedule anything for you." [Louder]: "Hey, Orlando, you good?"

"It was pretty fun, actually. I'm not the one clinging onto you like a five year old after a nightmare." [Laughter.]

"Oh, fuck off, you."

"Oh, but I remember how you clutched my arm last week when you had to get onto that horse, Orlando."

"You are ganging up on me, old men! That's not fair."

"Life ain't fair, elf. Now out of the heli."

"You brought that onto yourself, Orlando." [Softly:] "Let's just go home, hm?"

"Mm. Aye, let's."

[Door being opened. Cloth sliding over leather. Shuffling of limbs] "My place? There's food, too."

"Yer place's fine, mate." [Heavy sigh]

_tbc..._


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean wants Viggo to make him forget the helicopter. Viggo wants something else entirely. Dialogue-only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

**Viggo's place, New Zealand, 30-03-2000, 7:24pm**

 

 

[Door kicked shut] "Ugh. I can't believe it started raining again."  
  
[Very softly]: "Doesn't seem ta ever stop."  
  
"I don't care as long as you are here." [Sighs] "Damn, Sean, I-" [Audible intake of breath. Soft chuckle] "Kiss me?"  
  
[Heavy sigh] "C'mere, you."  
  
"Mmh."  [Sound of lips meeting] "I'm not letting you get into a car with Orlando ever again before properly kissing you goodbye first."  
  
[Chuckles] "I don't have any objections." [Shaky exhale] "Christ, Vig. Me brain won't stop telling me the ground's shaking."  
  
"Shhh. It's alright. You did it." [Soft kiss] "Let's just sit down for a while. Can I get you anything? Cup of tea? Or a glass of wine?"  
  
"Don't think any of that will help." [Shaky laughter. Inhale] "Vig." [Skin sliding over skin] "Will you fuck me?"  
  
[Sharp inhale] "I- um-" [Breathless pause] "If that's what you want-"  
  
"Been thinking 'bout it fer days." [Shaky chuckle] "It'd be better than anything else."  
  
[Strangled sound] "God, Sean, I-" [Deep breath] "Bedroom, then.  
  
"Aye." [Shuffling feet. Wet cloth on skin] "Lead the way, luv."  
  
"Let's just leave all the wet clothes here." [Rustle of fabric. Thud] "Come on. We can sort that out later."  
  
"Al'ight." [More rustling of fabric. Wet skin on wet skin] "Vig- Christ."  
  
[Ragged breathing. Kissing sounds] "Now, Sean- come on- or we'll have to do it right here, up against the wall."  
  
"I'd like ta." [Kiss] "Don't think me legs can take it, though. C'mon."  
  
[Shuffle of footsteps. Low voice]: "You just said- you've been thinking about this for days?"  
  
"Yeah." [Inhale] "Ever since that damn phone call of yers."  
  
"Why? What did I say?" [Skin sliding over skin]  
  
"Ain't what you said, luv. 's yer voice."  
  
"My voice?" [Chuckles] "I see. In bed, you always tell me to shut up sooner or later, though."  
  
"That's 'cause you stop moving when you start talking."  
  
"That's not true. I'm talking now and I'm moving my hands."  
  
"Yer still talking and we ain't in bed yet."  
  
"Oh, but that's because it would be-" [Kiss] "-terribly rude-" [Kiss] "- to  push you down onto your back and-" [Kiss] "-stick my hand between your legs without any prelude."  
  
"Mm- nn- Vig, fer Christ's sake, stop teasing already!"  
  
"Mmh." [Kiss] "In a second." [Kiss. Softly]: "Lie down."  
  
[Shift. Thump] "I'm down. Come over."  
  
[Bedsprings creaking. Skin sliding against skin. Shaky inhale] "God, Sean---"  
  
"Mmm." [Kisses. Hand through hair. Skin on sheets] "Fuck me, Vig."  
  
[Soft moan] "Like this?" [Kiss] "Or do you want to be on top?"  
  
[Chuckles] "Think me hands are still shaking, mate. Like this is fine."  
  
"Still that bad, hm? Sorry, I underestimated this completely." [Kiss. Quietly]: "Tell me what you have imagined I'd do."  
  
"Nn-" [Soft laugh] "Bit embarrassing ta tell, honestly."  
  
[Kiss] "Nah, only during the first ten seconds. Go on." [Soft suckling sound]  "I'm not going to make fun of you, you know that, right?"  
  
"Yer mouth." [Exhale] "Yer fingers. In me."  
  
[Low voice]: "What about my mouth?"  
  
"Yer mouth 'round me cock-" [Inhale] "Jesus, Vig!"  
  
"Keep talking. I'll do exactly what you tell me to do." [Lips on skin. Suckling sound] "Mmmh. Like this?"  
  
"Nngh- yeah-" [Pants] "You don't need fucking instructions!"  
  
[Chuckles] "Tell me anyway. I have the same thing about your voice. And give me the lube, it's under the pillow."  
  
[Rustle, thump, thud] "I- Fingers. I want yer fingers. Make it burn, Vig. Make me feel it."  
  
"God, Sean-- you haven't even touched me yet and I'm-" [Loud exhale] "Spread your legs." [Snapping of cap] "There- easy, relax."  
  
"Nngh- ah!" [Thump] "I ain't- a horse yer calming, you know." [Hoarse chuckle]  
  
"Then you'd better keep talking to avoid any confusion on this matter." [Kiss]  
  
"What- the hell do you want me ta say?" [Long exhale] "You want me ta tell you stories?"  
  
"No. I want you to tell me what turns you on. And then let me do all of it to you."  
  
[Breath catching] "Aah!" [Thump]  
  
[Moan. Through grit teeth]: "Damn, Sean- is that what you want? You want me to go deeper?"  
  
"Oh, aye, I do." [Shaky breath] "I want you ta fuck me. Fuck me until I can't remember me own name, and I only think of yers."  
  
"Ngh--" [Lips meeting. Unsteady voice]: "Give me the condoms."  
  
[Laughter] "Who else are you fucking, Vig?"  
  
"What?"  [Pants] "No one. But- let's talk about this later. Wait." [Wrapper being torn open. Softly]: "Do you want to turn around?"  
  
"No." [Shift, rustle, slide] "I'm good, 'cept fer growing old waiting for you."  
  
"First lube and condoms, then mindless pounding, eh?" [Chuckles. More quietly]: "So you imagined I would do- this?"  
  
"Ah-  nn- ahh!" [Rustle, thump. Scraping] "Vig!" [Harsh pants. Breathless chuckle] "Christ, I don't think I'd ever be used ta this. It fucking burns."  
  
[Ragged breaths]: "You just told me you wanted me to make it burn." [Gasps] "I'm just- ngh- delivering."  
  
"I ain't complainin'." [Softer:] "Look. Me hands have stopped trembling."  
  
[Sigh] "Are you still thinking about this?" [Fingers sliding over cheek. Kiss]  
  
"Depends on you." [Lips on stubble] "You going ta move yer arse soon?"  
  
[Chuckles] "Depends. You going to tell me more about what you want me to do to you?"  
  
"I would've thought that'd be pretty obvious by now. Nngh."  
  
[Pants] "Oh, aye, then- I'm going to- tell you what I heard." [Laboured  breathing, skin slapping against skin] "You want me to fuck you until the only thing you remember is- my name. My- name. You want- me to prove  to you that you- are mine. Mine, Sean. - Mine. You want me to mark you-  don't you? Make you remember me slamming into you with- every single-  damn- step you take tomorrow, aye?"  
  
"Ah- ah- Vig! Vig- fuck me, fuck me hard. Mark me, aye. Mark me. Try ta claim me, you damned bastard!" [Bedsprings creak, THUMP] "C'mon!"  
  
[Harsh, fast breaths]: "Oh, I will." [Shuffling. Limbs sliding over sheets] "Look at me, Sean.---" [Rhythmical slapping] "Look at me. I want to- see your eyes while I fuck you. I want to see what I'm doing to you."  
  
[Skin sliding on skin, skin sliding into hair] "Viggo, Viggo- I'm going ta come. Make me come. Make me."  
  
[Soft grunt] "God, if you could- see yourself like this- spread out- under me and shaking with every one of my thrusts." [Slapping getting faster]  "Come on." [Harsh breaths] "Come, Sean- come- for me- come."  
  
"Ah- aah-" [Strangled sound-] "Vig! Vig!"  
  
"Ngh- aah- let me hear it- come on- I want to hear it."  
  
"Touch me." [Pant] "Touch me. I'm so close-"  
  
"Sean- ngh." [Skin on soft skin] "That good?"  
  
"Harder- harder." [Thump]  
  
[Breathless] "Come on- come on."  
  
"I'm going ta-- ah- Vig-" [Nails on cloth]  
  
[Thud.Thud.Thud. Hoarsely]: "Now, Sean- just- come on!"  
  
"Ah- ahhhhhh!"  
  
"Ngh- christ, you are-" [Strangled sound] "This is- fuck-"  
  
[Wordless panting. Creaking] "Come in me, Vig." [Skin on skin] "Mmrrm."  
  
"Damn- I-" [Heavy breathing] "I want- ah- god, Sean- ngh-"  
  
"What do you want, Vig?" [Shaky sigh] "Tell me."  
  
[Panting] "Kiss me- I- aah- want you to kiss me- as if you mean it. As if- god- this is real---I--mhh--"  
  
"Real what?" [Lips on lips, muffled moans- then, huskily:] "Do you want me ta squeeze you? Will that make you come?"  
  
"Ngh- yes, I- yes- yes-" [Nails on cloth] "As if- this means- something, Sean- I- want-"  
  
"Mean something?" [Thump, slide of skin] "C'mere, take me hands-" [Lips on skin] "They stopped shaking, Vig. I ain't thinking 'bout anything but you anymore."  
  
"Mmhh- no- about us- us, Sean, I-- ah- " [Fast, irregular slapping]  
  
"Nn- God, can you feel it, Vig?" [Hoarse chuckle] "Yer getting me hard again."  
  
"Sean- I- I- ahhh-" [Strangled, muffled sound] "Nghhh- mmmh-"  
  
"Ah-" [Skin sliding over hair, soft kiss] "There you go, luv."  
  
[Exhale] "Mmh. You okay?"  
  
"Aye." [Forceful exhale] "Probably can't walk straight tomorrow, though."  
  
[Soft kiss] "No. I'm sorry."  
  
"Mm, don't be." [Pleased sigh] "It feels damn good."  
  
[Chuckle] "You are completely nuts." [Kiss]  
  
[Kiss] "I know what I want, Vig. That's all."  
  
"Mmhh- and what's that? Pain with every step you take tomorrow?" [Stubble sliding against stubble]  
  
"It's just some soreness. No big deal." [Sigh] "Wanted you to fuck the damned helicopter out of me head, and you did."  
  
[Snorts. Dryly] "Well, thanks, darling, that really is romantic. Glad I could be of help." [Rustle] "Wait, let me get rid of that condom."  
  
[Frustrated sigh] "Did I piss you off again?"  
  
[Latex being stretched. Soft thud. Rustling of fabric. Shuffling of limbs]  "Yeah, you did." [Sigh. Pause] "Every time I think I have taken a step towards you, you seem to push me away again."  
  
[Long silence] "The hell brought this on?"  
  
"Well, sometimes you're just- so awfully fast back to business. Or that's what it feels like to me, anyway. As if-" [Pause] "I missed you these past couple of days, Sean. And I just- I don't know how to explain this- I think sometimes I just want to touch you and just- be close to you, maybe, when it's not about sex."  
  
[Softly:] "I ain't good at being mushy or romantic, Vig. Never have been."  
  
"It's neither of that. It's about holding me sometimes without making me feel that you've already moved on to the next thought."  
  
[Sigh, wet thump, shift] "Mm. Better?"  
  
[Soft chuckle] "In theory, yes. And I really appreciate it, I do." [Kiss]  "But you don't have to do this just because I said so. Is this even anywhere close to what you want?"  
  
"Vig, I want ta go to sleep." [Wry] "I told you, I ain't good at this kind of thing, and if you want me ta do what I want, I'm not going ta give you what you want. Easier fer you ta tell me what makes you happy."  
  
"I need body contact. I need to be able to touch you when it's only the two of us and I need you to touch me. It's really as simple as that." [Sighs] "And I really need time with you when we both are awake. But  sleep now, you must be exhausted. I'll take a shower. And I have to talk to Karl, too."  
  
[Grumpily:] "I've touched you the whole time I've  seen you today, haven't I?" [Sigh, shift of sheets] "Stay here until I fall asleep, eh?"  
  
"Christ, Sean, that's not what I mean. I don't mean I need you to cling to me in panic. Seriously." [Sighs] "Do you want to call it a day or do you just want to sleep for a while?"  
  
"Vig."  [Exhale, shift] "Look, I don't like saying this, but I don't cling onto anyone like that, alright? I trusted you ta keep me safe. I want ta  fall asleep with you next ta me because it feels good, feels right."  [Thump] "I ain't so good at talking, or random hugs, and I've got three divorces counting ta prove that right." [Shift] "I'm going ta sleep. You do what you want, alright?"  
  
[Long pause. Softly]: "Sleep." [Shift] "I'll sit with you for a while before I leave."  
  
"C'mere." [Thump] "Lie down wi' me."  
  
[Shift] "Alright. For a moment." [Rustling of sheets]  
  
[Shift, then slurring:] "Tomorrow, I'll do whatever you like, aye?" [Long exhale]  
  
[Suppressed sigh] "Yeah." [Lips on hair] "And now sleep."  
  
  
  
tbc...  
  
Next week: Sean and Viggo navigate jealousy.  
  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean wakes up alone. Viggo doesn't. A dialogue only fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

**Viggo's place, spare bedroom, New Zealand, 31-03-2000, 6:51am**

 

[Whispered:] "Vig. Vig, wake up. Call's in two hours, luv."

"Nnn- hm?" [Soft groan. Muffled]: "-time is it?"

"Near seven. I made you breakfast."

"Mmm--- five minutes?"

[Chuckles] "Yer like a kid. What time did you sleep last night?"

[Hoarse, sleepy voice] "I have no idea." [Clears his throat] "Morning."

"Morning." [Silence] "You have a hangover?"

"I-- yeah." [Pause] "Damn."

"Stay still. I'll get you aspirin."

"No, it's alright-" [Skin rubbed over skin] "I'll just- drag my ass into the shower."

"Drink water first. Best way to cure that hangover."

[Sighs.]"I guess I didn't do that when I got back yesterday." [Shuffling. Bottle being unscrewed. Swallowing.]

"Mm." [Silence, then a sigh] "You alright?"

"Mh, I'll live." [Pause.] "You?"

"Yeah. I woke up at dawn." [Soft chuckle] "Haven't done that for a while."

"No wonder, you were fast asleep at eight."

"Aye. Adrenaline knocks me out pretty quick."

"Of course. Everybody would have been exhausted." [Swallowing. Shift. Rustle of fabric.] "What-" [Groans. Wearily]: "I didn't even take off my jeans."

"I was wondering 'bout that." [Creak of bedsprings] "You still want breakfast?"

"Want would be a euphemism. I definitely need a shower though. I'll be down with you in a moment?"

"G'on." [Chuckles] "I'd kiss you, but yer mouth stinks."

"If I'm still wearing my pants I guess I didn't brush my teeth either. Damn, I'm too old for this."

"Go shower. Then you can tell me of all yer adventures last night."

[Pause.] "Yeah." [Shuffling of limbs, bed springs creaking]

 

 

**Viggo's place, kitchen, New Zealand, 31-03-2000, 7:13am**

"Remind me to buy tooth paste, will you?"

"... Did you brush yer teeth?"

"Yeah. But I had to cut open the tube to get to the rest of tooth paste. I keep forgetting to buy a new one. Is there coffee?"

[Scrape] "Plenty. Got it ready fer you." [Pause, a chuckle] "Yer fridge's pretty empty too. Do I have ta do your shopping fer you?"

"Nah. I'll try to remember to do it. I wasn't really here much." [Clinking of coffee pot]. "Thanks."

"Mm. Should still buy some coffee, if yer going ta go out drinking again."

"Or maybe just avoid Karl. Damn. I hope he feels at least as wiped out as I do."

[Quickly:] "You went drinking with Karl?"

[Wood scraping over wood, chair squeaking, soft thud of china on wood]: "Yeah. He asked if we wanted to join him for a beer, remember, I told you?"

"Yeah- yeah, I do." [Clink of porcelain] "So how was it?"

"Good." [Liquid being swallowed] "Karl's easy to talk to."

[Chuckles] "Aye, that he is. What did you two talk 'bout?"

[Soft chuckle] "I didn't write a protocol. The usual stuff- work, relationships, children, soccer, trimming of nose hair..."

[Snorts] "Nose hair, Vig?"

"Amongst other things. Why not?"

"Nah, it just sounds like you, 's all. Mm." [Sigh, sounds of bones cracking] "God, I feel old."

"You aren't. Maybe it's the rain."

[Wryly:] "Don't think the hobbits have a problem 'bout bones acting up in rain, mate."

"If my head would feel as if I had fallen off Uraeus again I might come up with a witty reply to that. But sadly, I'll have to go with: Mmh."

[Scrape of wood against wood, footsteps. Softly:] "Lean back on me." [Skin in hair, skin on skin] "Feels better?"

"Mmmh. Yeah." [Soft sigh]

"Did you two have a drinking contest or summat?" [Chuckles] "Yer neck feels like one of those huge marble statues."

"I think we actually tried to kill each other." [Chuckles] "But the knots are partly your fault."

"Eh?"

[Softly] "Don't stop?"

"Alright. Tilt yer head back a little?" [A short pause] "What did you mean, 'cause of me?"

[Skin on skin, lips on skin] "That you were quite demanding in bed, yesterday. But that was meant as a compliment."

[Burst of laughter] "Aye, I worked you hard."

[Chuckle] "You did. And I did some sword fighting in the morning as well. And crashed in the terrible guest room."

[Lips in hair. Softly:] "Sorry. But it were good fer you, aye?"

[Shift, chair scraping over floor, skin sliding over stubble] "It was. Did you doubt that?"

"A little." [Soft, nervous laugh] "Since you were complaining and all."

"But I never was."[Kiss.] "Complaining, I mean. But I- was that too much? Talking I mean? Are you okay with that?"

[Long scrape of chair being dragging on the floor. Thump] "Nah. I told you, I ain't good wi' talking. What I do- speaks louder, way I see it."

"Mmmh." [Sigh. Quietly]: "It's just- I have this thing about your voice- I like it if you talk to me, in bed. It doesn't even have to be coherent. I just- like to hear your voice and how it changes when you are close." [Pause] "And when you come."

[Inhale] "-- Christ, Vig. That-" [Hitching breath] "That I can do, but it ain't the kind of talking I was thinking 'bout."

"What do you mean?"

"Talking 'bout- emotions. What we have." [Exasperated sigh] "It's shite of me and I know it, and it's ruined plenty of me relationships already. Just- everything I say always sounds damned trite. Like it comes out of some soap or it's a written line in a movie or something."

"I wish I could tell you that that's fine and that is not a problem- but I think it might be." [Shift, lips on skin] "Sometimes you react in ways that I don't understand, and then I get insecure and start asking questions and you get irritated. We work differently in that respect."

"Yeah, I know." [Sighs, then a wry chuckle] "Never thought relationships would be that much work."

"Nah, it's all Hollywood's fault. They keep telling us that it's all rainbows and unicorns."

[Bark of laughter] "Aye, there's that."

[Pause.] "I want to kiss you."

"That ain't something you need words fer, Vig. C'mere."

[Chuckles] "You are right." [Shuffle, jeans sliding against jeans. Kiss]

"Mm." [Thu-thud] "You taste of toothpaste and coffee."

[Chuckle] "Better than of cigarettes and whiskey." [Phone ringing. Groan] "Oh come on, give me a break!"

"Whiskey's good." [Chuckles] "Check yer phone, luv. Might be someone reminding you of yer call."

[Sighs. Brief kiss.] "Stay where you are." [Shuffle, steps on floor.] "Hej, it's Viggo?"  
[Pause. Surprised] "Hej." [More softly]: "How are you feeling?" [Pause] "Nah, quite okay, thanks. But I woke up still wearing my clothes." [Pause. Chuckle]: "No. It's completely your fault. At least that's what I am going to tell everybody." [Long pause. Sigh] "I know." [Pause.] "Can we talk about that later?" [Pause] "No, I absolutely think we should." [Pause] "I'm having breakfast with Sean." [Pause] "Sure. I'll see you later. Drive carefully, okay?" [Beep.]

[Porcelain on wood] "That Karl?"

"Yeah." [Footsteps.] "He wanted to make sure I'm still alive." [Skin in hair] "Let me return the favor?"

"Later. Yer going ta be late fer work."

"I have some more minutes. Come here."

"Nah, it's fine. You need ta change and all. G'on."

[Pause.] "What the hell got into you?"

[Long pause, broken only by the soft clinking of porcelain moving with each other] "It ain't matter. I'm going back ta me hotel."

[Pause.] "I can drop you off on my way to work."

"You'll be late. I'll get a cab." [Pause, sound of running water]

"It's fine, really. It's on my way. Let me get my jacket. Just leave the dishes, I'll do them when I get home."

"Vig, just-" [Sigh] "Go ta work. I'll see you later."

"Sean, please. You'll destroy the effect of your massage. Just get into the damn car. I swear I'll shut the fuck up on our way over if that's what it takes."

[Clatter of dishes] "Fine. Let's go."

 

 _tbc_...


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Viggo talk in straight lines instead of circles. There's a first time for everything! Still a dialogue-only fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

**New Zealand, 31-03-2000, 4:51pm**

[Dial tone]

"Sean. Hej."

""Hey. How's-" [Swallow] "How's filming going?"

[Pause] "Good. We just finished." [Cautiously]: "Did you have a good day?"

"Nah. Spent most of it thinking." [Forced chuckle] "I have good timing, eh?"

[Pause] "Hang on a second." [Footsteps. Quietly]: "I don't really have time to talk now, I'm sorry. Do you want me to drop by later?"

"You mean tonight, aye?"

"Henry and I are going to talk at seven. But I can come over afterwards."

"Are you working tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Call's at eight."

"Go get some sleep, aye? I have rehearsal tomorrow. I'll see you tomorrow night then."

"Sean---" [Sigh] "If there's something bothering you I want to see you tonight."

"Think we both have ta be more awake fer that kind of thing."

[Long silence. Unsteady exhale. Softly]: "After what you just said I'm not going to get much sleep tonight anyway."

"I- Christ." [Rushed sigh] "Come over t'night."

[Deep breath] "Okay. I'll be there around half past eight, hm?"

"Alright." [Forced chuckle] "Don't work too hard, aye?"

 

 

**Sean's hotel room, New Zealand, 31-03-2000, 8:43pm**

**  
**

[Door opening] "Hey."

[Quietly]: "Hej."

[Footsteps] "You eaten yet?"

[Hesitant steps] "Mh." [Pause] "Before I talked to Henry."

"Alright." [Pause] "How's the kid?"

"He's good, I think. We made plans for him to come visit."

"That's good." [Pause, thump] "I- Christ." [Feet on wood] "Hey, you want something ta drink?"

"Not really, no." [Pause. Softly]: "Sean, please."

"I-" [Shaky breath] "Jesus. Vig, sit down?"

[Footsteps. Rustling of clothes on leather]

[Shuffle, rustle. Sigh] "I- I'm sorry."

[Swallows. Hoarsely]: "About what?"

"I was an arse this morning." [Sighs] "Took it out on you and probably ruined the damned day."

[Pause] "Damn, Sean, I-" [Forced exhale] "I thought-"

"You thought?"

"I thought-" [Deep breath. Pause. Very softly]: "--that you'd say that you don't want this."

"No, Jesus-" [Rapid shuffling, skin sliding in hair] "No, no, that ain't what I meant." [Teeth slamming together]

[Small strangled sound]

"Can't stand it." [Muffled] "You and Karl."

"Oh, Sean." [Sighs]

"It ain't funny."

"Funny? No, not at all." [Pause] "What set this off? That I went out for drinks with him yesterday?"

"Seems-"  [Exhale] "Seems so easy, what you have with him." [Thump, footsteps]  "Like you two know how the other thinks and works. Unlike me and you."

[Pause] "That's not the way I see it." [Pause] "Can you come back and sit down? Sit down in the chair if you need space."

[Long pause] "Can I hold you?"

[Shuffle, footsteps, rustle of fabric against fabric]

"Mm."

[Softly]: "You know that there is no reason for you to worry about Karl, right?"

[Inhales slowly] "You want a proper answer?"

"Not at all costs. If you don't want to tell me now we can talk about it another time."

[Abruptly:] "I can't do anything right."

[Pause] "What are you talking about?"

"What happened this morning." [Strangled sound, quick footsteps] "Last night. Hell, ever since I came back. Can't do any damn thing right."

[Quietly] "Look at me."

[Softly:] "Vig?"

"I'm right here, Sean. I'm not going anywhere."

[Forced laugh] "You sure you want to stay?"

"Well, the thought that scared me today was that you might _not_ want to be with me. Not the other way round."

"Just seems like- there ain't much fer you ta stay with me."

[Pause] "You know, the ironic thing is- that we always get to this point. One of us always worries that the other doesn't want this." [Softly]  "Ironic because there isn't anything right now that I want more than to be with you."

[Tap, tap, fwoo-thump] "Silly bugger."

[Shaky exhale. Muffled]: "Just shut up and hold me."

"Aye." [Long silence. Muffled laugh] "Christ, we're a pair, aren't we?"

[Lips on hair] "We are just both a little scared to mess this up, I think, that's all."

[Chuckles] "Wish I know how me parents did it."

[Muffled] "Hm? Did what?"

"They never seemed to fight. Had it all perfect."

"When you were a kid?"

"Aye. And even now."

"Sounds as if they are very lucky. But then they didn't meet each other in their forties after a bunch of failed marriages and relationships either, I guess."

[Burst of laughter] "No, aye, they didn't." [Sigh]

"Might have been easier without all that baggage. But only because we fight sometimes, that doesn't mean that it's not worth trying to make this work."

"Mm. I know that."

[Kiss]

"Mm." [Shuddering breath. Soft sounds of kissing]

[Quietly]: "Are we okay?"

"Aye." [Pause] "On one condition?"

"Condition?"

"You've got ta slap me real hard if I'm being an arse, instead of indulging me."

"I'm not exactly the guy who slaps people. But what I can promise is to call you on your shit. If you promise to do the same."

[Snort] "Oh aye, I will. You won't get me ta shut up 'bout it."

"Mh. Then I'll just have to do this." [Shuffle. Kiss.]

"Nn." [Muffled sigh] "Come ta bed with me?" [Pause] "Ta sleep, I mean."

[Sigh] "Sounds perfect." [Pause. Quietly]: "I didn't want to wake you last night."

"D'you remember what time you got back?"

"No. After midnight, I think." [Pause] "But I remember standing in front of the bedroom door for a while."

"You should've come in."

"I wanted to, I-" [Small sigh] "You were exhausted from the flight. I didn't want to disturb you."

"I wouldn't have minded."

"I was drunk, reeking of cigarettes and wanted to stick my tongue down your throat. It seemed very selfish."

[Surprised laughter] "You came back horny?"

"No. I came back wanting to kiss you, badly."

"You can kiss me again now ta make up fer it."

"Mm." [Shifting] "I think I just wanted to make sure you were alright, after-- well." [Lips on skin]

"I'm fine, luv." [Chuckles softly] "Still bit sore from yesterday, but I'll live."

[Pause] "I should've kissed you before I left."

"Are you going ta leave today?"

"No." [Quietly]: "I need to fall asleep next to you tonight."

"That I can do." [Soft laugh] "C'mon, luv."

"Mh. I might be out in no time, though."

"That's fine with me."

 

_tbc..._


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Viggo engage in slightly unconventional outdoor activities. Dialogue-only. Now with additional sex sounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

 

**New Zealand, 03-05-2000, 4:38pm**

  
  
  
"Christ, Vig, I feel like we've been climbing forever."  
  
[Chuckles] "Well, we have been. You want to take a break?"  
  
[Quiet panting] "Won't we be late fer sunset if we do?  
  
"We might be. And it's not that much further actually. Half an hour maybe. But we can rest for a couple of moments anyway. Do you want some water?"  
  
"Aye, that'd be good."  
  
[Rustling] "Here you go." [Pause] "The view is beautiful even here, don't you think so?"  
  
"Oh aye, it is, though that might be me staring at you."  
  
[Teasingly]: "If you're trying to sweet-talk me into giving you my part of dinner later, it won't work." [Chuckle]  
  
"Nah, I'm just trying ta sweet talk you into cooking fer me." [Laughing]  
  
" _That_ I might just do. You came up all the way here because I wanted to show this to you, you should have some sort of reward, mh?" [Rustling of fabric against fabric. Kiss]  
  
"Mm!" [Muffled laughter] "Oh I'd like ta think of some other things fer reward, now we've got no one here."  
  
"Oh?" [Low voice]: "Tell me!"  
  
[Softly:] "Well I'm thinking of going up ta the mountaintop, and laying you down on the grass... Green and gold match well, eh?"  
  
"I didn't realize I was green." [Kiss] "Sorry, I just couldn't resist. And then? Are we just going to lie there and freeze our asses off while we're looking at the stars and counting the bugs that crawl over our feet?"  
  
[Chuckles] "Nah. I'd rather make you scream. Make the air around us ring with yer voice until we silence all the bugs and scare 'em half ta death, eh?"  
  
[Breath hitching] "I love it when you do this. When you tell me these things. Go on."  
  
"I'll slide me hands down yer body, slowing undressing you, bit by bit. I'll take me time until you start begging fer me ta hurry up, but I won't, 'cause I like it better when I go slow. You'll start wriggling in the grass, getting mud stains all over you, and I'll laugh at you fer how dirty you get." [Low chuckle] "Yer hard, Vig. I can feel it."  
  
[Hoarsely] "Of course I am. What did you expect?" [Kiss]  
  
[Soft, wet kissing sounds] "You going ta stay there and let me do all the work?"  
  
[Breathless chuckle] "Didn't you just promise to do all the work? To undress me, so slowly that I start squirming underneath your hands and beg you to get on with it and touch me?" [Kiss] "I think I heard that."  
  
"Mm. I'll make you squirm fer _hours_ , Vig. Until yer cock feels like it's on fire underneath me hand." [Shift, scratch of nails against denim] "Feel that?"  
  
[Bit back moan] "I have no idea- what you're- talking about-"  
  
[Chuckles] "That so, luv? Seems a li'l too convenient, you saying that all the sudden."  
  
"Well, you know me, I'm all tact, innocence and decency--- I wouldn't know what you're talking about..."  
  
"Now yer spoiling the mood, making me laugh."  
  
[Chuckles] "You'd rather have me be serious? Alright." [Low voice]: "You know what I _really_ want?" [Kiss] "You see that tree over there? The tall one?" [Kiss] "I want you to take me up against that tree."  
  
"That's what you want, eh? You want me ta push you up, with yer pants still on you, and fuck you until yer back's all dirty? That's what you want?"  
  
[Shaky inhale] "I want to feel you pressing against me and trap me against the tree and force me onto my toes--"  
  
[Shuddering exhale] " _Christ_." [Rustling, shifting] "C'mon, luv. Get up. Up. I'm going ta do that right now."  
  
[Soft moan] "Damn, Sean-" [Rustling] "No, no, wait- wait a second-"  [Deep breath] "Let's don't this here. On the very top- I want to be able see the whole valley over you shoulder."  
  
[Hoarsely:] "Are there trees up there?"  
  
"Yes." [Skin sliding over skin] "We're not going above the tree line. And nobody is going to be up there. You can make me scream."  
  
"Move yer arse, then." [Softly, in a deeper voice] "I want ta own it fully along with the rest of yer body."  
  
"God, Sean, I-" [Breathless chuckle] "No one has ever told me that before."  
  
"Good." [Rushed footsteps]  
  
[Laughs] "Oy, don't wear yourself out on the last bit now. I need you to be able to do everything you just promised."  
  
"Of course I will, luv, but if we don't hurry I'm going ta come in me pants from _thinking_ of having you, and I'd rather not."  
  
[Quick footsteps, rustling of fabric] "But please, do--" [Skin rubbing over denim] "I'm sure you'll be up for a second round in no time--"  
  
[Gasp] " _Vig_ \- oy, I'm not a teenager anymore!"  
  
[Sound of zipper] "I've seen you getting hard again _while_ I fucked you- I'm not worried at all-"  
  
[Sharp inhale] "Vig- nngh-!"  
  
"You really like that idea, hm? To have me, between you and the tree?"  
  
"What, are you starting ta think you can't turn me on now?" [Breathless chuckle]  
  
"I'm starting to think you'll faint if I keep this up. There can't be much blood left in your brain."  
  
"Oh, there's plenty left. 'Nough fer me ta do this." [Rustling, zipper being lowered]  
  
[Shaky breath] "Fuck, Sean, I-"  
  
"No more cleverness, eh?" [Chuckles]  
  
[Suppressed moan] "Don't do this- don't make me come now- I want--" [Rustle. Shift]  "Don't- I want to come with you inside of me."  
  
"Then let's take our hands off each other and get up there, eh?"  
  
[Slow exhale] "Yes." [Rustling] "Okay. I'm not sure I'll be able to walk properly, but let's go."  
  
[Panting:] "Neither am I. Lean on me, aye?"  
  
"I think I better pour the contents of the water bottle down my pants and keep ten yards away from you if I want to get anywhere near that mountain top."  
  
"I don't think that'd help."  
  
"Probably not. But maybe if I think really hard of something else at the same time- mouldy toast, for example-"  
  
[Burst of laughter] "Aye, mouldy toast, maggots... what else?"  
  
"Celery, dictionaries, stamp collections---"  
  
"Well, that's plenty harmless. Not very helpful either. Dictionary has words like 'hot', don't it? 'Attractive, arousing, sexual desire..'"   [Chuckling]  
  
"'Boner'?"  
  
"If you need a definition for that, luv, I'll be worried."  
  
[Laughter] "I won't, not as long as I can see yours---" [Teasingly]: "Comfortable, cariño?"  
  
[Laughingly:] "The hell did you just call me?"  
  
" _Cariño_. Don't worry, it's something nice."  
  
"I'll take yer word fer it." [Quiet pants] "Look, it's just a few more steps until the top. You sure you want ta wait?"  
  
"Nah, it looks closer than it is. The last bit is quite steep. And I really just want to be able to collapse onto you, afterwards. Come on." [Chuckle] "And walk in front of me. I really like those jeans of yours."  
  
"Pervert!"  
  
[Laughter] "Admit it, that's the one of my qualities that you appreciate the most!"  
  
"Only when yer touching, not ogling!"  
  
"We both know that's not true--- At Dom's house? When I was just _looking_ at you and you practically dragged me out of there and home because you were so hard you couldn't hide it?"  
  
"Luv, I'm going ta drag you up this goddamn mountaintop if you don't stop teasing."  
  
"Just imagine how much more fun it's going to be if I don't. And you can always retaliate--"  
  
"Retaliate and tell you how I wish me eyes could burn through your clothes? How I want to touch you everywhere, taste every bit of you, and make your voice reach that pitch that tells me that you want to come so badly you don't even remember how to beg fer it? How I want ta walk over now and fall ta me knees and take that cock of yers into me mouth, and I can  almost taste you with how bad I want ta?"  
  
[Breath hitching. Footsteps stopping] "Damn."  
  
[Soft laughter] "C'mon, luv. Bend over and crawl up that slope beside me, aye?"  
  
[Muttered]: "Bending over would interrupt the circulation in important body parts."  
  
"Part of the point, Vig." [Still laughing]  
  
"Blue, numb balls are part of the point? Are you trying to kill me?"  
  
"I'm trying ta get you ta move that sweet arse of yers."  
  
[Laughter] "Like that?"  
  
"Aye, that's right." [Quicker panting]  
  
"Do you need help? Your shoes aren't really made for this- here- take my hand."  
  
"Thanks." [Shuffling, footsteps. Thump]  
  
[Feet sliding over sandy ground, shuffling] "What- hey! Maniac! I'm squashing our dinner!"  
  
"Who cares 'bout dinner?" [Loud laughter] "Get yer pack, pants, and shirt off, Vig. Before I start tearing 'em off."  
  
[Quietly]: "Make me."  
  
[Silence, then rustling of cloth. _Rip_ , sounds of a button hitting stone] "How's that?"  
  
[Sharp inhale] "Both really impressive and hilarious."  
  
"What's funny 'bout this, eh?"  
  
"You're eagerness to get to my cock. I'm flattered." [Rustle, shift] "Get down here and kiss me."  
  
[Kiss. Teasingly:] "Best part of you, what can I say?"  
  
"Careful there, or I'll take my cock and the tent and make a run for it--"  
  
"You'd leave the rest of yerself here? Just a cock running off into the wild?" [Suppressed laughter]  
  
"Oy, a cock with a backpack!" [Laughter. Skin sliding over skin] "Damn, I want you so much."  
  
[Soft sounds of light kisses] "Mm, I want you too." [Shift] "Can you get up? I mean it 'bout the tree."  
  
"Mmh. So do I." [Kiss] "Any preferences? Ceder? Pine? Or just anything that'll hold me upright?"  
  
"Whichever's nearest."  
  
"Hell, yes. Get off me and move."  
  
[Rustling. Footsteps] "C'mere, luv."  
  
[Rustling of clothes, thud of backpack] "That one?"  
  
"Aye." [Another sound of backpack hitting ground. Clinking of belt being unbuckled] "Put yer back ta it."  
  
"Wait-" [Softly]: "Leave your clothes on?"  
  
[Pause] "Aye." [Footsteps. Thump] "I got impatient."  
  
"God, Sean-" [Shaky exhale] "Undress me."  
  
"Demanding." [Sliding of cloth on skin, softer sounds of clothes falling to the ground]  
  
"I'm going to be-" [Rustling of fabric] -"demanding much more in a moment--"  
  
"Tell me what you want, Vig."  
  
"You, inside of me." [Deep breath] "Now. There's lube in my backpack. Left pocket."  
  
[Footsteps. Rustling. Snap of bottle cap.] "Spread yer legs."  
  
"Let me turn around?"  
  
"No, I want ta see yer face. Look at me."  
  
[Deep, unsteady breaths] "Sean-"  
  
"Get yer leg up. Lean in on me." [Shift] "Don't fall over."  
  
[Moan] "I won't if you hold me."  
  
"Oh aye, I will." [Exhale] "So fucking hot inside, Vig. Making me go crazy. I want ta be inside you. Want it so damned badly."  
  
[Panting] "Ngh-- in a moment---"  
  
"Don't rush yerself. I don't want ta hurt you." [ _Pop_ ]  
  
"I don't think I-- care much anymore, really."  
  
"You'll care when we have ta climb down this mountain." [Obscene wet sound]  
  
[Moan] "God, Sean, I- mmh- do that again-"  
  
"I love doing this ta you. Opening you up, feeling you get all loose 'round me fingers. Feeling yer moan against me chest, your body shaking against mine..." [Exhale] "I'm almost tempted to make you come just  like  this. Just me fingers."  
  
"No. No- ah, I-" [Shaky exhale] "I want to come with you inside of me--"  
  
"Aye, I know." [Softly]: "I'm thinking of making you come like this. Then while yer still shaking, I'll fuck you so hard that you'll be screaming, until yer hard again. Until you come again."  
  
"Yes- please-" [Strangled sound] "Please-"  
  
[Shaky breath] "God, but I love ta hear you beg." [ _Thump_ ] "Come fer me, Vig."  
  
[Rapid panting] "Yes- yes- Sean- come here-" [Exhale] "I need you- inside of me- when- I'm coming."  
  
"You asked so damned nicely." [ _Thump_. _Clink_. Rustling] "Hold on tight." [Rasping, wood on cloth]  
  
[Barely muffled moan] "Ah- god--"  
  
[Sharp panting] "God, Vig, so fucking _tight_ -" [Long breath out] "I'm still going ta make you scream, you hear me?"  
  
"Ngh- ah- Sean-- you need to-- hold me-" [Nails sliding over denim]  
  
[Rustle, _slam_. Strangled:] "I am holding you."  
  
"This is so- fucking good, I-"  
  
"You alrigh' fer me ta move? I don't want ta hurt you."  
  
[Growl] "Move."  
  
[ _Thrust_ ] "That good 'nough fer you, highness?" [Panting laughter]  
  
[Through grit teeth] "That's- a start-"  
  
[Chuckles. Shift, _slam_ ] "Aye?"  
  
[Breath hitching] "Move!"  
  
[Rasping pants. Sounds of flesh slapping against flesh. Slide of skin on skin]  
  
"That how you imagined it'd feel?" [Soft moan] "Can you feel the tree shaking?"  
  
"I want ta-" [Sharp inhale] "I want ta hear you scream, Vig." [ _Thump_. Sound of leaves rustling]  
  
[Muffled moan] "Sean--"  
  
"Yer going ta leave bite marks on me clothes." [Roughly]: "Then everyone will know what we've done. You like that, eh?" [ _Slam_ ] "Everyone knowing that you just let me fuck you into a tree?" [ _Slamslamslam_ ] "That you begged for it?"  
  
"No- you matter, Sean- just- you- I don't care about other eyes-"  [Shuddering breath] "I want you- to take a picture of the scratch marks on my back and keep it in your wallet--" [Moan]  "God, Sean- and- every time you look at it you will remember this- me, around you- between you and the tree-"  
  
"Christ-" [ _Slam_ ]  
  
[Breathless chuckle] "Careful- careful- don't hurt me-"  
  
"How am I supposed to leave scratchmarks if-" [Panting] "I can't hurt you?" [Rough chuckle. _Thump_. Sounds of falling leaves]  
  
"Sean- careful! Take it a little bit easier, okay?"  
  
[Harsh breathing] "Aye. I'll try." [Shift. Slam of flesh against wood. Rustling leaves]  
  
"Ngh- ah- damn-" [Uneven breaths]  
  
"Don't make me break me promise ta make you scream, luv."  
  
[Panting] "Wait- give me a moment--let me put down that leg."  
  
"Aye." [Shift, rustle]  
  
[Chuckle] "Damn, I really am not twenty anymore." [Shift] "Okay like this?"  
  
"As long as we're not killing the mood." [Kiss]  
  
[Teasingly]: "You won't get self-conscious because we're doing it outside, up against a tree, will you?"  
  
"That's not the mood-killing bit." [Chuckle. Shift. _Thump_ ] "Better?"  
  
[Breath hitching] "Fuck- yes- yes, it is- I- fuck-" [Moan]  
  
[Wet kiss. Sharp thrusting sounds]  
  
"Sean- mmh- _God_ \--"  
  
"Scream me name, luv. Scream it until the sun can hear you." [Panting. _Slam_ ]  
  
"I- nngh-" [Nails scratching over fabric] "Touch me- Sean- Sean- ah- Sean-"  
  
"Aye."  
  
[Moan] "Yes- mh- damn, you're trying to kill me- aren't you?" [Kiss]  
  
"As much as- nn- yer trying ta do the same ta me." [ _Thrust_ ]  
  
[Softly]: "Come, Sean."  
  
"Not until I- _ah_ \- make you scream fer me."  
  
"Make me scream by coming inside of me-- come on--"  
  
[Harsh panting] "God- Vig- you- ah-" [ _Slam- thrust- thump_ ] "Ahh!"  
  
[Rustling of fabric. Breathlessly]: "Come on- come on- Sean- Sean- SEAN-"  
  
"Come with me. Come with me, Vig." [THUMP] "C'mon!"  
  
[Short shallow breaths] "Yes-yes- ngh- Sean- ah--- Sean--" [Half sob] "God, yes----Sean!"  
  
[Harsh breathing]  
  
[Shaky inhale, rapid panting]  
  
[Slide of sweat-slicked skin. Soft kiss] "Vig. God." [Deep breath]  
  
"Mmh- hm?" [Labored breathing]  
  
"Yer going ta kill me one day." [Soft laugh. Shuffling. Thud]  
  
[Deep breath] "I can't- um- wait- hold me, I don't think I can stand-"  
  
"I'm going ta bring both of us down now. Hold on ta me." [Shift, footsteps, rustling. _THUD_ ] "Sorry." [Sheepish laugh]  
  
"Ouch!" [Laughter] " _That_ I would have managed, too." [Kiss] "You okay?"  
  
[Breathlessly:] "I'm good." [Laughter. Kiss] "Getting too old fer tricks like that, I think."  
  
"Mmh- we both are- but this was totally worth the abrasions, pulled muscles and the risk of future incontinence-" [Chuckle. Zipper being pulled  down. Rustling of fabric. Contently]: "There, that's better."  
  
[Dryly:] "You sure know how ta set a mood, luv." [ _Smack_ ]  
  
"Oy!" [Laughter] "So do you, apparently. First dropping me and then _smacking_ my poor arse like that- not very gentlemanly--" [Kiss. Softly]: "Just hold me for a moment, hm?"  
  
[Softly:] "Aye." [Pause, then, teasingly:] "The sun looks glorious over the curve of yer arse."  
  
[Snort. Muttered]: "Nutcase."  
  
[Burst of laughter] "Pot and kettle, Vig." [Sound of lips brushing against hair]  
  
"Mmh."  [Quietly]: "I'll be getting cold in a moment but- thanks for coming up here with me. I know you would have preferred a quiet weekend at home." [Kiss]  
  
[Chuckles] "What's that saying 'bout trying out new things?" [Pause] "We need ta find some kind of place ta wash, though."  
  
"There's a small spring right next to the place where I thought we'd put up the tent. It's not much water, but it'll be enough for cleaning up a little. Wait- " [Shift] "I'll show you. Let me just put on my clothes."  
  
"Won't be anyone here but me, luv. You can walk 'round naked if you like."  
  
[Chuckle]  "You'd like that, hm? Sorry to disappoint you, but it's getting more than a little chilly, now that the sun is setting." [Shuffling] "Come on, up with you."  
  
"Off." [Rustling. Crackling of leaves] "Nnngh." [Sounds of popping joints and cracking bones]  
  
[Laughter]  "Should we have brought a wheelchair for you?" [Kiss] "Sorry, I'm a little too heavy for you to hold up for such a long time, hm?"  
  
"Aye, yer heavy, that's all."  
  
"It's all my muscles."  
  
[Laughingly:] "Or yer fat." [Pause] "Now where's this stream yer talking 'bout, eh?"  
  
"I never said _stream_. Over there- behind these rocks. It's really just a bit of water seeping out between them. Here- look-" [Shift. Knee  creaking] "Uh-  damn- I-"  
  
[Shift] "Vig." [Worriedly:] "You alrigh'?"  
  
[Sighs] "Yeah. Just a little sore. Don't worry, I'll be fine tomorrow."  
  
[Shift.Skin against skin] "We're two old men, too old ta be doing this, eh?" [Soft laugh] "Lean on me?"  
  
"Mmh." [Small, content sigh]  
  
[Soft kiss] "There we are."  
  
  
  
 _tbc..._


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Viggo talk around each other. Ian comes to the rescue. Still a dialogue-only fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

  
  


**New Zealand, Viggo's place, living room, 25-06-2000, 9:38pm**

  
  
"Have you seen my crayons anywhere? The new box I bought last week?"  
  
"You put 'em in the fridge last time. They're in yer nightstand."  
  
[Scratch] "Why would I put them in the fridge?"  
  
[Chuckles] "I don't know. I found the mayo in your studio, though."  
  
[Groans] "Great. Just great. In the nightstand, you said?" [Footsteps]  
  
"Aye." [ _Scribble scribble_ ]  
  
[Footsteps approaching, wood dragged over wood. Thud. Paper rustling]  
  
[Rustling of paper, scribbling of charcoal and crayon over paper. Chuckle:] "You've got yer hands all multi-coloured."  
  
"Hm?" [Pause] "Oh." [Pause] "Well." [Sighs]  
  
"Mm." [Longer pause. Scrape of wood on wood] "I'm going ta the porch."  
  
[Pause] "Hm? ---Okay."  
  
[Door opens, closes]  
  
[Crayons on paper. Silence. Heavy sigh. Skin rubbing over skin]  
  
[Door opens. Footsteps] "I'm going back ta the hotel. You mind?"  
  
[Breath catching. Long pause. Hesitantly]: "Maybe that's a good idea. I feel as if I am going to fall asleep in a moment."  
  
"I can-" [Pause, shuffling of papers. Quiet laugh] "I'll keep you awake if I stay here and you've got more work tomorrow."  
  
"I have a call at six, I think."  
  
"Mm. I should go, aye?"  
  
[Wood scraping over wood, footsteps] "Maybe the smartest move." [Sighs. Pause. Shuffle, clothes against clothes.] "But in a moment." [Brief kiss]  
  
[Soft chuckle] "You won't be able ta do much with me here, much less sleep. I'll see you tomorrow?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
[Pause, footsteps] "See you, mate."  
  
[Door opens, closes]  
  
[Softly]: "Sean, wait, I--- Shit."  
  
  
  
  


**New Zealand, 27-06-2000, 4:17pm**

  
  
"Hey Vig, we're meeting  tonight, aye? I'm asking because the hobbits asked me out, and I'd rather see you instead. Call me back when you get this?"  
  
  
4:53 pm  
  
i'm still at work. i'm sorry, i won't be able to make it tonight. go out with the hobbits. i'll call you when i get home.  
  
  
5:02pm  
  
Alright. I'll leave my cellphone on.  
  
  


**New Zealand, 27-06-2000, 8:49pm**  


  
[Dial tone]

[Loud, indistinguishable noises]

"Sean?"

"HOLD ON!"

"Sean?"

[Sudden reduction of noise] "Vig? You still there?"

"Sure. Where are you?"

"The hobbits dragged me ta a bar." [Soft laugh]

"Are you having a good time?"

"The noise's giving me a damned headache."

[Chuckle] "Or the beer maybe?"

"Beer makes me feel better. How are you, luv?"

[Pause] "I'm fine. And you? Did you have a good day?"

[Pause] "It was alrigh'."

[Sound of cigarette being lit] "Tell me?"

[Pause] "Nah, it's nothing."

[Quietly]: "I'm sorry I had to cancel tonight. And yesterday. I-- I'm sorry."

"Nah, it's fine. Yer busy, aye?"

"Yeah. I just got home from a meeting with Peter. And then there's this painting, and Henry, we are going to talk later. And-" [Deep breath]   "--you."

"... And me?"

"Mh. I've been thinking about you a lot-- it's not that I don't _want_ to see you, okay?"

[Quietly:] "I didn't say that."

"No, I know, but- I just- I need a little time, to think, I-" [Pause]  "I'm sorry, I'm not making much sense today. Go back to the others?  Before they finish your beer?"

"Mm, I will." [Pause] "Hey, Vig?"

[Drag on cigarette] "Mh?" [Slow exhale]

"You'll tell me if there's anything wrong, yeah? I don't want ta- I don't want ta have ta leave while we're on the wrong foot."

[Pause. Shaky exhale] "I don't want that either. It's- there isn't-"   [Frustrated sigh] "Can you give me a little time to try and sort out my thoughts and I'll call you tomorrow?"

"Aye, of course. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"I'll call you. Have a good time with the hobbits, okay? And-" [Pause] "No, never mind, it's fine, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Alright. Goodnight, Vig."

"Okay." [Pause] "Sean?"

"Mm- yeah?"

"I-" [Swallows. Very softly]: "I wish I were there with you now."

"Well, you could've been, aye?" [Pause] "Never mind. I'll talk ta you tomorrow."

[Pause] "Yeah. Have a good rest of the evening." [Clicking of connection being broken]

 

 

 

**New Zealand, Ian's trailer, 30-06-2000, 12:31pm**

  
  
"Ian, you've got time?"  
  
"I think our young friends might not be back for a while, I heard there were doughnuts." [Chuckle.] "We might have one moment of peace, come on in. Would you like a cup of tea?"  
  
[Footsteps] "Yeah, that'd be great."  
  
"Please, take a seat." [Footsteps, clinking of porcelain] "Milk and sugar?"  
  
"Aye." [Pause, tap of metal spoon on porcelain] "You mind if I-"  
  
[Porcelain on porcelain. Softly:] "Is there anything I can be of help with, Sean?"  
  
"I- uh. Christ, so I have a friend. Not one 'round here, not an actor either. A friend from Britain, you know?"  
  
"And what's with that friend?"  
  
"See, sometimes his job takes him overseas. So he went fer this job, and he meets a g- girl. I mean, _man_."  [Coughs] "He's real sweet ta me friend, and he really likes him. But neither of 'em are staying long in that place but me friend's gone all fool in his head and fell fer that other man. Jesus, let's call me  friend A, yeah, and that other guy B. So uh, A's going ta leave soon, and they both know that, and B's starting ta- avoid him. You reckon- you reckon me- friend's being played a fool?"  
  
[Pause. Tea being swallowed] "Your friend A, does he want this to last, even when he's back home?"  
  
"Uh." [Shuffling, porcelain scraping as it's lifted, then put back down] "Yeah. I think he does."  
  
"How long have they been seeing each other?"  
  
"Seven, eight months or so. Less than a year."  
  
[Chuckles]  "It's quite some time, I'd say. And how have they been getting along during these months? Do they think of what they have in terms of a relationship?"  
  
[Sound of hand dragging through hair] "Christ, Ian, you don't hold back on the hard questions, do you?" [Nervous chuckle] "Heard him - A, I mean - they have a pretty good relationship. Solid. Few rocks here and there, but what relationship doesn't have such  things?"  
  
"They all have. And the good ones find a way to navigate around those rocks. That's how I see it. But back to your  friend- you said the man he's in love with is- avoiding him, those were your words, if I recall correctly. In which way is he avoiding your friend?"  
  
"Like-" [Sound of tea being gulped down. Then, hurriedly:]  "Like he's trying to find a way to let me friend down easily before he dumps him, that kind of avoiding."  
  
"Hm." [Tea being poured] "More tea?-- There you go." [Pause] "Is this B- is he being more reserved than usually? Or why does your friend think that he is avoiding him? This really is not an easy question if one does not know the people in question."  
  
[Nervous laugh] "I can't help with that. Uh... V- B  ain't talking about A leaving, you know? Nothing 'bout what they're  oing ta do afterwards. He ain't inviting A ta stay over at his place. Lots of little things, really."  
  
"And your friend A- he doesn't know what to do or to say or how to approach this topic and turned to you four advice?"  
  
"Aye, and I ain't know a thing 'bout relationships 'tween men - or, really, between a man and a woman - so I'm asking you."  
  
[Soft chuckle] "Now, I think we both know that that's not true, Sean. You know a great deal about relationships. But anyway, did you ask your friend A what is keeping him from asking B about why he is pulling back? Or from approaching the topic of leaving himself?"  
  
[Softly:] "Fear, I s'pose."  
  
"Yes, that would make sense to me. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of being told that B thinks differently about their relationship. Fear of unrequited  love."  
  
[Nervous laugh] "You sure you ain't a real wizard, Ian?"  
  
[Laughter]  "Yes, I am very sure about that." [Chuckle] "It's all experience, really." [Pause] "I have been where your friend is now, and this feeling, this insecurity- it's terrible. You don't know what to say, you don't know where to look and where to set your foot because you want to let sleeping dogs lie. But at the same time, you need this reassurance, you want to ask them, to hear them say that they of course want to be with you, you want them to tell you that it's nothing, just the inevitable separation looming over the two of you." [Pause] "And that's just what it might be, Sean. You said they have not been talking about A  leaving, didn't you? And your friend is afraid of what will happen when he asks B about it. But maybe B is afraid of the same thing?"  
  
"Or he's just trying ta let me down easy."  
  
[Pause]  "Maybe. But, Sean- you've just told me about a couple that seems to get along well and that has been together for almost a year. Your friend seems to be in love and after all these months, I'd say it's quite safe  to assume that this B feels the same way about him. They have after all been together that long. And now their ways are parting and they are suddenly forced to make a decision. It's never easy to think about being separated from someone you love and it can be easier to push that  thought away. Because it's too painful. [Pause] "But you know, if A was my friend, I'd advise him to talk to B and tell him all these things he has told you."  
  
"Why's it safe to assume that B-" [Clink] "That B feels the same way? A year's long enough fer a casual fuck, anyhow."  
  
"Well, maybe that's just my old fashioned take on relationships. I'd assume that if you spend the better part of a year together you'd have feelings for each other. And you said they were in a proper relationship, didn't you? But of course, only your friend A can answer that question. But I  think that when he looks back on all of these months he knows if it's only about- "casual fucking", were those your words?"  
  
"No, it doesn't." [Sigh] "Don't mean it's love either. It's just-" [Shuddering breath] "I don't want ta give him false hope either, you know?"  
  
"But what is false hope, Sean? To me that would imply actively lying about  feelings that aren't there. And I don't think that's the problem here. It doesn't seem to be about not wanting but about _wanting_. And really wanting someone can be scary. And you know, I think nobody can promise forever. It's this ideal that somehow still is in our heads, that we always need to be sure about our feelings. And that is impossible. These things take time. And maybe it's not about promising  someone forever and a day but just telling them that you don't want to lose them. Sometimes it can be enough to know what you don't want- that  you don't want to be _without_ them."  
  
"I should start paying you ta be me therapist." [Chuckles. Sigh] "You know I'm talking 'bout me and Vig, aye?"  
  
[Quietly]: "I do. And I feel honoured that you chose to trust me with this."  
  
"As long as I'm not bothering you." [Sigh] "I've had three failed marriages, Ian. Don't think I can take another disappointment."  
  
"Let me tell you about something I have noticed- Viggo's voice changes when he talks about you. And when he talks to you on the phone. You know-  these subconscious little changes that make it easy to for you to tell  that someone is talking to someone important." [Pause] "Now, of course I can't look into Viggo's head but I am sure that he cares about you, much more than you dare to believe maybe."  
  
[Shaky, shaky exhale] "Christ. You sure yer not seeing just what you want ta see?"  
  
[Chuckle] "What _I_ want  to see, Sean? I surely wish the two of you well, but why would I want  to see something that is not there? But you tell me, did Viggo give you  any reason to doubt that he wants to be with you? Before you felt that he was a little reserved? Or is this insecurity your fear speaking?"  
  
"I don't trust me eyes anymore, if I'm honest 'bout it."  
  
"You are scared to lose him. But after working with Viggo this week my best guess that it's the very same thing that keeps him from sleeping and eating."  
  
"He ain't eating?!"  
  
"Well, if you remind him three times during lunch that he has to, he does."  
  
"That stupid bastard--" [Irritated sigh] "You mind if I go now, Ian?"  
  
"You go whenever you like. Same goes for coming back."  
  
[Footsteps] "Ian-" [Footsteps stopping] "Thanks. Really, thanks. I owe you dinner, and a drink."  
  
"You're welcome. And you don't owe me anything. And Sean? Good luck."  
  
  
  
 _tbc..._  
  



	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl and Viggo chat. Sean is conspicuously missing at first, but makes an appearance in a phone call. Still a dialogue-only fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

 

**New Zealand, Karl's place, kitchen, 30-06-2000, 1:22 pm**

  
  
"You going ta eat that, Vig?"  
  
"Hm?--- Nah. You can take it." [Plate pushed over wood]  
  
"You know." [Sounds of cutlery being set down] "I invited you over because I want to make sure you're eating. Letting me clean out your plate isn't doing that very well."  
  
[Pause. Sigh] "I didn't think it was _that_ obvious."  
  
[Teasing:] "I've been counting your peas to see if you've eaten any of them."  
  
"I have!"  
  
"Not in the past ten minutes or so!"  
  
"Damn, Karl, I'm sorry." [Sigh. Skin rubbing over skin] "There's nothing wrong with your food though. I'm just- not that hungry."  
  
"Hey, don't worry about it. It's obvious you have something on your mind. Or someone."  
  
[Mirthless little chuckle] "Yeah."  
  
"Tell me about it?"  
  
[Pause] "It's Sean, he-" [Pause. Deep sigh] "He's leaving next weekend."  
  
"So why aren't you at home with him having rampant monkey sex for the whole of next week?"  
  
"That's a brilliant question."  
  
"Not a rhetorical one either."  
  
"The thing is- the thing is, we haven't really been talking about it. About him leaving."  
  
"... Why?"  
  
"I wish I knew."  
  
"Ask him?"  
  
"Ask him why we haven't been talking about it?"  
  
"Yup. The direct method, as it is."  
  
"Mh." [Pause] "It just- it feels as if I can't, talk about it. Not without freaking out. I'm just- I'm so scared of what being separated will do to us."  
  
"Mm, I can understand that. But it'll be worse if you don't talk to him about it first, you know."  
  
"I don't know. Maybe I should just- find a way to deal with it myself. Sean- he's not- for him it's difficult if I'm worried about things in the future."  
  
"Oh, come _on_ , that's the stupidest idea I've ever heard."  
  
"And what if he tells me that this is how far we're ever going to get?"  
  
[Snorts] "Oh, I doubt that."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I can't say I know Sean very well, and that's entirely because of his habit to get all growly at me over you. Someone who gets that jealous isn't going to let you go easily, Vig."  
  
"It's not as easy as  that, I'm afraid." [Sighs] "And I'm really sorry that he is acting like that around you, I actually think you two would like each other." [Pause] "But I can understand him, too. I mean, I've never told him, but I think he still somehow sensed that something was different between us, after that night-"  
  
"What night? No night exists, remember?"  
  
[Small chuckle] "Yeah. _The night that doesn't exist._ " [Pause] "Did you ever tell her?"  
  
"No! That'd be stupid, Vig."  
  
"I know. It didn't matter, not in that way, anyway. No offense, you know what I mean. But I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't have told him exactly that, back then."  
  
"You think he'd believe it?"  
  
"I don't know. If I really thought he would I guess I would have told him already. But I can't help but feel that he's right, somehow, he definitely has chosen the right person to growl at. The only problem is that there is no need for him to try and defend his territory because I already have taken care of that."  
  
"There isn't anything rational about it, I think. The way I see it, this is just how he thinks."  
  
"Feelings never are rational, hm? If I would be able to deal with this rationally, you wouldn't have to count my peas."  
  
[Chuckles] "Believe me, counting peas isn't fun. But hey, friends, right?" [Pause] "So are you going to talk to Sean?"  
  
"Thanks, Karl, I really appreciate it." [Pause] "I know I _have_ to talk to him, I just don't know how."  
  
"How  about... 'Hey, Sean, I know you're leaving next weekend, and I'm getting nervous about it, so how about you screw me into the mattress now and we can figure something out midway?'"  
  
"I know I'm being an idiot about this, believe me but I- our children live on two different continents, Karl. How are we even supposed to make this work?"  
  
"I can't findsoluti ons for you, Vig. That's for the two of you to talk it out over, right?"  
  
"Yeah, I know. I'm just so scared that it's the same for him, that he's scared, too, and that- I don't know, that he might want to end this now, before it starts hurting and I- I know there are way too many 'I'm scared' in there, and too many 'what ifs', but I don't seem to be able to get past this. Hell, I can't even look at him properly anymore."  
  
"Believe me, Vig, that's how it starts, and it'll end with a self-fulfilled prophecy. You know that well enough, right? You get scared, you pull away from each other, and in the end you convince yourselves that it's better to be apart. Then poof, end of relationship."  
  
"No, that's- [Pause] "That's not at all what I want. I _want_ to be with him."  
  
[Exasperated:] "Then call him and tell him what you feel."  
  
"But he hasn't tried to talk to me about this either!"  
  
"You know Sean better than I do. Who's the one more likely to start a conversation, in this situation?"  
  
[Pause] "Damn it." [Sigh] "Can I use your phone for a moment?"  
  
[Rustle] "Go for it. I'll be in the next room, yeah?"  
  
"Thanks, Karl. You're brilliant." [Scraping of furniture]  
  
"Don't worry about it."  
  
[Dial tone]  
  
 "... Hello?"  
  
[Softly]: "Sean- hej."  
  
"...Viggo?"  
  
"Yeah." [Shaky exhale] "How- how's your day?"  
  
"Never mind that. Have you eaten at all today?"  
  
[Pause] "How did you-" [Sighs] "Karl invited me over for lunch to make sure I ate."  
  
"Was talking ta Ian and he told me you haven't been eating or sleeping. Are you alrigh', Vig?"  
  
"I- damn." [Sighs] "No, I think I'm not alright. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" [Pause] "Can we see each other tonight?"  
  
[Softly]: "Hey, don't get your head all twisted 'round. Don't apologise until I figure out what yer doing it fer, aye?"  
  
[Shaky exhale] "Can you come to my place later?"  
  
"I haveta pack." [Shaky inhale] "Why don't you come over instead?"  
  
"I think I-" [Pause. Swallowing.] "I can't, I- please, can you come over? Come whenever you are ready." [Pause.] "Please, Sean."  
  
"I don't want ta have to hear you tell me ta leave."  
  
[Ragged breaths. Swallowing. Almost inaudibly]: "I won't."  
  
"Alright. I keep you ta your word. I'll come over at seven?"  
  
"Thanks, I-" [Pause] "No, let's take this up later. I'm looking forward to seeing you."  
  
"Mm. See you, Vig."  
  
"Yeah." [Softly]: "See you."  
  
[Sound of phone being hung up. Pause]  
  
"You're done?"  
  
[Deep breath] "Yeah." [Quietly]:  "I just hope I didn't screw this up by being distant and weird. He sounded so- I don't know-- Shit."  
  
"You want to talk about it? Or should I shoo you off to him?"  
  
[Weary chuckle] "You've already been through enough incoherent, twisted thoughts for one day maybe, hm?"  
  
"Shooing off it is then." [Soft laugh]  
  
"You're right, this is something I can only solve by talking to Sean."  [Pause] "Thank you. I get the feeling I should have talked to you a week ago and let you straighten out my thoughts."  
  
"I'm not straightening out your thoughts, Vig." [Quiet laugh] "More of stopping you from spiraling down into tangents."  
  
"And  from drowning in something that's probably just a storm in a  teacup.  At least that's what I hope." [Pause. Quietly]: "I really  haven't been  that much in love for ages."  
  
"Now you're going to make me all jealous."  
  
[Chuckle]  "Is this is my cue to remind you that you are not waking up alone in the morning either? And from an outside position the two of you seem to be doing really well."  
  
"Oh, we are, but sometimes I miss the rush of being madly with love with someone and it's still somewhat new."  
  
"I know what you mean. But right now a little more reliable stability would be nice, I think."  
  
"You'll get there in a while, and you'll be moaning to me about how boring your relationship is."  
  
[Laughs]  "If I'm sure about one thing, then it's that things won't get boring  with Sean, at least not for another couple of years, if ever."  
  
"I'll take your word for it." [Chuckles] "Come on, go home, Vig."  
  
"Back to work, rather. We don't all work half days only, you know, like certain people in Rohan..."  
  
"What can I say? I have the best King."  
  
[Chuckles] "Don't pee onto Gondor's territory, that's all I'm saying. See you, okay? And thanks, the peas were delicious."  
  
  
  
 _tbc_


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean is leaving soon. Neither of them is taking it well. In a good way. Still dialogue-only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

**New Zealand, Viggo's place, 30-06-2000, 8:22 pm**

"... Hey."

"Hej--- come on in?"

[Shuffling footsteps] "Vig, uh- did you eat dinner?"

"No, I- um." [Pause. Hesitanty]: "Actually, I waited for you. I cooked."

"... Is it safe to eat?" [Nervous chuckle]

"Why? You think I've lost my touch with the spices?"

"Nah. I'm just ragging at you."

[Chuckle] "Are you hungry and do you _dare_ to eat something? You can always help yourself to a sandwich otherwise---?"

"I'm starving and you should feed me 'fore I start chewing on yer arm." [Pause] "Uh--"

"Hm?"

"Nothing, nothing. So what did you make?"

[Pause. Shyly]: "Nothing special, really. Spaghetti alla carbonara. I only got home an hour ago."

"I'm surprised you had the energy to cook. Me, I'd just order room service. Probably that's why I'm staying in a hotel, eh?"

"I wanted to-" [Pause] "I don't know." [Quietly]: "I just thought it would be nice to eat together. And making spaghetti doesn't really require much energy, does it? Come on, grab a plate?"

"Alright." [Clinking of cutlery and plates] "At least yer eating, eh?"

"Hm." [Pot lid being removed] "Why would Ian tell you that I'm not eating properly?"

[Chuckles] "The old man has sharp eyes and he's nosy."

"I'd say he's meddling. More sauce?"

"I'm good. Have ta watch me figure, you know, now I don't get ta run 'round everyday and swing a sword."

[Snort] "Don't be silly, there's nothing wrong with your figure." [Clinking of cutlery] "Can you bring the wine bottle?"

[Pause] "Sure."

[Footsteps. Porcelain on wood. Wood scraping over wood. Softly]: "I'm glad you came."

"Someone has ta made sure you don't kill yerself with overwork."

[Sigh] "Yeah." [Pause] "Thanks."

"You want ta tell me what I'm really here fer?"

[Long pause. Deep breath] "I think we should talk about how we-" [Swallows. Hoarsely]: "About you leaving."

"Aye." [Metal on wood] "You want ta- quit this?"

[Clatter of cutlery hitting the floor] "God, Sean--" [With emphasis]:  "No! Not  at all! I don't want to quit this." [Pause. More quietly]: "I really  don't."

[Softly]: "Then why won't you talk ta me? Why won't you _look_ at me?"

"Shit-" [Skin rubbing over skin] "I'm so sorry, I- I didn't mean to-" [Pause. Shaky exhale] "Because I don't know- how to _do_ this. How to let you leave, I-- Damn. I'm sorry, I-"

"Vig."

[Unsteady breaths] "Sorry, I- I didn't mean to-" [Muffled sob]

[Footsteps] "Stop apologising, oy." [Skin in hair] "C'mon, Vig. Dry yer eyes."

"Mmh." [Silence. Deep breaths] "I just- I should have told you so much earlier. I'm sorry."

"You haven't told me anything, Vig."

"No." [Pause. Very softly: "I'm just- I 'm scared, Sean. I'm so damn scared I'll lose you."

"You ain't going ta lose me, Vig. Unless you want ta." [Nervous laugh] "C'mere. Let me hold you."

[Shuffle. Shift. Muffled]: "Why on earth would I want that?"

"You were avoiding me."

"Because I didn't know what to do about this-- panic, I guess. About all these feelings-" [Sigh]  "I'm so sorry." [Pause] "Did you really think that I didn't- that I wanted to call it quits?"

"Aye."

"Damn, Sean. I never meant to- that never even crossed my mind." [Pause] "Why didn't you ask me?"

"Seems pretty clear ta me what's happening." [Bitter laugh] "Whenever I ask, I don't get answers, but divorce papers."

[Quietly]: "We won't be needing those, I hope."

[Footsteps, skin on skin] "Tell me, Vig. This a fling ta you?"

"No. This isn't anywhere near a fling." [Pause. Softly]:  "I haven't been as serious about anything for years."

[Soft thud, hand in hair] "Jesus, Vig." [Quiet, shaky laugh] "Think I'm falling fer you."

[Shaky breath. Lips meeting lips]

"Vig." [Muffled:] _"Vig_."

[Breathless] "Yeah?"

"You've scared years off me hair."

[Skin sliding through hair. Soft kiss] "Sorry."

"Yer the one who keeps telling me ta talk ta you." [Chuckles] "And now you ain't talking."

"I know." [Sigh] "The thing is- whenever I try to work out the practical details of this- I just- come up blank. Your daughters live in London and Henry--- how are we supposed to do this?"

"You think too much. One step at a time, yeah?"

"I'm not sure I know how to do this. How am I supposed not to worry about this?"

"One thing I know 'bout relationships, Vig. The more you try to plan fer it, the more likely it is ta fail."

[Deep breath] "But I- " [Quietly]: "I need to know when I will be seeing you again. I cannot not know that."

"I've gone and signed meself up ta plenty of things." [Short, sheepish chuckle] "Can't live without work. But we'll find a way, aye?"

"Well, you couldn't know that I would suddenly be there, asking for a piece of your time." [Sigh] "And it's not about not working, I can't do  that either. But I- I really am not good at- long distance relationships."

"We ain't got much choice, luv, with the jobs we do." [Sigh]

"I know." [Pause.] "I know we don't. But this is what's making me so- I don't know. Desperate, probably. I meet someone- you- who suddenly means so much and there are all these feelings and then there is no other way then to kick them into a corner and make them shut the fuck up until our schedules grant us a moment together." [Deep breath] "I   fucking hate  this."

"Hey, hey." [Soft kiss] "I ain't going ta  forget you just  because we're apart, you hear me. We have phones, and letters, and I know nothing can take the place of having you here in me arms, but I won't let you forget  me."

"Mmh." [Skin sliding against skin. Muffled]: "I just- really don't want you to leave."

"I don't want ta either." [Sigh, then, very quietly:] "You want me ta tell you what I'm damned afraid of?"

[Soft kiss] "Of course."

[Whispered]: "I'm afraid you'd change yer mind. I'm scared that once I leave, you'll realise I'm not such a good person, and I'm not worth the trouble." [Bitter laugh] "I ain't got much optimism left in me."

[Softly]: "I'm not going to change my mind." [Pause. Shaky inhale] "I love you, Sean."

[Long pause, shuddering breath] " _Christ._ "

[Holding his breath]

"I ain't going ta say it, Vig." [Sigh] "I- words just ain't enough. Been used too many times. What you mean ta me- I feel it more in me hands, in  the way I've-" [Sound of lips being licked] "The way I've gotten used ta how you feel in me arms."

"I don't need you to say it. I just need you to know how I feel about you."

[Shaky laugh] "It's good. It's good- ta know I'm not alone in feeling this."

"You're not. I'm feeling the same."

"Good." [Soft thud, forehead meeting forehead] "Good."

[Chuckle] "Yes, definitely." [Pause] "Can I ask you something?"

"Mm? G'on."

"These days of me being weird and distant- did they really make you think that you weren't important to me?"

"I thought you were trying ta tell me politely that it's over. Just an on-set thing."

"And these last months? Didn't I make you feel wanted? It's not a  reproach, Sean, not at all- I just thought- this has been so much more  than just sex for such a long time- I thought you _knew_ that."

"I can't know what you think, Vig, and I can't be sure 'bout anything."

"But I've told you many times how important you are to me. Didn't you believe me?"

"Vig, I don't trust words." [Shaky breath] "I've had plenty of 'em. I ain't saying yer lying, but I've had too many words and fucking _vows_ fail me that I can't trust 'em anymore."

"But you realize I can't really stuff actions into an envelope and mail them  to you, do you?" [Pause] "I'm not making fun of you, but what can I do to make you trust me?"

[Deep breath] "Draw fer me. Tell me you think 'bout me."

[Kiss] "Of course I will. But will that be enough for you?"

"It'll have ta be, Vig." [Softly] "I'm more worried 'bout being enough fer you."

"Well, I'm of course going to expect a reply to my letters." [Soft kiss]

[Kiss] "I'll try me best, I promise."

[Long kiss. Softly]: "And- can I call you when I lie awake at night and miss your cold feet?"

" _Only_ me cold feet?"

[Chuckle] "No. And your snoring."

"You keep going like that and I'll start thinking you'd sleep better without me there."

[Chuckle] "I like the way you snore." [Kiss] "And the way you wrap around me when I move closer at night and pull me against your chest, but never before making this sound- somewhere between annoyed and fond."

[Soft laugh] "Yer starting ta make me blush. And feel creeped out."

"And I like the hair on your toes." [Laughter] "Come on, isn't there any weird stuff you like about me?"

"I'd be here all day!" [Laughter] "Every bit of you is weird in some way, Vig."

[Snort] "I guess you are right. But what's the weirdest bit you like the most?"

"Yer chin." [Skin on stubble] "Yer mouth. Yer scar."

"Mh." [Softly]: "Continue."

"The way you suddenly know, like some kind of psychic, when I need cheering up and so you'd rugbytackle me in the middle of the set." [Chuckles]

[Laughter] "Well, I couldn't do _this_ ,then-" [Soft kissing sounds]

"Mm!"

"Do you-" [Kiss] "-want to-" [Kiss] "- come upstairs with me?"

"Nn-- how do I resist-" [Burst of laughter] "--an invitation like that?"

[Chuckle] "You don't!"

[Exhale] "Aye, there's that. C'mon then."

**New Zealand, Viggo's place, bedroom, 30-06-2000, 9:45 pm**

 [Kiss. Softly]: "You alright, Sean?"

[Panting] "That should- nn- be me question." [Shaky laugh]

"Mm. It's been a while." [Kiss] "I'm fine."

"I suggest we get real acquainted again in the next couple of days." [Laughter] "So we don't forget, aye?"

[Sigh] "If I could, I'd lock myself into this room with you during the next days."

[Chuckling] "Aye, that'd be good." [Deep inhale] "God. I'll miss how you smell."

"Wig glue, sex and sweat?"

"Don't forget dirt and grass."

[Chuckle] "And orc blood." [Softly]: "I like the way you smell, too. It was one of the first things I noticed actually. You remember, that one time, when we got into the rain on the way to your place and I got to borrow your sweater? When I put that on, I-"

"Mm?"

[Soft laugh] "Nah, it's going to sound unbearably corny."

"You made me talk 'bout the prettiness of yer chin. C'mon, Vig."

"It made me feel secure."

"That's what you've been feeling? Insecure?"

"I was in the beginning. All of you had already been here for some weeks.  But then you invited me over. And gave me that sweater."

[Soft chuckle. Kiss] "And you've got everyone in the cast wrapped 'round yer little finger now."

"I just like talking to people. And they seem to be appreciating that."

"I'd call that winning people over."

"Well, I seem to have won over you, hm? That's all I care about right now."

"Aye, that you have." [Skin through hair] "Only a good thing if it's reciprocated, eh?"

"Yeah. I'm too old to give away my heart to someone who doesn't want it."

"Must be yer heart beating right here, then." [Rustle] "'Cause I know that's mine beating there, in your chest."

"And you say you are bad with words." [Kiss] "That's a lie."

[Nervous chuckle] "You think so?"

"Of course I do. There are no right or wrong words here, Sean. What matters to me is that they are yours."

[Thump] "You keep sweet-talking me like this and I'm going ta hit you again."

"Ouch. It was actually meant as a compliment, you know?" [Teasingly]: "Also, I'm pretty sure that you started this."

[Laughter] "Nah. It's always yer fault if things get too sappy."

" _I_ was talking about clothes, actually. Sweaters. Not romantic at all. And then you started all this I got people wrapped around my little  finger. It's completely your fault." [Kiss]

"Yer talking 'bout smelling me clothes."

[Chuckle] "And that's maybe creepy, but romantic? It's good that you already know me that well, or you'd be freaked out."

[Chuckles] "Who says I'm not?"

"Well, you are still here, aren't you?" [Softly]: "But let me say something nice once now, after I have barely been talking to you during the last week."

"I'm listenin'."

"These past months, here, with you- I have not been as happy as I am with you in a very long time."

"Even when I'm an arse? Even when you felt insecure?"

"Yes." [Pause] "You seldom are an arse for longer than an hour. Of course we  are fighting sometimes, but it would be weird if we didn't. We have different ideas and different views and- I like that, even if it's not easy sometimes. And these last weeks- I'm sorry that it took me that long to figure out where the problem was and that I ended up pushing you away in the process."

"Shh." [Kiss] "Stop apologising ta me, you silly bastard."

"I feel like an idiot about this."

"You were, a little." [Chuckles] "But so was I, 'cause I was scared."

[Sigh] "Great. So we are both scared and don't manage to talk about it. Damn, I needed _Karl_ to tell me to stop being stupid and call you."

"I had Ian." [Chuckles that fade off quickly, then:] "Karl, huh?"

"Mh. We rehearsed some fighting scenes this week and he invited me over for  lunch." [Pause] "He thinks you don't like him, by the way."

[Chuckles] "Good thing Boromir don't have scenes with Eomer, huh?"

"Yeah, you'd probably start a war between Gondor and Rohan. I told him that it's nothing personal,  you just don't want him to pee on your territory. Am I right?"

[Roar of laughter] "You've got a way wi' words there, Vig!"

[Laughs] "Yeah, right. Maybe I should write a poem about that. 'Peeing on foreign territory', hm?" [Pause] "He's not trying to, you know that, don't you?"

[Chuckles] "Aye, I know that. Believin'- that's another matter." [Sigh] "Ignore me."

"You know I won't just ignore you." [Pause] "Don't you trust me or don't you trust him?"

"You'll haveta sometimes, or else you'll be sick of me." [Pause] "It ain't that."

"What is it then? Do you feel threatened by him?"

"It's fucking stupid, especially given all you just told me today." [Sigh]

"Well, emotions aren't rational. Is it just because I spend time with him or is it something he does that makes you glare at him as soon as you  get the chance?"

"He just seems better suited to you." [Deep breath] "Talks ta you better and everything."

"We've become friends. And I like talking to him. But it's not- it's not a competition. I share so many things with you that I would never want  to share with him."

"Aye." [Soft sigh]

"Is there anything I can say that would make you feel differently about him?"

"You've ever been attracted to him, Vig?"

[Silence. Quietly]: "I don't want you to freak out about this but I don't want to lie to you either."

"... That's a yes, ain't it?"

"I ask you about what I can tell you to make you feel better and end up telling you something that's going to make you feel worse." [Pause.]  "I met him when we already were together. It never mattered."

"Was it only because I met you first?"

"That's unfair, Sean. That's not at all what I meant and I think you know that."

[Sigh] "You two... you've ever done anything?"

[Pause] "I haven't been doing him behind your back, if that's what you are implying."

[Almost harshly:] "That ain't what I said."

[Long pause] "Look, I don't think I can tell you anything new with regard to Karl than what I have been telling you all along. He's a good  friend, and that's it. He has never been more than that and he definitely never has been a threat to you in any way."

"Fuck. I know, I know, but it's hard ta-" [Frustrated sound]

"To what? To believe me?"

"No!"

[Softly]: "To get over this insecurity?"

[Long pause] "Aye. Fucking stupid, I know."

"I don't think it's stupid. And somehow- somehow I even am a little- I  don't know- flattered, maybe, that you are feeling this possessive about me. Just- don't carry this too far. Try at least be civil to Karl, this doesn't have anything to do with him." [Pause] "And I am not   going to stop seeing him."

"I know yer not." [Pause. Softer:] "Honestly, if you did, I'd respect you less fer it."

"I understand that this isn't easy for you, and I'll help you to deal with it, but there's only so much I can do. And I am not going to let you take this out on Karl. Or me, beyond a certain point."

"Well, it ain't as if it's going to be much of a problem. I'm leaving soon, aren't I?"

"Isn't  that going to be an even bigger problem? If you're jealous of Karl when I'm right here next to you, aren't you going to be twice as worried  when there is an ocean between us?"

"... Aye, but there's not much I can do 'bout it right now, and I'd rather not spoil what little time I have left with you."

"I'm here with you because I _want_ to, you know, because there's no one I'd rather be with right now. And I won't stop feeling this way because you leave." [Kiss]

[Kiss] "I'll try me best ta believe in that." [Pause, shaky laugh]  "Christ, I should win a medal fer all the self-sabotage I'm doing."

[Chuckles]  "It's going to be a head-to-head race, then. Because I'm  certainly still in for that medal, too, after these past days, hm?"

"Mm." [Kiss] "Let's turn off the lights, luv."

"Mh. We can even sleep in. My call's at 1 p.m. tomorrow."

"Perfect."

"Just-" [Rustling of sheets] "-hold me." [Pause. Softly]: "I'm here, okay? I'm not going anywhere." [Soft kiss]

 

 

_tbc..._


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean, Viggo, breakfast and sex. The best things to wake up to. Still dialogue-only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

  
  


**New Zealand, Viggo's place, bedroom, 01-07-2000, 10:12 am**

  
  
[Softly]: "Sean? You awake?" [Soft kiss]  
  
"Mm. I've been." [Yawn] "You slept well?"  
  
"Yeah. You?" [Rustle]  "Why didn't you wake me?"  
  
"Seemed you needed more sleep."  
  
"I guess I did. I didn't get much sleep these past days."  
  
"You can sleep more, you know. It's only 10am."  
  
"Already?" [Sigh] "I was hoping we'd have more time."  
  
"I still have a couple of days more."  
  
"Mmh." [Sigh] "Sean, do you think- do you have any idea when we'll see each other? I won't have many days off while I'm here."  
  
"Another five months, right? Think you can hold out that long?"  
  
"Do you want an honest answer or a brave one?"  
  
"An honest one."  
  
[Softly]: "No. Right now I don't think I can."  
  
"Then I'll figure something out." [Kiss] "Even if it's ta bug the hell out of you when yer here or something."  
  
[Shaky inhale] " God, you are wonderful." [Kiss]  
  
"Nah. It's part of me plan fer you ta like me, so one day I can bring you ta London and introduce you ta me girls."  
  
"Careful there, or I'll start crying again. You'd really want that? You really want me to meet them?"  
  
"Who else better, eh?" [Softer kiss] "C'mon luv, no crying, or else I'll start thinking you'll cry every time I talk to you."  
  
[Kiss] "I'd love to meet them one day."  
  
[Teasing:] "Do I get to meet Henry too?"  
  
"Properly, you mean? Not just as one of a troop of cast mates?" [Soft kiss] "I think he'd like you."  
  
"You think so?"  
  
"I do." [Skin sliding over stubble] "What do you say, breakfast in bed? I'm starving. We never finished that pasta yesterday."  
  
"That sounds perfect. You stay here. I'll go get it."  
  
"No, no, no." [Kiss] "You stay here and I make breakfast!"  
  
[Laughter] "I'll fight you fer it."  
  
[Chuckle] "You will have to." [Shift. Wrestling sounds]  
  
Oof!" [More laughter. Rustle. Thump] "Stay down, you!"  
  
"I won't!" [Laughter] "Try and make me."  
  
"Oh aye? Hmmmm..."  
  
[Helpless laughter] "Nooo- no- no-" [Shift] "Stop- don't!" [Rustle]  
  
[Thumpthumpthump] "Say you'll stay in bed!"  
  
"No- I won't- I- no-no-" [Giggling] "Ooof- get off- me- or I'll-" [Shift. Rustle. Swooosh]  
  
"Oof!" [THUMP] "Stay down, you!"  
  
[Chuckle. Deep breath] "Mmh- kiss me?"  
  
"Al'ight." [Kiss]  
  
[Wriggle. Shift] "Ngh-" [THUD] "There!" [Footsteps. Chuckle] "Stay here, I'll be right back."  
  
"Hey- oy- HEY!" [Thumpthump] "You cheated, you bastard!" [Laughing]  
  
"So I did." [Laughter] "But the end justifies the means. Tea or coffee? Or both?"  
  
"Can I have you instead?" [Laugh] "I'm British, mate. Give me tea."  
  
"Only if you promise to stay in bed and keep the sheets warm until I come back. Give me ten minutes. We need to eat something first."  
  
"Aye, aye, sir!"  
  
[Shouts] "There should be some books under the bed, find something to keep yourself entertained."  
  
[Shouting back] "I can think of better ways ta keep meself entertained!"  
  
[Shouts] "Well, if you can get it up again in ten minutes I won't object. Cheese or jam? Or the stuff you call the "weird sesame crap"?"  
  
[Shouting] "Jam, damnit! And I'm already hard 'cause it's morning!"  
  
[Laughter. Shouts]: "Just don't do anything you'll regret in a moment."  
  
[Shouts] "Then you better get up here and tell me!"  
  
[Footsteps. Bed springs creaking. Skin on skin. Kiss] "Well, you could  think about what we are going to do once we are done with breakfast." [Kiss. Low voice]: "It's my turn today, you know."  
  
"That so?" [Chuckles] "Let's eat faster, then."  
  
[Chuckles] "Patience." [Kiss] "I need to go check on the eggs."  
  
"I can't smell anything burning." [Thump] "So yer staying here."  
  
"Mh-  no- I-" [Chuckles] "I can tell you certainly are interested in- skipping breakfast and going straight to the next item on the agenda." [Shift] "But you are always complaining that I'm ruining the eggs. I'll be back in a moment."  
  
"Alright, alright. G'on." [Smack of skin on skin] "I'll be waiting."  
  
"Hey! Touch it- buy it!"  
  
[Laughter] "I didn't realise yer for sale!"  
  
[Laughter] "Well, try and make an offer that I can't resist---?" [Footsteps. Shouts]: "I'm listening!"  
  
[Shouting back]: "I can't be sexy when shouting!"  
  
[Shouts]: "'Course you can. I know I can!" [Even louder]: "Or aren't you massively turned on by my voice right now?"  
  
[Shouting:] "I can't hear me cock getting hard over the sound of me eardrums bursting!"  
  
[Pause. Shouts]: "Sean, love, there is no sound for a cock getting hard. What would that be?"  
  
[Loud, raucous laughter] "Some kinda 'swoosh', maybe?"  
  
[Footsteps. Porcelain clinking. Chuckle] "Yeah, you swoosh, I can imagine that. Scoot over and take the tray?"  
  
"Might be a nice sound effect for a comic book or summat." [Clink, clink. Soft thud] "Oof, that's a huge spread, Vig."  
  
"I just put everything on there that I found in the fridge. And we skipped dinner, basically. Wait- let me-" [Shift] "Is the tray stable??"  
  
"Think so." [Gentle clinking] "Oh, tea!" [Sip, contented sigh]  
  
[Muffled by food]: "Good? Still hot?"  
  
"Aye." [Pause, chuckle] "You've got jam on yer lip- here."  
  
[Chuckles]  "With your fingers? Really? Are you afraid I'llget grumpy if I don't eat?" [Crunching of toasted bread] "You are always allowed to lick jam off me, you know."  
  
"But then I won't be eating anymore and I'd break all these nice cups." [Chuckles, sound of butter over bread, crunching sounds]  
  
"True." [Sip] "And we actually have plenty of time. We'll both manage breakfast and sex." [Egg shell being cracked open]  
  
"You make that sound like it's an achievement." [More crunching]  
  
"Is it not? If I had to choose you'd win, obviously, but how long would I be able to do that before dropping dead of exhaustion?"  
  
"So you suggest we should have food breaks during our sex marathon?" [Laughs]  
  
"Definitely. More food, more sex. And the other way round." [Crunching]  
  
"Sounds like a plan." [Kiss]  
  
"Mh." [Pause with just crunching sounds. Shift] "You done?" [Kiss] "With breakfast?"  
  
"Aye, that I am." [Shift, clinking of porcelain. Thud of tray being set down] "C'mere."  
  
[Skin rubbing over cloth] "There are crumbs everywhere now."  
  
"You own a vacuum cleaner, aye?"  
  
"I'm not worried about the floor, I'm worried about your delicate ass."  
  
[Laughing] "My delicate ass can deal with some crumbs."  
  
[Chuckle] "Yeah?" [Shift. Rustle. Thud!] "And now? No crumbs poking your backside?"  
  
"Ooof--" [Chuckles] "Nah, can't feel a thing. 'Cept maybe yer heavy arse on me legs."  
  
"Do I hear complaints?" [Kiss. Low voice] "You'd rather have me vacuum the room now? Or are you going to reconsider?"  
  
"I'm just wondering how yer going ta fuck me while sitting on me." [Chuckles] "Seems the other way 'round."  
  
"Patience, patience." [Quietly] "Who says I'm going to fuck you like this?"  [Kiss] "I won't. I'll just keep teasing you for awhile- like  this- and  this- and-" [Wet sounds]  
  
"-- Ngh!" [Shaking exhale] "That all?"  
  
"All? Of course not." [Sound kiss] "I haven't even started yet."  
  
"Can't tell from what yer doing. C'mon, Vig. Be all quick-like."  
  
"Okay then, if you are complaining- you go ahead." [Shift]  
  
"If you say so." [Laugh. THUMP, shift] "There we go. How's yer arse now?"  
  
"A little sore, maybe." [Kiss] "We weren't terribly careful yesterday."  
  
"So delicate." [Teasing] "Get me the lube, luv?"  
  
"Psh. As if you never are sore." [Shift] "What did we do with the lube yesterday?--- Check under the pillow?"  
  
"Oof, give me a bit-- there we go." [Shift, rustle. Snap of bottle opening] "Nn- you watching, Vig?"  
  
"Mmh." [Skin sliding over skin] "How could I not watch that-- what's your plan?"  
  
"Well, I don't know, maybe I should just- mm- keep doing this, since you seem too lazy to move."  
  
"What? I was about to give you one of my famous blowjobs!" [Shift] "Let me?"  
  
"Famous? And who have you been giving 'em ta?" [Laughter] "C'mere, you."  
  
[Chuckle] "I guess I should have said 'exclusive', then." [Shift] "And now kiss me already, you fucking tease!"  
  
"So demanding." [Laughs, sound of kissing]  
  
"Mmh. Much better." [Against his lips]: "More!"  
  
"Wait, give me--" [Shift, shuffle] "Nngh-" [Slide of skin on skin, shuddering exhale] "Ahhh!"  
  
[Gasps] "God, Sean- I" [Through grit teeth]: "Don't move- just don't move now--"  
  
[Harsh panting]  
  
"Christ, I-- mmh-" [Exhale] "You alright?"  
  
"Give me a moment." [Shaking breath] "Couple of minutes. Nngh."  
  
[Softly]: "All the time you need." [Skin sliding over skin] "I would have prepared you, you know."  
  
"Ahh!" [Inhale] "You were taking - a- ahh - taking way too long."  
  
"Mmh. And you were impatient. Don't forget to breathe properly. I don't want you to faint."  
  
"Will you keep fucking me if I do?" [Breathless chuckle] "Until I wake up again?"  
  
[Low voice]: "Does that thought turn you on? That I wouldn't be able to stop? And that you'd come to and I'd be fucking you?"  
  
[Gasp]  
  
"You know, sometimes, at night, when I work late and you're already asleep-  " [Shift. Rustle] "Sometimes I'm just lying there, looking at you and you're--- I just want to wake you up and fuck you then-- want you to wake up while I'm entering you---"  
  
"Ah- Vig- you-- nnngh! You should've." [Shaky laugh] "I'd- ahh- wake up before that, though. Most likely. Ah!"  
  
[Soft moan. Ragged breathing] "You wouldn't- I'd- already be so hard, then-  just- from looking at you- and I'd just- pin you down- ngh-"  [Shift. Shuffling of limbs. Heavy thud] "Like this- and enter you- with one quick stroke- ah-"  
  
"AHHH!" [Scrabbling: nails on cloth, nails on skin] "Vig, God. Oh God- nn!"  
  
[Growl] "Fuck- Sean- you're-" [Deep breath] "You're so fucking gorgeous like this- I want- mmmh-"  
  
[Panting:] "Tell me. Tell me what you- ah- ahhh- what you want. God- harder!"  
  
"I want to make you come- just- by fucking you." [Shaky breath] "Just my cock- and- my voice--"  
  
"Aaa- better fuck me harder then." [Shaky, breathy laugh] "Put yet back into it, Vig. C'mon- nngh!"  
  
[Thudthudthud of bed against wall. Labored breathing] "You won't- be able to- walk--"  
  
"So yer going- ta- AHHH- oh God, oh God, oh God Viggo- Viggo!" [Sharp gasp]  
  
[Panting. Murmured]: "Come on- come on, Sean- come on- stop fighting me- just let me- aah- let me-"  
  
[Muffled moans]  
  
[Between harsh breaths]: "Nngh-- love-- to see you-- like this-- with your eyes closed--- all sweaty--- moving- with- every one of- my thrusts--  damn, Sean-- mmmh"  
  
"Vig- I'm going ta-" [Shattered breath] "I'm going ta- God- so close!"  
  
"Just a- little longer--" [Steady thudthudthud] "Don't want- this to be over yet--- I want- to look at you-- longer--- to memorize-- to-- I want  to  see you- like this---every time I close my eyes--" [Skin slapping against skin]  
  
"You can fuck me even- even after I come." [Pantpantpantpantpant] "Can't stop it- going ta- Vig! Vig, harder! Make me- make me- ahhhhh!"  
  
"I  will- nngh-- I will-- just--"[Skin on skin] "Look at me!" [Shaky inhale] "Look at me when you come--- I want-- to see--" [Moan]  
  
"Ah- Vig- ah- ah- mm!"  
  
[Hoarsely]: "God---Sean--- you're so beautiful- like this--" [Gasps] "So fucking- perfect- so- I can't- I can't- Sean- I-"  
  
"Come fer me, Vig." [Shuddering breath] "Look at what you did ta me. Just you. Made me come wit' barely a touch ta me cock. C'mon, love. Come in me."  
  
"Mmh- yeah, I--- ngh. God, Sean- I-- ah- ah- ah- ah-" [Strangled cry]: "SEAN!"  
  
[Panting. Soft kiss] "Yer magnificent."  
  
[Ragged breathing] "Mmh- makes me sound like a rainbow- or something."  
  
[Burst of laughter] "Really? I would've thought a lion or summat."  
  
[Chuckle] "Lion is- better- than a rainbow." [Kiss] "Though of course you can shoot a lion- but not sink a rainbow."  
  
[Incredulously:] "Did you just quote Greenpeace at me fer afterglow?"  
  
"Why? Do you know any better time-" [Soft kiss] "-my fierce little lion?" [Chuckle]  
  
"Little?!" [Thump, THUD] "I'll show you little!" [Laughing]  
  
"Ooof!" [Laughs] "No, wait- don't- ahhh- huge lion- HUGE lion- huge dangerous fierce mean lion- and- mighty, of course!"  
  
[Shift. Chuckles] "Now yer making me think of Disney. In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps, tonight..." [Laughter]  
  
"Nooooo! Don't! Shush!" [Shift. Shuffle. Kiss]  
  
"Mm!" [Kiss!]  
  
"Mmh. Come here." [Shift]  
  
"Aye." [Rustle, rustle]  
  
[Sigh] "Sean-"  
  
"Vig."  
  
"I-" [Exhale] "Love you."  
  
"Shhhhh." [Hand through hair] "Yeah. I know."  
  
"Good." [Soft kiss] "Remember it."  
  
"Aye. I will. Kind of hard ta forget."  
  
[Content silence]  
  
  
  
  
 _tbc..._  
  
  
  
  
 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean's departure is looming ahead, but somehow Viggo and he keep each other cheerful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

**On set, New Zealand, 08-07-2000, 1:32 pm**

 

[Shuffling footsteps] "Hey, you have a smoke?"

 

[Sharp inhale. Pause. Chuckle] "Sean!" [Footsteps. _Thud_ of bodies hitting the ground]

 

"Ack- off- Vig- Viggo, oy!" [Laughing]

 

[Muffled laughter] "What are you doing here? I thought you needed to pack?"

 

"Finished packing. I even decided ta just dump all the things into me bags - see what you do ta me?"

 

"Seems I'm getting your clothes dirty, most of all." [Shift. Shuffling. Skin brushing over fabric] "Sorry 'bout that." [Pause] "Let's go find a quiet corner? I actually could use a smoke."

 

[Chuckles] "Alright. I really _did_ want a light, you know."

 

"Yeah." [Laughter] "But I was too glad to see you to just give you a light." [Footsteps] "Come on, over there."

 

"Aye, I could tell. The leaf on me back could tell too." [Footsteps] "Behind the trailers, huh?"

 

[Chuckle] "Of course." [Quietly]:  "I don't want to share you with the world. Not now."

 

"Mm. Kiss me?"

 

" _Aye_."[Shuffle. Soft thud] "I was thinking about you all day." [Kiss]

 

[Chuckle. Hitched breath] "Mm. You smell great."

 

[Softly]: "Maybe I'm still smelling of you a little."

 

"Aye?" [Inhale] "Maybe I should leave me cologne here wi' you, and you can wear it."

 

[Shaky breath] "Damn, Sean, I-" [Muffled against skin] "Yeah. Leave it with me. And a couple of your shirts, too."

 

"That's what you want, mm?" [Kiss] "Alrigh'."

 

"No. What I _want_ is this. You. Right here, with me."

 

"I'm here, luv. I'm here."

 

[Deep breath] "Yes. You are." [Kiss] 

 

[Quiet sigh] "You up ta sending me off tomorrow? Some of the boys might be coming over."

 

[Long pause. Hard swallowing]

 

"Vig?"

 

[Hoarsely] "Of course." [Swallows] "I'm going to be there."

 

"You have anything else today?"

 

"I think we'll be finished here soon. And then I'm free to go." [Kiss] "Why?"

 

"I'd like ta spend the rest of the day with you before we go ta the party."

 

"I'd like to spend the rest of my year with you. But I guess I'll have to settle for the afternoon."

 

"Shhh, luv. I know. I know."

 

"I was hoping this would be easier." [Sigh] "I haven't been able to form one single coherent thought today." [Pause] "I hate this- I hate how this makes me feel-- that there's nothing I can do to-" [Shaky breath]  "Shit-"

 

"C'mere." [Skin stroking over skin. Kiss] "It'll be alright, luv. I can't say more than that."

 

"It's okay. You can't make it all go away either." [Deep breath] "You still want that cig? I guess they'll send an elven bloodhound after me in a moment."

 

[Chuckles] "The elf can screw off for a bit." [Gentle stroking of skin on skin] "Yeah, I want that cig."

 

[Sound of lighter. Inhale] "Here." [Exhale] "You still got some space in your luggage?"

 

[Crackle of tobacco lighting up. Chuckles] "Not near enough fer a full-grown man."

 

[ _Thump_ ]  "Don't make fun of me when my heart is bleeding all over the place."  [Drag on cigarette] "I got something I want you to take with you."

 

"Better not be a bleeding heart, Vig. Won't get through customs."

 

"Oh, but it will. Just tell them it's art. I'll sign it and put it in a zip-lock bag so it won't get your clothes dirty."

 

[Chuckles] "Alright, what is it, really?"

 

"You'll see. It's customs safe." [Pause. Teasingly]: "I think..."

 

"... Now I'm all nervous 'bout it."

 

[Lips on skin] "Don't be. It's something nice. I'm just pulling your leg."

 

"I'll take yer word for that." [Kiss. Inhale, crackling tobacco] "You ready ta go back yet?"

 

"Mh, almost. One more minute?"

 

"As long as you like, luv. There ain't anyone else I'm here fer today."

 

[Quietly]: "Thank you." [Pause] "I will get to sleep next to you tonight, right?"

 

"Aye. Just don't drink too much, mm?"

 

"I won't. I want to remember."

 

"Keep me from drinking too much, mm?"

 

[Shift. Skin sliding through hair] "I will." [Kiss] "Drinking will not make it easier, you know. And flying with a hangover is terrible." [Chuckle] "Believe me, I learned the hard way."

 

"You should try ta tire me out before I fly. Maybe I'll get ta sleep then."

 

[Laughs] "I will do my very best." 

 

[From the other side of the trailer] "Viggo? We're ready."

 

[Sighs] "I need to go." [Quick kiss] "You want to wait for me here or at home?"

 

"I'll wait fer you here. Last chance to see you being sexy with a sword, eh?"

 

[Chuckle] "You're crazy."

 

[Voice getting closer]: "Viggo? Viiiggooo?"

 

[Loudly]: "Coming!" [Softly]: "Let's go feed you sword kink, then, shall we?"

 

[Laughter] "Yer sexy with anything in yer hand, but yer a damn genius with a sword, what can I say?" [Kiss] "Let's go."

 

 

 

**At the pub, New Zealand, 08-07-2000, 10:32 pm**

 

 

"Dom, dear boy, may I suggest that you stop downing these shots like water? If you don't stop flirting with that ponytailed stranger at the bar he'll want to move in with you."

 

[Quietly]: "Let's go home? What do you think?"

 

[Whispered]:  "Yeah. Don't think I can keep 'em from noticing I ain't drinking any longer." [Raising his voice]: "Ian, stop pawing Dom, you dirty old man."

 

[In mock indignance]: "Well, I'm just looking out for Dom here, since the two of you don't seem willing to..." [Soft chuckle]

 

"Pshh- you take this fellowship thing way too seriously-- I never get myself into trouble- or- maybe I do- but not like that." [Pause. Swallowing]  "'sides, Bill's got my back."

 

[Very softly]: "How are we going to do this? We can't just get up and leave, can we?"

 

[Whispering:] "'Course we can."

 

"Oy! I'm getting me arse back home, and I'm dragging Viggo with me 'cause he ain't escaping his Steward on this night." [Loud laughter] "Don't get too drunk and don't do anything I wouldn't do in public!"

 

"What- what's with that disclaimer--??"

 

"Oh-" [Tutting sound] "Lij, Lij, Lij, do I have to explain to you about the birds and the bees, or should we ask Sam here?"

 

"Someone shut up Dom please?!"

 

[Chuckle] "Well, good luck with that." [Glass being set down] "Have fun. I'll see you all on Monday." [Quietly]: "Let's go, then."

 

"See you guys tomorrow, if you can all get up." [Chuckles] "Or else, well, I ain't disappearing, and you have me number." [Chair scraping over floor]

 

"But- wait- you can't leave yet! We were in the middle of-"

 

"Bean, get your arse back here! Viggo, you really have been hogging enough of his time already!"

 

"Boys, let them be. I'll buy you another round, how 'bout that."  [Chuckle. Then, quietly]: "Go, already, you two, what are you waiting for?"

 

"Thanks, Ian. Come on, or I'll have to get my sword and start fighting for you." [Footsteps. Door opening]

 

[Door closing]  "We've escaped 'em. Finally." [Chuckles. Kiss] "Hey, you."

 

"Mmh." [Kiss] "Hej." [Content sigh] "I've been longing to do this all evening."

 

[Chuckles] "Can't even sneak out to the men's without 'em shouting." [Hand through hair] "Let's go home."

 

"You want to walk?"

 

"Mm." [Footsteps]

 

[Fabric sliding against fabric] "The evening was nice."

 

[Stumble, shuffling] "Yeah." [Chuckles] "And you kept me from drinking too much."

 

"I tried, at least. Dom really had set his mind on getting you drunk, mh? And everybody else." 

 

"Too bad there weren't any plants fer me ta water, eh?"

 

[Chuckle]  "But you did a  very nice job of switching your full glasses against  Billy's half empty ones, you sneaky bastard. He'll have a hell of a headache tomorrow."

 

"And be confused." [Chuckles] "I'd feel bad, but I think he can take it."

 

"A bit mean, maybe. Karl would have been the safer bet. Or Dom. But I think he would have noticed. He was playing the same game."

 

"Aye. Too bad Karl didn't come over, eh?"

 

"Why? Did you want to give him an alcohol intoxication as a parting gift?

 

"Maybe." [Chuckles] "Nice night, ain't it?"

 

"It is." [Pause] "What are you most looking forward to in London? Apart from your daughters?"

 

"Real chip shops." [Laugh] "British beer that don't burn me pocket. Good reception that shows the Blades."

 

[Chuckles] "You're unbelievable. Chips, beer and soccer? Really? The soccer I get, but chips?"

 

[Indignantly]: "Fish, not chips! With real chip shop batter."

 

[Laughs] "I have no idea what you are on about, you crazy British person. I usually miss my friends. And my horses. And my couch."

 

"Well, I've got plenty of friends here, yeah? Ain't saying you guys are like me mates back home, but I don't miss 'em much." [Stumbles]

 

"Ooof. What was that?" [Laughs. Rustling of fabric] "Did I do that bad a job in trying to keep you from drinking too much?"

 

"That's just me protesting you calling me ridiculous when you miss yer _couch_." [Chuckles]

 

"Well, I have a very nice couch. Very soft, very comfortable. And it's huge. It's called Samantha, by the way. You should meet her. And you said you miss _fish_. How is that not ridiculous? And what's with the fish I caught for you, you ungrateful bastard?"

 

"Who the hell names their couch?!" [Loud laughter] "And you caught me fish, yeah, and I kept thinking it'll taste damn better if I've got some chip shop batter ta use on it. I'm British, mate. It's important."

 

"Henry named it." [Teasingly]: "And you're not only British, you're nuts, too."

 

"Are you calling yer boyfriend 'nuts'?!"

 

[Footsteps stopping. Silence. Shaky breath. Hard kiss]

 

"Mm-!" [Clothes shifting against clothes] "Vig-" [Quick exhale] "Yer- yer fine wi' that, yeah?"

 

[Soft thud of skin against skin] "Of course I'm fine with that." [Deep breath. Quietly]: "God, Sean, of course."

 

"Good." [Shaky breath] "Christ, 'boyfriend' is a stupid-sounding word, it is."

 

[Chuckles]  "Yeah." [Soft kiss] "But I couldn't care less about how it sounds right now." [Kiss] "There's a word in Danish for this which I like a lot. _Kæreste_ "

 

"Yeah? What's it mean?"

 

" _The person I love the most_."

 

" _Kæreste_ , eh? Am I pronouncing it right?"

 

"Mmh. Sounds perfect to me." [Kiss]

 

"You liar. It ain't sound anything like how you just said it." [Muffled laugh]

 

"It sounded just like I'd expect my British kæreste to pronounce it."

 

"British Northern bastard kæreste, you mean."

 

"Pr _æcis ja, min skøre Engelske kæreste."_

 

[Chuckles] "I haven't got any idea what you just said."

 

[Laughs] "Something nice."

 

"In a language I can't speak." [Kiss] "You silly bastard."

 

"You don't have to. I'm told my English is quite good."

 

[Burst of laughter] "C'mon, let's get you home-" [Lowered voice] "So I can ravish you."

 

"Mmmh, I see..." [Kiss] "You want to race me?"

 

"That much in a hurry, huh?" [Laughs] "Alright then. Last one to reach the door bottoms."

 

[Laughter] "You mean _you_ bottom." [Fast footsteps]

 

"Nah, I'm faster than you!" [Faster footsteps]

 

[Chuckle] "For the first 100 meters, yes-- And then-- you just die."

 

"I have plenty of stamina- thank you!"

 

"Yeah? You're already panting!" [Footsteps speeding up]

 

"No, I'm not!" [Even faster footsteps]

 

"I'm going to be-- angry if you're too tired-- to move, you know!"

 

"I think you mean yerself!" [Burst of laughter]

 

[Laughter. Skin on clothes] "Wait, wait, wait, come here."

 

"No cheating, Vig." [Shift of shoes on concrete pavement. Fast breathing]

 

"No _cheating_. Just foreplay." [Wrestling sounds. Panting]

 

"Oy- hey- we're still in the middle of the street, you arse!" [Laughing]

 

"Middle of the street, middle of the night, jajaja. Stop fussing and let me kiss you properly."

 

"Aye, aye, you demanding bastard." [Chuckles]

 

"Pssh. You don't have to pretend that you don't like it!" [Kiss]

 

[Chuckles] "Vig, we're three steps from yer house. C'mon, luv, let's go in."

 

"You promise me a decent kiss as soon as we are inside?"

 

"More than just a decent kiss, even."

 

"Two decent kisses?" [Chuckle] "I'm the luckiest man in the world. Come on, then."

 

[Footsteps, door opening, closing. Kiss] "That's one. Maybe."

 

"That doesn't count as more than half a kiss. You're trying to cheat!"

 

"So what if I am?" [Chuckles]

 

[Impatient huff] "Tease."

 

"Pot, kettle, Vig." [Laugh] "C'mon, what are you going ta do ta me?"

 

"I remember vaguely that you promised to ravish me..."

 

"So yer not going ta do any work, mm?"

 

I thought I wouldn't have to, as you were so anxious to win the race..." [Kiss]

 

[Chuckles]  "Maybe I'm just screwing with yer head and in the end letting you win." [Soft kiss] "How 'bout it, Vig? Do you want me ta fuck you until you can feel me tomorrow? Or even next week?"

 

[Breath hitching] "Yes."

 

"C'mon then. Let's go up."

 

"Mmh--bed's always a good idea." [Kiss] "Unless-- you _were_ trying to let me win and would like to lose some clothes right here---" [Shuffle. Thud of body against something solid]

 

"Nn- oof." [Shift, rustle] "You keep going like that, and I'll start thinking you'd like ta fuck me instead."

 

[Low voice] "And what if I do?" [Skin brushing over fabric] "There's plenty of time to do everything we want."

 

"Yer a greedy bastard."

 

[Laughter] "Eh, and you aren't, or what?" [Kiss] "Anyway-" [Chuckle] "I'm taking your clothes off now."

 

"You should stop talking so much and move yer hands more."

 

[Teasingly]: "You think so?" [Rustle of fabric] "Lift up your arms." [More rustling. Clothes hitting the ground] "But maybe not only my hands, hm?" [Soft kisses. Two thuds of knees, creaking of floorboards]

 

"Better use all that you can ta keep up with me, mm?" [Chuckles. Sigh]

 

 

_tbc..._


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean is leaving. Viggo has difficulties with letting him leave. Dialogue-only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

**Viggo's place, New Zealand, 09-07-2000, 10:32 am**

"I hate to say this, but I think we should get ready to go." [Sigh]

"Mm, I know. C'mere, let me kiss you."

"Yes. We won't get another chance at the airport, I guess." [Shift. Lips meeting]

"Too many eyes." [Exhale] "We'll have ta get me things from me hotel room. Damn."

"There's more than enough time if we leave in ten minutes or so." [Soft kiss] "Wait here for a second. I'll get that thing that I want you to smuggle out of the country for me." [Rustle. Footsteps]

"Oh- yeah, I almost forgot." [Quiet laugh, then louder:] "Hurry up, you!"

[Calls] "Of course! I want another kiss before we get into the car." [Footsteps. _Thud_ ] "Here you go."

[Crinkling of paper] "I- Vig- wow."

[Silence. Softly]: "I hope there's still enough space left so that you can take it with you."

"There's plenty of space fer something like this." [Softly:] " _Christ_."

"Do you like it?"

"Think 'like' is an understatement, luv."

"I'm glad." [Pause. Quietly]: "You know, even if there are so many images in my heart, I  think that sometimes it's good to have printed out memories to look at."

"There's so many pictures of me." [Chuckles nervously] "Christ, Vig. When I hold this, I can just imagine you taking the pictures. Making this. I can't- there ain't anything I can do ta give you something similar."

"Shh, don't worry." [Skin sliding over skin] "This is not about receiving something in return. When I made this- it's a way to sort through memories and capture them for me, too." [Pause] "And it's always good for me to keep busy when there are things ahead of me that I'm afraid of facing-- to do something that grounds me."

[Skin sliding against hair] "Are you still afraid, now?"

"I'm terrified." [Pause] "Not because- I'm not scared that we can't do this, I think we can- it's just- I'm afraid of how it's going to feel, of how much it's going to hurt. That's what scares me."

[Soft kiss] "One day and one step at a time. That's how I'm going ta deal with it."

"That's sound advise." [Kiss] "I'll- somehow find a way to do this."

" _We_ will, aye?" [Rustle] "We have to go, luv."

"I know." [Weary chuckle] "I think there is a substantial part of me that really wants you to miss that plane." [Shift] "Let's go."

[Quietly:] "I'd miss the plane if I could." [Footsteps, door opening]

"Wait, Sean. Just- one more second." [Footsteps. Rustling of fabric against fabric. Muffled]: "Hold me for a moment."

"Mm." [Exhale] "Alright."

[Quietly] "I'm going to miss you very very much."

"So will I, luv. So will I."

"I know." [Sigh] "I know." [Soft kiss. Very quietly]: "We really _will_ see each other again, won't we?"

"Aye. I know we will."

"Okay." [Deep breath] "Let's go."

[Footsteps, door closing. Car doors being unlocked] "You want ta drive?"

[Key turning] "Not really, no." [Footsteps] "If you don't mind?"

"Wouldn't have asked if I did." [Car door opens] "Here you go."

[Chuckle] "Seems as if I scored with a true gentleman. Thanks. Give me the album, I'll hold it for you."

"Nah it's alright." [Softer:] "Don't want ta let go of it fer now."

[Shift. Rustle. Hard kiss]

[Soft chuckle] "Stop that, you. I'm going ta be late at this rate."

[Murmured] "Then you stop making me want to kiss you."

"Don't think I can manage that."

"Not very likely, no." [Soft kiss] "Get into the car, Sean. It's time."

"Alright." [Footsteps. Door opening, closing]

[Door closing. Sound of safety belt being put on] "Who promised to come to the airport?"

[Engine starting] "Orlando, Dom, Billy. Ian. Elijah. Some of the others, I ain't much sure."

"Half of the stunt team will be there, too. I heard them talking about it."

[Laughter] "Are they there fer me, or fer you?"

"I didn't know I was supposed to be leaving with you?" [Laughter] "Of course they'll be there for you, idiot."

"Well, it's pretty obvious you'll be there too, yeah?" [Laughs. Sounds of the car] "Here we go. Me hotel. Wait 'ere, alright?" [Sound of engine stopping]

"You don't need help? Did you throw half of your stuff away?"

[Chuckles]  "Nah, I just told the staff I'm going off and they helped me move me bags out of the room. They're just at the door, look."

"Okay. But I would totally make up for you holding the door open for me by single-handedly lugging your suitcases to the car. Just so you know."

[Burst of laughter] "Why, are you trying to run fer the prize of the man who sprained his shoulders most unnecessarily?"

"No, but I wouldn't want you to have to spend twelve hours in sweaty clothes. Let's just do it together. Come on." [Car door opening]

"Or we can let the porters do their jobs." [Chuckles, door opening. Footsteps]

"We are not invalids now, are we? Or do you want to toy with the spoiled movie star image?"

[Pause] "I'm thinking more that I'd rather make out with you in the car than sweat outside of it." [Chuckles] "C'mon, Vig. I don't have that many  bags."

[Laughs] "Let's just do this faster, then, and we'll get to make out plenty in the car at the airport."

"Oof. I'm already moving, old man."

"Come on, come on." [Footsteps] "Hey!" [Inhale] "That _is_ heavy. Did you pack a stone collection?"

"You just have to pick me books and sketches, don't you?" [Laughs]

"Of course. I wouldn't be much help carrying your underwear and socks, would I?" [Footsteps, dragging of suitcase]

[Mock-indignantly:]  "I don't have so many of those that I have a bag just for 'em!"  [Footsteps] "But this one's my clothes, anyhow." [Thump]

"It's probably my fault because I made you leave half of the used ones at my house." [Opening of trunk]

[Chuckles] "And I nearly forgot." [Thump, sound of zip being pulled open] "Here you go."

"What's that? More worn clothes?" [Laughs] "And your cologne. Thanks. You must  forgive me if I prefer sniffing your neck as long you are around though."

"Just don't do it in public. People might think yer a vampire."

"I might be generally odd, but I definitely am not a vampire. Last time I checked I wasn't, anyway. You got everything?"

"Just one last bag. Gimme a second." [Footsteps. Thump]

[Deep inhale. Content sigh]

[Thud. Trunk being slammed shut] "Careful there, now. Yer going ta have me be jealous of me own shirt." [Laughs]

"Well, you weren't within reach. And take a proper last look at the hotel. I won't let you sleep here when you come visit." [Rustling. Door closing]

[Door closing] "I'd rather take a good look at you. It'll a bit before I find the time to come, you know." [Rustle, shift]

[Quietly] "Yeah. I know. But just knowing that you might come makes a difference."

"Mm, I know." [Chuckles] "Maybe I should back out of a couple of projects I haven't signed the dotted line on yet."

[Shaky inhale] "You- you'd seriously consider that? Just because I'm stuck wrestling orcs until the end of my life?" [Pause. Skin sliding over skin. Quietly]: "Don't feel obliged to do something like that. Only if that's what you want. I'm going to miss you like crazy but I don't expect you to massacre your career for me. We'll find a way to see each other and I will wait for how long it might take, okay?"

"It ain't going to be a massacre. Just a role maybe, something small." [Nervous laugh]

"Thank you. I really appreciate you saying this." [Softly]: "But maybe here and now is not the best time to discuss this. We can sit down with a glass of wine each on the phone and figure out when there'll be time, okay?"

[Cough] "Alright." [Pause. Quick kiss] "C'mon, let's go before I miss me plane."

"And I draw the wrath of all the people onto me that dragged their asses out of bed on a Sunday. [Laughs] "Let's go."

[Sound of engine starting] "Do you have work tomorrow?"

"Love, I _always_ have to work. Why?"

"Trying ta figure out when I should call you after I land."

"As soon as you are somewhere private. I don't care what time it is."

"But you can't pick up if yer working. Aragorn has no cellphone, eh?"

"He does. In his underpants." [Chuckle] "Leave a message. I'll call back as soon as I got a minute."

"You sure? I don't want ta break yer concentration or anything."

"Don't worry. It's usually off then. But I'll check for a message from you when we take a break. Just call me when you get there, yeah?"

"Alright."

"Good." [Silence]

"You keep doing that and I'd starting thinking you like me shirt better than you like me." [Chuckles]

"Hm?--- Oh, I--- I guess my thoughts were straying." [Shift. Rustle] "There. Better?"

"Mm, much." [Sighs quietly] "I'll miss this. Your hands."

[Long silence, just the sounds of the car]

[Sound of car stopping, engine winding down]

"There we are, hm?" [Sigh]

"Aye. Here we are." [Sigh] "C'mere."

[Hoarsely]: "Sean, I---" [Shift. Kiss]

"Shhhhhhh. Smile for me, yeah? We're going to put on a small show for 'em."

"What are you talking about?"

[Pause] "Do you want 'em ta know? That we're together?"

"Well, it's been an open secret for some time, don't you think?"

"Think they can all keep a secret from the press?"

"Of course they can." [Pause] "What are you up to?"

[Sheepish chuckle] "Caught me, huh?"

[Kiss] "I'm getting better at reading your mind." [Pause] "Do _you_ want them to know?"

[Softly:] "I won't mind. It'd be good, I think, if I ain't going ta be here."

"But _I_ know, Sean, and I won't just forget as soon as you walk through that gate, you know. What is this about?"

"I'm a possessive bastard, that's what I am."

"I like that. Well, most of the times." [Skin sliding over skin] "Look, I don't want you to do anything you might regret later. And there's always the risk that someone tells someone else who wasn't supposed to know. Rumor travels fast."

[Sigh] "That's what I'm worried 'bout. It ain't that I'm ashamed, but-"  [Frustrated sound] "Christ, Vig. Why are we actors again?

[Chuckle] "It seemed a good idea at the time, I guess." [Quietly]: "Whether or not the others know doesn't change they way I feel about you." [Soft kiss] "Let's just- not rush this. We don't have to tell or show them today. Maybe you'd want to talk to your family first, hm?"

"Aye, I'd have ta. If only with Mel and me older girls." [Kiss. Sigh] "C'mon, we better get out of the car."

"No."

"... No?"

[Laughs]  "No, I don't want to get out of the car. If this is goodbye I want to sit here for another moment and look at you and memorize every single line on your forehead and then I want to kiss you and tell you how much I hate it that you are leaving."

[Chuckles] "Silly bugger." [Slow kiss] "I'm coming back, yeah?"

"Yeah." [More kissing] "Sean-" [Deep breath] "Just-- thank you."

"What fer?" [Breathless laugh]

[Chuckle] "For being you, for being with me, for offering to tell the world that we're in love..."

"It ain't as if I'm not getting anything out of it, you know. Silly bugger."

[Pause. Softly] "Tell me?"

[Soft thud, forehead meeting forehead] "I like you an awful lot." [Kiss]

[Chuckle. Muffled] "Same here."

"Shall we?"

"Yes." [Brief kiss. Door being opened]

 

_tbc_


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean leaves for his flight. Ian and Viggo have a chat. Still dialogue-only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

 

 

**At the airport, New Zealand, 09-07-2000, 12:18 am**

 

[Muffled:] "Vig--can't breathe."

[Muffled] "Neither can I!" [Shift. Rustling. Quietly]: "Have a good flight, alright?"

 "I will." [ _Thump_ ] "You keep safe and try not to break your toes again."

 "I'll try." [Wry chuckle] "Yeah, I'll try." [Softly]: "Take care, Sean."

 [Loud smacking kiss. Footsteps] "Don't do anything I wouldn't do, you bastards!"

 [Shaky inhale]

 "Viggo, dear boy, here you are." [Footsteps. Rustling] "I've heard there's good coffee to be found around here - shocking, isn't it, at the _airport_ \- and I'm wondering if you'd like to join me?"

 "I-" [Clears his throat] "Yes. That sounds just great, Ian."

[Soft thump, arm over shoulder] "Good! It's no fun having coffee by myself, you know."

[Quietly]: "I can't possibly tell you how much I appreciate this."

[Chortles] "It is better not to watch him walk away, I can tell you that." 

"Frankly, I don't think I could." [Swallows hard. Long pause. Footsteps. Sounds of the airport] "He told you, didn't he?"

"Well... He was pretending to be asking advice for a friend's sake, but you know how such things go."

"That sounds like Sean." [Chuckle] "You weren't terribly surprised, though?"

"I'd say I have a sixth sense about such things, but I draw a line at being _that_ cliche."

"Don't be too hard on yourself. You have sharp ears and eyes and a lot of experience, that's maybe all."

[Chuckles] "Who says I'm complaining?"

[Laughs] "I see. And for how long had you been observing us, suspecting that there might be something, hm?"

"From the first time you met each other, of course!"

[Amused]: "And then you just leaned back and waited for us to figure it out?"

"Why yes." [Chuckles]

 "That must have been quite the spectacle, then." [Door being opened] "There we are. Take a seat. What can I get you?" [Chair being moved]

"Espresso will do. Thank you, my dear."

"I'll be right back."

[Silence, tapping of nails on wood]

[Footsteps] "There you go, one espresso." [Clinking of porcelain. Sound of chair moving]

"Thank you, Viggo."

[Pause. Quietly]: "It's nice of you to come all the way out here to see him off. He was pleasantly surprised."

[Chuckles] "How could I have resisted?"

"And thanks for yesterday, for getting the hobbits off our backs." 

"The young ones just needed a little distraction. Another round did the trick."

"I can imagine that. And I really appreciate that we got to leave without a farewell concerto of hoots and whistles."

[Chortles] "I almost regret that. Sean always has a magnificent blush."

"You are preaching to the choir here." [Laughs]

"Speaking of that, Viggo..." [Clinking of metal on porcelain] "How are you, dear boy?"

[Pause] "Right now, I'm fine, thanks to this. But I'm sure I'll feel quite different when I come home to an empty house."

[Sip] "Come live with me for a few days, then."

"Are you--?" [Pause] "You really _are_ serious about this."

"Why not? A big house like mine gets lonely once in a while, you know."

"That would be great, Ian." [Tentatively]: I'm not the tidiest person in the universe, though."

[Snootily:] "Viggo, that is what _servants_ are for."

[Chuckles] "Lamentably, I had to leave all of mine in the US where they are tending to my offspring. But I could bring my family ghost."

[Loud laughter] "Only one family ghost? What a shame for a King of Men!"

"Very true. But then, you know I'm trying to become a popular king. Can't have too many servants." [Sip] "Or ghosts."

"Is that what your dear departed Steward is now? A ghost?"

[Sigh] "If only he would be-- maybe I'd prefer that, to have him here as a ghost that rattles my windows at night than several continents away."

[Soft patting of skin on skin. Sip] "There's no helping missing him, but I find that work helps with such things." 

"I know, it always does." [Pause] "And it's not that I will have much time to sit around and mope, exactly. But- it's not just a fling, it's- it's not going to be easy."

 "No, such things tend not to be." [Sip] "Come now, Viggo. Talk to me."

 "What do you want to hear me say?" [Softly]:  "That I'm so much in love that I'm afraid I won't be able to handle being separated from him?"

"Well, that bit is clear enough. But is that all that is worrying you?"

"What do you mean?"

"This can hardly be the first time you are parted from someone you love, and you have managed fine so far." [Clinking of porcelain] "So why now the worry?"

"It's never been easy. I'm exceptionally bad at not waking up next to the person I love." [Pause] "And Sean- well, you have gotten to know him quite well. He's- sometimes, he can be very reluctant to try and put things into words. To talk about feelings or problems. And-- I'm not sure if that won't be a problem when we can't be together."

"Don't you trust your relationship enough?"  

"No, that's not it. When I'm with him, I can tell what he is thinking, most of the times. And that's enough reassurance when I get trapped in my own insecurity. But I'm- not sure that I will be able to deal with that when he's not here and I can't just look at him and know- that it's fine, that we are fine."  

[Chuckles] "Viggo!"  

"I know. I know I'm trying to count the chickens before they have hatched. I know that. And still-" [Pause] "Sean and I- it's not been a walk in the park exactly. And I guess-" [Sigh] "I guess I'm simply afraid that it's too early for us to be apart." 

"He kissed you, you know. In front of everyone." 

"On the cheek, yes." [Pause]  "He offered to do much more." 

[Chortles] "Ah, do I wish for a camera right now to capture the blush on your cheeks. What did he offer to do, hmm?" 

"He offered to properly kiss me in front of everybody. So that you all know. I don't think he'd thought it through though, he was just going with an impulse."  

[Quiet sip] "I don't think you have anything to worry about." 

"I don't think that either, not really. Even if this probably would have been about sending a message to Karl to keep out of his territory."   

"No, it isn't only that, I would think."  

"No, you are right, I am being unfair. God." [Sigh] "I know these feelings are mutual. He made that very clear and he's been nothing but great these past days." [Pause] "It's me. It's my insecurity. I don't think I don't really dare to believe that this possibly could be as  good as it feels."  

"Self-sabotage is not quite a good look on you, my dear."  

[Thoughtfully]: "That's really it, right? Self-sabotage."  

"Did you only need someone to state it for you?" 

"Karl said something similar. And I-" [Pause] "I have never thought about it that way. Doesn't mean the problem is going to evaporate, but I think this actually might help." [Soft laugh] "Maybe you really are a wizard, hm?"  

"No, Viggo." [Chuckles] "Like you said, I'm an old man with much experience. Besides, I'm a Northerner." 

 "And the part of you guys that isn't monosyllabic in a very manly way is psychic?"  

"No, my dear boy, I just know how Northerners are, and the problems of trying to talk to one of us who hasn't learned the proper ways of speaking yet." 

[Chortles] "You mean I should grunt more?"  

"We aren't pigs!"

"My sincere apologies." [Chuckle] "Teach me the language of the Northerners? Maybe I'll sleep better at night then."

"It has been some time since I was fluent in it." [Sip] "But the basic grammatical structure is formed in actions, my dear. Not words."

[Pause] "Like offering to tell your friends that you're a couple and to cancel your projects so that you can come visit."

[Clinking of porcelain] "I would say that does quite well, yes."

[Softly]: "He offered to do both."

"But you didn't let him, of course."

[Pause] "I wanted to. I wanted him to do both, so very much. But it felt- selfish, I guess. I want him to be with me but it doesn't seem fair to let him upset his family and wreck his career for me."

"Forgive me, my boy, but I genuinely do not understand why you are worried."

"I'm worried that- this will fade- all of it- when we are reduced to words."

"Do you forget so easily? Does he?"

"I know I won't. But I'm scared that it won't be enough for him."

"I'd say he has made a rather large commitment here."

"He has. And I can't tell you how happy it made me to hear that. But- you know, I have never wrecked a relationship while being with someone, things always start falling apart when I am leaving or they are. I'm so tired of this. I don't- I don't want Sean to join that line."

"What are you doing to stop it, then?"

"I told him how I feel about him. About us. I told him that I don't want this to be the end but the beginning. And I told him that I'm scared to lose him."

"You will be fine, my dear boy." [Chuckles] "Sometimes a little bit of fear is good for the relationship, you know."

"A little bit of fear helps with most things in life, I think." [Pause] "Do you really think we'll be fine?"

"Yes." [ _Clink_ ] "I _also_ think that you have to stop chasing circles around your thoughts."

"You're probably right. About all of it." [Quietly]: "Thanks, Ian." [Pause] "Do you need a ride home? I have a Sean-shaped free space in my car. And I think I'd like to take you up on that offer of staying with you for a night or two if you really don't mind."

"Well, it's a good thing I decided to go for a cab when coming today, isn't it?" [Chortles] "I absolutely don't mind, Viggo, or I wouldn't have offered. I'd be delighted to have you."

 

 

_tbc..._

 

 

 

 

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viggo and Sean spend their first few days apart. Still a dialogue-only fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

  
  


**New Zealand, 09-07-2000, 3:42 pm**

[Dial tone]  
  
"Sean here. Leave a message and I'll get back ta you."  
  
"Hej. I know you're not even halfway there and can't answer your phone- it's just- I went home to pack a couple of things and- you are not here. But your coffee cup still is and I- damn--- I miss you already.--- Listen, I'm going to stay with Ian for a while, he- he actually offered to  babysit me, as if he's worried I'll go ballistic without you or something." [Chuckle] "I hope flying wasn't too bad. Talk to you soon, hm? Hej."  
  
  
  


**London, 10-07-2000, 6:17 am**

"Hej, this is Viggo. I can't answer right now but you are welcome to leave a message."  
  
"Fucking timezones. Flying was horrid. Ian did that?" [Chuckles] "I'd call him a meddling bastard if I didn't like him so much. How's filming going? I miss New Zealand already. It's so much quieter. Heathrow's a nightmare as usual, Christ." [Long pause, as if the phone has been hung up] "I miss you, you stupid bastard."  
  
  


**New Zealand, 10-07-2000, 5:42 pm**

glad you are okay!  we are filming tonight, i only have some minutes surrounded by people  now. i want to talk to you in private, call you later! enjoy coming home. love /V  
  
  


**London, 10-07-2000, 4:22 pm**

Slept almost the whole night and morning. Stayed up for the whole time I was on a plane.  Christ I hate flying. Haven't seen my girls yet. Need to become a respectable human being first.  
  
  


**New Zealand, 11-07-2000, 7:37 am**

will be home in 20. will call as soon as i'm inside the door. i have no idea what time it is in london. are you awake? don't go anywhere, almost there!  
  
  


**London, 10-07-2000, 6:41 pm**

Nearly 7pm here. Going to have dinner with the girls, fuck. Can you call me in two hours instead?  
  
  


**New Zealand, 11-07-2000, 8:27 am**

had  a toast and a shower. need to sleep now. call me when you get back? the phone is next to me. and i don't fucking care if you wake me. just call. have a good time with the girls!  
  
  
  
  


**London, 10-07-2000, 10:12 pm**

[Dial tone]  
  
[Rustling] "Mmh?"  
  
[Softly] "Hey. Did I wake you?"  
  
[Sleepily] "Mmh, yeah. But don't worry...What time is it?"  
  
"10pm on me side. It should be, uh... 11am on yers, eh? Why did you go ta sleep only in the morning?"  
  
"Peter thought it was a good idea to squeeze in an insane night shoot. I hope he got what he wanted now." [Yawn]  "Uh, I didn't know it was possible to be this tired."  
  
"Should I hang up now and let you sleep?"  
  
[Chuckle] "Don't you dare!" [Pause] "These two days seemed to last forever."  
  
"Fucking timezones." [Sigh] "Has it really been two days? It seems too long and not long enough." [Pause] "When I was on the damned plane, I kept thinking it'd be so much easier if I'd got yer voice next ta me ear."  
  
"Then I'll have to make you a tape next time."  
  
"Aye." [Softly] "How's the rest?"  
  
"It's good to stay with Ian." [Pause] "I didn't sleep much, yesterday."  
  
[Teasingly:] "Should I start calling you every night so you'd sleep properly?"  
  
"Probably." [Pause. Softly:] "I miss you, Sean. I really do."  
  
"Aye. So do I, luv." [Chuckles] "Kept talking 'bout you during dinner."  
  
[Surprised chuckle] "You did? Only about my fun side, I hope. How are your girls?"  
  
"Nah, I even talked 'bout yer dirty little secrets." [Chuckles] "Me girls are fine. Whining ta me 'bout how I didn't ship 'em over ta New Zealand, but they're fine."  
  
"Now I'm worried. I'm not sure which ones of my dirty little secrets make appropriate conversation topics during dinner with your children. If any." [Laughter]  
  
[Chuckles] "Well, the bits 'bout you walking 'round the house with only one shoe because you forgot ta take it off, or 'bout you having paint in yer hair... Might be a bad decision ta tell 'em, 'cause now Molly says yer messier than she is and she shouldn't have ta clean her room if  there's an old guy who makes more of a mess."  
  
[Laughs] "She sounds brilliant, Sean. I'm sure she'd love my approach to orderliness in rooms inhabited by children: Henry has to leave free service corridors to his bed, window  and wardrobe and whatever he chooses to do with the rest of the floor is up to him. Works amazingly well."  
  
" _Service corridors_?" [Laughter]  
  
"Practicalities, really. I don't want to step onto a Lego brick when I kiss him goodnight. But tell me more about the girls."  
  
"They're good." [Soft chuckle] "Haven't seen Evie yet, but I'll get ta see her tomorrow morning."  
  
[Softly:] "You sound the very proud father with every word, you know. I'm glad you are back with them."  
  
"I can't think of any father worth his salt who's not proud of his kid." [Pause] "When's Henry coming ta you?"  
  
"Soon. It's only three more weeks." [Pause] "About time, too. Maybe I should just stay with Ian until then."  
  
[Affectionately:] "Would the old coot mind?"  
  
[Chuckles] "I don't want to endanger his sanity, Sean. Maybe I don't come with a personal collection of Lego bricks but my stuff can be equally annoying."  
  
"Are you staying in a spare room or summat?"  
  
"In one of the spare rooms. Ian's place is huge." [Pause] "I was- am  very glad that he asked me to stay with him. Did you see him whisk me away at the airport?"  
  
"I didn't turn back." [Pause] "Couldn't."  
  
[Pause] "I couldn't stand there and watch you leave." [Exhale] "I would probably have chased after you and tackled you to the ground if Ian hadn't walked away with me to go find some coffee."  
  
[Soft laugh] "We're both pathetic little bastards, aren't we?"  
  
"One could say that. But I'd prefer to say we're in love." [Pause] "When I had coffee with Ian- he tried to get me to stop worrying that the earth might swallow you whole when you are not with me."  
  
"Shouldn't you be more afraid of the plane crashing? Or the clouds eating me 'stead of the earth?"  
  
"What can I say, I'm a down-to-earth-guy." [Pause] "How _were_ the flights? I thought you'd maybe call from Canada to get rid of some of the anxiety."  
  
"Eh, they're flights. I didn't call you 'cause I was afraid if I talk ta you I'd start crying in public or something."  
  
"And I thought I am the one who spontaneously burst into tears as soon as he gets half a decent chance." [Pause] "That bad?"  
  
[Softly:]"Aye."  [Forced chuckle] "Poor bloke sitting next ta me must've thought I was mad or summat, I kept turning and staring at 'im."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Kept expecting ta see you next ta me. Bunch of things I thought of and want ta say, then I  turn 'round and its someone else. Me brain hasn't caught up."  [Chuckles] "Silly, aye, I know."  
  
"No. I kept waking up and checking for you next to me only to come up empty."  
  
"Like I said. Pathetic bastards."  
  
[Chuckle] "Maybe you're right." [Pause] "When are you seeing Evie tomorrow?"  
  
"'Bout 11am. Why?"  
  
"I'm trying to figure out if we can both sleep for some time now and then talk again before you leave and I go to bed. But it's making my head hurt."  
  
"Go ta sleep, Vig. I'll call you again soon enough, yeah?"  
  
"Soon enough would be 41 seconds from when you hang up. Call me when you get up? When your voice is still sleepy."  
  
[Chuckles] "I won't be making much sense then, luv."  
  
"You don't have to make sense. I just want to hear your voice before I go to bed."  
  
"That I can do."  
  
"Good. I'll try to get some sleep now and then I'll go see Uraeus. I should be back here when you get up."  
  
"Get some rest, luv. You deserve it."  
  
"I don't know. It felt as if I just stood there, looking grumpy and got rained on. Not much of an achievement."  [Yawns]  
  
[Chuckles] "Goodnight, you silly bastard. Sleep well, alright?"  
  
"Yeah, you too. Talk to you soon."  
  
"Aye. Tomorrow I will."  
  
"Your tomorrow, my today."  
  
"Fucking timezones." [Chuckles] "Goodnight, luv."  
  
"Mmmh. Maybe I'll dream of you."  
  
  
  


**New Zealand, 11-07-2000, 9:57 pm**

[Dial tone]  
  
[Beeping. Rustling]  
  
[Softly] "Hej. It's me. Did I wake you?"  
  
[Yawn] "Mmmr? Vig?"  
  
"Yeah. Sorry. I thought I got the time difference right and you were awake."  
  
"Time is it?" [ _Rustle. Shift. Thud_ ] "Nah, it's alright. I've got ta be awake soon anyhow."  
  
"Did you sleep well?"  
  
"Let me get some tea and I'll answer."  
  
"Okay. But don't stop talking. I called to hear you sleepy voice, remember?"  
  
"I'd've thought you'd gotten sick of the sound of it by now." [Yawn]  
  
"I'm not sure that it's humanly possible to get sick of it. It oozes sex appeal."  
  
[Chuckle, broken by another yawn] "Silly bugger. I sound like a smoker who haven't had his addiction."  
  
"You ever think about stopping?"  
  
"Nah. Have you?"  
  
"Sure. Sometimes I'm almost there, with one or two a day, and then I stumble into the next busy phase and smoke all day without even thinking about it."  
  
"I try ta, but it seems ta stress me out even more than actually smoking, so I don't even try after a while." [Footsteps. Pause] "Did you send me something?"  
  
"Mmmh. A letter. Last week."  
  
"I'll read it after I get off the phone. I'd rather have yer voice right now."  
  
"Read it any time you want, I expected it would be in the mail much longer." [Pause] "So,you are going to see Evie today?"  
  
[Softly] "Aye. Scaring me out of me wits, the thought."  
  
"No, Sean, don't go there. She's older now, it's going to be easier than last time."  
  
"I've missed her growing up so much." [Sigh] "Christ, I ain't going ta start pitying meself. I'll get over it."  
  
"You can regret it without pitying yourself. But no philosophical nitpicking before 10am, hm?" [Softly] "Call me any time, okay?"  
  
"Mm, I will. Do you have ta go now?"  
  
"No, talking to you is the last thing I'm going to do today. I had dinner with Ian when I got back from the stables and now I'm in bed actually."  
  
"Mm?" [Sounds of water filling metal kettle] "Right. Time difference. I forgot."  
  
[Chuckle] "It's okay, I ripped you out of your dreams."  
  
"Only a couple of minutes before me alarm goes off. You have good timing."  
  
[Laughs]  "I counted the hours with my fingers so I'd get it right and wouldn't accidentally wake you with a cheerful 'good morning' at 5am or something."  
  
"On yer fingers? C'min, Vig, you aren't that bad at counting!" [Laughter]  
  
"I _did_ go into acting for a reason, you know."  
  
[Chuckles] "This the only reason?"  
  
"Nah.Because of all the horse-riding I get to do, too." [Pause] "Tell you a secret?" [Barely suppressed glee]: "I also needed three toes. It's more hours time difference than I got fingers."  
  
[Loud laughter]  "You silly bugger! You minus one from yer side, and turn day ta night and minus a day, or night ta day and keep the day."  
  
"I'm not even going to pretend that I got that. I have my toes, I'll go with that."  
  
"Alrigh', alrigh'. You keep with yer toes - you can still see 'em?"  
  
"Why? Do you think I got pot-bellied since you left?"  
  
"Nah. Wondering if you've washed yer feet lately."  
  
"That seems hardly fair. I wash them regularly. And it's not that they don't get clean when I take a shower."  
  
"No, but you stay out for an hour and yer feet get dirty again."  
  
[Dryly]: "A bit of dirt doesn't hurt."  
  
"Have you heard me complaining 'bout it?" [Pause, sound of kettle going off] "Before I shove you into the shower, that is."  
  
"You are always welcome to wash any body part of mine that seems in need of it as long as you get under the shower with me, cariño."  
  
"The only words in Spanish I know is ta ask fer the toilet, luv, and I don't think that's what yer sayin'."  
  
[Chuckles] "No, _my love_ , I'm not."  
  
"Oh good." [Chuckles]  
  
"As much as I'm into you, I'd rather pee alone."  
  
"I'm not going ta talk 'bout pee with you, Vig. Not so early in the morning."  
  
"Do I need to stick to the office hours if I want to talk about pee with you? And you started it, blame yourself. I was talking about sharing a shower. And you went all Spanish bathrooms on me."  
  
"Hey, you're the one who started speaking Spanish when you know I don't speak a word of it! What am I supposed to expect, eh?" [Chuckling]  
  
"That I am murmuring terms of endearment into your ear, of course."  [Pause]  "Well, or dirty words. I kind of see your point. But indulge me, mh?  I'm trying to find a name for you when 'Sean' simply is not enough."  
  
[Click: teeth on porcelain] "Eh? Why wouldn't me name be enough?"  
  
"I don't know, it's- maybe it's that I want to have a name for you that nobody else gets to use."  
  
"Danish probably works better." [Chuckles] "Sounds prettier too."  
  
"Don't say that, min elskede, you're not even going to be able to make out where one word ends and the other begins."  
  
[Immediately:] "That's two words."  
  
[Chuckles] "Maybe you are a natural talent." [Pause] "And if we take Kierkegaard? _Det er ingen kunst at forføre en mand, men en lykke at finde én, der er værd at forføre._ "  
  
"Is that the Danish way of saying how talented and handsome I am?"  
  
[Laughs]  "Sort of, yes. It means something like: It's not difficult to seduce a man, but you are lucky to find one who's worth seducing. Of  course Kierkegaard is not speaking about men, though."  
  
"Was he speaking 'bout women?"  
  
"He was. I shamelessly altered the words to make them fit you."  
  
[Chuckles] "Well, at least it's just the pronoun. Better than misquoting Shakespeare."  
  
"That's your field, you're the British guy. The only Shakespeare quote I know by heart is 'There's something rotten in the state of Denmark.'  And I'm not sure if I really want to identify with that man of all crazy people in the world of literature."  
  
"Nah. Hamlet's the worst person to identify with. Except maybe Ophelia, but I don't think you like rivers that much."  
  
"I like rivers alright. Just not inside my lungs."  
  
"Don't think anyone likes that."  
  
"Probably not. I'd rather share a bath with you instead any given day."  
  
"Aye, the same." [Sip] "I finally got me cuppa."  
  
[Mock exasperated sigh] "I'm talking about getting naked with you and you're talking to me about tea. Come on, seriously?"  
  
"It's damned important I've got me cuppa, Vig." [Chuckles] "But aye, it'd be good. We can find a hot springs next time and be decadent 'bout staying in the water."  
  
"Mmm. That would be nice. A private one, though."  
  
"We'll have ta go to Japan fer that. Hey, you still have that friend there?"  
  
"Yeah."  [Yawns]  "But I'm not sure that I'd want to call him and ask him if he knows a nice hot tub where I can make out with you."  
  
"Well, you can leave the bit out 'bout making out."  
  
"If he knows a nice hot tub where I can soak with my new love? Is that really more appropriate?"  
  
"Just a nice private hot springs for two people!" [Laughing]  
  
"Maybe you should do the talking. When I think about you and hot tubs my mind seems to get sidetracked."  
  
"I don't even know this guy."  
  
[Chuckles]  "This conversation is taking a strange path. We won't be able to go to Japan tomorrow, you know." [Pause] "Even though that sounds perfect."  
  
"Aye." [Quiet sigh] "I have ta go soon. Shower. Dress."  
  
"Mmmh. I know." [Quietly] "Stay here for a couple more moments, yeah?" [Yawns]  
  
"Mm. I'll wait until you fall asleep, yeah?"  
  
[Breath catching] "You'd do that?"  
  
"Aye." [Chuckles] "I'd even sing, but I think that'd not make you want ta sleep 'cause of the racket I'd make."  
  
"Would you read something to me?"  
  
"What would you like me ta read?"  
  
"Anything that is around really. Maybe not the menu from the pizza delivery service though. Any novel, poems, whatever."  
  
"I've got Khalil Gibran right here."  
  
"Read it to me. Wait, I'll just turn off the lights." [ _Shift, rustle_ ]  
  
"You ready?" [Clears throat]   "And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children. And he said: Your children are not your children. They are the sons  and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backwards nor tarries with yesterday."  
  
[Pause] "Mmh, you know that I'll want to discuss this with you at some point in the future, right?"  
  
[Chuckles] "Yer suppose ta go ta _sleep_ , Vig. Not talk 'bout what I'm reading ta you."  
  
"I know. It's just- no, I know." [Pause] "Sean?" [Softly] "Continue."  
  
"Gibran's too thought-provoking fer sleep, I think. Let me get something else. Let's see." [Sips, _rustle_ ] " 'A hundred and fifteen rupees,' Ensign Richard Sharpe said, counting the money onto the table."  
  
"Sharpe, hm? I guess I'll have to watch that with you some day."  
  
"Aye. But shhh. Nana Rao hissed in disapproval, rattled some beads along the wire bars of  his abacus and shook his head. 'A hundred and thirty-eight rupees, sahib. ''One hundred and bloody fifteen!' Sharpe  insisted. 'It were fourteen pounds, seven shillings, and three-pence ha'penny.' Nana Rao examined his customer, gauging whether to continue the argument. He saw a young officer, a mere ensign of no importance, but this lowly Englishman had a very hard face, a scar on his right cheek and showed no apprehension of the two hulking bodyguards who protected Nana Rao and his warehouse."  
  
[Sigh] "Shit. I wish you were here right now."  
  
"This ain't working ta put you ta sleep, is it, Vig?"  
  
"I think it might, actually--- I'll just shut up now and let you do the talking." [Rustle]  
  
"Mm, alright. 'A hundred and fifteen, as you say,' the merchant conceded, scooping the coins into a large black cash box. He offered Sharpe an apologetic shrug. 'I get older, sahib, and find I cannot count!' 'You can count, alright,' Sharpe said, 'bout you reckon I can't.'  
'But you will be very happy with your purchases," Nana Rao said, for Sharpe had just become the possessor of a hanging bed, two blankets, a teak traveling chest, a lantern and a box of candles, a hogshead of arrack, a wooden bucket, a box of soap, another of tobacco, and a brass and elmwood filtering machine which he had been assured would render water from the filthiest barrels stored in the bottom-most part of a ship's hold into the sweetest and most palatable liquid."  
  
[Softly] "Hm-- continue--"  
  
"Nana Rao had demonstrated the filtering machine which he claimed had been brought out from London as part of the baggage of a director of the East India Company. 'You put the water here, see?'..."  
  
"--- Mm---"  
  
[Softly:] "Goodnight, luv."  
  
"---"  
  
  
  
  
 _tbc_  
  



	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Viggo entrust their words to the postal system. Dialogue only, today in the form of letters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

  
  
  


**New Zealand, June 5th, 2000**

Dear Sean,  
  
the comma really should have been a proper period because I have been sitting here for what feels like half an eternity, waiting for the right words to pour out of my pen. They seem to be hiding somewhere, maybe they are afraid of the rain. I'm glad it's raining though because if it  weren't, I wouldn't be sitting here writing to you (with wet hair, wet socks and in a San Lorenzo t-shirt that is dry but doesn't go very well with Aragorn's clothes). Twenty minutes ago I practically stormed away from the canteen to come here and write to you because these past days my head seemed to be overflowing with things that I wanted to tell you, that I wanted you to know before you leave. And now I'm sitting here, and all I seem to be able to come up with are trivialities about my socks (which might be yours, actually, I think, now that I am having a closer look).  
  
You'll be leaving soon, too soon, already now the days left are fewer than fingers on my hand and I can't help wondering if  that's how it's going to feel: as if someone has cut off one of my  limbs. I know, Sean, you're probably rolling your eyes now, I know I'm being a little overdramatic here (and disgusting and I probably spend too much of my time trying to find the perfect angle for chopping off orc body parts). But the truth is, I simply can't imagine not getting to wake up and fall asleep next to you and I can't imagine not being able to just get into my car and drive over to your place and kiss you. From Sunday on, if I try this, the car and I will fall into the sea and drown. There are no tunnels between New Zealand and Britain, I have been told (and I am wondering why. Aren't your fellow Englishmen good at making tunnels under the sea?).  
  
These past months with you- I don't know if I have ever told you this, I had a lot of time during these weeks when I was freaking out about you leaving and couldn't talk to you, I think I haven't been this happy for years. There is this feeling, overwhelming, when I wake up next to you and turn around to look at you and maybe you are still asleep or you are smiling at me sleepily, and I could roar with happiness. The rest of the day seems to vanish completely then and all that matters is your warmth and the feeling of your lips against mine. Maybe this is why the thought of your departure is so unsettling. Being with you makes me feel all these things, makes me feel things that I seemed to have forgotten about, and I don't want any of this to stop, I want to be able to turn around and see you smile at me.  
  
It's a very selfish thought. Your daughters are waiting for you in London and you can't sit around here and twiddle your thumbs and just be here because I am here, you had a life before you met me and of course you need to go back to that; as will I, I'm a father, too, and Henry is waiting for me at home (as much as he loves visiting, I talked to him yesterday, and he was awfully quiet and when I asked what was wrong he finally admitted, miserably, that he wanted me to come back right then, that it was so long since we had seen each other. And then he started to cry. It broke my heart). And I'm sure we will find a way to make this work, and we will find time to see each other, and there are phones and letters in the mean time. But I just wish- It would be great if for once this wasn't so damn complicated. Because my feelings for you really aren't. I want to be with you. And it kills me that I can't. Not during the next months and who knows when. Right now I wish I was a regular bloke with a nice and cozy 9 to 5 job and in love with another bloke with exactly the same job. No. I don't. I love doing this, I love acting. I just wish that it didn't come with the price of having to let you go. And life seems to be too short to waste time with being apart.  
  
I'm sorry. This was meant to be a sweet, positive letter about some of my favorite moments  with you during the last months and not a rambling, depressing outpour of my upset heart. I hope I will be able to write this other letter eventually, the cheerful one. No, I am sure I will be.  
  
I hope you already got to hug your girls when you get this and I wish I could see the smile on your face when you do. You must be so beautiful then.  
  
All my love,  
  
Viggo  
  
  
  


**London, June 16th, 2000**

Vig,  
  
I don't mind you talking about socks. It's funny, I spent so much time laughing at you when you go off into your strange tangents, but now I miss them. Whenever someone says something odd, I always turn around and I keep being surprised that you're not there with a smart remark that eventually turns into rambling that no one understands except for you, and maybe me. I miss that; miss hearing your voice next to my ear, talking about nothing and everything under the sun.  
  
You have a way with words that I don't have, but I find myself doing things that I wouldn't do if I hadn't met you. Remember that one night you were rambling to me about how uncomfortable shoes are? I'm wearing slippers at home instead of proper shoes, and it's all your damned fault. But you're right, you know - it feels more comfortable. I read once some  time ago that Japanese people don't wear shoes inside their houses, and I think I can think of a couple reason why now.  
  
Anyway, away from shoes and socks and feet-related things, I talked to my agent. I have a bunch of projects I've already agreed to before I flew  out to New Zealand, but I'll have two weeks free at the end of _Rings_ filming if Peter doesn't extend it. It'll be at the tail-end of filming, so I'll even be in time to celebrate the last days you spend as your characters. I won't be able to make it for Helm's Deep, though, and I'm sorry for that. Pete really should've changed things so Boromir lived, eh?  
  
I'm not calling you about this because I wanted to write it down. Makes it real for me somehow. Besides, by the time you've read this I probably bought my air ticket already, and you won't be able to get rid of me.  
  
Sean  
  
  
  
  


**New Zealand, June 22nd, 2000**

Dear Sean,  
  
I'm sure that I have not been able to keep my joy to myself until this letter reaches you, but I am going to say it again nevertheless: I don't have words to tell you how happy I am that you are coming when filming ends, and two weeks, too, it's more than I ever dared to hope for. You should be there with us when this ends, you were there when it began and I don't care that Tolkien, and Peter, killed you, Boromir needs to be there. This time, to help bury Aragorn. I fear I have become a little too attached to the filthy ranger king and might need help with parting  with him. I'm sure you can be of service in this matter, when I'm in your arms an Oliphaunt could try to tear down the house and I wouldn't care in the least. Maybe I won't notice either when he leaves, then, the ranger, if you are with me.  
  
Damn, I sound insane. But that's hardly something new. (I'm pleased that you are wearing slippers now, only one step into the right direction and you'll be wearing nothing but socks- dare to think out of the box here, elskede. Go wild! Free your feet!)  
  
I guess that didn't help much, I still sound insane. Oh well.  
  
The purpose of this letter originally was to ask you something: Henry will be here soon (finally!) and I would like to tell him about you, about us. If that's okay with you? I still have to talk to Exene and ask her how she feels about it, there's never been anyone in my life since we separated that I have been telling Henry about. Maybe because of this weird protective fatherly streak that I sometimes don't seem to be able to control, maybe because I wasn't that emotionally committed after all and kept putting it off. But with you it's different. I want him to know that you've become such an important part of my life. Let me know what you think about all of this?  
  
I hope everything is well in London and your girls are fine (as are you!).  
  
A thousand kisses,  
  
Viggo  
  
PS: I can't seem to stop checking the other side of the bed for you at night... Mad call I it; for, to define true madness, what is't but to be nothing else but mad? (you see, I've been searching my brain for more Shakespeare- I'm blaming you for this, of course) Call me soon, I miss you, always.  
  
  
  
  


**London, June 28th, 2000**

Vig,  
  
I just came home and had the time to write. I'm going to fly off to Berlin soon for a couple of weeks. It's this film called _Equilibrium_.  Kind of sci-fi, but I get to read poetry - Yeats - and Berlin is beautiful. My reasons for taking some jobs are really shallow, I know. Anyway, my travel agent was showing me a bunch of brochures and I took  them from her because the pictures are beautiful and I thought of bringing it home for you to see. So it's not just you being mad, I think. I attached the pictures behind the letter, anyhow.  
  
You should tell Henry. Tell him to call him if he feels like threatening to hurt me if I hurt you or something. I think that's what been missing in this relationship. The 'I will eviscerate you if you hurt him' talk.  
  
I'm wondering if I should tell my older girls. I think only Lorna will understand, because Molly's still too young, and I don't want Lorna to have to keep a secret from her younger sister. Do you mind if I wait a few years? ~~There's also Abby and I don't want to~~  
  
Don't do things that will make me call you a silly bugger, oy. I can't believe you just used  Oliphaunt in a letter - have you melded that far with Aragorn? It's Viggo I want, you know, and I'll gladly help you bury the filthy Ranger. You helped me bury Boromir as well, though I don't think he's ever really  'died', honestly. There's always something left, isn't there, with every  single role you play? I think you'll understand that one better than most would. You don't sound insane, you sound like an actor. Maybe it just means we're all crazy for choosing this profession, eh?  
  
If  there's any insanity, it's about this obsession you have with me not wearing shoes. Slippers are the furthest I will ever go, alright. You will never convince me. My feet will never be free because I need them for walking.  
  
You silly bugger.  
  
Yours,  
Sean  
  
  
  
 _tbc..._  
  
  



	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viggo gets a phone call from Exene. Dialogue ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

  
**New Zealand, 23-07-2000, 12:32am**

  
  
[Phone ringing]  
  
[Warmly]: "Exene, hej!"  
  
"Is it like the middle of the night there? Why do you sound so chirpy, did you drink ten cups of mate again?"  
  
"Nah, it's not that late, it's- wait- um- shit, half past twelve already." [Sighs]  
  
"Viggo."  
  
"Don't Viggo me."  
  
"It's hard not to." [Laughter] "Hey, did Henry tell you about his flight details yet?"  
  
"He did." [Chuckles] "I think the minute he got them."  
  
"He was trying to book the flight himself because," [falsetto:] " _Moooooom,_ I'm an adult and I'm better at computers than you, _mooooom_."  
  
[Laughs]  "I'm quite sure that he is much better with computers than I am. And possibly ever will be. But why didn't you just let him call our travel agent?"  
  
"Because he discovered that you can book flights using a computer and he wanted to try. No, we used the travel agent in the end."  
  
"And how long did he glower after that?"  
  
"Three seconds. I counted."  
  
"I'm glad. How are the two of you doing together?"  
  
"We're good. He misses you like crazy, though."  
  
"So do I." [Sigh. Skin rubbing over skin] "You know, half of the days I'm wondering if this really was such a great idea."  
  
"This is my cue to tell you that he's been bragging to his friends that you're Aragorn everyday that I'm pretty sure they are all so happy about the holidays because it means he'll shut up."  
  
"I miss him so much. Sometimes I'm close to calling you in the middle of the night because it feels as if I can't wait another second."  
  
"Why don't you?"  
  
"I cannot wake both of you because the father in me won't shut up."  
  
"Vig, he's on his holidays, and I'll survive waking up. Just call him. I mean it."  
  
"You think so?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
[Sigh] "Damn. I miss you, too, you know."  
  
[Teasingly:] "Don't tell your boyfriend that."  
  
[Small chuckle] "I better don't."  
  
"Is he still there?"  
  
"No. He went home two weeks ago."  
  
"And how are you dealing with that?"  
  
[Pause] "Well, you know how I am. Not good at being apart."  
  
"Mm, I know. You followed me when I was on tour." [Laughs] "Did you call him?"  
  
"Of course. I was talking to him before you called. But it's not the same as being in the same place."  
  
"No, it's not." [Long pause, sound of shuffling paper] "Are you going to fly over to him?"  
  
"I won't have any proper holidays as long as I am here. What are you doing?"  
  
"I wrote a scrap of lyric on the back of a bill somewhere and now I've forgotten where I put it. And yeah, I figured."  
  
[Laughter]  "Dear, I made this box for you, remember, so you can put all your drafts in it? With the newspapers or phone directories still attached. And there you are, Viggo-ing me. Really?"  
  
"My excuse is that the box was already full. AHA, I found it. Now I can't figure out if the  numbers is a phone number of someone I should call or part of the poem itself."  
  
"You continue this and I start wondering if there wouldn't have been a happily ever after for us after all."  
  
[Laughter] "You stupid bastard. We make better relatives than husband and wife, and you know that."  
  
[Chuckles]  "Yeah, I know that perfectly well." [Pause] "Listen, speaking of relationships, there's something I wanted to ask you. When Henry visits- I'd like to tell him about Sean and me."  
  
"You two are that serious, mm?"  
  
"Mmh. I really am head over heels."  
  
"Is _he_?"  
  
[Laughter] "Lioness-mode, hum? He dares to hurt me and you'll have him for breakfast?"  
  
"Oh yes, and I'll bring my butter knife on the plane too."  
  
"Thanks, I appreciate the thought. But I don't think there's any need. It's a mutual feeling."  
  
"Are you actually sure about this or is that an optimistic guess?"  
  
[Pause] "Do I sound unsure?"  
  
"No, but you didn't sound unsure either when you told me we're going to work out our differences when we separated."  
  
"Don't do this, please- let's just-" [Wearily]: "Let's not go there over and over again."  
  
[Quietly:] "I'm worried, you doofus."  
  
[Long pause. Slow exhale] "Sorry. I am being an ass about this."  
  
"Well, if you're being an ass, I'm being an overprotective ass, so I guess it works out."  
  
[Sighs] "I thought this distrust would disappear at some point, you know, but it never seems to do so."  
  
"Tell you what. If this one passes muster, I'll stop bugging you about these things."  
  
"Not your mistrust, Exene, but my inability to believe that things might work out with anybody one day. It's always good to talk to you about these things." [Chuckle] "Helps me keeping it together."  
  
"Well you know you can always call me and yak your head off if you want. I'll just put you on a table and take a nap, as usual."  
  
"Now that explains a lot!" [Laughter] "You know, he actually seems to appreciate my rambling. And he stopped wearing shoes indoors."  
  
[Snorts] "Seriously?"  
  
"Seriously. So don't you accuse him of not being committed."  
  
"What's it that he'll say? Aye, aye?"  
  
"Aye. But don't make fun of that." [Sheepishly:] "I think it's sweet."  
  
"God, I'm so glad I'm not in front of you right now, because I might drown in all the sap that's dripping off you." [Laughs]  
  
[Teasingly:] "Oh my god, do I hear a hint of _jealousy_?"  
  
"You know, if I were Henry's age, I would say: _Gross_ , Viggo." [Pause] " _So gross_."  
  
"Then maybe I should wipe that idiotic grin from my face when I tell him, hm?"  
  
"Yeah, probably. Hey, you think he might have guessed?"  
  
"When the two of you were visiting? Nah, I don't think so. Sean actually made a point of keeping away from me." [Pause] "Why? Did he say something to you?"  
  
"He didn't. But we have a damned smart kid, so I'm not surprised if he's already figured something out."  
  
"I don't know, we have not been talking about Sean. Do you think he- I  don't want to upset him, and during his holidays, too. Do you think he's going to be fine with it?"  
  
"Honestly, I have no clue. Neither of us have ever introduced him to someone new before."  
  
[Groans] "And of course it has to be me who tries this. What about you? Aren't you seeing someone you want him to meet?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Convenient. Be he seems to be okay with how things are between you and me, don't you think? He's not going to freak out because he still thinks  his mom and dad should be together? Have you been talking with him about us lately?"  
  
"I wasn't the one who went and fell in love." [Chuckles] "I haven't talked to him about us, no, but he likes _The Parent Trap_. Because the girl is cute, he says, but honestly, I really can't say how he'll react."  
  
"You lost me. What's this trap thing?"  
  
"It's about a pair of twin girls who plot to get their divorced parents back together."  
  
"Hilarious." [Sighs] "Do you think I should wait?"  
  
"No, I really don't think so. He might get upset that you're not being honest with him, and I think that's worse."  
  
"Well, I want to tell him. Sean's taking up so much space in my thoughts. And I want to be able to talk about those things with him, too. I think he's old enough. I just- I guess I want to protect him from getting hurt. After he's already had to deal with us not being able to live under the same roof anymore."  
  
"... What things exactly?"  
  
"About being in love. About relationships-- Wait, what are you thinking about, woman? Gay sex?"  
  
"Possibly! He's _twelve_. I don't want to think about him in a relationship just yet. Much less  about... ugh. Some things a mother just doesn't want to know."  
  
"What are you talking about? He's a kid, of course he's not going to be in a relationship any time soon!"  
  
"Then why do you want to talk to him about relationships?!"  
  
"Christ, Exene, not like that! What do you think I'm doing with our kid when we're alone?"  
  
"Viggo, when I asked you to give him the birds and bees talk, I needed to de-hippify things for him hours later."  
  
"What? You chicken out and I have to do it alone and _then_ you just go and confuse him? What did you tell him? And what do you mean 'de-hippify'? Only because I told him it might be good to wait until you're in love?"  
  
"I wasn't confusing him, you were. Look, you told him about how it's good to wait until you're in love, that's fine. But you went on and told him about how you can love someone of any gender, and that's _after_ you told him about the mechanics of heterosexual sex, and he was muttering to me about how he doesn't know some boys had vaginas. _Viggo_."  
  
"Well, some have, but  that's hardly the point. I did the best I could. And it's not among my  favorite moments in life either. But do you realy  think I should only have talked about girls with him? Just assuming that's what he'll want? And it wasn't news exactly either, that you  can be with a man or woman depending on how you swing."  
  
"Nah, I just told him that different people have different ways of having sex and he'll figure out the 'how' with the person he wants to have sex with. And that not all boys have vaginas."  
  
"Okay, maybe i was a bit cryptic about the vagina thing. But don't you want him to be in love when he has sex?"  
  
"I don't believe in that kind of thing as much as you do."  
  
"In being in love?"  
  
"Yeah. My ability to fall in love with someone isn't as high as my libido, you know."  
  
"I'm not exactly a monk either. But I want him to be aware of how he feels about things and I want him to make decisions that he can live with, and happily so. And I don't want him to have his first time drunk and in the backseat of some old ratty car. I don't see why it would be a bad thing to tell him it could be worth waiting until he's in love with someone. And I couldn't care less if they have a vagina or not."  
  
[Chuckles] "Preaching to the choir, Viggo. I've heard it all before, remember?"  
  
"I do. But I don't want you to go and de-hippify Sean and me for him when I tell him."  
  
"I won't. Cross my heart and hope to die."  
  
"No, seriously. I want us to be on the same page on this."  
  
"I don't know anything about Sean, you know, so there's no chance of me 'de-hippifying' anything. If I don't know enough about something, I won't say a thing about it. You know that."  
  
"So then the safest option would be to make sure the two of you never meet again."  [Chuckles] "But is there something you would like to know about him?"  
  
"Is that my cue to ask you something about Sean so you can gush about him?"  
  
"Pretty much, yeah. Or we can talk about the weather, if you prefer that."  
  
"So." [Clears throat] "Tell me about Sean."  
  
"He makes me laugh. Very often about myself which is good, I think. And he grounds me. Just through being there, he doesn't even need to say anything. It's as if- all these thoughts, he somehow manages to quieten them and to make me let go and be there, right there, and not somewhere else, someplace theoretical." [Laughs] "But that's probably already more than you ever wanted to know."  
  
[Chuckles] "No, it sounds good, what he does for you." [Pause] "You sound happy."  
  
"I am. I haven't been this happy in a very long time."  
  
"You're such a sop."  
  
"Oh, fuck off. I'm trying to have a proper conversation with you, can't you tell?"  
  
"I can, I can." [Laugh] "Look, I'm happy for you, really. If you're going to tell Henry about Sean, go ahead, and if the kid causes any problems, I'll back you up. Yeah?"  
  
"Thanks, Exene, that's good to know, really. --- I probably need to sleep, though. Talk to you soon, hm?"  
  
"I know when you're trying to get rid of me." [Laughs] "Sleep well, Viggo."  
  
[Laughs]  "I'm not. But the people from make-up frown at me when I show up with huge eye bags. Oh, and can you make sure Henry packs his hiking boots? And some sensible clothes for being outdoors?"  
  
"Yes, yes. I'll make him pack his riding gear as well, because I know you."  
  
[Pause] "There's something more I maybe should tell you."  
  
"That sounds ominous."  
  
"It is, you know me. I'm kind of thinking about buying another horse."  
  
"So... is it Aragorn's horse?"  
  
"Of course. He is incredible. And I'm quite attached to him."  
  
"Jesus, Viggo, you'll have to buy a stable to house all of them at this rate. Or a ranch."  
  
"Nah, I'm sure I'll find a place. Just thought you might want to know."  
  
"Got it."  
  
[Chuckles] "Okay. Ask Henry to call me before he travels, yeah?"  
  
"Yes, yes, you nag. He always does anyway."  
  
"Aye, he does. Have a good day, you."  
  
  
  
  
  
 _tbc..._  
  
  



	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean calls Mel. Still a dialogue-only fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

**London, 25-07-2000, 5:34pm**

"Hey, old girl."

[Chuckle]"Charming as always. Sean?"

"Am I disallowed from terms of endearments now, eh?"

"No. But it doesn't have to be _old girl_ , does it? What happened to _luv_?"

"Well, that belongs ta someone else now." [Sheepish chuckle]

[Pause] "I really hope that's not some sort of artful way of telling me that you got back with Abby?"

"Wha- no! No, no, no, that- no. She's decent, but no. Shouldn't have even thought it'd work."

"Okay, okay. So not Abby. But something _is_ up... What did you do this time?"

"I met someone in New Zealand."

[Pause] "If you're feeling inclined to tell me, things must be rather serious. So, tell me. Who is she? Someone from work?"

"It's- uh- it's a he." [Pause] "A fellow actor."

[Pause] "A- what?"

"It's a man. His name's Viggo. He, uh, he plays Aragorn, if you've gone ta read the novels."

[Young voice] "Moo-oom! We're going over to Claire's!"

[Away from the receiver] "Okay, have fun! We'll call when it's time for dinner." [Into the receiver] "Wait, I've got to sit down." [Pause] "Repeat that."

"That Molly?"

[Distractedly:] "Hm? Oh, yes. They are going over to some friends." [Pause] "But don't try to create a diversion. We're not done yet."

[A little surprised:] "Lorna's going with her?"

"Yeah, they've got tiny kittens. I practically have to drag them back home in the evenings. But Sean. Quit stalling. We can talk about the girls later. Are you serious about this? Or are you trying to screw with me?"

"I'm not- _Jesus_ , Mel, I'm not going to pretend I'm in love with some bloke just ta screw with yer head!"

"Okay." [Pause] "Christ, Sean. I didn't- we have kids together and I didn't know that about you."

"I've never cheated on you with a bloke, if that's what yer wond'ring." [Pause] "This was a surprise ta me as well."

"No, silly, that's not what I was wondering. I'm just- surprised. That's all."

[Wryly:] "He's a pretty special guy."

"Well, he must be if you like him. What's his name again?"

"Viggo Mortensen. V-i-double g-oh."

"Viggo. What a lovely name. And what is this between you? Are you in love with him?"

"I'm telling you 'bout it. When's the last time I told you 'bout someone I like?"

[Dryly:] "You usually marry them before you tell me."

"Oy, Abby's not a 'them'!"

"True." [Sighs] "I'm sorry, Sean, I'm not being very supportive."

"Nah, it's not yer job ta me. I just wanted ta tell you 'cause..."

"Hm?"

"Do you think it'll be a good idea ta tell the girls?"

[Pause] "Frankly, I have no idea. Is that why you are telling me?"

"Yeah. I want ta tell Lorna, at least, but I don't want her ta haveta keep a secret from her sister, and I think Molly's a bit too young to know 'bout such a thing." [Sigh] " _Christ_ , don't even know what ta tell me Ma and Pa."

"What are you worried about? That it'll be weird because he doesn't have breasts?"

"You know, when I said I wanted ta be an actor, Pa told me not ta become a luvvie, that's all he wanted." [Pause] "Fucking hell."

"He did? Well, perhaps he just said that, back then, because he didn't know what else to say? Suddenly you wanted to do something he had never been in contact with. Perhaps it was easier to say that than to admit that he didn't want you to go." [Sighs] "I don't know. But they are both very proud of you. And it's not as if you haven't provided them well with granddaughters, hm?"

"Yeah, I know." [Chuckles] "It's probably silly fer a man of over forty to still be afraid of what his parents would say, aye?"

"Not at all, Sean. They are important to you, of course you want them to approve of your choices." [Pause] "But you didn't answer my question earlier. Are you in love with him?"

[Long pause. Quiet sigh] "Yeah."

"Then I think you should tell both the girls and your parents."

"Easier said than done, oy." [Chuckles. Pause] "You think Molly will get it?"

"Well, she 'got' Abby."

"Aye. I'm still sorry 'bout that. I know the girls like her."

"They do. But they still are getting to see her and Evie. And who knows, maybe it's not bad if they learn that life doesn't always go as planned." [Pause] "This doesn't mean I didn't hope that you would work things out, you know that, right?"

"Nah, it wasn't going ta be. We tried, but she deserves someone better than me." [Soft chuckle] "Like you do."

"Nonsense, Sean, and you know it. We had some wonderful years together. And it didn't work out the way we thought it would. Well, that's life. And we are always going to have the girls. Give Abby a little time, things will get easier."

"Mm, I know. It's hard not ta start beating up meself over things going south, but I'll get over it."

"I sure you will. And perhaps your Veegoh will make this a little easier, hm?"

[Burst of laughter] "Christ, the way you say his name!"

[Chuckle] "Completely wrong? And there I was, so proud of myself. It's not really a household name here."

"I call 'im 'Vig' all the time fer a reason." [Laugh] "But you might want ta shorten the first syllable."

"Vi-goh?"

"Aye, that's better."

"So, can we meet him?"

"Yeah, 'course." [Chuckles] "You sound like one of the girls just now."

"So you _have_ already talked to them about him?"

"No, I haven't. I mentioned ta him that I want ta introduce him ta the girls, but we haven't gotten anywhere yet."

"If you want me to be there when you tell them, I will be. Same goes for your parents."

"It'll be a great help with the girls. With me parents- I don't know. I'm still thinking 'bout it."

"It's your call. But we'll all be there if you need us, Sean."

[Softly:] "Thanks, Mel."

"Did you expect anything else?"

"I wasn't expecting anything, honestly."

"Well, now you know, aye?"

"Aye." [Chuckles]

"Listen, you are going to Germany soon, right? The girls asked if they could stay with you next week?"

"I- that would be _great_. I'll be leaving in two weeks, so they can come over fer a week, yeah."

"They like it at yours, you know. They can ride the tube to your house after school but you'd have to take Molly to football practise on Tuesday."

"Let me check me schedule. I can take her, no problem, but I'm wondering if I have the time ta chauffeur them ta school fer a week."

"But you don't have to, they can go together."

"And I shouldn't spoil 'em, eh?"

"Exactly." [Chuckles] "You don't want them to grow up to be little princesses, either."

"Good point." [Chuckles] "The tube it is. I'll spoil 'em after they get home from school."

[Sigh] "Just don't stuff them with sweets and crisps, okay?"

[Teasingly:] "Yes, Ma."

[Mock exasperated sigh] "One week with you and the results of months and months of fierce discussions and bargaining collapse like a cardhouse!"

"Well, you'll have to tell me what you girls bargained about, eh? So I don't screw it up."

"I'm not worried because of you but because of them. I know they always try to test what they can get away with."

[Snorts] "More Lorna than Molly, really. She's hitting teenage years, isn't she?"

"Faster than I'd like her to." [Sighs] "I'll let you deal with all possible suitors of hers later, just so you know."

[Burst of laughter] "Damn, shotguns are illegal here, eh?"

"It's probably enough if you greet them at the door with your arms crossed, and scowl at them."

"Depending on me reputation, eh?"

"Or your looks. I know _I_ would be intimidated."

"Oh come on, Mel, I don't look that scary."

"Oh, but you can, if you set your mind to it. Part of what I fell for, back then."

"... You fell fer me while I was terrifying yer pants off?"

"No, but because of that adorable frown you always were sporting."

[Indignantly:] " _Adorable_?!"

[Laughter] "Adorable!"

"Don't tell anyone, you might ruin me reputation."

"Well, I might tell your Viggoh..."

[Burst of laughter] "Don't you dare, oy!"

"A disconcerting thought, he and I meeting to compare notes?"

"Oh my God. Maybe I shouldn't introduce the two of you."

"You most definitely should! Show me a picture of him when I bring over the girls, hm?"

"I can lend you a couple of tapes. I think there's three or so films where he's got his kit off, so you can watch that too, if you really want." [Laughing]

"I better leave _that_ to you! No, I want to see a picture of the two of you together, do you have one?"

[Laughter immediately cuts off. Soft, nervous chuckle] "Aye, I do."

"What' s wrong? Did I say something wrong?"

"Nah, it's just- I've got a bunch of photographs of him, by him, but only a couple of us together. Oddest thing ta think 'bout."

"Well, it tends to be like that, if it's only the two of you and nobody else around to take pictures, doesn't it?"

"He brings that damned camera of his near everywhere, he did. It even has a timer and tripod and such." [Laughs] "Just seems there should be a lot more, that's all."

"You sound happy, you know that, when you're talking about him."

"Aye. I guess I am."

"I'd rather hear it if you crossed out the 'I guess' in that sentence. Are you happy with him, Sean?"

"He makes me happy, if that's what yer asking. It's only-" [Pause] "Sometimes I wonder if I'm a damned fool fer trying again."

[With emphasis:] "Of course you aren't! You're not eighty years old, you can't spend of your life alone, can you?"

"Aye." [Sigh] "But I know I've hurt you, and I know I hurt Abby, and Debra. I just don't want to be a bastard and make it four, you know?"

[Pause] "You hurt me, yes. But you didn't hurt me intentionally, it hurt that you didn't want to be with me anymore because I still loved you. But that's not your fault. At least you told me in time."

"You know I meant those words I said at our wedding, yeah? 'Til death do us part."

"I know, I never doubted that. Even though I said so when you left and I was so angry. But you are still here, that's what counts, I think. Even if it's not like we thought it would be." [Pause] "What does he say about all of this, Viggoh?"

[Long pause. Sigh] "I've never told him this."

[Echoed sigh] "Of course you haven't, I should have known. You never do. You keep all of it locked up inside of you until one day it spills over and wipes out everything around you, drastically speaking. Look, I don't know Viggoh, but I'd say that everybody our age has some sort of baggage. And perhaps he'd appreciate talking about that, too?"

"You really think I should talk ta him 'bout this?"

"I don't know, Sean, because I don't know him. But I know I would have appreciated it. And I think so would've Abby."

[Jokingly:] "You won't think less of me if I start telling you 'bout such things? Or think I'm jinxing it?"

[Sternly:] "And this, too. It's easier to make jokes than to stay serious but you might want to try not to deflect everything someone tells you." [Pause] "I don't want to lecture you but I want you to be happy for longer than some short years that end in a mind-jarring divorce."

"I ain't good at this, you know. Talking 'bout what bothers me. It isn't what men do, except." [Hoarse laugh] "Except Vig's a man too, and he has no problems with it, and I don't mind 'im telling me and I've never thought less 'bout him as a man fer it. I don't know how me mind can't turn that thinking the other way 'round."

[Thoughtfully:] "Perhaps that's the problem, this 'men do' and 'men don't'. Perhaps you want to stop trying to be some sort of idealized manly figure and start being Sean? And if he doesn't mind talking about what's on his mind, why would he mind if you told him about what bothers you? Just try, for once? You are telling _me_ now, it's not as if you don't know how to do it."

"That isn't it. It's part of me, 'cause I'm a man. It's not an idealised figure or anything, it's just who I am, who I'm supposed ta be, you get what I mean?" [Sigh]

"Perhaps I do. You have a certain image of who you think you're supposed to be. And I think it really is this 'supposed to be' thing, it creates a lot of pressure for you. But a lot of of that pressure is coming from yourself. Take work for example. You're trying so hard to make this work, to keep your career going at full speed so that we don't have to worry about money. Because you somehow think that's your job. I think that's sweet and I'm not saying that it's a bad thing to know that we don't have to worry about school fees and stuff like that. But you're their dad, Sean, and there are many other things to being a dad than just bringing home money. I've always tried to let you be as much involved as you want to be, you know that. But especially now that they are getting older, I'd like you to be there for them, so that they have someone to go to and talk to when they are tired of hearing my sermons every day."

"Mm, I just-" [Cuts off]

[Door closing] "Hello? Anybody home?"

[Away from the receiver, loudly:] "Hi! I'm here!" [Into the receiver:] "Keep that thought. Give me a second, I'll be right back." [Thud. Shuffling of footsteps. At a distance:] "You're back early." [Smacking kiss] "Did you have a good day?"

"I did. Where are the girls? Are they pestering poor Mrs. Bernard again?"

[Laughter] "They are. But I talked to her earlier, she says it's fine, they are welcome any time. Listen, I'm on the phone with Sean. I haven't thought about what we are going to eat yet. I think there are carrots and tomatoes and probably that's it, we have to go grocery shopping tomorrow... maybe we can just have pasta?"

"Sounds good. I'll change and then I'll have a look. When do you have to leave for work?"

"Around six thirty."

"Alright. I'll prepare something. You go back to Sean. Say hello from me."

"Thanks, I will." [Footsteps, rustling] "Sean? You still there?"

[Softly:] "Yeah, I am. That James?"

[Teasingly]: "No, I found another guy while you were away." [Chuckles] "Of course it's James. He says hello."

"I heard." [Chuckles] "You sound happy."

"I am. I really am. No regrets, hm?"

[Softly:] "No regrets." [Pause] "But, hey, with what you were saying, I don't want the girls ta start coming ta me just ta complain 'bout you, yeah?"

[Chuckles] "I dhope they won't! But I really think they'd like to spend more time with you. When you were away now, they were always asking if we couldn't go see you, and this plan now, to go stay with you for a week, it was all their idea."

[Teasingly:] "Kind of gratifying to hear the girls still remember their Da."

[Softly:] "Are you ever worried that they might not?"

"Yeah. Sometimes. When I've been gone too long."

"You could be away for a decade and they would still be sitting next to the phone waiting for your calls."

"I'll be doing the same, and I ain't afraid of saying that."

"I've always been wondering how you do this, how you can stand being without them for so long without going crazy with longing." [Pause] "I'm sorry, we should have had this conversation some time ago. If you want, we can find out how they think about staying with you for longer periods when you are in London?"

"You won't mind that? Wait- how 'bout this? If they come ta stay with me fer a bit longer time, how 'bout you and James come over some nights and we can have dinner? The five of us?"

"I would like that. And I think so would James. And no, of course I wouldn't mind, they are your daughters as much as they are mine. I want the three of you to spend time together. And I think you need that as much as they do."

[Pause] "Yer a good one, Mel."

"Thanks, Sean, that's a lovely thing to say." [Pause] "Listen, I should go and help James with the dinner preparations. But I- to come back to that thought from earlier, I can't imagine that your Viggoh would think less of you if you told him some of these things that are on your mind, now and then. Doubts and fears are only human, you know."

"I'll try ta tell him, at least." [Soft laugh] "I should start paying you ta be me relationship counselor."

[Laughs] "That would be weird. No, that's just what friends are for, isn't it?"

"Friends. Aye, I like that."

"So do I. Shall I talk to the girls and then bring them over on Sunday? Or do you want to come and get them?"

"I'll come over. Have ta show off me car and all." [Laughter]

"You're crazy. Did you get a new car? You know where I stand on this, though, do you? All I care about is if you can fit in the kids and all their gear and if they are allowed to eat cookies inside." [Chuckles]

"It's a truck." [Gleefully:] "Got it for hundred pounds off a mate."

[Laughter] "You're insane! I'm looking forward to seeing you, alright? I'll call you about the time tomorrow or on Friday."

"I'll be home." [Chuckles] "Have a good dinner, Mel."


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viggo has a bad day, and he and Sean have a conversation that reveals more than what either of them thought it would. Still dialogue-only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

  
from: Viggo <viggo.mortensen@hotmail.com>  
to: SB <notrichardsharpe@gmail.com>  
date: 26-07-2000, 12:18 a.m.  
Re: Why are you not home?  
  
  
Sean,  
  
I'm having a bad day, evening, whatever. I couldn't reach you yesterday evening and tried to call you at least a hundred times (or that is what it feels like) since I thought you might be awake butt you are not answering your phone, not at home anyway and your mobile is switched off and I don't want to leave yet another mailbox message. So I drove all the way to the studio to send you this. I don't even know what's wrong, it's just- I haven't been sleeping enough yesterday and the day before yesterday and today was a hell of rain and mud and dirt and not enough breaks and I have bruises everywhere, literally, I look as if I've been run over by a truck, and I miss you and just want you to be here and tell me it's going to be alright, and then you are not answering your phone and I can only kick something or yell my frustration out into the night (which I did, several times). Where are you? Why aren't you answering your phone? Are you alright? Please call me the minute you read this, we don't need to talk long.  
  
Your tired Viggo  
  
  


**London, 26-07-2000, 4:53pm**

[Dial tone]  
  
[ _Beep_ ]  
  
"Hey, Vig?"  
  
[Rustle] "Mmmh- what?"  
  
You alright?"  
  
"I'm-- asleep-- mh---wait--" [Rustle. Clears his throat] "Are you alright?"  
  
"I'm fine. I just saw your email. What happened?"  
  
"Everybody was fighting all day. And you weren't there to have a smoke with so I had to listen to all of it. And- I don't know---"  
  
"What were they fighting about?"  
  
"Nothing, really. I guess it's just everybody being stressed out and patience running thin and-" [Sighs] "There was-- some technical problem and the camera team was arguing for what felt like forever-- and I was so irritated that I snapped at poor Orlando for being cheerful, I don't know what got into me-- I mean, he didn't really do anything and I just- fuck-" [Pause]"And then Dom and Billy started fighting about something minor, I don't know what, but they made a lot of racket, and Ian roared at them to be quiet for once, really, he just completely lost it for a moment. It was- I don't know. Frightening, really. Yeah. And for the rest of the day nobody dared to breathe... And then I spent the afternoon being beaten to pulp by the orcs and when I came home- I've been so fucking restless and out of sorts these last days and then there was no hot water for a shower and I couldn't reach you and couldn't sleep and- yeah- I'm just being a little happy ray of sunshine, as you can hear."  
  
"It sounds like a shite day. I'm sorry, luv, I had ta go ta a studio and do some preliminary screen tests fer Equilibrium since I'm going ta fly off ta Berlin during the weekend. Had ta shut off me phone, you know what it's like." [Soft sigh] "Everyone alright now? You?"  
  
[Pause] "I don't know."  
  
"It ain't just everyone getting all testy that's bothering you, is it?"  
  
"No. But I don't know. I don't seem to-- to be able to pin it down. I'm just- restless and on edge."  
  
"Do you want me ta distract you? I haven't told you this damned film, have I?"  
  
"I don't know, I-" [Pause. Heavy sigh.] "Tell me about five good things that happened to you this week?"  
  
"Well, first off, the girls came over ta stay with me." [Chuckles] "I got ta navigate cooking 'em brekky in the morning, which means making use of me kitchen fer once, and in the afternoons Lorna got it into her mind fer baking. I swear there's still flour in some corners. Molly's got football practice, and I dropped her off that - bit awkward, that one, 'cause I got a few stares, but I got ta see her kick a ball 'round and it was good." [Pause] "And I talked ta Mel."  
  
"That sounds wonderful, Sean, it really does. What did you bake?"  
  
"Bunch of cupcakes. We'd have iced 'em, but they were red velvet and the girls love those, so they ended up being eaten before I even got out the icing sugar."  
  
[Laughs] "Did you take pictures? I would like to see that, the three of you together in the kitchen!"  
  
"We didn't. But if- if you ever come over while they've got the time ta stay with me, we can do that again with you."  
  
"I'd love that." [Pause] "I spoke to Exene, too, you know. What did you and Mel talk about?  
  
"We talked 'bout plenty of things." [Pause] "Hey, are you tired or sleepy still?"  
  
[Soft chuckle] "Well, I'm surprisingly wide awake for 5 am." [Rustling. Footsteps] "Go on?"  
  
"You sure? I wouldn't want you ta fall asleep halfway or anything."  
  
[Footsteps] "I'm on my way to make coffee." [Running of water] "What do you mean, halfway? What happened?"  
  
"Nah, I had a long talk with Mel. She made me think of some things I've never thought of."  
  
[Sound of coffee machine spluttering] "And were those good things or bad things?"  
  
"Good things. I think."  
  
[Softly:] "Tell me."  
  
"You've ever felt- I don't know. Frustrated or angry with me, because I won't tell you that I'm worried 'bout something? Something 'bout us?"  
  
[Pause] "I wouldn't say angry. But sometimes I find it extremely difficult to try and talk about something to you and you avoid answering my questions or start making jokes. Sometimes it's as if I take a step towards you and you take three steps back- but that doesn't make me angry."  
  
"I'm not good at talking, I told you that. I don't like- I don't like telling you 'bout things that bother me, 'cause I just think it'll make you think less of me or summat."  
  
[Softly:] "That's what you are afraid of? That there might be anything you say that would make me think less of you?"  
  
[Long pause. Very quietly:] "Aye."  
  
"What could that possibly be?" [Pause] "Look, I don't want- I don't want you to have to pretend around me. There's enough acting in our lives as it is and I think there shouldn't be any at home. And I'm not trying to cut back on the rambling either, it's only fair if you're telling me what's going on in your head."  
  
"See, that's the thing." [Pause, frustrated sigh] "I ain't pretending. It's how I am. I don't like ta- it's instinctive, what I say, and I believe that it's alright when I say it is. It's only after that words crowd in me head."  
  
"I'm not going to force you to tell me things that you don't want to talk about, you know that. But- what happens then later, with these thoughts?"  
  
"I box 'em up, I guess. Pretend they don't exist."  
  
"And then they return and bite you in the ass?"  
  
"Aye."  
  
"And you think that if you let me take a peek into these boxes I would run and hide and never look at you again?"  
  
"... Mm."  
  
"Tell me one thing, Sean, do you ever think less of me for telling me all these things I usually tell you?"  
  
"No, I- it's different, when it's you."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It's different, how yer brought up, how you think 'bout things. Keeping things in, it's not like you and I like it that way, whether it's when yer rugbytackling me ta the ground or calling me up when yer upset. It don't make you less, just different." [Pause] "I admire you sometimes, silly as that might sound. That you know how to say those things."  
  
[Softly:] "But you do as well, love. You called me from London that time, when things were so difficult with Evie, remember? And you are telling me all of this now. And I'm still here."  
  
"I keep expecting you ta hang up the phone or tell me ta stop being a pussy or something."  
  
"Don't be silly. I hope you know that I would never do something like that. Where is all of this coming from?"  
  
"I told you, I talked to Mel fer a bit. She made me think of- well. The mistakes I've made."  
  
"That doesn't sound very positive. Did she say something that upset you?"  
  
"No, no it isn't upsetting. It just made me think." [Pause] "That maybe I've been unfair ta you, keeping most things ta meself."  
  
"Well, maybe it would make things easier for me sometimes, if you told me about what's happening inside that head of yours more often. It's easier not to be the only one with fears and doubts, you know."  
  
"It's- Christ, is that what I've been making you think?"  
  
"No. You're not Superman. I know there are things you worry about and if we touch one of those areas I can usually tell. Or at least I think I can. And if I try to talk to you about these things and you draw back then that's fine, too. It's just, I sometimes- sometimes I just wish we could talk about these things. Not only the stuff I freak out about."  
  
"I can write it down. I'll try ta."  
  
"If that's easier for you, do that. Or you can just call."  
  
"Mm." [Softly:] "Sometimes I'm terrified that yer going ta. Wake up one day and decide I ain't worth the damned trouble, and you'll fuck off because you deserve someone better."  
  
"I don't consider this trouble, Sean, don't make being with you sound like a tedious chore, Christ." [Pause] "You know, maybe that's part of the problem- that there are things between us that don't come easily, that we have to talk about and have to find a way to deal with. And for you that seems to be- I don't know, something that worries you. Something that makes you think that I am keeping a chart somewhere and when we reach a certain number of points that we disagree on, I will walk away, or something like that. But to me it's not- there always are differences, that's just how things are, people are different. What matters is how you deal with these things and what you feel for each other. And I think we are getting better and better at sorting out our differences." [Pause. Softly:] "And I am very much in love with you."  
  
[Long pause] "I've never thought of it that way before."  
  
"And what have you been thinking about this?"  
  
"If yer meant ta be with someone, it should be easy. Smooth sailing. You know what I mean?"  
  
"Has it ever been like that before, with anybody you have been with? And I'm talking about the long run, not the first few months when you just fell in love and don't want to think about flaws and problems?  
  
"With Debra, maybe, but we've never really-" [Deep breath] No, and I know that. Always thought there's something wrong with me." [Chuckles] "Me parents, they've always seemed so good together. Almost telepathic and never fought. Maybe there's something wrong with me that I can't find something like that."  
  
"Well, the two of you were very young then. And we two... we've had so much time to develop opinions and habits, a thousand things that define us and that we believe in, and you settle into these things and are reluctant to budge when someone touches them or questions them, there's much more potential for disagreement once you get older. But on the other hand I think that you know much better what you want and don't want and make much better choices, or so I hope, to begin with. And you have developed strategies to deal with stuff." [Pause] "And about your parents- I think, that you maybe still carry the picture of them around that you got when you were living with them as a kid and you still had a different concept of how relationships work?"  
  
[Chuckles] "You and yer speeches." [Pause] "I've never seen them fight. Not even now."  
  
"Not fighting isn't always a good sign, you know. Might be indifference or fear or just that you don't know how to speak your mind. And I don't mean that with regards to your parents, maybe they really have that wonderful relationship that you are describing. I hope they have."  
  
"Mm, maybe." [Quiet sigh] "I can't change me mind 'bout something immediately."  
  
[Long pause] "I'm very curious about Mel now."  
  
"She wants ta meet you."  
  
[Chuckles] "She does? I think Exene wants to meet you, too. Also because she wants to threaten to stab you with her butter knife if you should hurt me."  
  
"A butter knife? Does she watch Monty Python or something?"  
  
[Laughs] "She does, she loves them. And she actually owns butter knives."  
  
"She sounds hilarious already." [Chuckles] "Is she going ta go 'I'll dig yer heart out with a spoon' at me?"  
  
"Nah. She would either stare at you, always, and make you uncomfortable and edgy or try to get you into a headlock and politely threaten to chop off your crown jewels if you mess with me. Or something alone those lines."  
  
[Burst of laughter] "She sounds plenty interesting, luv."  
  
"She is. She is hilarious. I should have made you have coffee together when she was visiting."  
  
"Does she stay in LA?"  
  
"Rarely. Why?" [Chuckles] "Do you want to arrange a meeting without me? Don't you dare!"  
  
"Why, yer scared of us gossiping 'bout you?"  
  
"Wouldn't you be? If I had a tea party with all your women?"  
  
"You make me sound like a pimp!" [Cackling]  
  
"Casanova, love, casanova."  
  
"I don't think so." [Still laughing]  
  
"Well, I won't make you compare numbers." [Chuckles] "But I'll go with Casanova."  
  
"I'd prefer 'Sean', really."  
  
"Always so modest..."  
  
[Chuckles] "So what did Exene say 'bout Henry?"  
  
"Hm? About his visit?"  
  
"'Bout you telling him." [Pause] "You talked ta her 'bout this, yeah?"  
  
[Long pause. Quietly]: "Yes, I did."  
  
"Vig? What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing, I-" [Pause] "It's not about what Exene said, she was- just great, I mean, she-" [Sighs] "But we ended talking about Henry and our separation and- there never has been anybody since- neither in my life nor in hers- that we have told Henry about."  
  
"Ah. It makes it real for him, don't it? That you've found someone else, and his parents won't ever get back together again."  
  
"Yeah, basically. And I thought- I really don't know how he feels about Exene and me and how can I not know that? I'm his dad, why haven't we talked about this? I just- he seemed to be fine after we all had adjusted to the new situation when we decided not to live together anymore- and we talked about it a lot, back then, but now- I just don't know. I don't know if he will be fine with this."  
  
"Mm." [Pause] "When Mel and I divorced, Molly was six, and Lorna was ten. They didn't take it well. First time I brought Abby home, they screamed at me, screamed at her, and told her that she'll never be their mom, that they hate me..." [Sigh] "Can't blame 'em fer doing that. Later, Lorna told me- it ain't that she don't like Abby, or that Molly don't either, but it's just that... she always thought me and Mel were just fighting, and we'll live together again, and Abby broke that kind of illusion." [Pause, chuckles] "It don't mean she really hate me. I hope."  
  
[Softly]: "No. I think it means that she hates that you do this to her, you whom she loves so much, and she hates that there is nothing she can do about it. You turn her world upside down and all she can do is watch. Or scream." [Pause] "What do you think I should do?"  
  
[Softly:] "It's more cruel ta let Henry hope that you two will get back together, luv."  
  
"No, but I won't. And I think Exene and I were pretty clear about that, once we decided that it's over. We tried to be, at least. It wasn't- Christ, it sounds terrible but all of this was so very emotional and both she and I- we barely kept it together, for his sake, because we didn't want to- I guess we could have done a better job at explaining things to him." [Pause] "And then- people sometimes tell me that Exene and I, that we seem to be- remarkably close, and I've never cared much about those comments but now- I can't help wondering if to him it might look as if there's still something there, to him. He's just a kid."  
  
"I can't answer this fer you, Vig." [Softly] "But unless you decide ta leave me fer your ex-wife some time in the near future, you're going to have to tell him." [Pause] "It won't be a good decision ta wait until Exene does it either, eh?"  
  
"No, but she would never do that. And I want to tell him, I don't want to keep this from him, it's too important." [Pause] "I'm just scared that I'm going to make him sad or angry or both or- I don't know-"  
  
"You know." [Pause] "You can't always make sure yer kids are happy. Sometimes... the world's shite, things just... change."  
  
[Self-deprecating snort] "The problem is that he knows that already." [Long pause] "You know, I've never- it has never been like that before. When I see him, it's usually- I'm crazy with joy, then, already before he arrives- and now there is always this thought, this fear that I-" [Swallows hard. Hoarsely]: "I know it's stupid but-" [Very quietly]: "That I might lose him."  
  
"Vig. Yer the one who told me that me girls will always be mine, and they won't ever hate me for being away or screwing up. Take yer own advice a little, eh?"  
  
"When did I say that?" [Shaky exhale] "You've got three, that's better odds, somehow."  
  
"Stop that fucking self-pity, Vig."  
  
[Pause. Barely suppressed anger]: "That's not helping. I'm worried. What does that have to do with self-pity?"  
  
[Flatly:] "Because yer not thinking this through. Because now yer running yer head 'round and 'round and 'round 'bout circles thinking, 'what if, what if, what if', and it ain't going ta stop no matter what I tell you. Because yer gotten ta the point where yer just so fucking terrified that Henry might be upset 'bout this that you ain't even listening ta what's coming out of yer out mouth. Listen ta yerself."  
  
[Long pause] "Exene asked me to tell her about you, anything really. And what I told her, was that you manage to ground me and keep my thoughts from chasing their tails forever." [Pause] "But when you're here that usually doesn't involve me wanting to slam down the receiver and smash it into pieces."  
  
[Snorts] "If I were there with you, I would've just picked you up and slammed you against the wall and kiss you until you forget. But I can't, and I know there's nothing I can actually say ta you because I don't know Henry well enough. All I know is that yer train of thought's going in circles, and I ain't going ta let you indulge yerself like that."  
  
"Which is good." [Pause] "But I still need to figure out a solution to this."  
  
"I'll listen if you want ta go through yer speech with me." [Pause] "So I ground you, eh?"  
  
[Quietly]: "Mmh. You do."  
  
[Teasing:] "Are you blushing?"  
  
[Groans] "You know me far too well already."  
  
[Long pause. Frustrated sigh] "God, I wish I could kiss you right now."  
  
"So do I, believe me."  
  
[Shuddering sigh] "Fucking hell."  
  
"Sometimes, when I have to get up early, I- I pretend for a moment before I walk into the kitchen, that you will be there and I get to wrap my arms around you and bury my nose in your shoulder." [Pause] "Disturbingly domestic fantasies."  
  
[Shaky laugh] "Yer adorable, luv."  
  
"That- or nuts. Time will tell." [Softly]: "You alright?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm fine. Just missing you."  
  
"I miss you, too. Very, very much."  
  
[Long pause.] "Anyway." [Deep breaths] "You need me ta get you anything in Berlin?"  
  
"Fake piece of the wall?" [Soft chuckle] "No, but I'd love a postcard. And some pictures of you." [Pause] "When are you going?"  
  
"I'll see if I can get a piece of the real wall fer you, if you really want it." [Chuckles] "I'm leaving on the weekend."  
  
"No, it's fine. How long will you be there?"  
  
"Couple of weeks. Might be more."  
  
"I wish I could come with you. Berlin is great."  
  
"You've been there, luv?"  
  
"Several times. I like it, it's unpretentious, somehow. And it has this scruffy, rundown charme."  
  
"Scruffy, eh? Sounds like I should fit right in."  
  
[Laughs] "Yes, you will."  
  
"Now it's just learning the language." [Chuckles] "Shame I'd only be there fer two weeks."  
  
"Do you have to speak German?"  
  
"Nah. I'll leave that up ta you."  
  
"But I'm busy trying to gain fluidity in the language of the Northerners at the moment."  
  
"Aye? That so?"  
  
[Chuckles] "Aye! I was hoping you might be able to tell! But then, our conversation today was not a very good demonstration of my skills, I guess." [Pause] "Ian actually told me to consider learning it."  
  
"I'm starting ta think yer not talking 'bout me accent here."  
  
"No, I'm talking the whole package. Less words, more actions, hm?" [Chuckles] "And I'm really trying not to dissect everything and to rein back the urge to talk about things over and over again."  
  
[Teasing:] "Is yer memory that bad that you need constant reminders?"  
  
"Well, you know that sometimes one half of my brain doesn't seem to know what the other is doing..." [Quietly]: "But it also is a way of reaching out to you."  
  
"You don't have ta do that ta reach out ta me."  
  
"Maybe not." [Pause] "But what would you have me do instead?"  
  
"Talking ta me will do just fine."  
  
"The thing is- it's true, sometimes I'm just stuck and repeat something over and over again." [Pause] "But sometimes, when I'm trying to talk to you about something and you- I don't know, deflect, maybe, then these thoughts tend to return. And I bring them up again if I can't work out a solution myself."  
  
[Pause] "What kind of talking do you mean, Vig?"  
  
"Hm? Well, just talking, really. And talking in circles as a way of trying to get you to respond to certain thoughts, I think."  
  
"... I'm not going ta respond ta you the way you want me ta every time, you know that, aye?"  
  
"It's not about that- I'm not expecting you to respond in a certain way, not at all. I'm just- looking for new angles, if you want to put it that way. If there's something on my mind that refuses to disappear, I often want to share it with you. And sometimes it's enough if you're just listening, but sometimes it isn't."  
  
[Long pause] "I don't get it, Vig. I really don't."  
  
[Sighs] "How am I going to explain this?" [Pause] "It's- I want to share things that matter to me with you. And that can be small things, like this book I read last week that I liked so much. Or it can be things like my thoughts about Henry. And sometimes I just want to tell you and sometimes I want to hear what you think about these things. And I think that, when I bring up a certain topic again and again, that it's a way of asking you for help, your perspective." [Pause] "Because you are right, you rarely tell me what you think, what bothers you,and it is something I miss. And I think that maybe my way of asking for that is bringing up the same stuff over and over again."  
  
[Frustrated sigh] "Confusing, this. I don't know when you want me ta just listen ta yer rambling, and when you want me ta answer. If I'm sitting next ta you, I can tell immediately. But like this..."  
  
[Quietly] "Yeah. It's not the same."  
  
[Frustrated sigh] "Damn, I hate this."  
  
"Yeah." [Pause] "This is why I freaked out before you left, basically. It tends to be like that."  
  
"It usually ain't like this." [Pause, then a self-deprecating chuckle] "Maybe we're talking ta each other too much."  
  
[Immediately]: "What do you mean?"  
  
"I didn't get ta talk ta Mel or me girls for a good long while every year during Sharpe, and I don't have much of a problem. I'll distract meself, write letters and such, and it'll be alright." [Softly] "'Least, I can make believe it is."  
  
[Long pause] "I can't."  
  
[Pause] "...Aye."  
  
[Hoarsely] "Is that what you want?" [Clears his throat] "Do you want to talk less often?"  
  
"I... Christ, Vig. I just want ta stop missing you."  
  
[Shaky inhale] "I thought-"  
  
"Vig?"  
  
"I'm here, I- god, Sean--" [Deep breath]  
  
[Softly] "I'm not telling you ta call me less. I just-" [Deep breath] "Wish I can stop missing you so much. Or do something 'bout it."  
  
[Hoarsely] "I hate this. I just- want you to be here."  
  
"Mm." [Long, deep breath] "You mind if- you mind if I hang up?"  
  
"-Of course I do-- But hang up if-- you have to."  
  
"Vig I- Sorry- I can't-" [Shaky breath. Clatter. Dial tone]  
  
"No- Sean? Sean?" [Broken sob]  
  
  
 _tbc..._  
  
  



	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viggo and Miranda have a conversation. Still dialogue-only

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

**New Zealand, 27-07-2000, 6:12pm**

  
"Viggo? You've got a minute?"  
  
"Hm? Actually I was about to-" [Sighs] "What's up?"  
  
"You're not busy? Good. C'mon, have dinner with me because otherwise I get dragged off by Karl and have to see him get naked in a bar again."  
  
"What? You promised you would look after him when I left!' [Pause] "I'm not sure if I'm good company tonight, Mir. Tomorrow?"  
  
"Bernard was in charge." [Footsteps] "That's precisely why I want you to have dinner with me."  
  
"Because you enjoy exceptionally bad company on a Thursday?"  
  
[Laughter] "Sure, if that's what gets your ass moving."  
  
[Sighs] "Fine. I'll drive. Where do you want to go?" [Car door opening]  
  
"You mind if we get takeout and go over to your place?"  
  
"Sounds good. If you promise to cover me with a blanket and let yourself out if I fall asleep during dinner." [Car doors closing. Engine starting]  
  
"I'd promise to carry you to bed but I don't think my arms can take it."  
  
[Chuckles] "I can simply try not to fall asleep on you."  
  
"That would be the best option, yes."  
  
"I'll try. Indian? Or that little Chinese place?"  
  
"Chinese sounds great."  
  
"Chinese it is, then." [Pause. Sounds of the car. Yawns] "God, I really am tired."  
  
"I can drive, you know."  
  
"If you don't mind? I didn't get enough sleep."  
  
"Yeah, I can tell." [Door opening] "Move over." [Door closing]  
  
[Shuffling. Door opening] "There." [Door closing] "Thanks."  
  
"You're welcome." [Pause] "Do you want to tell me why you couldn't sleep?"  
  
"I don't know." [Long pause] "I always end up spending half the nights on the phone. Henry is coming on Saturday and I had to talk over some stuff with Exene." [Pause] "And Sean, of course."  
  
[Sounds of engine starting] "Something happened with Sean?"  
  
"No, we're--or--" [Swallows] "Sort of."  
  
"Wait, don't tell me about this now. Tell me while we're eating."  
  
"Mmh. Maybe."  
  
[Teasing:] "Will that turn into a 'sure' if I buy you dinner?"  
  
[Weary]: "I'm not sure if it's a good idea to talk about it."  
  
"Now that's a first."  
  
"I just-" [Sighs] "Maybe it's going to make things worse if I talk about it."  
  
"Ohh... kay... That's a hundred-eighty if I've ever heard of one. What did Sean say?"  
  
"He- he hung up on me in the middle of the call- because- it hurt too much to keep talking to me, I think."  
  
"Well, that's perfectly understandable."  
  
"It is." [Pause] "Doesn't make it any easier, though."  
  
"No, it doesn't." [Pause] "Is that why you can't sleep?"  
  
"It'll probably be why I won't sleep tonight. But- I've just been- thinking a lot. I thought I'd tell Henry about Sean when he's here. But I'm not sure if it's a good idea."  
  
"Why not?" [Car slowing down] "Hey, what do you want? I'll order."  
  
"Just soup and some vegetables and noodles."  
  
"Got it." [Open door, close door]  
  
[Shuffling. Sighs]  
  
[Open door, close door] "Did you fall asleep on me?"  
  
"Mh." [Yawns. Skin rubbing over skin] "Almost. What did you get?"  
  
"Eggdrop soup, dumplings, vegetables, and chow mein. That alright?"  
  
"Sounds great. Give me the bag, I'll hold it." [Rustling of plastic] "I think I have a bottle of wine at home, too."  
  
"Wine with Chinese?" [Giggles] "Sounds restaurant-grade already."  
  
"Well, my place certainly doesn't look like a restaurant..."  
  
"I don't know, maybe if you clean it up a bit, put in some amber lights..."  
  
[Snorts] " _Amber lights_ , Mir? Really? I thought I knew you better than that!"  
  
"Oh come on! Most restaurants always have these dim, romantic lights that makes it really hard to see your food."  
  
"We can switch off the lights if you prefer not to see your food. Might help with the chaos, too."  
  
"I want my food to go into my mouth, Viggo. Not my nose."  
  
"Psh. Boring details."  
  
"You consider not eating with your nose a _boring detail_? Only you, Vig."  
  
[Chuckles] "I and most children in the world, probably."  
  
Says something about your maturity level, doesn't it?" [Laughing]  
  
"I'd say about my philosophy."  
  
"True enough. Hey, do I take a left or right turn here?"  
  
"Left. And then right again. Mm, this really smells good, doesn't it?"  
  
"No nicking!"  
  
"Then hurry up, woman! I'm starving."  
  
"Yes, yes!" [Laughter, sounds of car speeding up]  
  
[Laughter] "Hungry, too, hm?"  
  
"Nah, just don't want you to keep whining."  
  
"I'll be quiet when there's food in my mouth!" [Laughs] "No, you know that's not true."  
  
"Now that's just making me think odd things."  
  
"Hm? _Excuse me_? What does that make you think of?"  
  
"Uh uh. I'm not saying them." [Car slowing down] "We're here, by the way. If you somehow stopped being able to recognise your house."  
  
"Something dirty. I'm sure. You're always thinking about something dirty." [Cackles] "Let's go."  
  
" _Excuse_ me, I don't actually have a gutter mind!"  
  
"Oh, but you don't have the mind of a lady either!" [Car door opening]  
  
[Car door opening] "Having one of those is boring."  
  
[Shift. Rustling of plastic] "I couldn't agree with you more, my dear." [Car door closing]  
  
[Slam of car door closing] "I'm sorry to say, Viggo, but you'll never be a lady."  
  
[Footsteps. Clinking of keys] "That's quite okay, I like being able to pee while I'm standing upright." [Keys turning in lock]  
  
[Laughter] "That's the only thing you can think of?"  
  
"Certainly not." [Door opening.Shuffling] "But I don't want to make you blush."  
  
"As _if_ anything you said would make me blush." [Beat] "What is it about you and your hatred of shoes, seriously?"  
  
"It's not hatred of shoes but concern for my feet." [Door closing] "And I have Skandinavian roots, entering a home with shoes makes me twitch."  
  
"So what gave you those cheekbones of yours also gave you perpetually bare feet?" [Laughing]  
  
[Chuckles] "One could say that. I just used to call him _dad_ , though. Less complicated."  
  
"True!" [Crinkling of plastic] "You want to get out your wine?"  
  
"Yes. Carry on to the living room, I'll go get the bottle." [Pause] "There might be stuff on the table, though... Just- wait, I'll be right there." [Footsteps disappearing]  
  
"What do you mean, _stuff_? I can't see your table!" [Laughing] "I'm waiting."  
  
[Footsteps returning. Laughter. Clinking of glasses.] "I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting company. Wait." [Bottle being set down.] "Let me just-" [Rustling of fabric] "My lady, would you mind having a picnic on the floor? Here, take a sofa cushion, too."  
  
"I feel wined and dined already." [Glasses clinking, plastic crinkling] "Though, picnicking indoors sound rather exotic. Counterintuitive, but productive."  
  
"Well, necessity is the mother of invention. Do you want another cushion? And give me your glass." [Wine being poured]  
  
"My butt is well taken care of, thank you."  
  
"I certainly hope so, I don't want you to tell people that I make you sit on the bare floor when you're coming over for dinner."  
  
"I don't know. You can probably excuse it as giving me some sort of tantric exercise or something."  
  
"Mmh. Making you get in touch with the earth, maybe." [Pause] "Thanks, Mir, I really appreciate this. It's exactly what I needed tonight."  
  
"Don't worry about it. This is a better alternative than getting drunk with the guys." [Chuckles] "Anyway, you want to talk about it?"  
  
[Pause] "I think I do. Although it might be smarter to just let go and try not to think about it."  
  
"That works for some people. I don't think it does for you."  
  
"No, it doesn't." [Sighs] "I don't even know where to start."  
  
"How about you tell me what you guys were talking about before this subject came up?"  
  
"Before he hung up? It was a strange call, actually-- I was asleep and he had been talking to his ex-wife and- somehow thought that he should tell me more often about what's going on in his head- and then we talked about Henry and ended up fighting, or almost fighting- and then things got very emotional and he couldn't stand it and just- dropped the phone onto the floor, I think. God, you sure you want to hear about this?"  
  
"I wouldn't have asked if I don't want to." [Pause] "You might want to make yourself clearer, though."  
  
"In what respect?"  
  
"From everything you just said, I think I only understood the last sentence."  
  
"Problem is that it's the same mess in my head." [Sighs] "It started because I'm worried that Henry will take it badly if I tell him about Sean."  
  
"... Yeah? And why would he? Because Sean is a man?"  
  
"No. But maybe because Sean isn't his mom. I really don't know."  
  
"You know, it would be immensely disturbing if Sean was Henry's mom. Just saying."  
  
"You know what I mean. There never has been anybody before whom we have introduced to him, neither of us ever has. I have no idea how he'll feel about this."  
  
"I'm not a parent, so I can't give you very good advice, but... you know, do you ever know anyone's reaction for sure?"  
  
"Of course not. And there is no other way of finding out how he'll react than to just tell him, I know that. But it's not an easy decision. I don't want to him to get hurt, again, because his mother and I suck at stable relationships."  
  
"Do you two, really?"  
  
"Well, we couldn't stand living with each other any more. And he just had to find a way to deal with that. I don't- I really don't want to mess his life up any further."  
  
"I don't think it's messing up his life, Vig. You keep thinking that, and you're going to walk around eggshells around him forever. Henry's teenager by now, right? He's grown up enough to realise that his parents aren't perfect- or, more precisely, that his parents don't always fit his image of them. You know what I mean?"  
  
"Yeah. And of course he knows that we're not perfect. But that won't prevent him from getting hurt by either of us. And that's what I'm afraid of." [Pause] "Maybe the question is if I think that Sean and I- that it's important enough to tell him."  
  
[Long pause. Slurping sound] "I... would think that's the more important part."  
  
"Probably." [Pause. Quietly:] "I love him."  
  
"I'm hearing a 'but' with how you're not eating."  
  
"But I'm not sure if we can make this work long-distance."  
  
"Are you both trying to?"  
  
"Yeah, that is not the problem. I want this and I'm sure that he does, too. But- it's just so- well, painful, I guess."  
  
"It probably sounds and feels horrible, but I think it's just to be expected. I don't think people are made for long-distance things."  
  
"No. Or at least I am not." [Pause] "Fuck. This is insane. How can you hurt like this because you're in love? I should be happy---"  
  
"Oh come on now, Viggo. You know better than that."  
  
"I know. Of course I know--- but-" [Softly:] "I'm crazily in love with him, Mir, I want this to work."  
  
"I think both of you want this to work, so that's half the battle's won, yeah?"  
  
"Or so one would think." [Sighs] "Look, I know there's no other way right now than for us to be apart, and I know that these things are difficult and painful. And of course, the important part is that we both want this. We do, and we are going to see each other eventually and it's going to be fine. I know all that. But it- it doesn't help with the pain. Not yet. First I have to learn how to be without him again."  
  
"What's 'second'?"  
  
"What? Nothing is second. What I meant was that we both have to try and find a way to deal with this- And if we can, it's going to be fine. And if we can't--" [Pause] "I'd much rather assume that we can."  
  
"No, what I mean is- you're focusing on trying to erase that pain, Viggo, but that's impossible. I'm asking for step two, because that is the way to deal with it, and you can only deal with step one when you've got a step two."  
  
"I'm not trying to erase the pain, that won't do. I'm trying to wield it into something I can live with. And that's step two, if you want. To be able to accept the fact that he's not there when I wake up without feeling this kind of pain. And that will take time, and some days it'll be better, some days it'll be worse, I know. I've been there before. But right now it's tearing me apart." [Pause] "It's been years since I have let anybody come that close and that alone is something I have to get used to again."  
  
"Will he be coming over soon?"  
  
"No. He won't be able to come before shooting wraps."  
  
" _Seriously?_ Damn."  
  
"Yeah. And there's nothing I can do either. It's not as if Peter is going to let me fly to London."  
  
"No, I mean, are you sure Sean can't really come earlier? It looks like it's killing you, and him too."  
  
"He's orking, too. He's going to Berlin soon for some new project. And I think he really needs to spend some time with his daughters. It would be very selfish of me to try and interfere with any of that."  
  
"Now stop that. You can't beat yourself up for having entirely human desires, you know, or else you start feeling like a martyr in a relationship and _that's_ unhealthy."  
  
"He knows how much I miss him, I told him. And that is what he said, that he won't be able to make it before shooting ends. That's just how it is. I'm not going to try and press him and make him decide between seeing me and seeing his kids, Mir, not ever. His youngest is just a little over a year. They need him in London. Having to wait for him to come see me will hardly kill me."  
  
"Will it kill _him_?"  
  
[Long pause. Swallows hard. Hoarsely]: "I don't know. I know he's struggling with this, too, but I don't know how difficult this really is for him. But I think- I think it's much harder for him then he lets on, he- he doesn't talk in epic bredth about his feelings. But before he hung up on me- god, I wish I could be there with him, I-" [Shaky breath] "Shit. I hate this."  
  
[Shift, rustle. Crinkling of cloth]  
  
[Muffled] : "I'm sorry, I- god, Mir, I'm sorry."  
  
"Shhh, don't worry about it. You need to get it out, right?"  
  
[Muffled]: "Shit."  
  
"Hey, what's this swearing for?"  
  
"For crying into your nice sweater."  
  
"Well, I'll send my dry cleaning bill to you if you mind that much."  
  
[Sighs] "Gimme a second."  
  
"Alright."  
  
[Deep breath] "Thanks. It's okay."  
  
"Don't worry about it. Do you feel better?"  
  
[Soft chuckle] "A little. Look, no more tears."  
  
"Good. Can't have puffy eyes for Aragorn, right?" [Quiet laugh] "C'mon, eat something."  
  
 _tbc_...  
  



	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Viggo have different coping methods for separation. They try to compromise. Dialogue-only, but now with faxes too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

  
  
  
  


**London, 27-07-2000, 9:07am**

I'm really sorry I hung up. Couldn't sleep. Finished packing far too early. Hope filming's going well, Viggo, and you're sleeping.  
  
  


**New Zealand, 27-07-2000, 10:13pm**

of course i'm not asleep. are you alright? don't worry about hanging up, i love you  
  
  


**London, 27-07-2000, 9:18am**

Still, I'm sorry. I'm fine. Do you mind me calling you now?  
  
  


 

**New Zealand, 27-07-2000, 10:21pm**

  
[Dialing sound]  
  
[Softly:] "Hey."  
  
[Just as softly:] "Hej."  
  
"I'm surrounded by suitcases." [Brief laugh] "It's a mess 'round here."  
  
"When are you leaving? Tomorrow? Or on Saturday?"  
  
"Saturday. D'you think the time difference'll be a bit better?"  
  
"It's only one hour, isn't it? Not that much of a difference."  
  
"No, probably not. Might make it easier to calculate, though."  
  
[Dryly:] "I'll still need some toes to get it right." [Pause] "Did you get any proper rest, Sean?"  
  
"Spent most of me time packing, so not really." [Soft laugh] "Did you manage ta have a good day?"  
  
[Quietly:] "Do you want to tell me why you hung up?"  
  
[Long pause. Tentatively:] "Thought I made it clear enough."  
  
"I think I know exactly how you're feeling. But it might help me to hear it from you."  
  
"Alright. I'll try." [Breath] "Hurts me ta keep talking ta you when I know I can't touch you."  
  
[Softly:] "Me, too, Sean. And it's okay that you hung up, really, I get it. But let us try to get through this together, hm?"  
  
"I- Christ, Vig, I don't think it works that way."  
  
[Long pause. Hoarsely:] "What do you mean?" [Shaky breath]  
  
"When I'm missing someone, talking ta 'em always makes it worse. Reminds me of what I don't have, you know what I mean? The only way I can deal with it is-" [Pause] "Focusing on work, that's all."  
  
[Long, long pause] "I have no idea how to deal with this."  
  
[Softly:] "Aye. I'm sorry."  
  
"If I can't talk to you- I -" [Pause. Swallows] "I don't know how to do this."  
  
"Christ. This is a mess." [Mirthless chuckle]  
  
"---"  
  
"I- Christ, I'm so fucking sorry."  
  
"I don't want to lose you."  
  
"Yer not going ta. I just- I just need space. You know what I mean?"  
  
"I wish I did."  
  
"What do you want me ta say, Vig?"  
  
[Desperately:] "I don't know, Sean, I don't know!"  
  
[Tightly:] "Fucking hell. Look, we can't- we can't keep talking like this."  
  
"No, we can't. But I don't know what you want me to do! Do you want me to stop calling you?"  
  
"We should try ta- keep away from each other fer a while. Concentrate on work. Aye?"  
  
"God, no, I-" [Trembling inhale] "I can't just put my feelings for you on hold, I- please, don't- don't ask me to do this, I-"  
  
"Vig, I can't keep talking to you like this, when I can't have you. I just can't."  
  
"I understand that! But what do you want me to do? It's going to kill me if I can't have you here and then can't even talk to you!"  
  
"I don't know, Vig! I don't- I don't have a solution fer this!"  
  
[Deep breath. Shaky exhale] "Okay, okay." [Swallows] "I'm- I'm going to try and- stay away, if that makes you feel better. But I don't know what- I don't know if- I'll try, Sean- but I can't-"  
  
"I'm so- I'm just so fucking sorry." [Choked breath]  
  
[Long pause. Barely audible:] "I'm going to hang up now. Take the time you need and I- I'll- try, I'll try to still be here when- I'll try to find a way to deal with this." [Hoarsely:] "Call me whenever you want, okay?"  
  
"Ah- aye. Alright." [Long, deep breath] "Alright. I'll- I'll call you when I reach Berlin."  
  
"Mh." [Softly:] "Bye, Sean-- take care." [Click]  
  
  


**Berlin, 29-07-2000, 5:11pm**

  
Vig,  
  
I'm in Berlin now. I know I said I wanted to call you, but I decided this is better. I actually have your fax number in my phone book, can you believe that?  
  
The flight was hell. Not as bad as from New Zealand to London, no, but it was still bad. I hate being in mid-air surrounded by tonnes of metal not knowing if I'm going to die because something fails. Didn't sleep at all during the flight even though I tried to. I kept thinking of you. Anyway, have you ever read any of Yeats' poems? I know you read Blake, given Henry's second name, but Yeats is brilliant as well. He's not one of the Romantics, though I don't think Blake is either.  
  
I know Henry must be there by now. How is he? What have the two of you done today? I hope you're having fun with him, Vig, because I know how much you've missed him. Would you mind writing down what you said? I miss your handwriting, and I did mean it when I said I don't think I can listen to you without going slightly mad. I'm sorry about that.  
  
Sean  
PS: Do you mind writing back to me?  
  
  


**New Zealand, 30-07-2000, 7.45am**

  
Dear Sean,  
  
I don't mind writing back, if that's what you are comfortable with for now. Sorry about the flight. Maybe you can take the train on your way back? It's only 900 km or something?  
  
I only have a minute now, Henry is taking a shower and we're going out for a hike after breakfast. The weather is great and we're both very much looking forward to it. God, he has grown so much since he was here last time.  
  
I'll try to write more when we get back but I'm not sure if I'll manage tonight. I hope that's okay. I slept fairly well yesterday for the first time in ages with Henry in the next room and I think I could use another night's sound sleep. Writing to you might not help with that, I fear.  
I'm thinking about you and am missing you,  
  
V.  
  
PS: I read Yeats ages ago, send me a copy of your favorite parts and I will read him again for you.And whose number is this? Who gets to read this apart from you?  
  
  


**New Zealand, 31-07-2000, 11.25am**

  
Dear Sean,  
  
sorry, we got back late yesterday and I just couldn't get myself to pick up a pen. The day with Henry was wonderful, it really was, and it already is as if we've never been apart. I'm always amazed by how much more depth our conversations gain with every year that passes. He's brilliant. And I'm so happy to have him here with me, I don't have words to tell you how happy.  
  
You asked me to write down what I said on the phone? I hope I said that I think I understand what you mean when you are saying you need space. I think I do, even though it hurts. I know it's stupid, probably, because you didn't say that you wanted space because you don't want to be with me, but because you want to be with me, but can't, and it hurts too much to be reminded of that every day. That's what you are saying, right?  
  
I don't feel the same way, for me it's more painful not to talk to you, not to hear your voice, not at least share a few moments on the phone when we don't get to share a bed. But if that's what you need, not to talk to me for some time, I will try. I'm just leaving my mobile phone at home when I leave for work and I try not be disappointed when the little light on my answering machine isn't flashing when I come home. I'm a little scared that I'm going to damage my feelings for you somehow, if I try to suppress them like this, afraid maybe, that I will cross a line that can't be crossed in the other direction again, but I'm going to try, Sean. I want this to work, we need to find a way to make this work.  
  
Tell me who receives these faxes for you so that I know what I can write about and what not.  
  
Love,  
V.  
  
PS: How's Berlin?  
  
  


**Berlin, 31-07-2000, 2:01pm**

  
Vig,  
  
Rented a nice place, little way out of town, with its own fax machine. I've been thinking about this for a while. You know how shite I am with words when I have to say them. I figured writing them down will be easier. At least like this, I have to think before I write, and writing is always slower than talking.  
I'm damned glad Henry's there with you. You missed your boy and I know that, and of course he's brilliant, he's yours. Are you two climbing mountains? Did PJ give you a few days off so you can spend time with Henry? I really hope he did.  
  
I get what you mean now. It just seems... I don't know, that it was my fault, the last time we spoke. Kept thinking I'm going to screw it all up again but I can't keep talking to you. I kept thinking, I would be able to deal with the separation, but it seems that's a no. The last times I did this I had work to throw myself into, but Berlin's only for two weeks and I won't know what to do with myself afterwards. I have to do something with myself. Can't keep still, and I can't keep thinking about you either. Drives me crazy, the way I'll have you and not have you at the same time. Even my hands started twitching, and I know myself enough that it's not good.  
  
I'm not telling you to suppress what you feel. If there's something I can do, I will. If you want me to leave you answering machine messages, I can. I just can't hear you, odd as that sounds.  
  
Berlin's great. The buildings are beautiful. I wish I'm actually going towards the German countryside. I miss horses. I can't ride them as well as you do, but I miss riding a horse through open fields. Haven't done that in a while.  
  
This fax's going to be a mess. Christ. Oh, about Yeats. Cloths of Heaven and Leda and the Swan are good starts. I'm actually reading the first out loud for this. Don't tell anyone, but I might have just taken this movie just for this chance.  
  
Sean  
  
PS: Sorry for the doodles.  
  
  


**New Zealand, 02-08-2000, 8:05pm**

  
Dear Sean,  
  
I have a quiet moment now to reply to you because I had to work late and Karl has taken Henry surfing in the afternoon. They are not back yet, so I suppose they are having fun. I won't have to work on Friday and we will go on a three day camping tour, Henry is bouncing with glee. And so am I, actually. It's been too long since I got to sleep outside.  
  
It's good that Henry is here, he forces my mind away from you, and helps me not to panic about this. But how long, Sean? How long until you will be able to talk to me?  
  
I miss your voice, I miss to hear you laugh into my ear, so yes, leave me a message some time, I think that would help.  
  
This is why I panicked before you left, all of this, I have struggled with this kind of separation each and every time. Suddenly there is such a great void inside of you, a restlessness that nothing ever seems to fill, and I am bad a dealing with that, too.  
  
Of course, work helps. It always does. And if it's only two weeks- why don't you take some days and visit the countryside? You should at least take the train to Potsdam, and visit the castle and especially the gardens at Sanssouci, they are very beautiful.  
  
Or have the girls stay with you for a longer time? I can imagine they are a handful, and you and Mel were making plans for that, weren't you?  
And I am always happy to see you, more than that, I hope you know that. But it's a long way to New Zealand and your girls have older claims on you.  
  
All my love,  
Viggo  
  
PS: I love the doodles! There's Gandalf, and that other one- is that Aragorn slaying orcs? Or Boromir dying a true hero's death? And the flowers, of course, they are beautiful.  
  
Oh, and doing a film just for the chance to read out poetry? I like that!  
  
  


**Berlin, 03-08-2000, 8:57pm**

  
[Clears throat] "Hey, luv. You said you miss me voice, so here it is. It ain't anything special. Might even have a little bit of a cough, really. Berlin's dryer than London than this time of the year, and it's odd, really, but sometimes I still haven't gotten used ta all the different weathers. I miss yer voice too. Miss yer odd little cackle." [Soft laugh] "But I still think we should keep ta this. Faxes and voicemails. Might seem a bit odd, but it's a step further from speaking ta each other and we need that- nah, I need that. Lets me have time ta think 'bout what ta say before I say it, too. Better than panicking at each other on the phone, aye? I might just take yer advice and go down ta the countryside. Don't get me wrong, I like architecture just fine, but there's a damned load of it 'round here." [Chuckles] "Of course there is, it's the capital, just like there's a damned load of buildings in London. But I miss the fresh air in New Zealand. Miss being able ta see the sun rise over the mountains, the sky growing pink. It's a beautiful place, that's what it is."  
  
[Pause] "Camping with Henry, aye? Where are you all filming at now? Is it the North or the South island? Nah, you don't have ta answer me, I'm just being nosy. I hope you two have fun, luv. And yeah, that's Aragorn   slaying orcs, with a little soldier helping him." [Laughs] "The flowers weren't meant ta be flowers. Just ended up being that way." [Long pause, as if the phone has been hung up. Then, abruptly:] "I miss you. But I won't fly over after Berlin. Yer right, I have ta go back ta me girls. But aye, I miss you."  
  
  


**New Zealand, 03-08-2000, 10:30pm**

  
I'll be going to bed in a moment, we are leaving early tomorrow morning and won't be back before Sunday evening. I won't take my mobile with me and am going to unplug the phone line as soon I have sent you these pages. There are so many words there, and so many negative emotions and I have thought a great deal about whether or not I should be sending them to you. I am afraid that they might destroy something between us. I am, but then, I think we need to be honest with each other if we want to find a way to deal with this. And that's what I want. And I hope you do, too. Not being able to talk to you does all these things to me, and you don't have to read these pages, it's not pleasant, I'm sad and I'm hurting and a lot of what came out of my pen is unfair. I'm not holding a grudge against you, I know you would do this differently if you could, it's not your fault that this drives me crazy, and I don't want you to feel guilty about any of this. If you can, see this as a necessary step for me on the way to a little more distance that makes it easier to deal with being apart. It's a process that is painful but I think you are right, we can't end up sobbing into each others' ears on the phone constantly, that's not healthy either.  
  


Hearing your voice helped, I replayed the message so many times that I wore the band thin (if that's even possible). Go to see the countryside, go spend time with your daughters. Of course I wish you could come with us and see the sunrise in the mountains, that would be perfect, you and Henry and me, but there will be time for that, aye?

I miss you, too.

Love,

Viggo

 

[attached to the fax are pages torn out of a notebook]

  
_Friday, 28/7, 8am_  
I have a late call today, 10 am, and maybe I should have gotten up earlier and went to the stables or slept longer because now I'm sitting here, staring at the phone. I wanted to call you back as soon as I had hung up yesterday, wanted to yell at you, beg you to take back these words, beg you not to take this from me, your voice, because what is going to be left then? No bodies, no voices, just dead words that reach you after days and days when my thoughts have moved on already. I wanted to call you back and beg you to make this go away, this desperation and fear and panic. But how are you supposed to do that when you're feeling  the same? I don't know what to do about this, I am just so tired of feeling like this, of missing you like this, and you haven't been gone that long, and it's so many more weeks until you'll be back. I don't know how to do this if I can't talk to you.

 

_Friday, 28/7, 11pm_

My mobile phone has been a dead weight in my pocket all day and I don't know how many times I have checked the display only to be left with this feeling in my stomach, as if I am going to throw up in a second. I never do though. I know you said you would call when you're in Berlin and that's tomorrow but I had to unplug the phone to stop waiting for it to ring and I left my mobile phone in the car, buried under my riding clothes. God, I miss you so much. It's not even about what we are talking on the phone, it's just about hearing you voice at the end of the day. It makes this real, somehow, makes it easier to believe that you are there somewhere, even if far away, and that you won't just disappear. Sometimes I'm calling you just to be reminded of that, that you are there, that you are not going anywhere. I can't do that now.  I haven't felt that lonely since that first night at Ian's, right after you left and I couldn't call you because you were in an airplane somewhere.

 

_Saturday, 29/7, 2 am_

I have tried to sleep  but keep just tossing and turning. I got some pot from Dom last week  and thought this might be easier to deal with stoned. It isn't. This still sucks when you're  stoned. Doesn't even take off the edge. Nada. If I could call you maybe we could laugh about this together. Pot doesn't cure tormented hearts. I should have known. Hope I can at least  count on being out in a moment and not waking up before it's time to go get Henry tomorrow. This sucks, Sean, make this go away.

_Saturday, 29/7, 11.30am_

I'm not doing this today, Sean, I am not thinking about you and about how much I miss you and how much I want to talk to you. I am so much looking  forward to seeing Henry and I don't want this to drag me down and make me sad when I should be mad with happiness. You said you would call but to be honest, I don't think you will, and I am not even sure I  want you to, not now anyway. How am I going to be able to talk to you when talking to me hurts you?

 

_Saturday, 29/7, 11.45am_

Henry is here now, and he's asleep in the other room, finally. He was so tired from the flight but refused to admit it and just wanted to sit and talk. And we did, we talked for hours and  hours, and went to the beach in between and then made dinner, he loves lasagna. I'm glad he is here, having him here makes it easier to remember to breathe. But you didn't call. Why didn't you call? You promised to call, Sean. And you didn't and there's nothing I can do  about it because I promised I would try, at all costs, if that's what you want.

_Sunday, 30/7, 11.15 pm_

Faxes? Are you kidding me? Faxes? At least leave a message on my mailbox, for helvede! I miss you, I miss your voice! Can't help thinking, why is he doing this to me?  I know that's unfair, it's not your fault that you are feeling this way but gud, it hurts so damn much. I can't answer to that now, not now.  Not after this day. I'm going to have a last smoke now and then go to bed.

_Monday, 31/7, 11.30pm_   


There, my fax sounds okay. Less angry, less desperate. Or at least I hope it does. And in between these weird moments when I would like to just burst into  tears because maybe I would  feel better then, if I wouldn't be holding them back constantly, I do feel better. Or maybe not better, but a little calmer. To know that you won't call, you just won't no matter  how much I wish you would, makes it easier somehow. Because I have stopped waiting for it. Last week I thought that maybe, after a couple of days the silence would become  unbearable for you, too, and you would call after all. But no. You won't. You really meant that and I have to find a way to accept that.

  
_Tuesday, 1/8, 11pm_   


This makes it worse. You sound so desperate, in these few lines that are hiding between you descriptions of your place, the city. Just as desperate as I am feeling. What if we can't deal with the separation?  What a paradox,  to split up because you love each other too damned much to deal with being apart. Fuck. What a joke. That's not what I want, Sean, it's not, we need to find a way to do this, I'm not letting you go, I can't. It's just the uncertainty speaking, I feel so fucking helpless, I can't talk to you, don't know how long I can't talk to you, if I can ever talk to you again. And what if this is going to show us that we can't do this? That it's too hard, too far, too complicated, too painful. I would let you go you know, if that's what you want, if you can't be happy with me, I'd much rather have you be happy without me. No. No no  no no no. No. I'm not going there.

 

_Wednesday, 2/8, 11.30pm_

How can I sound so cheerful in a fax and so desperate here on these pages?  Like some sort of sick two headed Lernaean Hydra or something. Yesterday you said you don't want me to suppress my feelings. But that's what I have to do in order to deal with this. I have to hide the fucking phones so that I don't call you! Even if you would be angry, even if it would hurt you, just to be told that you can't talk to me maybe would be better than this. Maybe the fear  would lessen a bit  then, the fear that if I keep going like this, if I can't talk to you  and have to push back these thoughts that something  inside of me will break. That I won't be able to find all the pieces later. That my feelings for you will be scarred, blemished. That all I will be left with will be the feeling that I need to protect myself against you so that I won't hurt like that again. Because it hurts so much that I can't do what I want to do most, to call you and tell you about my day with Henry, about the creek we discovered and about how ice cold the water was. I want you to be part of these things, even when you can't be here, I don't want you to have to make do with tomorrow's short report fed to some machine. Paper is patient, but all paper in the world can't outweigh my impatience. You mean so much to me, I don't want you to be lurking in the shadows only, feeding on yesterday's scraps. I don't even know what I am going to do with all these pages and pages full of fear and anger and desperation. Maybe I should just bury them somewhere, or burn them and spread their ashes in middle earth.

  
  
  


**New Zealand, 04-08-2000, 2:35am**

  
I'm sorry, Sean, I should not have sent you these pages and I wish I could take them back. I'm exceptionally bad at keeping things for myself sometimes, you know that, I have this urge to tell you everything that is going on in my head and in my heart, and sometimes that's just destructive and nothing good can come out of it. I don't want to make things more difficult and painful than they already are and it's so unfair to burden you with this unfiltered emotional outpour. I am deeply sorry. You shouldn't have to deal with this. You are welcome to yell at me via voice mail or fax or any other mean of communication you deem suitable for this purpose but please don't hate me for sending you these pages. And I meant that, I need more distance, too, and maybe all of this is just a brilliant example of the fact that I do. So, so sorry.  
Viggo  
  
  
 _tbc..._  
  



	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Viggo keep missing each other. But when they do catch each on the phone, maybe something is slowly being resolved. Still dialogue-only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

  
  


**Berlin, 03-08-2000, 11:47pm**

"Hej, this is Viggo. I can't answer right now but you are welcome to leave a message."  
  
"Call me, you damned, daft bastard. Call me."  
  
  


**New Zealand, 05-08-2000, 08:23pm**

"Sean here. Leave a message and I'll get back ta you."  
  
[Slightly breathlessly:] "Hej, Sean, we just got back- I-" [Small chuckle] "God, I was hoping so much you would be there to pick up the phone. Well. Not that lucky, I guess." [Sigh] "The weekend was brilliant. The weather was perfect, it only rained once during the night, and the landscape is so beautiful, I took so many pictures. I'll send you some as soon as I get them back from the shop." [Deep breath] "Sorry, I'm rambling. I don't even know what time it is at your end. Are you at work?" [Pause] "I'm sorry about all these pages, Sean, really, sometimes I'm - sometimes I'm just being an ass." [Sigh] "Sorry. Are we okay? You didn't really sound as if you called to yell at me- but then, I didn't replay the message, I just grabbed the phone and well- here I am." [Pause] "I need to go and make some dinner for Henry and myself, I'll try again tomorrow after work, okay? I'd say call back when you come home but I have this crappy early call tomorrow and Henry is coming with me, so we need to sleep. Okay." [Heartfelt sigh] "I don't want to hang up, but I will. I hope you had a good weekend, too, love. Talk to you soon. Or hear you, or send you a fax, or whatever it is. Take care, yeah? Hej."  
  
  


**Berlin, 05-08-2000, 09:02pm**

"Hej, this is Viggo. I can't answer right now but you are welcome to leave a message."  
  
"Damnit, we keep missing each other. Go spend time wit' Henry, luv, and focus on keeping the Ranger real fer the audience, yeah? I ain't mad at you, but I'm not going ta talk ta an answering machine 'bout this. But Vig, if you miss me the next time, I need you ta tell me what you want me ta do. 'Cause right now, I have no goddamned idea, and I feel like I'm walking on minefields 'round you."  
  
  


**Fax, sent from New Zealand, 06-08-2000, 11.53am**

  
Sean, sorry, Peter decided this morning that he wants to film on some mountain plateau for the next two, three days and I'm only here to pack some clothes. It's in the middle of nowhere, I'm not even taking my phone with me. Damn, but I want to talk to you. Need to talk to you.  
  
Don't worry about me, love, I'm fine (and so is my ranger, sometimes brooding, but fine, he's growing).  
  
And I don't expect you to do anything about any of this. Except maybe talk to me, but it seems that you can imagine that now? That would make things easier for me. But I know that you can't do anything to make all of this go away. It's difficult to be apart when you just found someone. This sounds weird, but maybe it's a good sign, that it's difficult for both of us? Wouldn't we be off worse if neither of us felt this, or just one of us? Maybe not much of a comfort, but hey, we'll find a way, okay?  
  
Leave me another message if you want and can, it would be great to come home to that. I'll call you when we get back. Looking forward to talking to you, so very much.  
  
All my love,  
Viggo  
  
PS: Enjoy Berlin, Sean! Buy a cheap camera and send me some pictures of what you see. I know you said you are tired of architecture, but go to Sanssouci (for the name, if nothing else, I'd like to imagine you without worries for a day) and walk through the gardens. Or take a boat trip on the Wannsee and visit that little island, the peacocks' island, it's charming. Or just go to one of the big flea markets and buy some random second hand thing for your house, as a memory. Maybe we can go to Berlin together one day, I'd love to do that. ¡un abrazo!  
  
  


**Fax, sent from Berlin, 06-08-2000, 08:15pm**

You silly bugger, Idon't understand you when you start writing to me in a foreign language, and I don't know computers well enough to try to see if I can find a translation. I was going around trying to look for a dictionary, but then I realised I don't even know if you're speaking Danish or Spanish. At least tell me the language, damnit.  
  
I bought a cheap camera. Was funny talking to the salesman, because I don't speak German and his English is so heavily accented that I can barely understand a word he's saying. It's like playing charades. I remember when we were in Ukraine for Sharpe. None of us speak Ukranian or Russian or any of the languages there, the translator is sometimes just not there, and it's all a mess. Wish I had your aptitude for languages sometimes, but even accents defeat me, so I won't even try about that.  
  
I don't know if this is a good thing or not, Viggo. I just know that I still don't know what I can do to make you feel better except for what I'm already doing. It'd be so much easier if we ran along the same wavelength, wouldn't it? But that'd be too convenient, I think. See, I'm learning.  
  
I'll look for the flea market and the peacocks' island. Do you speak German? Shall I hoard some first editions for you if I find them?  
  
Sean.  
  


**New Zealand, 10-08-2000, 04.53pm**

  
hej sean, we are back home. call me when you wake up, please? love, viggo  
  
  


**Berlin,10-08-2000, 07:12am**

  
[Dial tone]  
  
[Breathlessly]: "Sean?"  
  
"Guten Abend." [Pause, sheepish laugh] "I fucked up the pronunciation of that, didn't I?"  
  
[Laugh] "I have no idea. I don't speak any proper German. You tell me!"  
  
"Aha! I found a language you don't speak!" [Chuckling]  
  
"There's quite a few, actually. And that was Spanish, Sean, whenever there's an exclamation mark upside down it's Spanish."  
  
"Somehow I'm not surprised you like something that has basic punctuation marks upside down."  
  
"Well, you know me." [Laughs] "And whenever there's a crossed out 'o' or an 'a' and 'e' really close to each other, then that's Danish."  
  
"And what sounds do those make?"  
  
[Chuckles] "I'll teach you the next time we see each other. I want to see your face when you try to speak Danish."  
  
"Yer going ta laugh at me, aren't you?"  
  
"No, love, I'm going to laugh with you. Quite a difference."  
  
"Yeah? But you ain't the one fucking up with languages, eh?"  
  
"You know, Danish is the sexiest language in the world, I don't want you to speak it when I'm not there. Might attract the attention of attractive strangers. And that we can't have." [Laughs]  
  
"Are you speaking it, mm?"  
  
"You mean if I'm fine-tuning my skills of luring people into my bed by whispering dirty words to them in Danish while you're not here?" [Laughs]  
  
"Now yer just making me suspicious!" [Laughter]  
  
"My son is next door and there's a shirt smelling of you in my bed, I think everyone but you would find that unattractive."  
  
"Oh I don't know. I might think of some reason someone else might find it attractive." [Teasingly:] "But I'd rather not."  
  
"I can imagine that there are tons of people out there that like the smell of your cologne. But I don't want any of them in my bed." [Chuckles] "So, tell me, how's Berlin? What did you get to see? And what are you doing all day?"  
  
"Buildings, mostly." [Chuckles] "Spent most of my day filmin'. In other words, mostly waiting around while other people do their stuff."  
  
"Sorry to hear that. Is the project good at least? How's the director?"  
  
"Vig, I'm in something like five minutes of this film. I frankly have no idea." [Pause] "Actually, I don't even know if I'll even get ta see it."  
  
[Pause] "Sorry, I had no idea, I- I guess I never got round to asking you about this." [Sighs] "I'm sorry."  
  
"Nah, don't worry 'bout it. I didn't tell you either." [Pause] "You alright, luv?"  
  
"Yeah, I am. I'm good. Just been missing you. And you?"  
  
"Mm, same." [Long pause. Sounds of breathing, footsteps, things being moved] "You don't have ta keep feeling guilty all the time, you know."  
  
[Softly]: "I could tell you the same. What's this thing with the minefields? Where is that coming from?"  
  
[Pause. Very quietly:] "Shite." [Then a sigh] "Just that- I don't know what ta say ta not hurt you. Like I feel like whatever I do, I can't help but hurt you, and that scares the hell out of me."  
  
[Long pause. Deep sigh] "I'm sorry about sending you these pages from my journal. I shouldn't have." [Pause] "It's not like that, Sean. I've never felt like that. I honestly can't think of anything that you recently said that hurt me. It's difficult if I can't talk to you for such a long time, but it's not you're fault if that's too painful for you. We'll just have to find a solution then that we both can live with." [Pause] "But listen, we don't have to talk about this now- you said it might be easier for you to write these things down? Maybe we could do that? We can talk about something else and you send me a fax?"  
  
"Vig, thing is-" [Pause, sounds of things being shifted] "I- it isn't that I'm bad at talking. It's that I ain't- I ain't comfortable with talking 'bout things like this. 'Bout 'us'. Always seems ta jinx it." [Pause] "We're doing good, weren't we, just now? 'Bout being... normal?"  
  
"I know, love, I can tell from the fact that it sounds as if you're rearranging the content of your flat right now. It's not always easy for me either. But there are certain things that I think we can't just ignore. Look, I'm not going to make you spell everything out for me but if there's something between us that scares you I would like to know so that I can see if there's something I can do about that." [Pause] "I think we always are doing good at being normal."  
  
"I don't want you ta- ta think that you have ta change fer me sake just so we can be together. I don't want you ta feel like you have ta tell me things in a certain way so I won't run away or anything." [Pause] "I've got three failed marriages, and every time it failed I got told that I'm a selfish bastard, that I always do my own thing without caring 'bout me wives and what they're doing and what they want. Me and Debra, we divorced when she realised she's been coming down ta London so often that her career's suffering. I don't want you ta- ta ever resent me 'cause yer the one who keeps having ta give in and change yerself ta suit me. No, don't say anything yet. Let me finish, yeah?" [Long pause] "I don't want you ta do something 'bout it. Sometimes it's something I need ta get it through my head meself. It's part of you, and you ain't being a bastard. Just some things you do is odd ta me, that's all, and I need time. Time and space, 'cause I'm not as smart as you, Vig, I don't think that fast." [Silence, then:] "Think I'm done."  
  
[Pause] "Can I say something about that?"  
  
[Softly:] "Aye."  
  
"I'm not. Trying to change for you, I mean. People are different and it takes a little time to get used to each other. And if you cause me to think about how I do or say things that won't change who I am. In fact, I like that. I like that you do that." [Pause] "You know, sometimes you make it sound as if you think I'm unhappy with you, that I'm struggling to make this work at all. I'm not. I'm happy with how things are between us. And if you need more space, that's fine. We didn't see each other every day when you still were here, we don't have to compensate for the distance with phone calls every day. But I like talking to you on the phone, I like to hear about your day. And I think we should talk about how we want to proceed from here." [Pause] "But we don't have to do that today. I can tell you about our trip to the mountains if you want?"  
  
[Softly:] "I don't want ta talk 'bout how we're going from here. I told you, the more I talk 'bout things, the more I jinx 'em." [Pause. Sound of a hand over lips] "Tell me 'bout the trip."  
  
"I don't mean in general, Sean. But if I can't call you any time I want and you'd rather keep it to faxes mostly right now, I need to know when we are going to talk next time. So that I have something to look forward to. But I don't deal well with this uncertainty, this constant 'are you going to call, or not'. Either way, I just need to know. Okay. But we don't need to talk more about this now. Right.The trip- we drove to that little national park where we went for a walk one afternoon in the very beginning, do you remember that? The one in the south? I bought a map last time, with the different trails and we chose one that takes two days. Nothing too difficult, and they have designated camping sites, but it's not the main season and we didn't see anybody else during the weekend. It was brilliant. So quiet and all the different kinds of birds, and there were some spectacular views." [Chuckle] "I went through five films, I think."  
  
[Soft chuckle] "Sounds amazing. Did Henry take photographs as well, or is he busying himself with something else?"  
  
"He has his own camera."[Chuckles] "What did you think? He is my son after all. But he just likes being outside, there's always something that captures his interest. Did I write to you about that little creek we walked past? There were some spectacular rock formations on the other side and he wanted to go and explore them. So we waded through the water. Felt as if we'd been propelled right into the last ice age, it was incredibly cold. But Henry was on the other side before I even could start swearing." [Laughs] "I think he really likes being here. And he loves being on set. He even got to be in a few shots, with Aragorn. You should have seen him when Fran asked him if he wanted to, he was so excited, he couldn't sleep all night."  
  
"So I should find meself a proper camera and take some pictures if I'm ta have any hope that he'll like me a bit better, aye?" [Chuckles] "And wrangle Fran and Peter into giving him more roles on the set?"  
  
"I don't think that you need to do anything special to win him over, Sean. He actually asked when he would get to meet you when I told him about us. But if you should have to, you can bribe him with books. Always works. You turn around and he's read all of the ones he's brought and five of the ones you had lying around." [Laughs]  
  
[Softly]: "He's a great kid." [Pause] "How'd it go, when you told him 'bout us?"  
  
"Good actually, or well- no. It was good." [Pause] "He asked me. Not about you, but he asked why I was sad, during that weekend when were having dinner. Just like that, completely out of the blue. He's always been like that, it's a little unsettling sometimes, we've never been able to keep anything from him for long, Exene and I- he just, well, observes I think, and then, after some time asks about what he has seen. And then I just told him about you, about how I feel about you and that I'm sad sometimes because you're so far away. And he was- just fine with it, really."  
  
"Seems a little silly, don't it, that we spent so long worrying our heads off 'bout how he might react, and he's fine with it."  
  
"Yeah. Maybe I should have known. But I wasn't completely wrong. The next day he was real quiet, and then finally asked if all of this meant that Exene and I- that we were not going to live together again with him. And I said no, we probably wouldn't, but that this didn't have anything to do with you, really, but that we discovered that we couldn't live together anymore without fighting all the time." [Pause] "And he said, that he knows that, but that he used to think, even when we were fighting that much and he found me sleeping on the couch in the mornings- that he used to think, then, that things would be fine if we only slept in the same house. And that these thoughts still return- that even though we're not married anymore, that he feels safe when we both are with him." [Pause] "I had no idea what to say to that."  
  
[Long pause] "Oh, love." [Sighs] "There's nothing you can do, I think. Best is if you can find a way ta make 'im feel safe 'round you again, but I think that's still what yer doing already."  
  
[Softly]: "Thanks, Sean." [Pause] "It's a good thing that he talked me into taking this part or I'd feel so terribly guilty right now for being away for such a long time." [Sighs] "But he likes my Aragorn, and he likes being here. I called Exene when we got back on Sunday and told her what he'd said and she's- it was good to talk to her. Very emotional but really good. And she said that if I want I could stay with them for some time when I get back. Maybe that's a good idea. I can understand that he likes having both of us around."  
  
[Long pause] "You think so?"  
  
"I think we've been apart long enough to not- jump at each others throat all the time. And I think he understands that this won't change anything about how we feel about each other. I told him that I'm in love with you." [Pause] "And I miss being with them, actually. This every day stuff, just having dinner together. When they were here together- we really had a good time. Maybe it is an option. Do you think it's a bad idea?"  
  
"Just seems a bit odd, that's all. Ta tell him you can't be with his mom anymore, and yet living with her fine. Seems confusing as hell, 'specially fer a kid."  
  
I don't think that's a problem, really. We have been living with so many people when he was younger, it's not- I think this whole 'living together' thing, it's not that big of a deal for him. Apart from the fact that both of us are around then, of course. And if we can get along now because it doesn't hurt that much anymore, why not? We'd be very clear about that we're not getting back together. And I think he knows that. This wish to be with both of us- I think it's on a different level. He said that quite clearly. That he knows we're not going to get back together but still- he can't help to wish we would, sometimes. He was a little bit embarrassed about that actually, about this dream of the three of us being together. But he seems to be very realistic about this, he knows it's something that's not going to happen. And I think that if he'd really thought Exene and I would get back together, he'd have reacted differently when I told him about you. He actually smiled."  
  
[Chuckles] "Vig. Sum up. I got lost 'round yer second sentence."  
  
[Laughs] "Sorry. I'm rambling, hm? I-"  
  
[From a distance]: "Viggo?"  
  
[Muffled]: "I'm upstairs, on the phone!" [Into the receiver]: "Give me a second."  
  
[Footsteps] "Are you talking to mom?"  
  
"No, I'm talking to Sean, actually."  
  
"To Sean?" [Pause] "Did he call you, finally?"  
  
[Chuckling]: "He did."  
  
"Good." [Pause] "I finished my book."  
  
[Sigh] "Really? Already?" [Shuffling, books being moved] "Try this one? But tell me if it's too scary, we can read it together then."  
  
"Okay. Can we have dinner, too?"  
  
"Sure. I'll be down with you in a little while, okay?"  
  
"What are we having?"  
  
"I thought we could have scrambled eggs and salad and sandwiches. That okay?"  
  
"Yeah. I'll go read a little longer."  
  
"Do that." [Into the receiver]: "Sorry. Where were we?"  
  
"... He calls you by yer name?"  
  
"Hm? Oh, yeah, he usually does. But he always calls me 'dad' when he's talking to other people about me. It's sweet, I think."  
  
"I won't say it's sweet. More of proper." [Pause, sheepish laugh] "Sometimes I just remember how damned different we are."  
  
"Because he doesn't always call me 'dad'? I don't think that how he feels about me is connected to what he calls me. It's just something he does. What do your girls call you?"  
  
"They call me 'Pa'." [Chuckles softly] "If they call me by me name I would've probably shouted a bit."  
  
"But why? Sean's a beautiful name. You'll never stop being their dad, no matter what they call you."  
  
[Sigh] "It ain't proper."  
  
"Henry chose to call me Viggo as soon as he could pronounce it. It's just always been like that. And honestly, I never thought that he shouldn't. I'm not calling him 'son' either."  
  
"He calling you by yer name's different from you calling him by his." [Pause] "Never mind."  
  
"No. Never look too closely at the Mortensen family, we're all weird." [Chuckles] "Tell me more about your time in Berlin."  
  
"Still really nothing ta tell. I'm wondering if I'm supposed ta see more than buildings."  
  
"Well, if you would like to see more than buildings, I have a good friend who lives in Berlin. I can call him and ask him he he'd like to have a beer with you and show you around?"  
  
[Softly:] "I'd like you coming here and showing me yerself, but we both know that's not possible."  
  
[Softly]: "Not this weekend, no." [Pause] "Listen, but maybe- if we both want to see each other this badly- maybe we shouldn't be brave at all costs but try to find a way to see each other sooner? I can talk to Peter. He won't like it but I'm sure he'll give me half a week off if I tell him it's important."  
  
"I don't want yer work ta suffer because of me, luv."  
  
"Well, I don't want you to suffer because of my work if I can help it. Work's important but not as important as spending time together when it's this difficult for both of us to be apart."  
  
"I have work too, y'know." [Chuckles. Soft sigh] "I'm going back ta London after this. Tell me when you'd be free, aye? I'll fly over then. Much as I'd like it, he shouldn't try fer earlier."  
  
[Pause] "Why not?"  
  
"It ain't- it ain't practical." [Heavy sigh] "There's nothing I want more than ta see you, but-"  
  
"But what? I don't care about practicalities, Sean. I really don't. And if I have to take five days off and spend two days on a plane to see you for a weekend that's what I'll do. I can read on the plane or learn my lines of whatever. I just- want to see you."  
  
"No, it ain't that. I want ta see you more than anything, but you said once that you ain't going ta take me away from me girls. And I- I'm not going to steal you from Henry either."  
  
"No, but you wouldn't be. I'm spending time with him now. And he doesn't expect to see me again before filming ends."  
  
"Christ." [Exhale] "That sounds fucking horrid."  
  
"It does. But doesn't it always? This profession- it's just not the best job when you have kids. You're always away. And of course I'm feeling bad for not being able to be with him. But I made this decision together with him and he wanted me to do this even though it meant we wouldn't get to see each other much. I'm not saying that I'm going to neglect him because of you, he's always going to come first, but I won't start feeling guilty for not solely being his dad for the rest of my days.There are other people that matter to me, and there needs to be time for me to see them, too. Time to see you. You're not stealing his time, Sean. I can't go to Peter and ask him if I can take some days off to see Henry when he's just been here, can I?"  
  
[Chuckles] "Maybe you can. Maybe it'd go better than you asking Peter fer time ta see me."  
  
[Laughs] "Nah, I thought I'd be poetically vague... pressing matters of the heart or something like that." [Softly]: "I'll ask him, okay?"  
  
"No harm in asking, eh?"  
  
"No. I really want to see you, Sean. And your house, curious as I am."  
  
[Laughter] "It ain't anything special. You'll be disappointed, luv."  
  
"I'm sure I won't be, it has you inside when I'm there, I hope. And I already know that I appreciate that." [Chuckles]  
  
[Teasing:] "I can meet you in a hotel room. Would you still find it interesting?"  
  
"The hotel room would surely gain a lot of attraction." [Laughs] "I don't care where I get to see you, really, as long as I get to see you. But listen, I wish my son would feed himself but he won't, I have to go make dinner."  
  
"What, all the great things Henry can do, but he can't cook?" [Chuckles] "I'll talk ta you soon, aye? Or fax me. Whichever."  
  
"Of course he can cook! He just prefers to read!" [Chuckles] "I'll probably send you another fax later. And I'm always glad if I get to talk to you on the phone, even if it's just to say good morning or good night. Makes my day a little brighter."  
  
"I'll call you in the morning then. You'll have ta tell me when you'd be waking up, though, so I won't wake you if yer planning ta sleep in."  
  
[Swallows. A little hoarsely]: "That would be great. I'm just rehearsing some fight scenes tomorrow afternoon, I'll get up around eight, half past eight. Same during the weekend." [Pause] "It was good to talk to you. I missed that a lot. Have a good day, hm?"  
  
"Mm, you too. Have a good dinner, eh? Say hi ta Henry fer me."  
  
"I will do that, he's probably already curious. Okay. Talk to you soon. Hej."  
  
  
  
  
 _tbc..._  
  



	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Viggo try not to talk about their relationship and make traveling plans. Still dialogue-only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

**Fax, sent from New Zealand, 10-08-2000, 10:45pm**

Dear Sean,

Henry was asking a million questions during dinner, about you, about us, about Boromir, how we met, how you know that you are in love with someone, if it's different to be with a man than to be with a woman, if I was with other men before I met Exene... and then he wanted to write a letter to you and asked me to fax it. I hope that's okay, I didn't really know what to say, he was so enthusiastic about this. I don't know what he wrote but I suspect it's something nice, he thought very carefully about it.

About earlier, I wanted to come back to all these 'talking about stuff' issues.

I don't expect you to pour out your heart to me every time we talk, not at all. It's these small, every day things that I like to hear about, really. What you did with your girls, how work was, what book you're reading. Tell me those things. But I'm not going to force you to share every single one of your thoughts with me (and maybe stop me if that's what I'm doing and you can't take it? Filters are a good thing, and it's good for me, too, to have time to think about things and not just dump everything into your lap). If there are things that you don't want to discuss with me, then that's fine. I'm not disappointed if you don't, it seems to be your way of dealing with things. I hope that you know that I'm always there to listen if you need me to, though, or to read what you send me, if that's easier for you.

I know that you are worried about destroying something between us by talking too much about us. And although I don't see it that way I think I understand what you mean when you say that. But sometimes I need to ask when I don't understand what's going on in your head, and sometimes it's necessary to talk about things to avoid hurting each other. If there's a misunderstanding I want to be aware of that and then see what I can do, and that doesn't have anything to do with going out of my way and changing who I am for you but just maybe not call you too often if that's too much for you to bear. Something like that. Small things, but important things.

But let's just talk about normal stuff the next time we talk? No divorces, famines in Africa or rocket science, I just like hearing your voice. The rain in London and the color of your underwear are splendid conversation topics if I'm having that conversation with you. I simply like being part of your day through hearing about it. Makes you feel less far away.

Okay. That's more than enough for one day. I'll try to talk to Fran about taking some days off tomorrow when I see her.

Love,  
Viggo

PS I'm sending you Henry's letter as the second page of this.

 

Hi Sean,

my dad told me all about you and I thought that maybe I should just write to say hello. I think I met you when I was visiting Viggo last time with my mom, do you remember that? It's a pity that Boromir dies in the first book and you had to go home already. Because I think my dad would like you to be here and I would like to meet you. But maybe I will see you the next time? That would be cool, Viggo says that you like playing soccer, too.

I can't really think of more to write because I don't know you.

Have a good day,  
Henry

PS: What is your favorite book?

**Berlin, 10-08-2000, 8.32pm**

[Dial tone]

"Hello? This is Henry."

"Henry?" [Pause. Cough] "Hey, lad. This is Sean. Is Vig- uh, yer father in?"

[Pause] "Um- hi." [Pause] "Yes, he is, he is upstairs. Wait." [Half into the receiver, loudly]: "Viiiiggo! Sean's on the phone!"

[Half-laughing:] "Jesus Christ, lad, you've got a pair of lungs on you!"

"Huh?" [Pause]: "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to-"

[Laughing:] "No, don't worry 'bout it." [Pause] "Hey, I got yer letter. It's really sweet of you ta write ta me."

"Um- thanks I guess-" [Away from the receiver]: "Daaa-aad!"

[From a distance]: "I'm coming, Henry. Just a second! Let me put on some clothes."

[Into the receiver]: "He is coming. Um- are you still in Berlin?"

"... I ain't even going ta ask 'bout what Viggo just said." [Stifled laughter] "Aye, I'm still in Berlin. Plenty of buildings, but I haven't the time ta go ta the countryside like I want ta."

"Did you visit that part of the old wall with all the paintings on it? That was cool."

"The East Side Gallery? Aye, I did. Great abstracts they are, the paintings."

"I liked the colors."

[Footsteps. Amused]: "I thought you'd chopped off one arm at least, the way you were yelling."

"I thought you wanted to talk to him."

[Laughter] "I do. You want to say goodbye?"

"Viggo is here now. I'll give him the phone."

"Alright. I'll talk ta you soon, Henry."

"Yeah. Bye." [Shuffling]

[Muffled]: "Go on and start eating if you're hungry, okay? Everything is ready." [Into the receiver]: "Sean? Hej."

[Softly:] "Mornin'."

[Just as softly]: "I'm grinning like an idiot because you called."

[Teasing:] "Silly bugger. What'd you make fer breakfast?"

"Just oatmeal with fruit, really. There wasn't any bread left. How was your day?"

"Sounds healthy." [Pause] "Went ta the museums. Saw the insides of some buildings. Think they're done with me scenes, actually."

[Sighs] "That doesn't sound like the best day. Are you getting restless to pack up and go home?"

"Aye. I miss me girls." [Pause] "And you too."

[Quietly]: "Same here. I slept in your shirt, actually. But maybe it's a good thing you aren't here right now, I can imagine you'd just give me one of these indignant looks if I tried feeding you oatmeal for breakfast, hm?" [Chuckles]

"Oh aye. It's a healthy brekkie alright, but it ain't a proper one. I'll start chewing yer arm by ten."

[Laughs] "Better not tell Henry that, he likes it." [Pause] "Was it okay to talk to him just now? I was in the shower."

"Aye." [Pause] "I was trying a little ta try ta get him ta like me, but I don't know how well I succeeded."

[Softly]: "Don't worry about that. I know him pretty well, hm? I'm sure he will like you. Or did his letter make you think he won't?"

"Nah, I just--" [Nervous laugh] "I have never wanted so badly to make sure a kid likes me."

[Quietly]: "Thank you, Sean."

"Eh? What's you thanking me fer?"

"For wanting to get to know my son."

"Now yer having me wonder what's so bad 'bout him that you assume I won't want ta." [Laughs]

"I didn't want to alarm you but he drove the last guy I was seeing insane. Just got up from the breakfast table one day and that was that. Said he couldn't take it any more, with the creepy kid and everything."

[Burst of laughter] "Aye? And what'd that poor man do ta deserve this wrath?"

"They got off on the wrong foot, he was sitting in Henry's spot."

"Henry's spot? D'you mean his chair or summat?"

"Yeah." [Laughter] "You realize I've never introduced anyone to Henry before, do you?"

"Aye." [Pause, laughter] "Won't he be mad at you? Fer using him as an excuse."

"An excuse for what? For pulling your leg?

"Aye!"

"Nah, he'd think it's funny."

[Chuckles] "So he's got yer sense of humour as well, eh?"

[Laughs] "Worse. Part mine, part his mom's."

"Now I really must meet Exene."

"Absolutely! She really wants to meet you, too."

"We probably had this conversation already, but Christ, I'm scared now."

"Why? Are you worried that you won't pass inspection?"

[Chuckling:] "Aye."

"Don't worry about that. I'm sure it will be fine, with both of them. Write back to Henry if you want, I think he'd like that."

"... What should I write 'bout?"

"What would you write to your girls about?"

"Funny thing is: I don't write ta 'em. I only call 'em."

"I think it's not really about what you write, it's just about writing back, really. Tell him about that project you're doing in Berlin. Or your daughters. But you don't have to, if you don't want to. I can talk to him and explain."

"Nah, I'll try ta write something. Better he hears of me from me than from you, eh?"

[Chuckles] "Maybe."

"'Maybe'?"

[Teasingly]: "Well, you never know what I might tell him..."

[Barking laughter] "Vig, it don't matter what you tell him of me. I'll look perfectly sane next ta you."

"You sure about that?"

"Quite sure, aye."

"Remember that he grew up with Exene and me, he might have different standards regarding 'sane'." [Laughs]

"I don't know, he sounds pretty sane ta me. A miracle, I'd say."

[Chuckles] "I agree. A miracle indeed. What did you talk about earlier?"

"The East Side Gallery fer some reason."

"The East Side Gallery? And you are worried that he might not like you? Trust me, he'll love you."

[Chuckles] "What, something 'bout me art skills will come into good use now?"

"Sure. Or you could just play soccer with him."

[Burst of laughter. Then, wistfully:] "You know, I love me girls, I always have and will. But I've always wanted a son ta bring with me ta soccer games."

"Hm. And I've always thought it'd be great to have another kid. Three sounds just about perfect to me."

"Are we doing kid-sharing now?" [Laughing]

[Laughs] "Maybe they should get a word in this, too. Maybe your girls will just find me scary."

"Aye? And why'd you think that?"

"Beard, sword, funny accent, offers oatmeal for breakfast, doesn't wear shoes, kisses their dad..."

"Well, you can shave, and leave yer sword behind and wear some shoes."

"And the accent, the oat meal and the kisses?"

[Teasingly]: "Well, everyone has their faults."

"I wouldn't say no shoes are a fault, on the contrary... and how would I teach them sword fighting without a sword? You really did not think this through, Sean!"

"Oy! Why would you be teaching me girls how ta use a sword, eh?"

"Young ladies in a big city need to be able to defend themselves properly. And it would be so much fun."

"What makes you think I'm not already doing it?"

[Laughs] "Are you? A bit early for Evie, don't you think?"

"You have ta start young, you know."

"I always thought it would be good to wait until they've mastered the use of a spoon before your introduce them to swords. But maybe that's me being old fashioned."

"Old-fashioned? Now that's the first time I've heard that word used fer you."

[Laughter]

[Gently, affectionately:] "Silly bugger."

[Amused]: "Mmh." [Pause] "When are you flying back to London?"

"I have another three days in Berlin or so. Wrap-ups, checks, so on. I don't think they can afford multiple flights ta get me back here if there's a screw up, so I'm staying fer a bit."

"But then you'll be home with your girls in no time. Something to look forward to, hm?"

"Aye."

[Teasingly]: "I hope you have improved your baking skills in the meantime?"

"Well, I still won't poison anyone, if that helps." [Laughter] "And I can tell baking powder from baking soda."

"I wasn't aware that there is a difference. Is there?"

[Laughing]

"Alright, you got me there." [Chuckles]

"I ain't going ta tell you the difference. You've got ta find it yerself somehow."

"Nah, one thing I really don't have is a huge interest in chemistry. I can always just circumvent the problem and use yeast.

"It's all the same thing, luv. Just different in how it works."

"You've seen me cook, Sean. You don't really think there's a theoretical background to it, do you?" [Laughs] "I throw together things I like and see what they'll do. Same with baking. And art, actually."

Is that why you made oatmeal fer Henry? At least it's edible?"

"It's what my dad used to make for me when I was a kid. It's very common in Denmark."

[Chuckles] "I don't doubt that."

"He always asks for it when he's with me, Exene's no fan of oatmeal."

"Neither am I." [Pause] "What time d'you have ta go ta work?"

"Half past one. I only have rehearsals scheduled today. Why? You wanna end our oatmeal discussion now and go to bed?" [Laughs]

"Nah, I was just wondering how long we can keep going with our stunningly illuminating discussion on oatmeal."

[Chuckles] "Until you threaten to leave me if I don't shut up. Or until Henry finishes his oatmeal and his book. But we can talk about something else."

"Tell me 'bout yer day?"

"I only got up three hours ago, so there's not that much to tell yet. But I actually had the morning to myself because Henry was sleeping in. I went for a run, it's a beautiful day here today, and then read for a while. I like that, when he's still asleep and the house is quiet but I know that he's right there, next door."

"Aye, and if you want ta see him, ta check that he's there, you can just do it."

"Yeah. When he was younger, I constantly did that. When Exene wasn't there and it was just the two of us. It made me feel- I don't really know. Happy and proud and calm, maybe."

[Chuckles] "Yer making me feel less crazy. I used ta go ta the girls' nursery when they were babies just ta look at 'em and ta- well. Ta check that they're still breathin'."

"During the first weeks, yeah. Then I just went in there to look at him and be amazed."

"Look at us, waxing poetic over our kids."

"Mmh. It's nice, actually."

[Softly:] "It is. Guy I'm acting with has no kids yet. He's newly married, though."

[Chuckles] "The pleasures of married life, hm? I can't imagine that anymore, life without Henry."

"Nah, there's no pleasure of married life. I barely see that guy outside of his character. Sometimes I call him by his real name and he doesn't even answer."

"Sounds suspiciously like me. Try to not fall for him, alright?"

[Shocked laughter] "Oy! How fickle d'you take me ta be?!"

"Well, you're on the phone with me talking about oatmeal. I think we're fine."

"I'll show you how much I really like you by eating that oatmeal of yers one day."

[Laughs] "Now that's what I call commitment!" [Softly]: "Thanks, Sean." [Pause] "You know, this is what I meant in that fax yesterday. This is what I want to talk with you about- our day, children, oatmeal if you want. It doesn't have to be more complicated than that. It's just about- spending time together, I think."

[Quietly:] "Aye. I know that." [Pause] "I like this too. It ain't that I want you ta talk philosophy with me or anything like that. I just want ta- I just want ta hear yer voice."

"Talking about philosophy can be nice, too. But not every day. And when I come home after ten hours of filming and get to talk to you for a bit and hear you laughing-- it helps me to settle down and disentangle myself from Aragorn."

"Oh? Are you telling me that Aragorn doesn't love Boromir's voice as well?" [Laughing]

[Chuckles] "Oh, he does! Never had much of a thing for Arwen though, that poor man."

"The most beautiful woman in the world, and he prefers a scruffy, disobedient Captain of the White Tower!"

[Laughs] "If I had anything to say he'd court Eowyn, actually. Because you stubbornly insisted on dying, my dear Steward."

"Believe me, if yer Steward had a choice, he'd be yer actual Steward instead of Faramir." [Laughing]

"Well, but maybe you'll be glad that you are home when we start filming the Helm's Deep scenes. Rain, at night time-"

"So it's just like filming the Watcher, but even longer, and wi' rain?"

"I think so, yes. It's probably going to take forever. There are so many people involved."

[Whistles] "Jesus Christ. When's this going ta happen?"

"I think three weeks from now. If I'm lucky I can take a couple of days off before we start. I already left a message on Fran's answering machine and said I wanted to talk to her about that. Are you going to be in London then?"

"Nah, I'd be over in LA by then. It's this action film with Michael Douglas I'll be doing."

"Would you want me to come visit you there?"

"We'll only have a couple of hours together, luv."

"You don't work all day every day, do you? If I'd be there on a Sunday? And just falling asleep next to you would be great, actually."

"It ain't that. It's just- you'd be wasting yer time and money, Vig. Flying to and fro, spending over fifty hours on a plane, just ta see me fer a few hours."

"It'd actually be much faster to fly to L.A. instead of London. And I refuse to even think about the money. I miss you. And we can't start trying to convert emotions into money. If it makes you sleep better I can donate the sum the ticket costs to charity."

[Chuckles] "It ain't that. I'm just a typical frugal Yorkshireman, that's all."

"I really want to see you. Let me talk to Fran and Peter, hm?"

[Softly:] "Aye."

[Just as softly]: "Good."

[Chuckles] "Damn, now me hopes are up again."

"Mmh. So are mine. But if it's not completely ruining his schedule I'm sure Peter won't say no."

"Try ta see if you can wrangle more than a couple'a days, aye?"

"I will. At least a weekend."

[Wryly:] "That's a couple'a days, luv."

"Let's just wait what he says, okay?"

"Aye, I will. Ain't got much choice fer it, really."

[Softly]: "Hey, don't let this drag you down. Just yesterday we thought we wouldn't see each other for another four months. Even if it's just a weekend now, which I hope it won't be, it's much better than not getting to see you at all."

"Mm." [Pause, bitter chuckle] "Damn, never thought it'd get this bad."

[Sigh] "I wish I could be there with you now." [Pause] "I'm sorry that I'm stuck out here but we both didn't know this would happen. Maybe we can both plan in more breaks between new projects."

"Coordinate our schedules, and all that." [Chuckles. Pause] "Though I can't bring you along ta sets, can I?"

"Psh, why not? We don't need to make out in public. Just tell them I'm a friend who's visiting."

"You don't mind lying like that?"

"Not at all. It's nobody's business but ours. Do you, mind, I mean?"

"I just remember you on the mountains, when it got too much fer you 'cause you wanted ta touch me, and you couldn't, not while everyone's watching."

"It's going to bother me, of course. I hate it when I can't touch you because there are just too many eyes around. But for now- let's not worry about that, too, hm? Let's find a way first to see each other, and then we can think about whom to tell and whom not to tell."

"When did you become the calm, civil one, eh?"

[Quietly]: "It's Henry's presence. Having him here with me makes things much easier. But there hasn't been a single morning since you left when I haven't been feeling your absence immediately after waking up."

"Can't get you out of me head, 'specially now I have no work ta distract me with." [Long, low sigh] "Christ."

"Is there anything I can do to make this easier for you?"

"Can you-" [Pause] "Nah. Nah, forget it."

[Softly]: "No, tell me."

"I was going ta ask you ta write ta me, but by the time the letter get here, I'll be gone. I'll be gone from London when it gets there, even, and I don't even know me LA hotel yet." [Softly:] "Christ."

"I posted a letter on Monday. I'm sure it'll be there before you leave."

"'There' in London, or in Berlin?"

"In London. I wanted you to find it when you got back home."

[Pause, then a soft chuckle] "You take care of me, luv."

"The least I can do, write to you."

"Mm." [Shuddering inhale] "Christ. You mind if- if I hang up now?"

[Quietly]: "No, Sean, it's fine. Just try to sleep, maybe? Thank you for calling."

"You have a good day, eh?"

"I'll be thinking of you. Sleep tight."

**New Zealand, 11-08-2000, 3:43pm**

peter says it's fine!i can take off almost a week, two weeks from next monday. tell me if that's alright and i'll make flight reservations. love, v.

**Berlin, 11-08-2000, 9:17am**

Great! Tell me your flight number when you get it so I can go and meet you at LAX.

**New Zealand, 11-08-2000, 11:23pm**

i'll talk to the travel agent tomorrow. i am looking forward to seeing you so very much!

 

tbc...


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean is at the airport, waiting for Viggo. But where is Viggo and why is Karl answering his phone? Dialogue-only, mostly in the form of telecommunication.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

 

**Los Angeles, 31-08-2000, 7:03am**

  
"Hej, this is Viggo. I can't answer right now but you are welcome to leave a message."  
  
"Vig? I'm heading ta LAX now. You didn't call when you were getting on the plane, I hope you haven't forgotten that you're coming over, did you?" [Deep breath] "Call me when you land, eh?"  
  


**Los Angeles, 31-08-2000, 8:15am**

  
"Hej, this is Viggo. I can't answer right now but you are welcome to leave a message."  
  
"Hey, I saw that you landed. Guess that customs is being a bitch, huh? I hope you applied fer auto-roaming on your phone, luv, and that you charged it. In any case, I'll be waiting outside the gate."  
  


**Los Angeles, 31-08-2000, 8:35am**

  
"Hej, this is Viggo. I can't answer right now but you are welcome to leave a message."  
  
"Vig, you didn't get arrested, did you? Where are you?"  
  


**Los Angeles, 31-08-2000, 9:12am**

  
"Hej, this is Viggo. I can't answer right now but you are welcome to leave a message."  
  
"Alright, I'm going to the customs ta ask 'bout you, in case I got the flight number copied down wrong. I hope ta see you soon, luv."  
  


**Los Angeles, 31-08-2000, 9:29am**

"Hej, this is Viggo. I can't answer right now but you are welcome to leave a message."  
  
"Jesus, Vig, where are you?"  
  


**Los Angeles, 31-08-2000, 10:03am**

  
"Hej, this is Viggo. I can't answer right now but you are welcome to leave a message."  
  
[Strained voice] "I ain't fucking going back ta me hotel until I know what the hell happened to you."  
  
  


**Los Angeles, 31-08-2000, 11:21am**

[Dial tone]  
  
"Hello? Sean? It's Karl."  
  
"... Karl?" [Deep breath, quick exhale] "The hell are you doing with Viggo's phone?"  
  
"I- where are you? Are you in a car?"  
  
"Airport carpark. Stop fucking stalling and answer me question."  
  
"Viggo is in the hospital. But wait, before you freak out- he's fine. Or at least more or less. He has a concussion and they kept him there during the night for observation."  
  
"What? What the hell 'appened? How the fuck can 'e be fine if he's got a concussion bad 'nough ta land 'im in the 'ospital? Why the fuck do you 'ave his phone and where the 'ell is he?"  
  
"I don't really know what happened. He hit his head, there was an accident on set. Viggo apparently didn't even want to go to the hospital but Peter dragged him to the ER, and they did some images of his head, and he saw some specialist and they think it's really just a concussion. He left his jacket on set, with his phone inside and Peter dropped it off at my house because yesterday because I offered to go get him now."  
  
"What kind of accident?"  
  
"You'll start shouting at me if I tell you."  
  
"I'll start shouting at you if you don't tell me."  
  
[Softly]: "Hey, try to calm down, Sean, please. He really seems to be okay, given the circumstances. I don't know much, apparently they were shooting a scene where Aragorn is floating in a river, unconscious, and they somehow underestimated the current and Viggo got dragged under water and hit his head on some rock."  
  
[Very, very long silence. Sounds of cars in the distance. No breathing]  
  
"Sean? Are you okay?"  
  
[Hoarsely:] "I'm fine. I'm fine." [Deep breath] "That fucking goddamned daft bastard I'm going ta kill 'im."  
  
"I don't think it was his fault. Apparently a stunt guy tested it before Viggo got in the water and everything seemed to be fine. Peter is absolutely besides himself."  
  
"Mm." [Another deep breath] "Who else was there?"  
  
"I don't know. Probably just Viggo and the team. I'm sorry. I should have thought about calling you."  
  
"Nah, it ain't yer fault." [Pause, wistfully:] "He's supposed ta be here today. Fuck."  
  
"What? He was supposed to visit you? Damn, Sean, I didn't know that. Damn, you must have been so worried."  
  
[Sigh] "That ain't important. Look, can you get 'im ta call me once you reach the hospital and he can?"  
  
"Of course. Do you want me to call you back as soon as I have any news?"  
  
[Pause] "Aye. I'd be much obliged ta you fer that."  
  
"Don't even mention it, Sean. I'll call you as soon as I'm at the hospital. Are you going to be okay?"  
  
"Don't worry 'bout me. Worry 'bout Viggo instead." [Pause] "Thanks again. And- and sorry 'bout blowing up on you like that."  
  
"No need to apologize. I'll talk to you soon, okay?"  
  
  


**New Zealand, 01-09-2000, 08:54am**

[Dial tone]  
  
[Immediately:] "Vig?"  
  
"Karl. Sorry. But I'm just outside Viggo's room. They say he'll be discharged today but he absolutely needs to rest and he should be shielded from anything that can cause further distress. I'll put him on the phone with you now but take it easy, okay? And the nurse says only five minutes." [Muttered]: "And I think she might use physical force to make sure Viggo sticks to that rule, she's scary."  
  
"I'll take five minutes over nothing." [Long breath out] "I'll be calm. Promise."  
  
"Okay. Wait a second." [Muffled]: "Viggo? Sean's on the phone. I'll be outside, okay?"  
  
[Clears his throat]: "Yeah. Thanks, Karl." [Shuffling] "Sean?"  
  
[Obviously forced cheer:] "Hey, luv. How're you doing?"  
  
"I'm so sorry I didn't call you. I don't now what happened. They were doing all these tests and then- I think I fell asleep and when I woke up it was in the middle of the night and the nurse said I'd have to wait to the morning--"  
  
"Shhhh, Vig. Shhh, it's alright. I survived. D'you remember fine now? No missing memories or anything?"  
  
"I don't know, I can't really- shit. I was- I was to supposed to be there with you now.  
  
"Hey, hey. Calm down, eh? Deep breath. It's alright, we'll find a way. Aye?"  
  
[Strangled]: "Shit."  
  
[Deep breath. Then, in a shaking voice:] "Christ, I want to hold you so fucking tight right now."  
  
[Hoarsely]: "I'll be fine, Sean, they say it's just a concussion." [Shaky exhale] "I'm so sorry you had to worry."  
  
"Don't be fucking sorry, you silly bugger. Just get well, alright? I-" [Muffled, like a hand pressed against the mouthpiece] "Shite shite shite buggering shite-" [Louder:] "I'll be fine."  
  
[Suppressed sob]  
  
[Softly:] "Hey, Vig. Don't cry, alright? I'll have ta hang up if you do, 'cause I've been told I shouldn't upset you."  
  
[Deep, shaky breaths]: "You aren't upsetting me. All of this fucking shit is, I- goddammit. I need to get out of here."  
  
"Just a couple more hours to go, luv. Then you can get home." [Pause] "Anyone there waiting fer you?"  
  
[Wearily]: "Karl will take me home. And he says he is going to stay with me, or Miranda, if I want."  
  
"Whatever you feel more comfortable with, luv." [Pause] "Wish I could be there."  
  
[Swallows audibly] "I'm sorry."  
  
"The hell are you apologising fer? You didn't look at the rock and decide, hey, it'll be a good idea to smash me head against it, and proceeded ta do just that, did you?"  
  
"I don't know, I- no. No, of course not, but I- I was supposed to be there with you today."  
  
"I know you are, luv, but you can't help what happened. Focus on getting better, yeah?"  
  
"I'll try to." [Long pause] "I'll call you from home, okay? I'm- just really tired, somehow."  
  
"Don't call me, luv. Go home and rest, and I'll talk ta you when you wake up. Don't worry 'bout the time, yeah? Just call me."  
  
[Sighs] "Okay." [Pause] "You know that I- that I love you, don't you?" [Pause] "If I would've- you know that, right?"  
  
"Shhh, luv. I know." [Softly:] "I don't doubt it."  
  
[Shaky exhale]: "Alright."  
  
[Soft knock] "Viggo? The doctor is here."  
  
"I need to go, Sean. I'll call you later, after I've slept, okay?"  
  
"I'm looking forward ta it. Rest well, luv."  
  
[Sigh] "I'll try to. Hej."  
  
  
  


**New Zealand, 01-09-2000, 07:43pm**

"Sean here. Leave a message and I'll get back ta you."  
  
"Hej. I am home now and have already slept for a while. I tried- I tried to figure out what time it is in L.A. now but- I can't, I- I'm still tpo tired. But the doctor said that's normal and it'll disappear soon, along with the dizziness. I'll just sleep for another while. Don't worry too much, they said I'll be fine. Hej."  
  


**New Zealand, 01-09-2000, 10:15pm**

"Sean here. Leave a message and I'll get back ta you."  
  
"Hej. I thought that maybe it's morning now in the US and you'd be awake. But maybe you're at work. Karl made me some soup and I'm going back to sleep." [Softly]: "Wish you were here. Hej."  
  


**New Zealand, 02-09-2000, 12:17am**

  
"Sean here. Leave a message and I'll get back ta you."  
  
"Hi, Sean, it's Karl. Listen, Viggo fell asleep with his phone in his hand, I think he was trying to reach you but was too tired to stay awake. He's had some dinner and seems to be fine, just tired. I'm going to stay in the guest room and check on him during the night. If you want to talk to him maybe call me and I'll check if he's awake? Hope you're feeling a little better. I'll call if there's a problem."  
  
  
  


**New Zealand, 02-09-2000, 8:27am**

[Knock knock]  
  
[Silence]  
  
[Persistent knocking]  
  
[Footsteps, door being opened] "--- Sean? Christ, you scared me."  
  
[Whispered:] "Shhh. Is Viggo sleeping?"  
  
"He is. What- no, wait. Of course you'd fly over. Come on in. He slept like a baby all night."  
  
"Can't keep me away even if there's a herd of rampaging bulls." [Soft laugh] "He sleeping's a good thing?"  
  
"I think so, yes. The doctor said he might need a few days to recover and that he'd probably sleep a lot in the beginning. But he seemed to be fine, otherwise. He looks a little worse for wear, of course. And he was so disappointed that he couldn't travel." [Pause] "I'll just get my jacket and be on my way. I'm sure to have you here with him is exactly what he needs right now."  
  
"I'm hoping ta help with the disappointment at least." [Pause. Soft sound of hand on arm] "Thanks fer taking care of him, Karl. Yer a mate."  
  
[Pause] "Thanks, Sean, I-- that's just what friend's do, hm? You're supposed to take him back to the hospital immediately if he should get worse, they said, if he gets a headache, if the dizziness gets worse, if he starts vomiting or acts strangely and can't see properly or something. The doctor said there's a small risk of bleeding even now, but that said she's never seen that. And the scans looked fine apparently. But she was very clear about him really needing to rest properly and not taking this lightly. He's not allowed to work or exert himself in any way for some days."  
  
"Vomiting, acting strangely, can't see properly, dizziness. Got it, I'll get his arse to the hospital if anything happens." [Pause] "How long did Peter give him a break fer?  
  
"I think he'll start yelling at Viggo in earnest if he tries to come back to work before the end of next week. He was absolutely besides himself."  
  
"End of the week, eh? I should still be here, then." [Pause] "Tell Pete that he'll be alright. Vig's tough as nails."  
  
[Wearily]: "That he is. He has more lives than a cat. I'll call Peter later and tell him that Viggo is in good hands, hm? Do you want to stay under the radar as long as you're here?"  
  
"Aye. I'd rather not have the hobbits and the Elf descending on me while I'm here."  
  
"Sure. Okay then, take care, man. And call me in case you need any help or just someone to do some grocery shopping or something. Any time, okay?"  
  
"Aye. Thanks again. I mean it."  
  
[Quietly]: "You're welcome. And now go and lie down next to Viggo already, you look as if you could use some sleep yourself." [Door opening] "See you."  
  
"See you, Karl." [Door closing. Footsteps. Door opening, quieter footsteps. Rustling of bedsheets.] "Viggo."  
  
[Sleepily]: "Mmh?"  
  
[Whispered:] "Vig." [Skin through hair] "Hey."  
  
"Mmh. Hej." [Pause. Breath hitching] "Sean?"  
  
"Aye." [Pause, then, shakily:] "Christ, you look like shite. How're you feeling?"  
  
[Shuffling] "Sean! I- god, Sean, how-" [Rapid breaths]  
  
[Rustling, shifting, thud of knees on floors] "Hey, hey, calm down. I'm here, I'm real." [Soft chuckle] "Yer not the only one who can take a plane halfway 'round the world, luv."  
  
[Half chuckle-half sob]: "Sean-"  
  
[Sounds of a kiss. Muffled breaths]  
  
[Muffled sob]  
  
[Slide of fingers through hair] "Shhhh." [Teasingly:] "You keep crying and I'll start thinking yer not happy ta see me."  
  
[Shaky breath]: "Of course- of course I am-" [Softly]: "Sean-"  
  
[Softly:] "Viggo."  
  
[Deep breath]: "I can't believe you're really here-" [Pause] "Let me- lie back down, I- uh-"  
  
"Shite, I'm so sorry. Lie down. You alright? Dizzy? Does your head hurt?"  
  
"Don't worry, I'm- just a little dizzy." [Slow inhale and exhale] "The doctor said that's okay, it should stop during the next days."  
  
"Sounds like a really long time." [Shift, rustle] "Want ta go back ta sleep?"  
  
"Seems as if sleep is all I can do." [Sighs. Softly]: "Come here. What about you? You look tired, too." [Kiss] "Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm alright." [Soft chuckle] "Just the usual shite 'bout planes, that's all."  
  
[Soft kiss. Quietly]: "Thank you so much for coming."  
  
"Least I can do, luv." [Kiss]  
  
"No, seriously, just because I- you're supposed to be working, aren't you?"  
  
"I checked wi' me director even before you were supposed ta come - they can spare me fer a few days. So I took those few days and took a plane, and ain't no one's going ta complain."  
  
[Pause] "You took some days off so we could spent time together in L.A.?"  
  
"Aye. That I did."  
  
"You're wonderful."  
  
"Yer going ta make me ego so big that it'll punch a hole in me head like the lump you've got here." [Chuckles]  
  
"Ouch- careful- wait, let me see- huh. I hadn't even noticed that yet. It's quite big."  
  
"Aye, it is." [Soft sound of hand running through hair] "You've done a number on yerself, you daft bastard."  
  
[Deep breath] "I know."  
  
"But don't beat yerself up fer it, aye?"  
  
"No, I- I'm fine, I mean-- could've been, well- worse."  
  
"Don't think 'bout that, eh? Just focus on getting well now."  
  
"Mmh. Yeah." [Sigh] "I just- no, you're right."  
  
"Damn right I am." [Chuckles. Rustling of sheets] "Go back to sleep, eh?"  
  
[Pause. Small sigh] "Yeah." [Rustling] "And you?"  
  
"Don't worry 'bout me, luv. Watching you sleep will send me off quickly 'nough."  
  
"Don't leave, okay? Oh- and Karl maybe is here still- he slept in the guest room, I think- what time is it?"  
  
"Karl just left. It's morning, luv."  
  
"Oh- okay, I- damn. How can this be, how can I be this tired if I slept all night?"  
  
"Well, fer instance, if you've got a head injury..." [Soft chuckling]  
  
"It's a little- scary, actually."  
  
"Aye. I can understand that."  
  
"Maybe it'll go away with the dizziness."  
  
"It'll definitely go away if you go ta sleep." [Kiss]  
  
"I hope so." [Shift] "Hold me."  
  
[Shift, rustle] "Better?"  
  
"Mmh. Much better." [Half whispered]: "I missed you awfully much."  
  
[Soft kiss] "So have I, luv. So have I."  
  
"Yesterday evening, when I was trying to call you- I couldn't think about anything else but that I wouldn't get to see you and that there wouldn't be another opening in the schedule for ages-"  
  
"Shhhhhhh. Yer going ta send yer own head spinning out of control if you keep talking like that. So stop, eh? Sleep, Vig."  
  
[Sigh] "Mmh. See you in a while." [Soft kiss]  
  
"Goodnight, luv."  


**New Zealand, 02-09-2000, 11:34am**

  
  
[Loud bang, sound of something shattering. Loudly]: "For helvede!" [Silence]  
  
"Mrrrrr- Vig?" [Pause, shuffling. _Thump thump thump_ ] "Vig, what the hell did you just do?"  
  
[Wearily:] "I needed to pee."  
  
[Quiet sigh. _Thump thump_. Shift] "Did you hit yer head again?"  
  
"No, I managed to sit down in time. After I knocked over the toothbrush cup." [Sighs]  
  
"Bugger the toothbrush cup." [Shift] "Can you stand up?"  
  
"I'd rather not try for another moment." [Pause] "But I still need to pee." [Pause] "Fuck, I hate this."  
  
"Put yer hands on me shoulders and I'll help you up."  
  
"I'm not going to let you help me pee!"  
  
"It won't be the first time I've held yer cock, luv." [Suppressed laughter]  
  
"Not quite as funny when you're sitting on the floor surrounded by pieces of broken glass and can't get up yourself. Shit. Help me up, mh?"  
  
"That's what I'm trying ta do." [Shift] "Oof. Lean on me."  
  
[Grunt of exertion] "Give me a moment."  
  
[Long exhale] "That alrigh'?"  
  
"I think so. Let me try if I can stand without support."  
  
"I ain't going ta let you go."  
  
[Pause] "Please, Sean. Let me try. I can't fight you and the dizziness."  
  
"At least let me stand close ta you so I can catch you if - _if_ , Vig - something happens."  
  
"Okay. Sure. Let go? I'll try to sit down."  
  
[Shift, slide] "Aye."  
  
[Shift. Creaking of plastic] "Okay. Great. Now I'm proud because I managed something a three-year-old can do: sit on the toilet. It certainly is the week of fantastic achievements."  
  
[Laughter] "Well, you can laugh at yerself, luv, and that's more than a three year old can do."  
  
[Small chuckle] "Well, easy on the praise before you're sure you won't have to wipe my pee from the floor. And now off you go. I'm serious, I'm not letting you watch me."  
  
"Yer shy 'bout the fucking _oddest_ of things." [Quietly laughing] "Alright, alright." [Footsteps, door closing]  
  
[Loudly:] "Thanks!" [Peeing sounds. Sounds of flushing. Rustling of fabric] "Can you oversee me getting up and into the shower?"  
  
[Door opening] "Only overseeing, or do I get ta touch?"  
  
"You get to touch also, but don't expect any other reaction than that I cling to you and grumble about my fate."  
  
[Chuckles] "I can deal with that." [Footsteps, rustling of clothes being removed]  
  
"Um- what exactly are you doing?"  
  
"Getting into the shower with you." [Soft sounds of clothes being dropped into the hamper] "You ready ta try ta get up?"  
  
"You're naked." [Pause] "This is hardly fair."  
  
"I can't take a shower with me clothes on, luv, and neither can you."  
  
[Pause] "Damn, I want to touch you."  
  
"No sex until yer recovered." [Soft laugh] "It ain't going ta be easy fer me either."  
  
"I can't stand upright properly so I won't even try to seduce you." [Quietly]: "But kiss me?"  
  
[Soft kiss] "That's all yer getting. Now off with yer clothes."  
  
"Now you sound like that bossy nurse back at the hospital." [Laughs] "Can we take a bath? I think that'd be safer. I don't want both of us to crack our skulls."  
  
"Aye. Give me a sec." [Footsteps, sounds of running water] "Yer still dressed, oy."  
  
"Why the rush. I still look the same. Except for my nice bruises.  
  
[Teasing:] "Because I haven't seen you naked in months."  
  
"You just said no sex. I absolutely intend to shower in my clothes as a safety precaution."  
  
"You'll catch a cold, you silly bugger. And if I have ta stand here naked for any longer, _I'll_ catch a cold too."  
  
"Then lets get into the tub. Help me with the t-shirt?"  
  
"'Course." [Rustling]  
  
"Ngh- ouch-- Thanks." [Sighs] "I feel as if I'm a hundred years old. At least."  
  
"Does yer head still hurt badly?"  
  
"No, it's fine. I just have these waves of dizziness. But right now I'm good."  
  
"How on Earth is dizziness good?"  
  
"Hold me while I get into the tub?" [Splashing sound] "I'm not dizzy right now. Comes and goes, apparently. Don't worry too much, hm? I can lie back down after breakfast."  
  
"I better stay wi' you, so if you fall, I'll catch you before you crack yer head open again." [Chuckles] "Space 'nough there fer two?"  
  
"Should be, if we haven't gained weight since we tried this last time."  
  
"I might've gotten fat. I ain't got much ta do nowadays except pretend ta be dead." [Splashing]  
  
[Chuckles] "Aww, my dear deceased Steward." [Splash] Don't worry, you feel exactly the way I remember." [Soft kiss]  
  
"And me King has grown all soppy." [Quiet laugh]  
  
"I'm not going to pretend I'm not happy to have you here with me. Deal with it." [Kiss]  
  
[Low laugh] "Aye, and I'm glad fer it."  
  
"And I'm glad that you are glad that I'm happy." [Splash] "And then you could say that you're glad that I'm glad that you are glad that I'm happy but that might make me dizzy again. So just kiss me."  
  
[Quiet laughter] "Aye, aye, sir." [Kiss]

 

  
  
_tbc..._   



	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Viggo catch a break together and Ian comes over for dinner. Dialogue only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

 

**Los Angeles, 03-09-2000, 1:14pm**

  
"Vig?"  
  
[Sleepily]: "Mmh?"  
  
"I made lunch, luv. You feel well 'nough ta sit up and eat?"  
  
"Oh, thanks, I-" [Shift] "I didn't mean to- did I sleep long?"  
  
"As much as an old man does." [Chuckles]  
  
[Groans] "Damn." [Skin rubbing over skin] "I don't even remember falling asleep. I was lying here, talking to you-"  
  
[Helpfully:] "You sort of fell asleep mid-word."  
  
[Sighs] "Sorry." [Chuckles] "I hope I didn't talk about anything too exciting? And you were wondering all that time how that story ends?"  
  
"It can't have been anything too important, since I don't remember what you talked about." [Chuckles] "C'mon, old man. Get up before the porridge gets cold."  
  
[Surprised]: "You made porridge?" [Rustling of fabric. Shuffling] "Well, you know what they say, hm? The way to a man's heart is through his stomach…" [Kiss]  
  
[Muffled laugh] "It's just oat porridge with milk, Vig. It really isn't much."  
  
"It's exactly what I want to eat."  
  
"I must be a mind reader, then." [Kiss] "Up?"  
  
[Chuckles] "Up and into your arms, please!"  
  
[Footsteps, thump] "Oof, yer heavy."  
  
[Rustling of fabric] "Or you are weak---" [Softly]: "Hej there."  
  
"Weak, eh?" [Thump] "It's a good thing I remember the doctor's orders, or I'd be showing you how 'weak' I am."  
  
[Chuckle] "Mmh, I think I'd enjoy that--" [Soft kiss] "Tomorrow, okay?"  
  
"When yer well, Vig. Only when yer well."  
  
"But I'm much better already." [Chuckles] "And don't underestimate the healing powers of physical contact. And of porridge, of course. Let's eat? I'm starving."  
  
"C'mon then." [Footsteps]  
  
[Footsteps. Scraping of furniture on floor. Amused]: "Porridge for lunch. Made by the man who says oatmeal for breakfast is a bad idea.  
  
"I added milk into the oatmeal, and that makes everything better." [Clinking of bowls on wood]  
  
[Pause] "We really need to have sex."  
  
[ _Clatter_ ] "Vig! God!" [Surprised laughter]  
  
[Laughter] "Sorry. But you started."  
  
"I ain't the one propositioning the poor man trying ta get 'im some food." [Chuckles] "What do you want on top of the porridge, luv?"  
  
"The lingonberry jam. And some apples." [Clinking of porcelain] "This looks really good."  
  
"It's porridge, luv." [Laughing]  
  
"It's _because_ it's porridge. Best thing in the world when you are sick. And you made it for me, do you expect me to say that it looks disgusting?"  
  
"I'm just surprised yer making such a fuss over it." [Soft kiss]  
  
"Mmh. More." [Kiss]  
  
"More kisses, or more food?"  
  
[Softly]: "Kisses."  
  
[Kiss] "There you go."  
  
" _That_ hardly counts. I want-" [Kiss]  
  
"Mm!"  
  
[Softly]: "You have no idea how much I want you."  
  
[Soft chuckle] "Get well first, then we'll take care of that, aye?"  
  
"Don't tell me you're not hard right now, too."  
  
"I'm trying hard ta control meself."  
  
[Quietly]: "Don't."  
  
"I don't want ta make yer injury worse."  
  
"We don't have to go for it like animals, we can take things slow, hm?"  
  
[Soft laugh] "How do I refuse an offer like that?"  
  
"How about you don't?" [Kiss] "The porridge will get cold though. What does the chef say about that?"  
  
"The chef says the porridge can bugger itself." [Kiss] "Come on, luv. Up."  
  
[Chuckles] "That's what I was hoping for. Bedroom?"  
  
"Having you over the table is tempting, but I did promise to be gentler." [Quiet laugh]  
  
[Teasingly]:  "And I thought you might have lost your spirit." [Chuckle]  "But let's postpone half-acrobatic performances 'til after we know if I'll pass out when I'm trying to have sex."  
  
"That ain't encouraging, luv." [Soft kiss]  
  
"Don't worry too much. I know that I'm a little too careless with injuries sometimes. But I'm not going to try and take a head injury lightly."  [Skin sliding over skin] "I'll tell you immediately if I stop feeling fine, okay?"  
  
"You have ta, alright? You have ta tell me."  
  
"I will, mi amor. Vamos! [Kiss] "Come on, come on, come on." [Footsteps]  
  
[Quicker footsteps. Shift. Rustle. Soft laughter]  
  
"What- oh-" [Chuckle] "Put me down, I-" [Thud. Shuffling] "Crazy bastard." [Laughter]  
  
"What- I don't get to carry you over the threshold?" [Laughing]  
  
"Oi, if this is supposed to be a proposal I expect you to get down on your knees first."[Kiss]  
  
[Kiss] "Nah, I'll wait until yer better first before I do that."  
  
"Hear, hear." [Chuckle] "Sean, I-" [Softly]: "I'm so very happy that you are here."  
  
[Quietly:]  "I keep- I keep telling meself that I don't miss you, not that much. Kept thinking if I say it 'nough it'll be true." [Slide of skin through hair] "Christ, Vig." [Short pause, then sound of teeth clacking]  
  
[Long kiss. A little breathlessly]: "I miss you like crazy every single day." [Deep breath] "But I tell myself that's okay because you will come back and then there will be moments like this one when we are together and the past weeks just disappear-"  
  
" _Vig_." [Shaky inhale] "I want you. Now. C'mon." [Slide of skin over cloth]  
  
"Lift up your arms." [Rustle of fabric]  
  
"I'm not fucking you into the wall, no matter how tempting it is. Few more steps?"  
  
"Mh." [Footsteps. Thud. Creaking of bed springs] "Come here."  
  
"Aye, aye, sir." [Bedsprings creak. Kiss]  
  
[Muffled chuckle] "I'm not going to burst into pieces if you're lying on top of me, you know."  
  
[Soft sound of skin on skin] "I don't want ta hurt you."  
  
"You won't, don't worry." [Soft kiss] "I want you, inside of me."  
  
[Hoarsely:] "You keep talking like that and I'll come without being inside you." [Shift, rustle]  
  
[Chuckle] "Clothes. Off." [Kiss] "Now."  
  
"Yer a demanding bastard." [Soft laugh. Shuffling, rustling of clothes being taken off. _Thud_ ]  
  
"Well, someone has to be. As much fun as having you assist me with personal hygiene and food intake is, you can't handle me like fragile china forever."  
  
"Aye." [Whispered:] "Remember that time I nearly fucked you into a tree?"  
  
[Hoarsely]: "Of course." [Kiss] "I sometimes- think about that when I- you know."  
  
"You can tell me that if you want, you know." [Slide of skin on skin] "I'd like ta hear 'bout it."  
  
"I-" [Pause. Softly]:  "This feeling, when you are sliding into me, I-" [Deep breath] "I like that. And I like to look at you face when you do- I like to see what I'm doing to you, I like seeing you come apart in my arms. And these sounds that you make when you are really close- I'm thinking about that when you are not here."  
  
[Rough, quiet moan] "Let me refresh yer memory, eh?" [Shifting, sounds of drawer being dragged open. _Slam_ ] "Open yer legs, Vig." [Snap of plastic cap being popped open]  
  
[Breath hitching] "Yes." [Shifting, rustling of sheets]  
  
"You have a beautiful cock." [Soft laughter, quickly cut off]  
  
[Surprised moan] "Damn, Sean- a warning would have been- good- _ah_ \- unless you want me to come right now- mmh--" [Skin sliding through hair]  "Wait-  wait- give me a second-"  
  
[Muffled laughter]  
  
[Shuddering breath] "It's really been ages since- _ngh_ \- god, I-"  
  
[Quiet hum. _Pop, slide_ ]  
  
"Ah--" [Breathless chuckle] "You know, since I- since I booked that flight, I haven't-"  
  
[Inhale. Lick] "Keep talkin', luv." [ _Mmmmm_ ]  
  
[Through grit teeth] "Easier said- than done--" [Moan] "I haven't-- been touching myself- not once, I- _oh_ \- I thought- I wanted to share that- with you- yes- yes- god, Sean-"  
  
[Ragged sigh] "So damned hot inside that yer driving me insane."  
  
"Then we are driving each other insane because- _ngh_ -" [Quickening breaths] "Get up here, I want- I want to touch you-"  
  
[Shift, rustling. Kiss] "God, Vig."  
  
[Chuckle] "I've been thinking about this- about you're feeling in my hand-" [Kiss] "And about how your breath catches when I do _this_ \---"  
  
[Moan] " _Fucking hell_ -" [Slide of skin on skin. Hard kiss]  
  
"Sean, I-" [Groan] "I- don't move- don't move- give me a moment- I need- damn- it really has been a while--" [Deep breath]  
  
[Kiss] "Take-" [kiss] "all-" [kiss _kiss_ ] "the time-" [kiss] "you-" [kiss] "need-" [ _exhale_ ]  
  
[Deep inhale, slow exhale] "Damn." [Skin sliding through hair. Softly]: "I love you."  
  
[Soft laugh] "Aye. I know." [Slide, _slam_ ]  
  
"Sean!" [Moan] "I swear you cock is- twice as big as it used to be--"  
  
[Burst of laughter] "You flatter me, luv."  
  
[Chuckles] "Oh, but my pleasure." [Kiss]  
  
"Yer pleasure, aye?" [Thrust] "How 'bout mine?"  
  
"Mmh-- I don't know- you'll have to- tell me-" [Kiss. Half-whispered]: "How does it feel to be inside of me?"  
  
[Laughingly:] "Pretty good, I suppose." [Slow thrusts]  
  
"Excuse me, _pretty_ good? I'm going to show you _pretty good_ \---" [Shuffle. Rustling. Soft grunt of exertion.] "You'll have to sound much more enthusiastic if you want me to start moving."  
  
"Oy! Hey-" [Breathless laughter] "What happened ta taking it slow and gentle, eh? Riding me ain't slow and gentle!"  
  
"You started this, I was all slow and gentle and affectionate. Now, do you want me to move? I'm listening!"  
  
[Soft laugh. Quietly, hoarsely:] "You feel amazing. Like a furnace 'round me cock, squeezing me until I can barely think of anything. Feels like-"  [Shift, rustle, _thump_ ] "Feels like I can fuck you like this forever and I won't ever get used ta the feeling, ta how good it feels." [Slow drag, slam]  
  
[Ragged breath] "God, yes--yes-" [Kiss. Muffled]: " _Fuck me_."  
  
"Your wish is my command. Aye, aye, sir." [Soft kiss. Chuckle. Hard thrust]  
  
[Moan] "Sean--"  
  
"I can't hear you, Vig."  
  
[Sharp inhale] "How can you be- so _damned_ coherent- when you're buried - balls deep inside of me and I'm- moaning your --name-" [Through grit teeth]: "You bastard."  
  
[Soft laugh. Sounds of hard, sharp thrusts, irregular] "I only _sound_ coherent, luv."  
  
[Murmured]: "Look at me. I want to see."  
  
[Shift, rustle] "Aye."  
  
[Panting]: "Don't hold back- I won't last much- longer either- _ah_ \- god, Sean-"  
  
[Kiss. Kisskiss _kiss_ ] "God, Vig. Viggo, I fucking-" [Slam]  
  
"Sean- Sean- Sean- _mhh_ -" [Shift] "Let me- or- I need- Sean- touch me- I'm-- _ah_ -"  
  
[Sounds of sharp, short thrusts] "Don't move." [Thud] "I'll touch you." [Shift, _slide_ ]  
  
"God, Sean, yes- yes- yes- _ngh_ \- [Tense pause, breath held. Shouted]: "Sean!"  
  
[Hoarsely:] "Vig, God, how you look when you come- _nngh_ -" [ _Thrust_ ] "Vig!"  
  
[Ragged breathing] "Ah--"  
  
[Thud] "Vig." [Shuddering inhale]  
  
"Shh-" [Kiss] "I'm right here." [Kiss] "You're beautiful."  
  
"Those should be me words." [Exhale]  
  
"I don't mind you repeating them." [Kiss]  
  
[Softly:] "Yer beautiful when you come. 'Specially yer eyes."  
  
"What's with my eyes then?"  
  
"The way you looked at me." [Soft kiss] "You can't expect me ta find words fer it, luv."  
  
"Well, what is it they say?" [Kiss] "The eyes are the windows to the soul? As trite as it sounds, sometimes it's true."  
  
[Chuckles] "Shut up before you start making me laugh with yer corniness."  
  
[Laughs] "Just kiss me."  
  
[Hard kiss]  
  
[Soft moan] "Mmh." [Muffled laughter]: "Compensating for my corniness, hm?"  
  
"Something like that."  
  
[Teasingly]: "Or two days of pent-up sexual tension?"  
  
"You give me too much credit. Or too little." [Soft laugh] "Try a few weeks of it."  
  
"Same here." [Kiss]  
  
"I'm so damned glad I decided ta fly over."  
  
[Softly]: "So am I." [Pause] "When I thought I wouldn't get to see you- that felt horrible."  
  
[Silence. Quietly:] "You scared the hell out of me."  
  
[Long pause] "I scared the hell out of myself. When I- I was just getting dragged down, there wasn't anything I could do, I- I thought--"  [Shaky breath]  
  
[Shift, thud. Stroke of hand through hair] "You want ta tell me 'bout it?"  
  
[Pause. Almost inaudibly]: "I thought I'd drown."  
  
[Just as softly:] "Go on, luv."  
  
[Deep breath] "I just- panicked, I guess, completely, and tried to- but I just couldn't- I couldn't even tell which side was up anymore- and I kept thinking that--- that I couldn't die- not then- that I wasn't-- well, ready- and--" [Pause] "I don't know- I don't remember what happened. Then Peter was there, staring at me- and he was so pale. I remember that I was wondering if he would faint and- I wanted to sit up and he started yelling at me, really, he was yelling so loudly, I've never seen him like that before, he was yelling at me to lie back down, for god's sake, and wait for the medic and not move- and I thought he shouldn't make such a fuss. And then- the next thing I remember is the hospital. And your call."  
  
[Sudden, harsh kiss]  
  
[Muffled sob]  
  
[Hoarsely:] "I don't blame Pete fer shouting. I would've shouted too. _Christ_." [Kiss]  
  
"I think I was a little beside myself, I didn't- I just wanted to get up and see if- if I was alright-"  
  
[Muffled:] "Yer safe now. Yer safe now."  
  
[Ragged breaths] "God, Sean, I--"  
  
[Fingers through hair] "Mm?"  
  
"If I'd hit my head just a little bit harder I'd probably-- not be here right now."  
  
"But you didn't." [Soft kiss] "You didn't, and I'm fucking glad fer that."  
  
"Mm." [Shift] "I'm a little cold. Let me-" [Rustling of sheets] "There." [Pause] "Anything like this ever happen to you?"  
  
[Soft sound of skin against skin. Kiss] "No." [Pause] "I got stepped on by a horse in the middle of a river once, though."  
  
"How did that happen?"  
  
"It was during _Sharpe_. Me and Alice - Krige, I mean - we were riding a horse through a river.  The horse is supposed to rear and dump us in the river, and that's what it did. But it's a little bit too spooked and as it tried ta run, its hoof smashed onto me head." [Soft  laugh] "Good thing I'm hard-headed, eh?"  
  
[Soft kiss] "Indeed. Did you have to see a doctor? Or did both of you escape with nothing more than a fright?"  
  
[Soft laugh] "There was a medic and that's it. We were in Ukraine at the time, and the situation's pretty bad." [Pause] "But we're not talking 'bout me. Are you feeling better, luv?"  
  
[Pause] "I don't know. I- at least I'm not dizzy anymore, hm?"  
  
"That's something, aye." [Stroke of fingers through hair] "Do you need ta sleep?"  
  
"Mmh, maybe a little while. But there was something- at the hospital, they-  In my contract, there are emergency contacts, right, people I want the hospital to call in case there's a problem- so they called Exene.  Which is good but- I thought- maybe you want-"  
  
[Long pause] "Aye, I'd like that." [Uneasy laugh] "If only so I don't have ta find out 'bout you being hurt from Karl again."  
  
"You don't have to decide now, not at all. I just thought- I would have wanted you to know, immediately. Your number should have been there on my papers so that the hospital could have called you. And not Karl. How on earth did he end up calling you?"  
  
"He didn't. I was calling you since you weren't appearing at the airport gates." [Sheepish chuckle] "He picked it up."  
  
"God, Sean, I-" [Pause] "I'm so sorry, I should've- at the hospital, they did all these tests at the hospital and I couldn't even remember why I had been in the water in the first place, and then later, when I woke up at night, my phone wasn't there and I couldn't remember your number and the nurse said she couldn't call Peter at 3 am and that I should wait until a more reasonable time. And then Karl showed up with my stuff. I don't even know how- he wasn't even there at the river. Someone must have given him my clothes." [Pause] "Did I tell you that they are having a baby, by the way?"  
  
"No, don't blame yerself fer it." [Soft kiss] "But you've lost me now. Who's having a baby?"  
  
"Karl and his girlfriend."  
  
"... Ahhh." [Chuckles] "I'm glad ta hear that."  
  
"He's so excited. And so protective of her, It's really sweet, he rarely leaves her side. I haven't seen him in ages. Not since he came to borrow Henry. To test his fatherly skills, I suspect."  
  
"You make the kid sound like one of those eggs they hand out in school!" [Laughing]  
  
[Chuckles]  "Nah, he's old enough to take care of himself, so I figured he'd be quite safe if he went surfing with Karl. And he really wanted to, I didn't just hand him over to Karl."  
  
[Soft laugh] "I didn't think you did, luv." [Pause] "So a kid, huh? That'd be interesting ta see, Karl as a father."  
  
"I'm sure he'll do great. And as far as I can tell, they seem to be very happy together."  
  
[Pause. Teasingly:] "Why are you telling me so much 'bout Karl, eh?"  
  
[Chuckles] "Damn, I thought you wouldn't notice."  
  
"Aye? And what are you up ta?"  
  
[Soft kiss] "I think maybe I'm-" [Pause] "You still sound strained when there's talk about Karl. And he's become a really good friend and I very much appreciate it that he offered to stay as long as I needed help after coming home from the hospital. I guess I'd just- it would be great if you could give him another chance."  
  
"You sound like yer trying ta get me ta date him." [Quietly laughing]  
  
"Mmh- you know, you could always call Karl, dump me at Miranda's and then have a nice cosy evening on the couch with him. Share a bottle of wine, maybe, or two, I'm sure I can dig out some candles, too---" [Laughter]   "You should see your face."  
  
[Burst of laughter] "I suppose yer feeling better now, since you can tease me and all?"  
  
"Mmh, much better. And I've missed to hear you laughing. You've looked nothing but worried since you arrived." [Softly]: "I'm fine, you know."  
  
"I'll be better once you start behaving like a deranged maniac and rugbytackling me." [Soft chuckle]  
  
"I'll be back to that soon enough, I'm sure." [Slide of skin over skin]  "Do you mind if we take a nap? I don't want to move yet."  
  
"Well, it ain't like I can move when yer acting like me blanket." [Laughing]  
  
"So then that's settled." [Soft kiss] "Wake me if you're getting restless. Or need to pee."  
  
"Aye, that I will." [Kiss] "Sleep well, luv."  
  
  
  


 

**Los Angeles, 03-09-2000, 3:42pm**

  
"Vig?" [Soft kiss] "Hey, Vig?"  
  
"Mmmh?"  
  
[Stifling laughter:] "I have ta pee."  
  
"Forget it. I'm not moving."  
  
[Rustling] "Roll over. G'on."  
  
"No. It took me the better part of fifteen minutes to find that spot on your shoulder that is comfortable as a pillow." [Rustling. Chuckle]  
  
"Yer pillow will return once he has empty his bladder. I promise."  
  
[Sound kiss] "Okay. I'll anxiously await your return."  
  
[Soft laugh. Footsteps. Door closing]  
  
[Rustling of sheets. Yawn. More rustling of sheets] "Bring a wet towel! We made a bit of a mess earlier."  
  
[Opening door] "I think we'll have to wash the sheets, actually!"  
  
"I'm not concerned about the sheets. But we might have to wash me."  
  
[Startled laugh] "Right, of course." [Pause, sounds of things being moved around] "At least you missed the wet spot. I hope."  
  
"Yeah. Luckily the bed is big enough. Make a mess on one side, move over to the other. What are you doing? Get back here, we can find fresh sheets later."  
  
"Finding a wet cloth. I can't believe I've forgotten where you put most of yer stuff already."  
  
[Laughter] "That probably doesn't have anything to do with your memory but with me putting things in different places all the time."  
  
[Drawer slamming close. Tap running. Amused:] "You haven't learned ta be organised, have you?]  
  
"You didn't sincerely believe I might some day, did you?" [Chuckle] "And I _am_ organized. Just in a very individual way."  
  
"If I can't find yer stuff, that's disorganised, luv." [Chuckling. Footsteps]  
  
"You can always ask me. I know, most of the times." [Rustling] "Found something now?"  
  
"Aye, I did." [Rustling. Thud] "Turn over?"  
  
"As much as I appreciate the offer, I do rejoice in my recovered ability to clean myself." [Shifting. Rustling] "But ask again forty years from now."  
  
[Laughter] "Here you go then."  
  
"Thanks." [Rustling. Sounds of cloth rubbing over skin] "There. Almost as good as new."  
  
"Almost?"  
  
"I think the rest requires a shower. But it's good enough for now. Come here."  
  
"Bossy, bossy. I don't get ta wash you in the shower?"  
  
"If I get to wash you in return---" [Kiss]  
  
"Don't tempt me ta drag you out of bed into the shower."  
  
"Not for another while at least, hm?" [Pause. Softly]: "I've missed this."  
  
"Having a shower with me? Or being in bed together?" [Chuckle. Kiss]  
  
"Both." [Kiss] "Really just being with you."  
  
"Now yer making me blush." [Pause. Soft sound of fingers through hair] "I missed you too, you silly bugger."  
  
[Soft chuckle] "I know. I hit my head and you immediately boarded a plane to come here."  
  
"It's nice ta see you, but don't do that again, alright?"  
  
[Dryly]: "Even I think that two broken toes and a head trauma is more than enough for one project."  
  
"And here I'm starting ta think yer a masochist."  
  
"I wouldn't go that far. I just like to do my stunts myself. And occasionally I tend to forget that Aragorn wears very soft leather shoes and orc helmets are made from metal." [Sighs] "And it's not as if I'm the only one who got injured during this. I'm sure John will manage to kill a stunt guy or two before we're done."  
  
[Burst of laughter] "I forgot ta ask: how are the rest?"  
  
"They are good. We all have our ups and downs, you know how it is, but yes, I think they are all good." [Pause] "If you want to meet any of them we can ask them over for dinner?"  
  
"D'you think Ian will have the time?"  
  
"Probably. You want to call him and ask him over?"  
  
"Later. I don't want ta move right now."  
  
[Small content sigh. Rustling. Fingers sliding through hair] "Tilt your head a little towards me."  
  
[Soft moan] "Feels good, luv."  
  
"Good. More pressure?"  
  
"Lower. Bit at me neck?"  
  
"Wait, let me- "[Shifting of limbs, rustling of sheets] "Lean back against me. Comfortable like that?"  
  
"Mm." [Soft laugh] "How'd you know me head was hurting?"  
  
"I didn't. I just thought these past days must have been exhausting for you, too." [Soft kiss] "How bad is it?"  
  
"It don't matter. It feels better now."  
  
"Okay." [Pause. Soft sounds of hands in hair] "Sean?"  
  
"Aye?"  
  
"There's something I wanted to ask you when I came to L.A.--- you said you might have a week or so off to visit me when filming ends here, right?"  
  
"Mm. Why? You don't want me ta come?"  
  
[Softly]: "Of course I want you to come." [Pause] "And even more so, I wanted to ask you if you'd have some more days to fly back home with me afterwards. To meet Henry, and Exene. She invited me to stay with them for a while when I get back and that invitation includes you."  
  
[Pause. Shift, rustling] "Even if I don't have time, I'll make some."  
  
"You would?"  
  
[Soft chuckle. Kiss] "Of course I will."  
  
[Pause] "I'm-" [Deep breath] "That would be great, I-" [Sigh] "Yeah."  
  
[Kiss. Teasingly:] "It surprises you so much that I want ta spend more time with you and yer son?" [Pause] "And yer ex-wife?"  
  
[Chuckles] "No. It just makes me stupidly happy. All my favourite people in one place."  
  
[Laughter. Kiss] "Yer fucking adorable sometimes."  
  
"Adorable, hm?" [Laughter] "Let me show you just how adorable--" [Long kiss]  
  
"Mm--!"  
  
[Murmured] "Sean, I-" [Breathless laughter] "Best thing in the world to have you here."  
  
"Careful. Yer going ta give me a hell of a huge head." [Soft laugh]  
  
"Well, I don't get to tell you this every day, I have to make sure that you remember it for a while."  
  
[Soft thump] "Why don't you help me remember in another way?"  
  
[Laughter] "Couple of weeks without sex and you start taking hostages, hm?" [Kiss. Softly]: "I fear I'm not up for a second round yet, though.  At least not without eating something first."  
  
"Shit- Christ-" [Shift, rustling] "Sorry, I didn't think-"  
  
"Hey." [Rustling] "Hey. Don't worry. I'm fine." [Soft kiss] "More than fine. But I just don't want to overdo it now and regret it later."  
  
[Stroke of hand through hair] "Stop me if I go too far, alright?"  
  
"Mh." [Chuckle] "And you better stop me from having my way with you on the kitchen table."  
  
"Me back's not as strong as it was before, you know."  
  
"Do you miss wielding a sword for hours on end?"  
  
[Quiet laugh] "No, not really."  
  
"I like it. I think it's part of what I like best about this role actually- the physical challenge. Do you know what I mean?"  
  
"Am I allowed ta call you a masochist yet?"  
  
"No." [Teasingly]: "But you're allowed to say 'I know exactly what you mean, luv, and I love watching you wield a sword'." [Kiss]  
  
"Luv? Now yer stealing me words, aren't you?" [Laughter]  
  
"Maybe I'm just out fishing for compliments with regard to my swordsmanship..." [Chuckle]  
  
"You keep talking 'bout yer sword and I'll start doubting that yer not up fer a second round."  
  
"You, my dear, have a truly filthy mind." [Kiss]  
  
"Yers is equally as filthy, don't you deny it." [Chuckles]  
  
"I meant that as a compliment, actually. My-" [Kiss] "--wonderfully--" [Kiss] "--filthy-minded--" [Kiss] "-- Sean."  
  
[Burst of laughter] "You keep doing that and we'll never get out of bed, much less see anyone else." [Kiss]  
  
"I wouldn't mind that terribly much. But I am hungry. Let's shower, eat something and you call Ian?"  
  
"Aye." [Kiss] "C'mon, luv. I want ta wash yer back."  
  
  
  


 

**Los Angeles, 03-09-2000, 7:47pm**

  
"Hey Ian. Come on in."  
  
"Thank you, thank you." [Footsteps. Door closing] "It's a pleasant surprise to see you, Sean."  
  
[Chuckles] "You expect me ta not be here after Viggo did something this stupid?"  
  
"Actually, I hoped you would be. Viggo was so much looking forward to seeing you ever since he made the travel arrangements." [Pause. Warmly]:  "So, it's good to see you here. How are you?"  
  
[Soft chuckle] "I'm good. We're both good." [Pause, more seriously:] "I think Vig's concussion's gone. At least, I hope it is."  
  
"Actually, Peter is still looking a little shell-shocked. How bad was it?"  
  
"He was dizzy fer a while, but he slept plenty and he's now okay."  [Pause]  "He promised ta tell me if he feels badly in any manner, anyway."  
  
[Soft chuckle] "Well, you probably are among the very few people to whom he would admit if he wasn't fine." [Pause] "You must have been sick with worry when you got the news. When did you get here?"  
  
"Two days. Sorry I haven't called."  
  
"No, don't worry about it. You're here to see Viggo."  
  
"Aye, but that don't mean I should neglect you all, eh?"  
  
"Well, first things first. And I am sure Viggo would not want to share you with all of us. Where is he, by the way? Not out for a run, I hope, or going through the moves for his next fighting scene."  
  
[Chuckles] "I won't be surprised if he tries, but he's being sensible. He's making dinner now, and probably wondering what we're gossiping 'bout at the door."  
  
"Well, then let's go see if he needs any help. And open this bottle of wine, what do you say?"  
  
"Aye, aye."  
  
[Footsteps. Frying sounds]  
  
"Good evening."  
  
"Ian! Great you could come." [Rustling of fabric] "Dinner is almost ready. Five more minutes maybe."  
  
"My domestic goddess." [Chuckles. Footsteps] "Vig, did you change where you put the wine opener?"  
  
"Hm." [Pause]  I think I didn't. But then, I hit my head. Check the other drawer?"  
  
[Quietly]: "You gave all of us quite a fright, Viggo. How are you?"  
  
"Much better already. Sean's been taking very good care of me."  
  
[Laughter]  "I'm just making sure he sleeps and doesn't do anything stupid."  [Sounds of drawers opening and closing. Footsteps. Sound of fridge opening] "Why is your wine opener in the fridge?"  
  
"Would you be satisfied with the answer that my house elf must have put it there?" [Chuckle]  
  
"It makes as much sense as anything else."  
  
"And I feared I was getting old and forgetful when you were staying with me and things kept disappearing." [Laughter] "This certainly is enlightening."  
  
"God, Ian, I'm sorry, I really was trying hard not to upset your order of things."  
  
[Stage whispered:] "Viggo's house-elf follows him wherever he goes."  
  
"Well, you are always welcome to tag along and keep an eye on me so that I don't disrupt the order of the world, Sean." [Slap]  
  
"Oy! Vig!" [Burst of laughter]  
  
[Laughs] "You know you deserved that." [Brief kiss]  
  
[Chuckle] "Tell me if you'd rather be alone after all, I promise not to be offended."  
  
[Immediately:] "No, no, we invited you. We'll stop, I promise. Right, Vig?"  
  
[Amused]: "I'm not going to promise any such thing, you'll be out of my reach soon enough again. And I'm sure Ian doesn't really mind, or do you?"  
  
[Warmly]: "Not at all. It's a pleasure to see both of you this relaxed." [Clinking of glasses] "Now, wine, gentlemen?"  
  
"Aye, once I get this cork popped." [Soft laugh. Screech of cork against glass] "You really don't mind, Ian? I know PDA's not fer everyone."  
  
"If you should manage to embarrass me, which I sincerely doubt, then I'll start coughing very loudly, shall we agree on that?"  
  
[ _Pop_ ] "That'd do, I think."  
  
"Here." [Sound of wine being poured] "What about you, Viggo, are you allowed to drink yet?"  
  
"I think so. It's not doctor's order I suppose, but she didn't say I wasn't allowed to either. And in case I should fall asleep, just carry on with your conversation."  
  
"You want ta call ta make sure?"  
  
"Nah. After the rest of today's activities I'm quite confident that I won't drop dead if I have a glass of wine." [Quietly]: "Don't look at me like that, Sean. I'm fine, hm?"  
  
[Pause] "Sorry. I'm being a worrywart. Tell me if I'm being an unbearable git, eh?" [Sounds of wine pouring]  
  
"You're not. You're just being sensible. And one of us has to be." [Brief kiss] "Skål! And it's great you're here, Ian."  
  
"Chin chin!" [Clinking of glasses]  
  
[Soft chuckle] "So how is everyone, Ian? Seems forever since I saw all of you."  
  
"Everybody is fine, I believe. It's different now than when you were still here, we aren't on the same location as often anymore. Viggo and I haven't been working together for weeks in a row now. But as far as I am informed, everybody is quite well."  
  
"And here I was thinking everything would've fallen apart without me."  
  
[Chuckle]  "Well, that's what happened, I'd say. We all barely see each other, even the hobbits usually are too tired to drag all of us to the pub..."  
  
"Indeed. All that's left are early calls and hard work. And be assured, Sean, you are dearly missed. If I had as much as said a word about you being  here, there would be ten people at least in this  kitchen now."  
  
[Loftily:]  "I don't feel like being mobbed today." [Pause, chuckles] "It sounds like I was just here fer the fun bits and left all the difficult parts fer the rest of you."  
  
"Hm. I'll send you picture postcards from Helm's Deep so that you can see for yourself how much fun we are having in the middle of the night, wet and freezing." [Rattling of pots] "Do you have time to set the table? I'm almost done here."  
  
"Sure I do." [Footsteps, sounds of drawers opening] "And Vig, if you have time ta take photographs, I daresay yer still alright."  
  
[Chuckles] "You might be right. I still feel that you cheated though, by just dying."  
  
[Laughs] "So did I, then. I won't be there with you either to hold an umbrella over your head. But you are welcome to come over for breakfast after you're done for the night. And to bring John. Can I give you a hand with the table, Sean?"  
  
"Nah, I'm good. Whaddya mean, Ian? Bring John?"  
  
"Well, if John is braving the rain and the dark at the side of our king in our absence, the least I can do is to feed him, I think." [Chuckles]  "And the combination of Viggo and John makes for excellent company, the way I see it."  
  
"Don't let Orlando hear that, he'll be very disappointed that he's not included in that list. But thanks, anyway."  
  
"If we let Orlando and John in the same room, the walls might fall down from the noise." [Chuckles]  
  
"Oh yes, they are bickering like an old couple. It's not how I want to begin my day, thank you very much."  
  
"So you expect me to just grab John and make a run for it? I actually think that Orlando would outrun me."  
  
"Oi! What is so funny about that? I haven't seen you run any faster than Orlando either!"  
  
[Burst of laughter]  
  
"It ain't the running!" [Laughing almost too hard to speak:] "I was just imagining you swinging John over yer shoulder and falling flat on yer face with the first step you took, you daft bugger."  
  
"Well, given John's proportions I guess that's a fairly accurate guess. I'd probably just get crushed beneath his weight." [Laughs]  
  
[Chuckles] "In that case I should maybe include three of four orcs into the invitation who can help you carry him."  
  
"It'd be easier ta call him and ask him ta sneak over here." [Pause] "Then again, probably not."  
  
"Sneaking might not come naturally to him, no." [Pause. Clinking of kitchen utensils] "How far have you gotten with the table? The fish is ready."  
  
"The table's been done since you start talking 'bout carting John 'round like a sack of potatoes." [Chuckles]  
  
[Laughs] "Now who is sneaky, hm?" [Kiss] "There you go, take the potatoes? Ian, can you grab the salad bowl?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
  



	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean has a surprise for Viggo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

**New Zealand, 08-09-2000, 3:48pm**

[Door opening, closing. Footsteps]

"Hey, luv. How was filming?"

[Chuckles] "Peter kept a strict eye on me at all times. I think he's still a little scared that I might drop dead if he turns his back on me." [Kiss] "What have you been doing?"

[Pause] "Packing."

[Sigh] "Damn."

[Quietly:] "I wish I could stay."

"So do I. The days have just been flying past." [Kiss] "But then, I'd say that after a whole month with you, too."

"And here I was, thinking you were getting bored of me." [Chuckle]

"Why? Because I smoothly talked you into inviting Ian over so I got a little peace?"

"Well, partly."

[Laughing] "What? What other reason to believe I was bored can I possibly have given you?"

"You keep being all responsible and going ta work instead of staying here with me, for one thing."

"You remember this little bearded man with the spectacles? He didn't really leave me any choice." [Kiss] "And he did after all adjust my schedule so that I could take some days off to see you." [Kiss] "So. One: Going to work instead of having shower sex with you. Noted. What more?"

"Do I need more than one reason?" [Chuckles. Hand sliding into hair] "God, I missed you."

"Mh. I missed you, too. I might even have glowered at Orlando for screwing up one of his lines." [Kiss] "I really just want to be Viggo today, not Aragorn."

"So I can't ask fer some King-Steward roleplay?" [Muffled laughter]

[Laughter] "You are going to be the death of me one day, you know that?" [Pause] "Role play? Where is that coming from?"

[Pause] "I was bored."

[Softly]: "Want to tell me about it?"

[Kiss] "Nah. I'd rather keep what I've been reading 'bout to phone sex. Spice things up a little."

[Chuckle] "Wait, wait, wait. What?"

[Laughter] "C'mon, Vig, I wasn't stuttering."

"No, but the sentence was dripping with sexual innuendos. Phone sex? And role play? And since when do we need to spice things up, hm?" [Kiss]

"Mm." [Pause] "D'you think we need ta spice things up a bit?"

[Pause] "I thought you were joking about this. But you aren't, hm?"

"Well." [Nervous laugh] "I ain't much good with words, and I won't want you ta be bored with me when I fly off again."

"And that's why you're offering phone sex? Sean-" [Kiss] "I like phone sex if I can't have real sex. But I'm not bored."

[Pause. Sound of skin stroking through hair] "... Alright."

"Actually, I-" [Pause] "This is a little- unsettling, I- let's sit down and talk about this?"

"Mm." [Shift] "I'm sorry."

[Soft kiss] "What are you apologizing for? Come-" [Footsteps. Thud] "-sit down." [Rustling. Quietly]: "Tell me what's going on?"

[Nervous chuckle] "Nothin' really, just me being a sod." [Shift] "C'mon, don't you want a shower?"

"I think I could use one, actually. But in a moment, okay?" [Pause] "Talk to me, please?" [Skin sliding over skin]

"It really is nothing. I'm sorry I mentioned it."

"I really don't want you to leave with this 'maybe we need to spice things up'-elephant sitting right between us." [Pause] "I thought we had a couple of great days together, despite having to take things easy and stay inside- I'm just so glad I got to see you. But I'm-- I'm sorry if that wasn't what you'd expected from your week off-"

"No! No, that's not what I meant at all." [Shaky laugh] "Christ, we _are_ a pair."

"Then what _did_ you mean?"

"I'm afraid that you'll get tired of me."

[Pause] "Did I do anything to set this off? Or is this something you're feeling no matter what I do or don't do?"

[Very softly:] "I keep thinking that this is too damned good ta last."

[Long pause] "This makes me both very happy and very sad."

"I'm sorry. Each time I try ta not screw things up..." [Frustrated sigh]

"I know the past seems to tell you otherwise but try not to worry about that too much? Look how far we have come in such a short time, hm? And I certainly have no intention of going anywhere."

[Pause. Kiss]

"How long have you been feeling this way?"

[Whispered:] "A while." [Pause] "I know, I'm damned stupid. Can we- can we forget I said anything?"

"Don't be this hard on yourself. It's okay to be afraid sometimes. I am, too, at times. But the important thing is, that we both still want this, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I do."

[Soft kiss]

"Mm." [Inhale] "Let's forget I said all this, aye?"

[Pause. Teasingly]: "Does this mean the phone sex is off the table, too?"

"It's- uhm." [Sound of lips being licked] "It's on the table if you want it ta be."

"And what do _you_ want, Sean?"

[Quietly:] "I'd love ta."

"Then let's try this at some point." [Kiss. Softly]: "Have you ever done this before?"

[Embarrassed laugh] "Oh, aye." [Pause] "Nearly got caught by Daragh once, even."

[Chuckle] "How did that happen? Did you try to get the most out of your lunch break?"

"No, it was, uhm." [Pause] "There was just one phone in the entire hotel."

[Laughter] "Were you at least finished?"

"Sadly, no." [Chuckles] "Worst part of the story, really."

[Laughs] "I can imagine that must have been embarrassing. Especially if you had to walk away still hard..." [Kiss]

"Nah, my mood was completely ruined." [Soft laugh] "Had blue balls fer days after, though."

"Then you definitely have to make sure that no one will disturb you when I'm on the other end of that phone line..."

"I have a mobile phone and I'm going to make sure I'm behind several lockable doors." [Chuckles]

"Lockable, sound-proof doors?"

"I'll try me best fer the soundproofin'."

"I'd say you can always stuff your shirt sleeve into your mouth but I think I'd be disappointed if I couldn't hear you during phone sex." [Chuckle]

"A shirt sleeve, huh? Talking 'bout gagging me already?"

[Pause] "You are full of surprises today. What have you _really_ been doing while I was at work?"

[Dryly:] "Terrible things."

[Chuckle] "Will I have to start looking for a new place to stay if you tell me?"

"Well, it depends on how terrible you find these things." [Chuckles]

"Try me?"

"I went out and, uhm, I was looking at some things." [Tapping fingers]

[Low voice]: "Mmh, what _things?_ "

"You have ta promise me you won't get angry 'bout this."

"Why would I be angry? Tell me, hm?" [Soft kiss]

[Inhale] "I looked at a bunch of- toys."

[Surprised]: "Toys? What kind of toys?" [Pause] "Well, obviously grown-up toys, but what sort?"

"They're in the bedroom. If you want ta see 'em."

[Breath hitching] "I'm-" [Pause. Quietly]: "Show me."

[Pause. Scraping of chair legs against the floor] "Alright. C'mon, luv."

"Okay."[Rustling. Footsteps. Teasingly]: "Is this just a dirty trick to get me upstairs?" [Creaking of staircase. Footsteps] "So that you only have to coax me into taking off my clothes before we can have sex?"

[Chuckles] " _Do_ I have to trick you ta get yer clothes off?"

"On the contrary, usually you'd have to trick me so that my clothes stay on..." [Kiss]

"I can't even think of one reason why I'd want to do that!" [Chuckles]

[Whispered]: "Show me your toys and then we'll take a shower?"

[Sudden nervous chuckle] "Alright. Uh." [Rustling and crinkling of paper]

"Sean-" [Skin sliding over skin] "I'm not going to be mad at you for this, whatever it is, okay?"

"Don't say that before you see them."

[Long silence] "This is- not what I expected."

[Softly:] "Are you mad at me?"

"No, of course not, I-" [Deep breath] "I just- don't have any idea how to respond to this."

"You can tell me ta fuck off."

"This actually is what my brain is telling me to do." [Pause] "To tell you fuck off, I'm not going to let you tie me up and- gag me."

[Nervous laugh] "What makes you think that yer going ta be the one tied up?" [Pause] "The only one, in any case."

[Pause. Shift. Softly]: "Have you done this before?"

[Barely audible:] "Aye."

"And who tied up whom?"

"It- uh- Christ." [Shuffling. _Thump_.] "It started off because I liked ta pin Mel down on the bed, and I tied her up. First."

[Softly]: "And then?"

"She said that it's getting boring fer her to stay there and do nothing, so-" [Chuckles]

"So you reversed your roles?" [Shift. Thud. Creaking of bedsprings]

"Mm." [Then, softer:] "You don't have ta- if you don't like the idea-"

"Shh, I know." [Kiss] "I know I don't _have_ to. The question is if I'd want to, hm?"

"Mm." [Softer:] "I'm sorry I brought it up. We don't have ta do it now. You can think 'bout it and the next time we meet we can- uh- I should probably stop talking now."

"On the contrary, you should continue talking now. And stop apologizing. But wait-" [Shift] "Let's put this away first. I'm definitely not up for this today." [Rustling. Thud] "Lie down with me for a moment? I want to hear more."

"Alright." [Shift] "Yer not- yer not saying this just ta humour me, are you?"

"I can't promise you anything, but I want to hear how you felt, then."

"I didn't even tell Abby 'bout these." [Pause] "It's just- something I wanted ta share with you, that's all."

[Softly]: "Thank you." [Kiss] "To be honest, I have no idea how I feel about this, Sean." [Pause] "Only one guy ever asked me about this and I told him no directly and the discussion ended right there. But I- tell me how this felt, with her?"

"It was- fun. Daring. We giggled over it like we were young kids making out together fer the first time. A secret between the two of us that no one else knew." [Long exhale] "I remember the first time I let Mel tie me up. I couldn't touch her like I wanted ta, and I had ta learn ta be creative." [Nervous chuckle] "I never learned to sit back and relax."

[Softly]: "Creative in what respect?"

"How ta move. How ta touch. How ta... well, get what I want without stopping her from getting what she wants."

"And what did she want?"

"She wanted me at her mercy." [Pause. Very quietly:] "I didn't mind it."

"You didn't? I can imagine that one must feel very vulnerable."

"I- uh. I trusted her."

[Long pause] "Yes, maybe it's that simple. Maybe my problem back then was the _guy_ , not the toys." [Pause] "I've never thought about it that way."

[A soft chuckle] "This is almost ironic. Me being the one ta corrupt you into this."

"Ironic? Why?"

"Yer usually the one who is more open-minded and experienced with such things."

"With sexual things? You honestly think that?"

"Aye, I do." [Pause] "Am I right?"

"I have no idea. I can't remember to ever have thought of you as inhibited or shy. You've always been very straightforward about what you want." [Pause] "It's one of the things that made me fall for you."

[Soft kiss] "I don't usually- tell people that I like these things."

[Quietly]: "Thank you."

[Almost teasing:] "That should be me line."

[Chuckles] "Because I didn't throw a fit?"

"Mm."

"I haven't said yes yet."

"I know, but yer not stomping out on me." [Pause] "I was afraid you would think I'm- odd or weird or even disgusting."

"It's just something you like, hm?" [Kiss] "And you did this very carefully and left me plenty of chances to stop you. Nothing weird about that, perfect way to go about this, I think."

[Chuckles] "You give me too much credit. I was mostly nervous. Maybe even scared out of me wits."

[Pause. Softly]: "Sean- are you bored with how things are in bed?"

"No!" [Shift, thump] "I ain't bored. I just thought _you_ might be."

[Kiss] "But why? I love having sex with you."

"Yer going ta make me blush if you say that."

"But it's true. It's been brilliant from the very first time."

[Kiss] "And _now_ I feel stupid." [Chuckles]

"Why?"

"It's pretty stupid of me ta keep thinking that I have ta entertain you ta keep you interested in me, isn't it?"

"No, I think I know pretty well where that thought comes from." [Pause] "After the divorce- I was seeing someone for a while and just couldn't get myself to- well, to relax. I kept thinking that- that it wasn't going to last anyway. Because how could anything last if Exene and I hadn't managed to make things work although we loved each other that much?"

"It's- partly something like that."

"Partly?"

"It's- uh-" [Shift, _thump_. Sound of skin against headboard] "I loved 'em, all of 'em. Me wives, I mean. But sometimes I don't know if they loved me or they loved an image of me that they had." [Exhale] "I don't even know if I'm making sense. It sounds stupid even in me head."

[Pause] "You're wondering if it didn't work out because at some point they found out that you weren't who they'd thought you were?"

"Yeah."

"And that the same is going to happen when _we_ get there? That I'm going to discover things I don't like and leave?"

"Mm. Or- or you think that I'm more interesting than I really am, and you get bored of me."

"Do you feel that you are yourself around me? Or are you trying to hold back something that you're afraid I won't like?"

[Softly:] "I like ta think I'm just me 'round you."

[Soft kiss. Quietly]: "Come here, look at me. I'm still discovering new things about you when we are together. And what I found out this week I like very much." [Kiss]

"Yer not just saying that ta make me feel better, are you?"

"Sean, I'm never going to tell you lies just to make you feel better."

"Not even if I ask if me butt has grown fatter?"

[Chuckle] "It has, hasn't it? That's one of the things that's new, actually." [Kiss] "I love it."

[Burst of laughter] "Vig, I wasn't actually serious!"

"I am!" [Laughter]

"So you've been staring at me arse, eh?"

"Tell you a secret?" [Whispered]: "I'm _always_ staring at your ass."

[Chuckles] "And here I was thinking you like me fer me mind."

"That I like, too." [Kiss. Very softly]: "Sean, I- I've never felt this close to you ever before."

[Pause] "Why?"

"I think I just realized how very secure I feel with you."

[Kiss] "You mean ridiculously much to me."

[Shaky inhale] "You mean the world to me, too."

"Vig, do you want ta- I mean-"

"Hm? Do I want...?"

"Fuck me." [Shaky inhale] "Forget the toys and everything I said. Take- take me."

[Breath catching] "God, Sean- "[Kiss. Hoarsely]: "Undress."

[Slow exhale] "Aye." [Shift, rustling of clothes]

[Rustling. Skin sliding over skin] "I want you so much."

"Vig- God-" [Deep breath] "Don't be gentle with me."

[Breathlessly]: "Tell me what you need me to do?"

[Slide of skin on hair] "Take what's yers. Make me feel it, luv. Make me scream."

[Shift] "I don't want anybody else to ever hear these words from you." [Kiss] "Not ever."

"Nn-" [Gasp] "I won't say any of it. Not ta anyone else."

"I don't want anybody to see you like this- I want this to belong to us alone, I-" [Deep breath] "God, you're so hard--and I haven't even touched you-

"Been hard since we started talking." [Inhale] "Touch me. Please, Vig. _Nngh_."

"Yes-- like this?" [Kiss] "Where's the lube? I don't-" [Breathless chuckle] "I don't think I can wait."

[Gasping:] "Nightstand." [Small laugh] "Least, I think it is. It's- nngh- yer house."

[Chuckle] "When you're here the lube's all over the place." [Shift. Drawer being pulled open] "Damn. Check underneath the pillows?"

[Chuckles] "Almost tempted ta ask you ta fuck me without it." [Shifting. _Thump_ ] "Under the pillows. Here we go."

[Snap of cap being opened] "There's always olive oil in the kitchen, otherwise." [Pause. Shift] "Look at me. I want to see if I'm going too fast."

Do I have ta tell you if you are going too slow?" [Exhale] "Or does spreading me legs do well enough?"

"Just say a word and I'll skip the fingers--" [Kiss]

[Hoarsely:] "Skip 'em."

[Pause] "I will if you promise me to tell me if I'm hurting you."

[Shift, slide of skin against skin] "Vig, look at me."

[Shaky breath] "Yes."

"I told you, I want ta feel it. I want to feel you forcing me open. I want to get up tomorrow hurtin' and rememberin' what you did. I want you to fuck me so hard that I can't even scream 'cause- 'cause I have no breath left." [Kiss] "Alright?"

[Pause] "Fuck, Sean, I-" [Pause] "Wrap your leg around me." [Soft laugh] "I want you so much, I- my hand is shaking." [Murmured]: "Line me up?"

[Breathless laughter] "Alright, alright." [Shift, slide of skin on skin] "Feels good, luv?"

"Mmh- of course. But be careful-" [Kiss] "I'd rather come inside of you..."

"You keep talking like that and I'm going ta come." [Shaky laugh. Shift, slide, _thud_ ]

[Moan] "Damn-- you're- don't move- just don't move for a moment--" [Forced deep breaths]

[Shaky breathing]

[Hoarsely]: "Give me your hands- there- lace your fingers through mine- I'm going to hold you." [Pause] "If you want."

[Chuckle. Slide of skin against skin] "You silly bugger."

" _Do_ you want?" [Shift] "Mmh-" [Low voice]: "Do you want me to hold you down while I push all the way inside?"

"Yes. God- yes- Vig- do it- do it-"

"Yes." [Shift. Moan. Through grit teeth]: "You feel- incredible- so, so tight- fuck-"

[Panting] "Vig- move." [Shuddering breath] "Please- please- fuck me!" [ _Thump_ ]

"Give me back your hand and look at me. Or I won't move a milimetre."

[Gasping breath] "You goddamned bastard."

"Your choice, Sean. You wanna chat or you wanna fuck?"

"I can- turn us over-" [Shuddering exhale. Shift]

"Of course you can. But that's hardly the point." [Kiss] "There you go. Stretch them out over your head. I'm going to start moving if you look at me."

[Skin thudding against wood. Harsh breathing]

[Softly]: "Okay? You want this?"

[Soft laughter] "Vig, if I didn't, I would've kicked you out of bed and punched you in the face by now." [Deep breath] "Now stop talking and fuck me, goddamnit."

"Okay." [Shift. Strangled moan] "Mmhh-"

"Oh God, _Vig_ -" [Long, low moan]

[Breathless] "Damn, if you could feel this- ngh-"

[Harshly:] "Move- move, move- _goddamnit_ , Vig!"

"Hell, yes." [Thudthudthud] "Keep looking at me-- I want to see every second of -this- with you-- outstretched- like this--ah--"

"Ah- ahh- I see you. I see you and yer so fucking gorgeous like this, so beautiful- _ahh_! Harder!"

[Rhythmical slapping of skin against skin] "You've got trouble with- holding on to that- headboard?" [Gasp] "Your knuckles are all- white-- any difficulties- mh- with not touching me?"

[Panting] "Can I- can I touch you? I- _uhn_! Touch me, Vig. Touch me, please!"

"No." [Shift. Creaking of bed] "There won't be any- touching- come here- give me your hands- hold on to me-" [Kiss] "We're going to come together- like this-"

"Damned- arrogant of you." [Panting laughter] "Assuming you can make me come wi' just yer cock- nngh!"

"Damned arrogant of you to think- you're going to last much longer--" [Low voice]: "I know you want this- exactly this- me, pounding into you, holding you down while you're- trembling with held back need- to touch me-" [Chuckle] "Yeah, I know- you're impatient- you still want- to control this- to urge me on- to curse me because I'm not fucking you harder, faster--" [Quietly]: "Let go, Sean, just let go."

[Incoherent, wordless groan] "Vig, please- please- _pleasepleasepleaseplease_ -"

"God, yes-" [Fast slapping of skin against skin] "You're so damn- beautiful- so beautiful-- come on, Sean- ah- come on-come for me- just from the feeling of my cock- inside you- so deep inside you- and from my voice- can you hear this? Can you hear that I'm hoarse?" [Moan] "My words catch- because-- this is so -fucking good-"

"Vig- so close- I- touch me- fuck me-" [Slide of skin against skin, hard thrust] "You feel- ahh!"

"I-- ah -feel how hard you are- against me-" [Shuddering breath] "Come on- move with me- ngh-" [ _Thudthudthudthud_ ]

[Incoherent cries at every single thrust] "Close- close- oh _God_ -" [Harsh inhale]

"Sean- Sean- Sean- ngh- ah- Sean- [Hoarse cry] "Sean!"

[Ragged panting] "Vig-" [Slide of skin against hair] "You-" [Shuddering breath. Hard kiss]

[Unsteady breaths]

[Long sigh]

"Damn." [Chuckle] "I can't even see you properly." Kiss] "Everything's blurry."

"I've never-" [Soft laugh] "Never came from just being fucked before. Didn't even realise it's possible."

"So much for being bored, hm?" [Kiss]

[Burst of laughter] "Christ, I love you."

[Sharp inhale. Silence]

"Is that-" [Pause] "Did I fuck up again?"

[Hoarsely]: "Sean, no-" [Half sob] "No, of course not, I just-" [Shaky breath] "God-"

[Slightly panicked:] "Vig? Christ- Vig, what- what did I do?"

"Shh, I'm fine, I-" [Kiss] "You just never- said that before and I- didn't think I needed you to but-" [Deep breath] "It's so fucking good to _hear_ that."

[Pause. Skin through hair. Lips against skin. Softly:] "I'm sorry fer taking so long."

"No, Sean, don't, please- just kiss me. Kiss me."

[Exhale] "Alright." [Hard kiss]

"Sean--"

"Mm?"

"I'm just- so happy." [Kiss]

[Chuckles] "I'm very sticky and I think yer still inside me." [Soft slap] "Off."

[Laughs] "Okay. But note my protest." [Shift. Rustle] "Wait, let me- there's a towel here somewhere-- there- hold still, let's get you cleaned up-"

[Chuckles] "I ain't moving."

"You really _are_ sticky..." [Laughs] "Stop squirming!"

[Laughing] "It tickles."

"Trust me, I can tell!" [Chuckle] "There. All nice and dry and de-spermed. Mostly." [Kiss]

[Burst of laughter] "I can't believe you just used that word!"

"De-spermed? What's wrong with that, hm? It's true!" [Chuckles]

"It's a hilarious-sounding word, is all." [Laughing]

[Cloth rubbing over skin. Soft thud] "There. Now everybody's de-spermed." [ _Shift_. Content sigh] "Kiss me."

[Laughter]

"You're unbelievable." [Chuckle] "Stop laughing for a second so that I can kiss you." [ _Shift. Wrestle_ ] "You're so damn gorgeous when you're laughing."

[Scuffles, rustling] "Is that yer master plan, eh?"

[Laughter] "What-ah-" [More laughter] "My master plan is to either kiss you or get kissed at some point--"

[Laughing:] "Well, that's easy enough." [Kiss]

"Mmm." [Appreciative hum. Softly]: "More!"

[Thump] "Come and get it then."

[Laughter] "Just wait- I-" [Rustling of sheets. Shuffling] "Gimme that- pillow- ngh-" [THUD]

"Oy, what the hell!" [Laughing. THUMP] "Hah!"

"Ooof! Hey!" [Mad cackle] "You're going to regret that- sneaky bastard!" [ThudTHUD]

[Chuckling] "You started it!" [THUD] "Eat feathers!" [Wrestling, _thump_ ]

"Ahh!" [Laughing. Exaggerated sigh] "I surrender!"

[Kiss] "Good."

[Low voice]: "Good?"

"Mm. Good." [Chuckles]

"I see..." [Kiss]

"Is there something _you_ want, luv?" [Chuckles]

"I had the impression there was something _you_ wanted that kind of got brushed under the carpet during all that spectacular sex and the ensuing de-sperming measures?"

[Laughter. _Thump_ ]

[Chuckles] "Or maybe I am tragically mistaken and all you want is to hear me repeat that word over and over again, hm?" [Dryly]: "I have to warn you, though, you keep laughing and there won't be any re-sperming anytime soon."

[THUDTHUDTHUD] "Christ, stop it!"

[Laughter] "Will you be alright, love, or do I have to make you breathe into a bag?"

[Fading laughter] "I'm good, I'm good. Christ." [Panting]

[Chuckles] "You're adorable." [Kiss]

"I'm too old ta be adorable, you silly bugger." [Chuckles]

"I really don't think so. But if you prefer it if I'm just lying here, staring at you with a besotted grin I can do that."

"As long as yer wearing only a besotted grin, I'm pretty good with it."

"Hear, hear." [Chuckle. Skin sliding over skin. Soft kiss] "Then you'll be glad to hear that I'm not planning to put on any clothes again until it's absolutely necessary."

"That's fine with me, luv. That's just fine with me."

[Content sigh] "I like this - when I can hear your heart beating."

[Chuckles] "Yer such a sap."

[Teasingly]: "You want me to sod off and go take a shower without you?

"Nah." [Thump] "I'm too lazy ta chase you out of bed, so you have ta stay here."

"Good." [Kiss. Pause. Quietly]: "Are you going to tell me more about this bag under our bed?"

[Pause] "Do you want ta know more 'bout it?"

"Yes, I do. I need to hear more before I can think this over properly."

"... I don't know what more I can tell you of it."

"Just tell me what you'd want us to do with them. Anything really, positions, situations, whatever. Any images you have." [Soft kiss] "For example, when you bought those, what did you imagine we might do with them once I got home?"

"You have ta promise me that no matter what I tell you, you won't throw me out of the bed, or hell, the house. Alright?"

"Of course, Sean. Promised." [Kiss] "It's just sexual fantasies. Telling me about them won't change how I feel about us."

"I- I imagined you being with the blindfold over your eyes. Yer on yer knees and I'm behind you, and I tug your hair to pull you back. You can't see me, you only hear my breathin'- and I fuck you like that." [Inhale] "Just like that."

[Pause. Slow exhale] "God." [Pause. A little hoarsely]: "Keep talking and we'll have to go for a second round immediately." [Shift] "And the handcuffs?"

[Softly:] "I'll chain you ta the headboard and fuck you just like that." [Nervous laugh] "I wanted to buy ankle cuffs too, but I didn't know how you'd take that."

"I'm not even sure if I'll let you get anywhere near me with handcuffs to begin with." [Soft kiss. Quietly]: "But go on? What is it that you find exciting about the thought of tying me up? It's not a reproach, Sean. I'm just curious."

[Softly:] "That you trust me so completely. That's what exciting."

"I think I know what you mean." [Pause] "And what about being tied up yourself?"

"If- if that's what you like, I'd like that too."

"No, no, wait. We were going to talk about what _you_ like." [Pause] "When you did this with her, did you only do it because she wanted to?"

"That's how it started." [Softly]

"But you liked it?"

[Soft laugh] "Bit embarrassing to say it, but aye, I did."

"It's not embarrassing at all. What did you like about it?"

[Shift] "C'mon, luv, don't make me talk 'bout it."

[Softly]: "Please? You don't have to if you don't want to. But I think it might help me figure out how I feel about this." [Pause] "Try and afterwards it's my turn and I tell you what images are ghosting through my brain?"

"Ah, Christ." [Long, shuddering breath] "I like not being able to do what I want to, because- because I can't." [Thump]

[Long pause] "I'm not sure I know what you mean." [Shift. Skin sliding over skin] "Because it makes you feel what you want more intensely?"

"I don't know, Vig. I don't like trying to analyse what I want."

"Okay." [Pause] "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to -- make you uncomfortable. Maybe- you can leave them here with me and I'll try to find out what I might be okay with?"

[Soft kiss] "Vig, it ain't that it makes me uncomfortable. I just don't know how to say it in a way that won't scare you off." [Pause, inhale] "You just have ta trust me enough ta let me try it with you once."

[Very quietly]: "I wish I could just say yes to that- but I--" [Pause] "It's not that I don't trust you, not at all, I do. And I know that nothing ever would happen between us against my will, and that if we do this, it would be all about trust and free will and intimacy- but I- somehow this scares me a little and I'm just not sure I can do this and I- I think- maybe I'm afraid that-" [Deep breath] "-that you'll be disappointed if we don't-"

"Shhh." [Gentle kiss] "Even if you don't like it, I won't love you any less, aye? It really is a little thing, not really very important at all."

"Thanks." [Shifting. Kiss] "That's good to hear." [Pause] "I'm sorry I'm being a little difficult about this." [Softly]: "I'm just insecure because it's completely new for me."

"It's alrigh'. I didn't think you'd- well- that you'd jump into it headlong, honestly. It's a bit odd, this."

"I don't think it's odd. I even think- this picture you just painted, with the blindfold- I think I-" [Shyly]: "Maybe we could try that some time."

[Pause. Kiss] "That'd- that'd be good, aye."

"Just _good_?" [Low voice]: "You sure about that? This idea of me, unable to see you, shuddering at your every touch and word is only _good_?" [Soft suckling sound] "Don't disappoint me, Sean."

[Low moan] "Vig, if you keep talking like that, I'll be getting out the blindfold right _now_."

"Mmh, you'd like that, would you?" [Skin sliding over skin. Low chuckle]: "You certainly appear to be interested... tell me. Tell me what you want us to do."

[Deep breath] "I want you ta lie down and keep still. Is that alright?"

"Just lie still and wait for you to do _what_? Try to get me off by just looking at me? Because if you're trying that right now you're doing a really good job..." [Brief kiss] "On my back, okay? I want to see your eyes."

[Breath hitch] "I ain't the one being terribly tempting right now, luv."

[Chuckle] "Of course you are." [Shift. Rustling of bedsheets. Quietly]: "Arrange me the way you want me to lie."

[Deep breath] "Al'ight." [Shift, creaking bedsprings] "Sit up a bit, luv. Your head at the top of the bed." [Slide of skin against skin] "I was thinking of getting the blindfold, but you want to see me... Do you mind the cuffs, luv?"

[Pause]: "No, I'm sorry, Sean, I can't- at least not today. I'll need some time to think about all of that." [Softly]: "But what I can do is lie outstretched like this and try my best to keep my hands off you, if you- want that."

"I meant it when I said you can take all the time you need, luv." [Kiss] "Put yer hands on the headboard? It'll make it easier fer you."

"Okay." [ _Shift_ ] "Like this--" [Deep inhale] "Damn, Sean, do something or I'll start feeling terribly naked and self-conscious and make a run for it."

[Shift, slide, _thump_ ] "Is that better?" [Deep breath] "Sorry- Christ, I'm nervous meself."

[Soft chuckle] "Come here for a second." [Kiss] "It's supposed to be fun, neither of us needs to be nervous, hm? We can always just have sex on the kitchen table instead, if we realize that this isn't working." [Skin sliding through hair] "And the way I see it, we can only win, not lose. So let's just see where this takes us." [Kiss. Teasingly]: "Are you sure though that not being allowed to touch you won't just make me grumpy and frustrated?"

"How'd you end up being the one reassuring me, eh?" [Soft laugh] "And you being frustrated is part of the point, Vig. You can't come unless I let you." [Slide of skin against skin] "You've got ta convince me." [Rustling, shift]

[Chuckle] "Convince you, eh? Oh, but you know how convincing I can be if I set my mind to it... also, it seems as if you already are moving into a direction which I might appreciate..."

[Muffled:] "Only 'might'?"

"...which I'd most certainly like if you were touching, not just teasing..." [Shaky exhale] "But that's all you're going to do for a while, I presume?" [Soft chuckle] "Until I'm squirming and begging?"

"You learn quickly, luv." [Soft laugh. Sound of teeth against skin]

"Mmh-- I think- I'm starting to begin why this might be fun- ah-" [Laugh. A little hoarsely]: "That tickles."

"Only just starting, eh? Seems like I've got ta try a little harder." [Skin against skin, sound of beard stubble rubbing on soft skin] "You want ta touch yet?"

"Of course. I _always_ want to touch you, you know that. And now- I want to bury my fingers in your hair and- tug you towards me and kiss you. Tongue, moderate amount of teeth. And quite a lot of grinding against you."

"Mm, that sounds good." [Laughter] "Too bad I'm not going ta let you do any of that, eh?" [Pause. _Thump_ ]

"Hey- damn- you're not even going to let me push into your touch? You're mean." [Chuckle] "I like it."

[Hitching breath] "You do?"

"Why not? Why wouldn't I enjoy letting you tease me and touch me?"

"That's a good question." [Pause] "Stay still." [Rustling cloth, opening drawer. Thud]

"Mh, I'll do my very best. What are you doing?"

"Lube, luv."

"I see..." [Pause] "If I can't touch you, am I at least getting to watch you touch yourself?"

[Pause] "You'd rather have that, or have me fuck you?"

"I-" [Breathless chuckle] "Damn, Sean, don't look at me like this- I think-" [Clears his throat] "Watch you, I think."

[Hoarsely:] " _Christ_." [Shift, rustling. Skin sliding against skin] "You can see me proper like this?"

"Sure." [Soft laugh]: "I can even feel your balls against my thigh- no, don't move--"

"I ain't moving." [Soft, shaky laugh] "'Cept maybe this." [Slide of skin against skin]

[Appreciate hum] "Just like I was hoping." [Softly]: "You're gorgeous. I don't tell you that often enough."

"Nngh." [Exhale] "Yer going ta make me blush."

"You're going to make me impossibly hard." [Deep breath] "I think I win."

[Burst of laughter. Panting] "Didn't realise it's a competition." [Hiss]

"God, you-" [Soft moan] "Touch me."

[Calluses against soft skin] "Like this?"

"Ouch! No. Nononono. My poor nipples." [Chuckles] "You fucking tease. Try again. But further south."

[Laughter] "Nah, if I do that, it'll be over too quickly." [Exhale] "Nngh."

"You're enjoying torturing me way too much." [Pause. Quietly, teasingly]: "And what if I tire of this little game and throw you off? If I flip you onto your back and kiss you until our lungs are screaming for air and then make you hook your legs over my arms and push straight into you..." [Pause] "I bet you're still loose and slick from earlier- and I bet you can still feel me, stretching you open- can you see how my cock is jumping at that thought? You're always so tight around me, every single time, so tight, you feel amazing- look at it- can you imagine how it would feel, inside of you...? Nah, right, you prefer to touch yourself. Then I better shut up and lean back and enjoy the show, hm?"

"You fucking- _bastard_ -" [Shuddering exhale. Shifting, bedsprings creak] "Why don't we try yer hypothesis, eh?" [ _Creak_ , skin shifting. Huffing breath. A long, drawn out moan- sudden stop] "Don't you dare touch me, Vig."

[Breath catching] "Oh, for fuck's sake- MOVE!"

"Beg- _ah_ \- beg me, Vig." [Shift, very soft _thud_ ] "C'mon now."

[Sharp inhale] "Please, Sean, pleasepleasepleaseplease move! I swear I'm going to have a coronary if I have to look at you hovering above me like this. Please get that fantastic arse of yours moving!"

"Fantastic arse, eh?" [Hoarse laugh] "Flattery won't get you anywhere, luv."

[Impatient huff] "What then?" [Shift] "Damn, you're good, how did you-- manage to trap my hips like that? Please, move, just a little bit- half a millimeter- whatever- don't leave me hanging like that!"

"Nn-" [Harsh panting, slide of skin on skin] "Christ, yer beautiful when yer like this- _ahh_ \- nn-" [ _Thud_ ]

[Low moan] "Mmh-- you mean- when I decide to play nice- and let you tease me like this and don't just- grab your hips and- slam right up and all the way into you? No- don't- stop, keep moving!"

[Laughter] "Don't push yer luck, Vig. I can stop if I want ta, you know." [ _Rock_. Bedsprings creaking]

"Fuck, Sean, I- _ah_ \--"

"Can't hear you, luv- _nngh_."

[Breathless chuckle] "You want me to yell at you? That what you want? Yell at you to- finally take me all the way in, damn it? So that the whole- neighborhood can hear me? Hear what I'm- letting you- do to me? Fuck." [Unsteady exhale]

"Oh aye." [Inhale] "That'd be good ta hear, that." [Slide of skin against skin]

"Oh yeah? That'd be good?" [Loudly]: "Fucking, move, Sean, moveMOVEMOVE! WOULD YOU PLEASE-PLEASE-PLEASE- JUST FUCK YOURSELF PROPERLY ON MY COCK already? Please?"

[Breathless, aroused laughter] "Christ-" [Just as loudly:] "AYE, AYE, SIR!" [Pause. Inhale. Sounds of the bed creaking even more] "Better?"

[Through gritted teeth:] "Hell, yes- please, please- just- don't stop- you're- you feel _so_ good-"

[Shaky breath] "Keep- keep talking- _nngh_ \- Christ, Vig, I love ta hear yer voice."

"Only if you'll- touch yourself-" [Hoarsely]: "I want to see that- I want to see you come apart- like this-" [Quietly]: "Please, Sean- maybe that's- _ah_ , fuck! Maybe that's not- how this game is played but I- you're so turned on by this, hm?" [Shaky laugh] "I can see it- touch yourself for me."

"How do I- refuse- when you ask like that?" [Slide of skin against skin, sounds of thrusts speeding up]

[Drawn out moan] "Ngh- god, Sean-- I want to touch you so badly right now-- but I- won't if you still don't want me to-"

[Hitched breath] "Don't-" [Shaking exhale] "Don't touch me- _ahh_ , Christ, this is so fucking good."

[Breathlessly]: "Okay, I won't- I won't. Keep moving, I'll- " [Shift. Rustling of sheets] "There- mmh--" [Rapid breaths]

"Ah- _ah_ -" [ _Thump_. Panting] "Oh God, Vig-" [Sounds of teeth clacking together]

[Muffled moan]

"I'm going ta-" [Ragged inhale] "Are you close?"

"Yes, yes, I am- but I don't want to- _ah_ come just yet- I just want to look at you- I want to see this- just-" [Deep breath] "Just come for me." [Moan. Hoarsely]: "Please--"

"Keep begging." [Obscene sounds of skin against skin, of sharp, harsh thrusts] "G'on, Vig. I want ta _hear_ it."

[Softly]: "Please, Sean- please- _ngh_ \- god- don't you _dare_ to take your eyes off me-- if I'm not allowed to touch you let me- at least see you-"

[Shift, rustling] "Unh- I'm- Vig!" [Loud, rasping moan] "God Vig- I'm- close-"

"Come for me, Sean-" [Harsh breaths] "You're so- fucking gorgeous like this- just- come- for me--"

"Is it- is it good, Vig? Ta know yer making me come just with yer eyes and yer cock?" [Hard thrust] " _Ah_ \- Vig-" [Sharp gasp]

"Fuck- yes- yes- it's-" [Stifled moan] "It's incredibly good- mh-" [Moan] "Wait- wait, stop moving, please- don't let me come, don't let me come- I don't _want_ to come-"

[Panting] "I want ta see you." [Hard exhale. Slide of skin on skin, sounds of thrusts continuing] "Want ta see you come when yer not even tied up, but you don't even move 'cause I don't want you ta." [Stuttering breath, choked hiss] "C'mon, Vig." [Bedsprings creak] "Come in me."

"No- no -please, Sean, stop- moving- _ah_ \- I want to- make me come later- later, I want to sit there- hard- during dinner- with that picture in my head- of you, riding me- fuck, I- please-"

[Inhale. Silence] "Why?"

"I-" [Ragged breaths] "This is so- I just- I want you _so_ much right now, I- fuck-" [Deep inhale] "Not being allowed to touch you makes me want you so insanely much and I- I don't want this to be over yet. I want to feel this- need for you the whole evening-- and I want you to see what you do to me every time you look at me. And then-" [Hoarsely]: "I want you to turn off the lights and- fuck me in the dark-"

[Long pause] "Christ, Vig. If I hadn't just come you'd have me hard all over again."

[Soft moan] "Just- just _don't_ move now- give me a second-"

"Staying still right here, luv." [Hoarse laugh] "Though it's a little difficult."

[Breathless chuckle] "Same here, believe me." [Shaky exhale ] "God, Sean, what are you doing to me?" [Pause. Softly]: "Can I touch you now? I just - want to hold on to you."

"Aye, touch me." [Exhale] "I want ta feel yer hands on me."

"Wait, let me- hold on." [Shift. Creaking of bedsprings. Skin sliding over skin. Murmured]: "Finally." [Soft sigh] "Sean, I want- kiss me."

"Alrigh'." [Soft kiss]

"Mmh." [Sigh. Sounds of soft kisses, skin sliding over skin] "Are you getting cold? You got us all sweaty."

"I don't really care 'bout being cold when I can feel yer cock against me thigh, Vig." [Shaky laugh]

[Chuckle] "I see... I can't have you catch a cold though..." [Kiss] "Let me see..." [Shifting of limbs. Rustling of sheets. Soft grunt of exertion] "Let me be your blanket?"

"My blanket seems to have a stick stuck in it."

[Teasingly]: "I have-" [Kiss] "-absolutely-" [Kiss] "-no idea-" [Kiss] "-what you are talking about..." [Kiss]

[Low rumbling laughter] "Yer a fucking tease, that's what you are."

"Oh, but I would _hate_ to make you uncomfortable..." [Soft suckling sounds] "Why don't we take a shower and go downstairs and make some dinner?" [Kiss] "I meant that, you know--" [Softly]: "Tease me all evening until I drag you upstairs and beg you to fuck me-" [ _Lick_ ] "I'll put on a pair of nice track pants so that you can see just how hard I am for you."

[Stifled moan] "Vig, fer fuck's sake. I ain't the one being a teasing bastard right now."

[Chuckle] "Okay, okay." [Shift. Rustling of sheets] "There... safe distance." [Skin stroking over skin] "You okay? What do you want us to do with the rest of the evening?"

"I want ta make you come, Vig." [Shift, rustle. THUMP] "There ain't nothing else I want ta do."

[Soft chuckle] "Hey there- well, you really are good looking this close up." [Pause. Amused]: "So, did I just hear you said you just want to make me come? That the only item on the agenda, hm?"

"Mm. You got ta see me come, but I didn't get the opposite. That's unfair, Vig."

"I think you have a point there. Seeing you come really was- _inspiring_..."

"Inspiring, eh? Does it make you want ta get up and write some poetry?" [Chuckle]

"Oh, definitely not- it makes me want to make sure I get to see that again in the foreseeable future..."

[Hitched breath] "That so, aye?"

"That's the best combination- watching you come while I'm feeling you come around me... And hearing your voice go all hoarse-" [Quietly]: "What did I ever do without you, hm?" [Chuckle] "I think I lived in sexual deprivation."

[Soft laugh] "Same thing I did when I lived without you, I guess."

"Mmmh, and what was that?"

"Drifted 'round, all lost."

[Shaky breath] "Sean..." [Murmured]: "Come here." [Shift. Soft kiss]

[Whispered:] "Sometimes I'll say something and you'll look at me just like this, as if I've given you everything you've ever wanted. But I don't know what is it I'm giving you, Vig, and it's driving me a little mad because I love that look in yer eyes, and I'd do anything ta keep seeing it."

[Very softly]: "It's your love reflected in my eyes." [Pause] "You're going to hate me for saying this but-"

"... But?"

"You can't stay, can you?" [Almost inaudible]: "I wish so much you could stay."

[Long pause] "No. I can't."

"I know." [Soft sigh] "I know. I just wish you could. Or I could come with you. I'm just- not ready to let you go again already."

"Neither am I." [Soft kiss] "It'd be nice, wouldn't it, if we had an island fer just the two of us, with no one else who'd disturb us unless we wanted them ta." [Pause] "Though I'm sure we'd kill each other out of boredom after a week or two." [Soft laugh]

"I don't think so. After spicing things up today... I'd say we'd be good until the next ice age probably."

"You'd be willing ta be that patient?"

[Chuckle] "Until the ice age after that." [Quietly]: "I'm happy, you know. Being with you makes me happy." [Skin sliding over skin] "And sometimes- sometimes it feels as if we _are_ on an island, everything else just disappears in the distance and only you matter, _we_ matter. Like now." [Soft kiss] "I like that thought. That thought of _us_."

[Slide of skin through hair] "Aye. I like it too."

[Hoarsely]: "I think now I'm back to looking at you that way..." [Soft thud of foreheads meeting] "...that way you find a little maddening."

[Just as quietly:] "Aye. I see it, luv."

[Soft chuckle] "No reason for getting mad, you seem to know exactly how to provoke this expression."

[Startled laugh] "Oy, I ain't doing it on purpose." [Teasingly:] "Don't blame me because you are easy."

"I wouldn't say easy." [Soft kiss] "I'd say I just was completely unprepared for something like this happening to me out here, at the other end of the world."

[Long pause. Rustling of sheets] "I was running away." [Pause] "I wanted ta do this, to play Boromir, but most of the reason was- I was running away from home." [Quiet laugh] "Didn't realise what was waiting fer me at the end of the road."

[Pause] "What probably amazes me most about this is how _right_ it feels." [Skin sliding over skin] "How something I'd never thought to be possible can feel that right. And that good."

[Kiss] "Now yer getting a little bit too sappy fer me."

[Laugh] "I'm always walking the line with you. Either I'm frustrated because I don't get to express my feelings in epical breadth or you start cringing." [Sound kiss]

[Soft laugh] "I hope you don't mind that."

"Nah, I can always write a ton of poems if I can't get my heart to shut up. Or revert to secretly taking a series pictures of your left big toe until I find the most flattering lighting. Or something similar. I'm creative, we'll be fine if you let me tell you once in a while how much I love you."

"If you keep focusing on me left big toe, me right big toe will start feeling all neglected."

[Rustling of sheets. Skin sliding over skin] "Unnecessarily so." [Kiss] "Your right big toe is just as enticing..." [Series of soft kisses]

"Vig-" [Laughter] "Vig, stop that! That's disgusting! I haven't even washed me feet!"

[Chuckling] "Well, I never got to wash any part of my body after I came home, so I guess we're even." [Admonishing]: "Now hold still and take it like a man."

"When is holding still fer a tongue-footbath part of being a man, eh?"

"Depends on your definition, maybe." [Kiss. Shifting. Creaking of bed frame] "Let's take a shower and make some dinner. I'm sticky in weird places and hungry." [Kiss. Teasingly]: "And we have big plans, don't we?"

"Well, I had big plans, but you kind of stopped me from fulfilling 'em."

"You make it sound as if that's a bad thing." [Kiss] "And I thought you'd appreciate the thought, of me taking pains to save myself for you."

[Laughter] "It's a little too late to save yerself fer me, luv." [Kiss]

"No." [Kiss. Quietly]: "I never agreed ever before to doing what we did today." [Soft chuckle] "Though in all fairness I must say I saved myself more or less _accidentally_ for you."

"Only accidentally, eh?" [Laughter] "Well, I take what I can get."

"I see." [Chuckle. Shift. Rustling of sheets] "Shower?"

 

_tbc..._


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Viggo experiment (in bed). As always, dialogue only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

**New Zealand, 08-09-2000, 6:11pm**

 

[Sound of fridge opening] "I'm staring at yer fridge and I still don't know most of what's in it."

[Laugh] "It's because you're a culinary Neanderthal." [Skin sliding over skin. Soft kiss] "Point towards it and I tell you what it is?" [Deep inhale] "Mh. You smell nice."

"It's easier fer to point out what I know." [Low, shuddering sigh] "I can still feel yer cock, Vig."

[Half whispered] "It's because it's still hard for you. Being pressed up against you under the shower didn't make me want you any less." [Neutrally]: "There's cheese over there, and I think there's ham somewhere, too. And these are called 'eggs'. But you have those in Britain as well, or so I've heard." [Shift. Sound of fridge contents being moved around] "And I think there's salad, too... hm. It looks as if it's well past it's bloom, though. But there are tomatoes."

[Fridge door slamming close. Thump] "Now who is the fucking tease, eh?"

[Breath hitching] "You talking about me? I'm just the cook. Or actually, no, I'm not because you are cook-blocking me." [Chuckle] "I must say I like it though..."

[Pause. Footsteps] "That was such a terrible pun that I have lost all interest."

[Laughter] "No, you haven't." [Chuckle] "I can tell even from here. Track pants aren't very subtle in that direction. But there is something to be said in favor of the intake of food before I'm ripping them off you again." [Footsteps, rattling of pans] "Scrambled eggs and grilled cheese sandwiches?"

"Sounds good." [Chuckles] "I can pronounce it, at least."

"Then you can help prepare it, too." [Footsteps. Fridge door being opened] "Can you slice some tomatoes? Here." [Fridge door being closed. Pause. Softly]: "Are you okay, Sean? Did I manage to upset you somehow?"

"It ain't that you upset me." [Pause. Sounds of chopping board being laid on counter] "It's probably stupid."

"Or maybe it isn't. What did I do? Tell me?"

"Just don't seem fair that I don't get ta make you come."

[Pause] "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" [Sigh] "Did I manage to spoil this for you completely?"

"No- no! It ain't spoiling- more of- it's odd, that's all. Like an itch underneath my skin that I can't scratch." [Softer:] "Makes me feel selfish, and I don't like that."

"But I wanted you to stop. You didn't just abandon me halfway through."

"I know." [Pause. Sound of drawer opening, rattling of cutlery] "Like I said, it's dumb. Let me make dinner with you?"

"Just a second." [Footsteps. Skin sliding over skin] "I thought- it wasn't that I didn't want to come, I just thought this should be special, somehow-- I'm sorry."

[Soft kiss] "Don't apologise. I know what yer thinking of, and it ain't something I have a problem with. Just..." [Slide of skin against hair] "Seems real odd, and won't stop niggling at me."

"I want you to make me come, you know, very much so."

"Now yer confusing me."

"Just- not yet. Let's eat something and I'll be all yours." [Pause] "I've been picturing you fucking me for more than an hour now, I won't have that much more patience..."

[Hitched breath] "Be careful or I'm going ta end up cutting me fingers off in me haste."

"That would be terrible." [Soft kiss] "I was hoping you'd use them..."

"Only 'em?"

[Hoarsely]: "Of course not. Sean, I--" [Swallowing] "Maybe I wasn't very clear about what I want, earlier. I-- this is about trust, right? The cuffs, or me holding still for you, it's about seeing and feeling how much I trust you? It- it didn't feel right, not like this. Watching you took up all of my concentration, you were so-" [Shaky breath] "You were so damn beautiful, I wanted you so badly but I- I couldn't let go, not completely. But that's what I want- I want to give myself to you completely---- and I thought that you- if you see how much I want you every time you look at me, if you see that I'm hard for you and that I can barely make dinner because all I can think of is that I want you to take me upstairs and fuck me and hear me shout your name and feel me around you- I thought, well- I thought you might- find that exciting--" [Shyly]: "Because I do."

[Growling exhale] "Christ, Vig, how am I ta think 'bout eating when you say things like this?" [Thump, a body hitting the fridge door. Hard kiss]

[Muffled moan] "Damn, Sean, you're-- I want you so much--"

[Quietly:] "I want ta fuck you here, right against the fridge. With me fingers slicked with oil or butter until you can't see either without thinking of me." [Long inhale, slide of skin against skin] "I'll fuck you open with me fingers, Vig, and if you don't say anything quick I'm going ta start."

[Hoarsely]: "If that's what you want I'm not going to stop you." [Shuddering exhale] "But if you want to- drag this out a little longer, I'm game, too. Your call." [Kiss] "Hard and fast against the fridge?" [Kiss] "Or you start with your fingers now and then you make me sit through dinner thinking that I want nothing else than for you to continue?" [Kiss] "Or maybe you don't want this to be about me at all... maybe you just want to feel my lips around you and watch me getting harder and more desperate to come with every second passing?" [Kiss] "Tell me, Sean, what's it going to be?"

[Quiet chuckle] "You tell me." [Softly] "I made meself clear 'nough, and here you are giving me all these options. So there's something you want, Vig. Tell me what it is."

"I want-" [Deep breath] "I want you to make the most of this. For you." [Softly]: "Whatever you want. I just- I just want you to know when you leave that- I'm yours. I want you to take these images with you, I want you them to see them every time you close your eyes until you're back here with me."

[Fiercely:] "There ain't a thing you need ta do fer that ta happen, Vig." [Quiet sound of foreheads meeting] "Ain't a single thing."

[Shaky exhale] "Damn, I- god, I love you."

[Soft laugh] "Can I fuck you against the fridge now?"

"No." [Chuckle] "Don't look at me like that."

"Tell me what you want, Vig. In detail. Not this stuff 'bout wanting it ta be good fer me."

"I just- don't want this to be over. I'm so insanely turned on right now, I don't want this to just vanish in the blink of an eye. And if I'd let you take me against the fridge now it'd be over in a second. I feel as if you could dirty-talk me into an orgasm right now." [Skin sliding over skin] "But I want to come with you inside me. I meant this, I want it to be dark, I just want to be able to feel you, your hands on me- your cock- and hear you- hear you moan into my ear-" [Pause] "I don't know. Is this weird?"

[Muffled laugh] "Seems you've got a kink or two you haven't been telling me 'bout." [Pause] "C'mon, let's get back up ta bed."

[Pause] "Now I'm embarrassed."

"... Eh? Why?"

"You don't think it's weird?"

"Luv, I was the same man who showed you handcuffs and told you how much I like ta be tied down. This ain't weird ta me." [Pause] "It'd be weirder if you don't have kinks."

"Take me upstairs before I lose all my clothes down here."

[Chuckles] "Aye, aye."

"No, wait... kiss me first." [Kiss]

"Mmmmr- demanding bastard." [Soft laugh]

[Chuckle] "Don't tell me you don't like it."

"Oh aye, I do. Mus've something wrong with me as well."

"Mmh. More!" [Skin sliding through hair. Kiss]

[Thump, body hitting wood. Sounds of mouths meeting]

[Muffled moan. Skin sliding over fabric]

"God, yer so fucking hot like this."

[Breath hitching] "Say that again."

[Teasingly:] "What, you need me ta boost up yer ego now?"

"No." [Kiss] "But hearing you say that makes me want you so damn much." [Quietly]: "Undress me, here, and then take me upstairs."

"Aye, sir." [Chuckles. Kiss. Shift of clothes rustling, skin rubbing against clothes]

"Ngh- damn--" [Shaky breath] "Hurry."

"Yer such a contradictory bastard." [Soft laugh]

"Well, you can always put up some resistance..."

"What, like this?" [Scuffling sounds, chuckling. Heavy footsteps] "Oof!"

"You- what- hey! Let me down." [Chuckle] "What are you doing? Eloping with me?" [Teasingly]: "Or are we just done talking?"

"Depends on whether yer done talking, ain't it?" [Breathless laughter] "Oof." [Clattering of feet]

"Mmh. I am." [Pause. Softly]: "Done talking."

[Slide of skin through hair. Kiss. Muffled:] "Giving yerself ta me, huh? You sure yer good with that, Vig? You sure 'bout it?"

[Breath catching] "So you-"[Shaky exhale] "I thought you didn't-" [Very softly]: "If you understood what I meant then- then why are we still here, in the hallway? Why didn't you-" [Pause] "Don't you want to?"

"Aye, I do, more than anything." [Pause] "I just want ta be sure that this is what you want, Vig. Not what yer doing fer me- for me sake."

"I've- I've never-" [Pause] "I've never had to answer this question before." [Skin sliding over skin] "But I think I want this. With you, I do."

[Shaky inhale] "C'mon then. Bedroom, Vig. Now."

[Fierce kiss. Breathlessly]: "Lead the way."

[Loud footsteps]

[Soft chuckle] "You waste half an hour and now you're running?"

"It's me evil plan ta gain time so me stamina can catch up." [Chuckling. Sound of door slamming open]

[Laughs] "Shh, don't jinx it, hm?" [Skin sliding over fabric] "And I really don't think it's going to be a problem... or would you disagree?"

[Audible leering:] "Why don't you check, eh?"

[Chuckle. Rustling of fabric. Appreciative hum] "Mmh...no problem at all...impressive, actually, very impressive..."

"I'm flattered, that I am." [Shift. Thump]

"Ooof!" [Chuckle] "What? You're going to stand there and stare at me?" [Teasingly]: "Or can I somehow tempt you to join me?"

"I'd like ta see you tempt, aye."

[Hoarse chuckle] "I was hoping you'd say that-" [Rustling of fabric. Skin sliding over skin. Breath catching] "Mhh- maybe you'd- like to come here and take a closer look?"

[Long, low inhale] "Christ, Vig." [Footsteps. Creaking of bedsprings]

[Softly]: "Come here. Touch me."

[Bedsheets rustling. Silence, sound of stubble scraping against skin] "Only touching?"

[Shaky intake of breath] "Damn, no- anything you want, Sean- as long-" [Shift. Kiss] "As long as you promise to fuck me later."

[Muffled chuckle. Slide of skin on skin. Bedsprings creak, just once] "Stay down, Vig. If you don't move while I suck you off, I'll fuck you."

"I can- ngh- try-- can you kiss me first?"

"When did you get to give orders, eh?"

"It- mh, damn, Sean- it actually was a question." [Pause] "No, then?"

[Soft laugh] "I'll think about it." [Pause] "Don't move." [Shift]

[Moan] "God, Sean---"

[Quiet hum]

[Gasp. Rustling of sheets]

[Pause. Shift] "Are you moving, Vig?"

[Through grit teeth] "I'm trying not to-- don't stop, please--"

[Chuckles] "I ain't going ta help by holding you down." [Wet slide]

[Muffled moan] "Damn--"

[Muffled laugh]

"Ngh- you're-" [Shaky inhale] "You're going to be the death of me--" [Quietly]: "Look at me- I want to see--"

[Shift. Teasingly:] "You keep giving orders, I won't do anything."

[Pause] "I don't know what you want me to do, Sean."

[Bedsheets rustle. Kiss] "I want you ta let go of yer control, Vig. Get used ta the idea of not getting what you want. Trust me ta give you what you need." [Pause] "Alright?"

[Pause] "Talk to me? If you don't want me to move and don't want me to talk, then talk me through this? So that I know that you're there."

[Chuckles] "Promise ta not laugh if I say something corny or stupid?"

"Promised." [Kiss]

"I'll hold you ta it." [Soft sounds of lips on skin]

[Soft chuckle] "Do that."

"Have I ever told you that I like the way you laugh?" [Smacking kiss. Wet slide]

"Ah- that's- an interesting thing to say while- taking someone in your mouth-- you don't want me to laugh now, do you? Mmh-"

[Quiet hum]

"God, yes--" [Moan]

[Wet pop. Slide of skin on skin] "Want ta get me the lube?"

"I-" [Shaky breath] "Yes."

[Shift] "G'on then."

[Shift. Rustling of sheets. Papers being moved] "Damn, where-" [Rustling] "There." [Shift] "Here."

[Very, very quietly:] "I'm not going ta stretch you, Vig. Think yer ready fer me now, aye?"

"No." [Pause] "But try."

[Pause] "Tell me if I hurt you. Don't move. Just tell me." [Snap of bottle opening]

[Deep breath] "Okay."

[Slide, shift] "Open up fer me, luv."

[Shift. Skin sliding over skin. Stifled groan] "Wait- give me a moment- ah-"

[Harsh, hard exhale]

"Talk to me- Sean- distract me, I-" [Unsteady breaths]

[Deep breath. Soft kiss] "Yer so damned tight around me, hot like a furnace, and it's taking all of me ta control meself. Yer doing this fer me, trying to give up control fer me, and I don't even know how to deal with the gift yer giving me." [Kiss] "Yer giving me so much that I'm the richest man I know."

"Sean-" [Half sob]

"Shit-" [Slide, rustling. Kiss] "I shouldn't've done that. I'm so damned sorry, Vig." [Kiss] "Look at me."

"No, no-" [Shift] "Don't worry." [Skin sliding through hair] "I'm fine. I thought I- I'm sorry, I should've stopped you."

"I'm sorry fer being impatient." [Kiss. Snap of plastic bottle opening again]

"Sean- wait." [Shift. Pause]: "I don't know -- I- I think I can't- damn." [Deep breath. Very softly]: "I'm feeling terribly self-conscious right now. Can we-" [Pause] "Come here?"[Shift] "Can we just- I don't know- just-- kiss me?"

[Pause] "Aye."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make this complicated." [Soft kiss]

[Quiet sigh] "Look, you don't have ta do anything 'bout this. I can get you off, but it seems you ain't comfortable with this, Vig, and if you aren't, it's not going to be good fer me either."

[Pause] "Turn off the lights."

[Silence. Shifting, footsteps. Sound of switch turning off]

[Quietly]: "And close the door."

[Quiet footsteps. Door closes]

[Shift. Rustling. Creaking of bedsprings] "Come here. I'll make sure you don't stub your toes."

[Footsteps. Thump, sliding of skin against sheets]

[Shift. Skin sliding against skin. Soft kiss] "You okay?"

"I don't know what you want, Vig, and I meant it when I say you don't have ta force yerself to want something just ta please me." [Pause] "So tell me what ta do."

"No." [Pause. Softly]: "Just bear with me. I'm going to show you." [Skin sliding into hair. Kiss]

"Alright."

[Series of soft kisses. Shifting] "Lean back a little." [Skin sliding over skin. Sound of lips meeting]

[Rustling sheets] "Alright."

[Wet, sloppy kisses. Nails raking over skin. Murmured:] "I love the way you smell."

[Soft chuckle, nervous in note] "Only the way I smell, aye?"

"No." [Soft kiss] "The way you taste, too." [Kiss] "Here-" [Kiss] "And here-" [Skin sliding over skin] "The way you feel in my arms, under my hands." [Softly]: "I never get enough of that." [Kiss]

[Long exhale] "Christ, Vig." [Rustling] "More."

[Soft kisses] "Your voice, too. When I'm talking to you on the phone or when you're as close to me as you are now and I can feel the warmth of your breath against my skin. And the way your chest vibrates under my hands when you're laughing, I love that." [Kiss]

[Inhale] "Here I thought I'm supposed to be the one spoiling you." [Hoarse laugh]

[Softly]: "The way you arch into my touch. The way you blush when I'm telling you something nice, and the way your eyes stray, then, to my nose or my forehead or the collar of my shirt because you're a little embarrassed." [Kiss] "But when they return then- they are so- alive, so beautiful- I always want to kiss you, then."

[Hoarsely:] "Kiss me, Vig. Kiss me."

[Shaky exhale] "Sean--" [Skin sliding into hair. Kiss]

[Hard kiss. Panting, then:] "Still want me ta fuck you?"

[Chuckle] "Yes." [Kiss] "Yes, of course." [Breathless laughter] "I have no intentions of saving this spectacular erection for later, thank you very much."

"Shame 'bout the lights. I almost want ta check if yer balls are blue by now." [Chuckling]

[Laughter, half stifled by a kiss]

[Muffled:] "I'm serious, oy."

"Well, turn on the lights if you really have to check." [Chuckles] "I think we're good, though." [Shifting. Kiss] "Nothing is going to fall off-- don't worry."

"I'll rather check with me hands." [Hard exhale] "You feel the lube anywhere?"

[Affirmative hum] "Mmh, it's right here next to my leg." [Rustling. Pause. Softly]: "Here." [Kiss]

[Snap of plastic cap opening] "You sure 'bout this, luv? I might miss."

[Swallows. Hoarsely]: "Then let me guide you." [Sounds of tube contents being squeezed out] "Give me your hand." [Wet slide of skin over skin. Murmured]: "There-" [Breath hitching]

"Christ, Vig, yer tight." [Hard kiss] "No wonder you were hurting."

[Shaky inhale] "Shh, don't talk about that now, I want- god, Sean-" [Moan]

"That feels good, luv?" [Kiss]

[Breathlessly]: "Yes- ah-- yes." [Softly]: "Sometimes, when I can't sleep at night, I- I imagine- this." [Pause. Deep breath] "That I wake up and you are there when I reach out and it's dark and I can't see you, only feel you-"

[Wet slides. Skin against skin] "Like this?"

"Ngh- mmh- yes- just like this- ah-" [Stifled moan] "It's almost- god, it's almost too good-- let me lie down?"

"Let you, or make you?"

[Pause. Quietly]: "Make me."

[Rough growl] "Alright." [Shift. Slide. THUMP]

[Sharp inhale. Breathless silence]

[Shift. Bedsprings creak] "Open yer legs, Vig."

[Rustling. Skin sliding over sheets] "Sean, I-" [Hoarsely]: "I want you so much."

[Hoarse laugh] "Feeling's mutual, luv."

"I can hear that. It's-" [Swallows. Whispered]: "It's like I imagined it would be."

"Exactly like?" [Slide of skin on skin]

"Ah-- no." [Unsteady exhale] "This- is better."

"Better?" [Soft kiss] "Good enough?"

"I need- I want- " [Gasp] "--you. I've been waiting- all evening--"

[Lowly:] "So have I." [Slide of skin on skin] "C'mon, Vig. Shift up a little."

[Shifting] "Are you- okay, without the lights? You never got to see me come."

"I get ta feel you. Hear you. Taste you. That'll be enough, I think."

"Okay." [Deep breath] "Okay." [Pause] "Sean--?"

[Half-teasing:] "Vig?"

[Chuckle] "Do you want to fuck or do you want to make fun of me?"

"I can do both. I'm good at multitasking." [Pause. Long groan]

"Aah- yes-" [Soft moan]

[Harsh pants]

"I want-" [Deep breath] "Take my hands- hold me--"

"What, here?"

"No, you damned tease." [Breathless laugh] "Feels good, though-- mmh."

[Chuckles. Bedsprings creak]

"Sean--" [Impatient huff] "If you are trying to-- drive me crazy with desire- you are doing - a great job -ah--"

"Only fair, ain't it?"

[Soft chuckle] "Are you holding a grudge, love?"

"Maybe just a- a little bit. Nngh." [Sounds of thrusting]

[Moan] "Best opportunity to- aah- get it out of your system--"

"Get it out of me system, eh? That's what yer calling it now?"

"I was hoping you'd-- mmh-- consider this an ample reward for your patience." [Ragged breaths. Softly]: "Please, Sean, please, just hold me- I can't-- I'll be clawing at your back in a second if you don't."

[Chuckles. Hitching breath] "Aye, since you asked so nicely." [Slide of skin against skin. Kiss]

"Mmh." [Pause. Shifting] "Properly, Sean. I mean it. " [Deep inhale] "Hold me unless you want me to be on top- damn, I-" [Drawn out moan]

"I'm tempted ta make you fuck yerself on me cock." [Scrape of stubble on skin] "Amazes me, it does, how good desperation feels when it's you."

[Through grit teeth] "Fuck- I'm not talking about- riding you- I'm talking about fucking you right through the mattress-" [Gasp] "You'll have to try- a little harder to get me to just lie here--"

"What, you don't feel like being lazy?" [Hard thrust]

"Aah-- I- ngh-- don't feel like letting you- tease me to no end-" [Low moan. Quietly]: "You'll have all the control that- you want- if you stop dicking around and- take it-- please, Sean--"

"Sounds good, but no." [Chuckles] "I'm doing this me way, Vig." [Thrust]

[Breathlessly] "Your way, hm? And what's that?"

"Like this." [Heavy THUMP. Slide of skin on skin. Thrust]

"Ngh- yes, yes- God--" [Harsh breaths]

"That's me way." [Soft laugh. Sounds of skin slapping skin]

"Sean- ah-" [Low, drawn out moan]

"You close yet?" [Harsh panting]

"I- don't know- mmmh--trying- my best- not to- ah--faint--"

"I like that." [Raspy whisper:] "Getting ta fuck the brains out of you."

"Try harder- cause I'm- still- thinking--" [Low growl] "And I- still- want to be on top--"

"Fat chance fer that." [Hard thrust. Bedsprings creaking]

[Throaty chuckle] "You sure? What if I- stop- cooperating?"

"You really want ta fight me right now?"

"Yes- if that's what it takes to make you stop being so damn polite-- I'm not going to just let you win, Sean- if you want this you have to come take it-"

"Take it, huh? I'm taking you, Vig." [Thrust] "Feel that?" [Shift, rustling. Thump] "You keep mouthing off, and I'll have ta stop and you won't get ta come. I promise you that."

[Bark of laughter] "Oh yeah? You can't make me shut up- and I'm going to get punished for that? Seriously?" [Shift. Heavy breathing] "You better hold me really tight now- or neither- of us will get- to come--"

[Rustling. Thud] "Yer mouthy today." [Teeth clacking. Rough kiss]

[Long drawn out moan]

[Skin slapping against skin] "I'll ask you again, Vig. You close?" [Harsh pants]

"Yes- yes- yes- AH, God, yes, I'm close-- so damn- close-" [Moan] "Talk to me- please- please- talk to me--"

"Wish I could see you right now." [Sharp groan] "Wish I could see how yer eyes look up at me, see how yer shaking under me hands. See yer every breath." [Kiss. Muffled:] "Come fer me, Vig. Come fer me."

"SEAN-- ngh- God- AH- damn, I- I- I- just-" [Desperate moan] "--a little- faster- YES! Mmh-- fuck, keep talking, please, just---" [Panting]

[Long, dragging inhale] "Love the way you smell. Like this, aye, desperate and wanting-" [Hard thrust] "Love yer voice when yer begging me." [Bedsprings creak]

"GOD, AAH-- YES- SEAN - this is so- good- ah- ah- mmh- - YES- YES - YES - SEAN, please- pleasepleaseplease- AAAH- SEAN!!!"

"Ah- God- Vig- Vigvigvigvigvig- Vig-" [THUMP. Creak. Harsh, rasping groan]

[Fast, irregular breaths]

[Rustling of sheets. Quiet thud. Hoarse laugh] "Still alive, Vig?"

[Soft groan. Shaky exhale] "Let me-check- um- no, sorry."

[Breathless laughter] "Pretty good fer a dead man ta learn how ta talk." [Shifting, slide of skin on skin]

"God, Sean- I think- I need resuscitation- call- someone-" [Chuckle] "Damn." [Skin sliding over skin]

[Chuckles] "This work?" [Kiss]

[Soft laugh] "A decent amount of it might--" [Kiss]

"I better do that then." [Kiss]

"Mmmh." [Soft kiss. Quietly]: "Are you okay?"

"I'm exhausted." [Soft laugh] "But it's the good kind."

"I know what you mean." [Chuckle] "I'm not sure if I'll ever walk again, though."

[Rumbling laugh] "I'm sure you'll figure that out."

"Probably. Just convince me that the stunt training tomorrow is going to be the best thing that happened to me this week?"

"Oh aye, it will be. At least it'd be fer me, because I get ta have a beautiful image of you sweaty and masculine before I leave." [Soft laugh]

[In mock indignance]: "And what about now? Am I not sweaty and masculine now?" [Pause] "You want to go with me?

"Hmmm..." [Soft laugh] "Well, I can't see you, so I can't tell."

"Good point- wait-" [Shifting. Rustling of sheets. Thud of something hitting the floor] "Damn-" [Clicking of light switch] "There." [Laughter] "I don't know what about you, but I can see someone who looks as if he's had amazing sex."

[Laughter] "Get back here, you."

"Yes." [THUD] "Ah- wait- I need- tissues- tissues. Damn, I need tissues! Or something, underwear--"

"Why?" [Teasingly]: "I don't mind us permanently stuck together."

"Neither do I- or, well, in theory- but this feeling of something warm dripping out of you- ugh." [Cloth rubbing over skin] "And I don't want to sleep on a wet spot."

[Laughter] "Yer a filthy bastard, Vig."

[Snorts] "As if you're an innocent little angel who doesn't have anything to do with this!" [Soft thud. Rustling. Skin sliding over skin. Murmured]: "Or who insisted on sticking his cock up my ass, hm?"

"Well, I remember you begging..." [Kiss]

[Chuckle] "What can I say, I like it." [Kiss] "And I had the impression that you like the begging, hm?"

"Oh, I definitely do." [Softly:] "You sound amazing when you beg."

[Soft laugh] "Then I better remember this for next time, hm?"

"Oh aye, you better."

[Teasingly]: "And you? What's your take-home message?"

"Do I have ta tell you?"

[Chuckle] "Please, do." [Soft kiss. Murmured]: "Please, please, please."

[Laughter] "I learned..." [Dramatic pause] "I can get you off just by me voice alone, can't I?"

[Breath catching. Hoarsely]: "Yes."

[Soft chuckle] "It's a good thing to know."

[Pause. Quietly]: "I really like that, when you-" [Even more quietly]: "When you are in control."

[Breath hitching:] "You do?"

"Yes." [Pause] "And if- you're fighting me for it- I-" [Swallows] "That I like, too."

"Yer blushing." [Kiss. Softly, carefully:] "You like it when I force you into it?"

"Yes. Or- sort of." [Pause] "I don't really know how to explain this-- I think I like to feel you having this sort of power over me and to see you this- confident maybe. If I can see that you know that you are allowed to do this and even more, that you want to do this, yes. I like that. I really like that. But I- I think what I don't like is if there even is a hint of violence there, I don't- maybe that's just linguistic nitpicking- but I don't like the thought of that, of forcing me to do something, because for me that-" [Pause]"Um- that somehow implies that I don't want this. And I do. I want you to make me drop my guard, and I like to feel your strength when you're holding me down like you just did-" [Deep breath] "Do you understand what I mean?"

[Long pause] "Way I see it, Vig, you want it, aye, but you don't want ta give it easy, so I have ta take it from you." [Pause] "That what you mean?"

"Yes. But-" [Pause] "By confidence, by strength of will, not by force. I'm not saying that you've tried to do that, not all, on the contrary- you were extremely careful, but-" [Pause] "You make me feel safe in a way that I don't think anybody else ever has and I don't want to jeopardize this, not for the world. And- with this stuff- we might be walking this line."

[Long pause] "Do you like it when I hold you down?"

"I did when you just did. But then- it's not about being held, that's not what I find exciting, or yes, but indirectly. It's about you taking control. And I think-" [Hesitantly]: "I think what really would- turn me on would be if you'd just use your voice to make clear that you're the one who's going to make the decisions."

[Sudden chuckle] "Oh aye. I know what you mean now." [Pause, rustling sheets] "You like it when I tell you you ain't got a choice. That no matter what you do, I'm going ta fuck you the way I want ta. I'll make use of you the way I want ta." [Slide of skin against stubble. His voice lowers:] "And there's nothing you can do or say ta dissuade me of it. If I want ta bring you out and fuck you in the middle of the set with everyone watching, I will, and you can't stop me." [Kiss] "Aye?"

"Mmh." [Kiss. Muffled chuckle] "You trying to make me hard, again?" [Kiss] "It's not quite that. I don't want to feel overpowered or helpless or used, on the contrary. I think what excites me is to see you excited and to hear what you want to do with me, not to me." [Pause. Soft kiss] "I don't want to give up control because I don't have a choice but because I have one, because your words, the images you create with them in my head make me want to."

[Long pause] "I think yer trying to make this more complicated than it has ta be again, Vig."

"Maybe." [Soft kiss] "We can also just experiment and I'll tell you if there's something I'm not fine with. But I think what you just said probably is closer to what you want than what I want." [Pause. Carefully]: "For you it's the contrary, right? You like the feeling of being held down? Of not having a choice and being forced to submit?"

[Cough. Rustling] "Uh- aye."

[Softly]: "Look at me. I don't think you need to be embarrassed."

"Always strange ta admit these things out loud."

"I know. For me, too." [Soft kiss] "But whom would I tell but you?"

"Yer much better at words than I am, though."

"And you're much better at just showing me what you want, without having to talk about it for days."

[Soft laugh] "Strange, we're both speaking English, but it's like we're speaking two different languages ta each other."

[Teasingly]: "I'm not sure your Gibberish counts as English..." [Chuckle] "Hey- hey! Don't kill the messenger!" [Laughter]

"Are you making fun of me accent, eh?" [Mock growl] "Eh, are you?"

"Yes." [Laughter] "Because I love that defiant sparkle in your eyes. And that growl."

[Laughter. Kiss]

"Mmh." [Kiss] "Promise to not move for a second? I'll be right back." [Kiss]

"Why are you abandoning me, eh?" [Quiet laugh]

[Chuckle] "I'm not!" [Kiss] "You'll find me twice as enticing when I return."

"Only twice?" [Laughter] "Alright, alright. I'll let you go."

"Just don't fall asleep on me." [Brief kiss. Rustling. Thud. Footsteps]

[Shouting:] "Well the bed's all nice and warm and I'm worn out, so you better move yer arse quick 'fore I fall asleep on you!"

[Laughter. Shouting]: "You forget sticky! The bed's sticky in weird places, too." [Clinking of glass. Fridge door being closed] "As are you, I suppose!"

"And what are you going ta do 'bout it?"

[Shouted]: "You'll forget about it as soon as I'm back!" [Footsteps. Soft clinking] "There. May I tempt you with a cold beer, monsieur?"

"Cold beer, bread, cheese, and even olives. You've brought me a feast." [Chuckles] "Did you bring a bottle opener?"

"Psh, bottle opener." [Snap] "There you go. And for the second one I need a lighter or something-- where are my pants?" [Rustling. Soft chuckle] "I haven't even thought about having a smoke for hours." [Second bottle being opened] "Maybe you are addictive, too, hm? Scoot over a little. I'm starving."

"Not everyone can open bottles with lighters like you do. We're not all strange bastards with passion for gambling, you know." [Gulp. Pause] "Addictive, eh?"

[Quiet laugh] "Most definitely." [Kiss] "Almost disconcertingly addictive. Good thing that I haven't tried lighting you up, though."

[Burst of laughter] "Aye, we better leave that ta the metaphorical."

[Chuckle] "Yes. I think I prefer you un-roasted." [Clinking. Sounds of knife cutting through bread] "Do you want some bread?"

"You want ta feed it to me?"

"Makes me want to wish I had bought strawberries somewhere..." [Shift. Murmured]: "Take an olive?"

[Muffled laugh. Kiss] "Too bad this ain't a cherry with a stem."

"Mmh." [Kiss] "But there is something to be said about olive-flavored Sean... another one?"

"I don't think olives will be filling 'nough, luv."

[Around an olive]: "Take another one anyway." [Chuckle.Kiss] "Maybe we should order something decent to eat? I feel as if I could eat a whole whale. You must have made me use up all my energy reserves."

"We should, especially since you don't have proper food in yer fridge." [Soft laugh] "How 'bout it: we order something and we go fer a shower?"

"In a moment, okay? I don't want to get up just yet. And only if I get to curl up on the couch with you."

[Chuckles] "Alright."

 

_tbc..._


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Viggo talk about horses and introducing each other to their parents. Dialogue-only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

**New Zealand, 20-09-2000, 7:42am**

[Dial tone]

"Hey, it's Sean. Please leave a message. If this is Vig, go back to sleep, it's too early for you ta be calling."

[Laughter] "How did you know, hm? I'll try again when I get back home from work. Shame you're not here, I'll be wielding my sword all day." [Chuckle] "Okay. Sleep tight, my prince, and dream of me."

**New Zealand, 20-09-2000, 8:02 am**

been grinning for half an hour straight now because your mailbox was talking to me, personally. need to go find someone to rugby tackle now and get rid of that grin, doesn't suit my ranger king. but took a polaroid for you /v

**Los Angeles, 19-09-2000, 2:17pm**

You silly bugger. I'm stuck at work as well. Just spent hours doing script readings with Michael Douglas. He's a bit of an arse, but pretty alright to work with, so I'm not complaining. What's this polaroid?

**Los Angeles, 19-09-2000, 2:18pm**

You don't have to sign your name, you know. I have this marvelous thing called caller ID.

**New Zealand, 20-09-2000, 10:56 am**

it's a polaroid of my grin, of course. if you'd rather have one of another body part, you'll have to tell me. and i like signing my name /viggo (who will hit m.d. on the head if he's an arse around you)

**Los Angeles, 19-09-2000, 7:18pm**

He might whine if you whap him on the head. You hit hard, you know. I'm not having dirty pictures of you on my phone. These texts are incriminating enough already.

**New Zealand, 20-09-2000, 2:47 pm**

incriminating? i can start signing with victoria or valentina if you'd prefer that. and how on earth would i make a polaroid appear on your phone? that's beyond me. i'll call you when we take a longer break, should be soon. a million kisses, forever yours /sweet victoria

**Los Angeles, 19-09-2000, 7:59pm**

Why are you asking me about technology? I don't know it better than you. Please don't sign yourself off as Victoria. Will give me nightmares that you turned into Beckham's wife.

**New Zealand, 20-09-2000, 3:58 pm**

[Dial tone]

"Hey, Vig." [Yawwwwwwn]

"Hej!" [Puzzled:] "Damn, did I get the time difference wrong again and woke you up?"

"Nah, I'm just sleepy. Early shoot but there's problems with the cameras and such. How's yer day? What time is it over there?"

"It's four in the afternoon. I'm still at the studio, actually. Orlando, John and I have been chasing imaginary ghosts all day and it doesn't really look as if we're done anytime soon. But we are taking a break now."

[Chuckles] "Ah, the Dimholt Road scene, eh?" [Pause] "Good luck with the green screen, luv."

[Dryly]: "I'd rather go back to wading through swamps."

[Chuckles] "Why, because I'd be there with tea?"

[Sighs] "Actually because I think I'd kill for the opportunity to look at the skies right now." [Pause] "I like that thought, though, of you waiting for me. Having you there when I work always makes me want to put in a little extra effort."

"Only a little bit?" [Chuckles]

[Laughs] "Out fishing for compliments, hm?"

"Hey, I'm bored and yer supposed ta entertain me."

[Sound of cigarette being lit] "How can you be bored when it's me you're talking to?"

"Now who is the one asking fer his ego ta be stroked?"

[Deep inhale] "I'm actually in dire need of being on the receiving end of some serious ego-stroking here. The green screen of doom makes me question my acting skills every damn time."

"Vig, there's nothing you need ta worry 'bout. You are Aragorn, and there's no need ta doubt that."

[Pause. Quietly]: "Thank you, I really appreciate that."

"I'm just telling you the truth, luv." [Chuckles]

"I'm grinning into my phone now like an idiot, you realize that, right?" [Laughs]

"Well, everyone already thinks yer a little silly, so I don't see the harm in it."

"Orlando is already waggling his eyebrows suggestively at me. And I know from experience that he can be counted on to start making kissing sounds in a moment. Let me go find a hiding place." [Footsteps]

"The Elf's a busybody." [Soft laugh] "I'm hiding already, actually."

[Drag on cigarette] "Whom on earth are you hiding from? Aren't you at your hotel?"

"Nope. I'm in the studio." [Soft laugh] "Supposed ta be doing makeup and such today."

"Sorry. Sounds like a really long day." [Pause] "Wish I could be there, waiting for you with tea."

"It ain't that bad. We haven't started yet. It's just these annoying little preliminaries, really." [Yawn] "Wish you could be here too."

"Hm. I'd hold out a cup of tea for you while I'd smack that guy that's being an arse around you. And when you'd have finished your tea, I'd elope with you." [Pause] "On my new horse."

[Laughter] "Wait- that bit's serious, ain't it?"

"Are you going to Viggo me if it is?"

"Depends." [Pause] "A horse, Vig? And where're you going ta keep 'im?"

"I'll figure that out when I know where I'll be living when I get back to the US." [Pause. Hesitantly]: "And actually, it's two. But I'm only going to keep Ureaus."

"... And what did you do with the other one?"

"Um, I-" [Clears his throat] "I gave him away. He was meant to be someone else's all along."

[Soft laugh] "Who did you buy him fer?"

"For Jane. She had placed a bid on him but it didn't look as if she'd stand much of a chance." [Pause] "She's been doing an amazing job with him and I thought that this really shouldn't be about money. It just didn't feel right to let someone else have him."

[Chuckles] "Should I be jealous?"

[Teasingly]: "What, I can't even give away a horse as a present without having you question my feelings for you?"

"Well, you've never given me a horse." [Pause] "Please don't get me one."

[Laughter] "Not even a small one?"

[Very seriously:] "I ain't got the space in London, Vig."

"If it's just a matter of space, I'm sure I can figure something out. Any color you'd prefer?"

[Laughing:] "Don't buy me a horse, Vig."

"Alright, if you'd prefer jogging along merrily next to us, then, suit yourself. Do you want me to get you a pair of new running shoes instead?"

"Why, I'm not allowed on the same horse as you?"

"Somehow your concept of personal space is a little disturbing- you're trying to follow me into the bathroom when I'm peeing and now you want to ride the same horse... what's next? Matching sweaters?"

"I'm hurt, Vig. So hurt." [Laughing] "Actually, not sharing a horse is a good idea. Poor bastard might get a broken back from how heavy we are."

"I'm just going to pretend that I didn't hear that." [Chuckle] "By the way, any thoughts on that 'Anna Karenina' adaptation you were in?" 

"... Eh? Why?"

[Dryly]: "Because my mother went to the nearest video rental store and asked for one of your films. And that's the one they gave her."

"... What?"

"Well, she was curious about you."

[A little strangled:] "You told your mother about me." [Thump] "Vig. I play Vronsky. I get naked in that one." [Pause] "Shit."

[Roar of laughter]

"It's not funny! Christ! I don't have any movie where I have significant screen time and I don't get naked!"

"See, so she couldn't have chosen any better." [Chuckle]

"... Yer screwing with me, aren't you?

"I'm really not." [Pause] "Just how naked are you in this movie? Naked naked?"

"... Half-naked? Christ, it was a long time ago, luv."

"Well, maybe that explains her comments then."

"... And what did she say?"

[Barely suppressed laughter] "That your charms spoke for themselves."

[Horrified:] "Vig!!!"

"In her defence I have to say that she might have been talking about your acting performance as well." [Chuckle] "And I'm sure 'dashing' is not an appropriate description for someone naked, and that's what she said. That you looked dashing."

[Strangled groan] "I haven't been this embarrassed since that time me mom told me she watched Lady Chatterley."

"And here I was, feeling flattered that you're so eager to take off your clothes when you're with me and you have been professionally doing that since the eighties." [Laughter] "Don't worry about my mother though, she's looking forward to meeting you in person, she said."

[Dryly:] "Spent seventy percent of me screentime in me first real movie without a shirt." [Pause. Deep breath] "Meeting yer mom, eh?"

[Softly]: "Only if you want to. And it's certainly not on top of my priority list, I'd like to meet Henry first, and Exene. She's just curious, that's all." [Pause] "I didn't mean to scare you."

"Nah, it's just-" [Awkward laugh] "Eh, it's nothing."

"Hm? Tell me. Scary? Too much commitment?"

"No. It's not that." [Long pause. Lighter snapping on] "I can't give you the same thing."

"Don't worry about that. You decide what to tell your family. And what not to."

[Tobacco crackling] "Doesn''t seem fair that way."

"No, it doesn't. But for you. I wish you wouldn't have to worry about telling your parents that you're in love."

[Long exhale] "This ain't a good conversation ta have over the phone."

"Especially not while we're both at work." [Pause] "Just don't feel obliged to do anything that you don't feel comfortable with, okay?"

[Softly:] "I won't."

"Okay. And Sean?" [Pause] "Nothing about this will change how I feel about us."

"I know. I know, it's just…" [Crackling of tobacco] "I've never been good at hiding."

"Me neither. But sometimes- sometimes I can have this feeling that because most people don't know- that it's really something that is just ours."

[Pause] "Never thought 'bout it that way."

"Maybe it's just escapism. But to me, this is something very special. And maybe that's just one part of that."

[Quietly:] "Aye." [Pause] "I think I haveta go."

"Okay. I hope you get to call it a day soon. Send me a message before you go to bed? I like that." 

"Aye, I will." [Pause] "Have a good day, luv."

"Hm, I will. I'll give Orlando and Uraeus a kiss from you, shall I?"

"Kiss the horse, not the Elf." [Chuckles]

"I think that's what I prefer. But don't tell Orlando I said that." [Laughs] "Talk to you soon. Hej."

Call you soon, luv."


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Viggo talk commitment. Dialogue-only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

  
   
from: Viggo <viggo.mortensen@hotmail.com>  
to: SB <notrichardsharpe@gmail.com>  
date: 23-09-2000, 8:43 p.m.  
Re: thinking of you  
 

  
Dear Sean,  
  
I've found myself thinking a lot about that phone call a couple of days ago, the one about buying horses and telling parents. I honestly did not mean to overwhelm you or make you uncomfortable by telling my mother about you and if I did I want to apologize for that. We haven't really talked about whom we might tell and whom not, and I didn't think it might be a problem when I told her. I didn't even intend to. She was complaining that I hadn't called her in a while and I was making excuses, you had just left and I said I had been quite busy. And she just started laughing and said it was fine, if I had fallen in love there was no need for making excuses. Even after all these years, it's always a little scary when she does this, when she seems to see straight through me. Anyway, that's how I ended up telling her about you and how she ended up renting that movie. She simply didn't want to wait until I got around to sending her some pictures of us so she could check out the man that so very effectively prevents her son from calling her. And don't worry about being naked, it's not going to matter. She said she'd love to meet you some day and that you're always welcome to join me when I visit her.  
  
I think I would like that. I would like you to meet her. And my brothers. You matter so much to me, and it feels weird that they should only know you from pictures and from what I have told them about you. Of course, we don't have to do that straight away, or not at all if you don't want to. And I really mean that. It's a part of my life that I would love to share with you but I can understand if you would rather not meet them, or not now, not yet.  
  
And if you want to, it's nothing that has to go both ways. I'm happy to meet everybody who is important to you and whom you would want me to meet, but introducing me to your parents is nothing I expect you to do. And certainly not if that idea upsets you. I didn't have the chance to ask you why you feel that you can't tell them about us or what you are afraid of might happen if you did; and you are right, that's nothing that should be discussed on the phone while we're both hiding from the ears of our co-workers.  
  
But if you want to talk to me about this, I'm right here. Just send me letter, or a fax or even an email, I'll find a computer where I can print it out and take it home with me. And if it's something that you would rather sort out alone, that's fine, too. Just tell me if you need me or if there's anything I can do, okay?  
  
I wish I could be there with you, I miss waking up surrounded by your warmth and falling asleep to the sound of your breathing.  
  
All my love,  
Viggo  
  
PS: Are you absolutely sure that you don't want me to buy you a horse? Maybe they have a 'buy two get the third one free' option?  
  


  
from: SB <notrichardsharpe@gmail.com>  
to: Viggo <viggo.mortensen@hotmail.com>  
date: 27-09-2000, 2:34 p.m.  
Re:

  
Vig,  
  
I'm bad at letters. It's the waiting, I think, when I don't know if you'll get it. I can't say the same thing twice, and if the letter gets lost... well, that's my excuse for sending you this email anyway.  
  
Don't buy me a horse. I mean it. I don't have the space for it, and if I'm going to dump the poor animal at your place, I might as well just ride your horses.  
  
I'd love to meet your mother and brothers. I mean that.  
  
Christ, I've been trying to find a way to start this properly and I still can't find it, so have it in the bluntest way: I don't know how to tell my parents about you. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong about you. Except maybe for your lack of shoes and how you like to roll in the mud and roll _me_ in the mud.  
  
But you see, when I was a kid, I was always artsy. I liked to draw, and I dressed up as Bowie. Dyed my hair red and all, pretended to be Aladdin Sane. My mates gave me hell for it, and my dad kept shaking his head, but it's alright, because I had a girlfriend. (I had quite a few at the time, really.) And then I went and got married at the grand old age of 21, so that's alright. I'm not a poof to them, see? Not that I think they think that there's anything wrong with being one - they're not like that - but it's always different when it's their own son.  
  
I think I'm just scared, really. When I do something that goes against what I should, something that's what I really want to do - acting, for example, or art - I always throw in my best lot and make sure I do damned well at it. I can't imagine having to explain to my dad about being an actor if I didn't manage to do well in it. But how do you 'do well' at well, at being whatever I am now? I don't think I'm gay. I don't even have my own head straight about this, so how do I explain it to them?  
  
This email is a mess. If I keep looking at it I'm going to delete the whole thing, so I'm sending it to you now.  
  
Sean  
  
  
  


**New Zealand, 27-09-2000, 6:05 pm**

  
[Dial tone]  
  
[Cautiously:] "'lo, Vig."  
  
[Softly]: "I'm not going to buy you a horse, don't worry."  
  
[Soft chuckle] "That's good."  
  
"But if you ever change your mind, just say a word." [Pause] "How are you?"  
  
"Will you laugh at me if I tell you I'm trying ta read while waiting fer you ta call?"  
  
"No. But it makes me smile."  
  
"In a good way?"  
  
"Of course." [Quietly]: "You never have to wait for my call though, you know that, right? Call me any time you want."  
  
"Nah. You'd call when you'd seen the email; I know that."  
  
"Are you worried about it?"  
  
[Softly:] "Mm."  
  
"As long as you didn't try to tell me politely that you're not sure if we are a good idea, I don't see a reason why you should be."  
  
"What- no! No, that ain't what I meant at all!"  
  
[Small relieved chuckle] "Good. 'cause I'm very sure that we are."  
  
"Vig." [Long pause] "You know that if it's possible at all, you know I'd marry you, right?"  
  
[Loud clatter]  
  
[Pause] "Vig?"  
  
[Rustling. Breathlessly]: "What? You'd--- what?"  
  
[Clears throat] "I'd drag you ta the nearest church and marry you the moment it's legal ta."  
  
[Pause. Shaky inhale] "Fucking hell, Sean."  
  
[Sheepishly:] "I thought you knew."  
  
"I had _no_ idea." [Swallows hard] "Damn. Why do you tell me something like that on the stupid phone?"  
  
"I don't know." [Nervous chuckle] "I have shite timing, don''t I?"  
  
"No, it's just-" [Deep breath] "I just wish you could _see_ how happy this makes me."  
  
"I can hear it in yer voice, luv." [Pause. Soft laugh] "Wish I could get down on me knees and ask you properly."  
  
[Muffled sob]  
  
[Panicked:] "Vig? You alright?"  
  
[Half sob-half laugh] "Of course. Of course I am. It's just-" [Chuckle] "- you can just be a little overwhelming at times."  
  
[Long exhale] "... I've never been told that before."  
  
[Soft laugh] "I guess the more appropriate thing to say would be 'yes, I'd love to', hm?"  
  
"Don't make me fly over there." [Trembling laugh]  
  
"I love you, Sean. So damned much. I can't-" [Shaky exhale] "God, I'm trembling all over, I need-" [Shuffling] "-to sit down." [Laugh] "Now I really wish I had bought that horse for you."  
  
"Most people get rings instead of horses, you know."  
  
[Hoarsely]: "I'd love to get a ring for you if you'd want to wear it."  
  
[Soft laugh] "I've gotten a little paranoid 'bout rings, but I'd wear something of yers, if that's what you like."  
  
"Yes, I think I'd like that." [Long pause. Chuckle] "Damn, Sean."  
  
[Soft laugh] "Yer making me grin like an idiot at me phone, you know that?"  
  
"Same here. You're probably not doing that on the floor of your kitchen, though. [Softly]: "I wish you were here right now."  
  
"Why are you on the floor of yer kitchen?" [Pause] "I'm in me bed, actually, and I want ta reach over, but I know I won't find you there so I don't dare."  
  
"My legs got a little wobbly with all the surprises." [Soft chuckle] "If I'd known you'd say something like that I'd called you from the couch." [Pause] "You're wonderful, you know."  
  
"You keep going like that and me ego is going to need a room of its own."  
  
"I'll try to keep that in mind the next time I rent a new place." [Pause] "Now that I'm not scared anymore that you'll dump me, do you want to talk about your email?"  
  
"I don't know what else I can say."  
  
[Softly]: "Sean, you just told me you'd want to marry me if your country would let you." [Pause] "Maybe you already have all the answers that you'd need for talking to your parents about us?"  
  
[Very softly:] "I'm terrified of disappointing them." [Pause] "Funny, ain't it? I'm over forty, and I'm still scared of me parents being disappointed in me."  
  
"And why do you think they'd be disappointed? Because you've fallen for someone with a chest that's hairier than yours?"  
  
[Surprised laugh] "Aye. Something like that."  
  
[Chuckle] "Don't you dare denying it! I win." [Pause] "When you told them you were getting a divorce, what did they say?"  
  
[Long silence]  
  
[Softly]: "Sean? You okay?  
  
"Yeah.Yeah, I am." [Soft laugh, shaky] "Me dad told me that- well- he'd told me not ta marry Abby in the first place, and now I got a kid into the whole mess."  
  
[Pause] "Why did he say that?"  
  
[Pause] "I don't know."  
  
"You were in love with her, why shouldn't you have married her?"  
  
[Shifting, rustling sheets] "She went to a public school. Maybe it's that."  
  
"Or maybe he was just hoping that you'd get back together with Mel if you didn't."  
  
[Heavily:] "Aye."  
  
"And your mother?"  
  
"Me mother wants me ta be happy." [Pause] "I think she still wishes I'd stay married ta Debra, though Debra's married ta someone else now and she's happy with that life."  
  
"You _are_ happy, aren't you?"  
  
[Softly:] "You make me happy, Vig."  
  
"And to hear that would not be enough for your parents, you think?"  
  
"I don't know. I really don't. I hope it'd be, but-" [Sigh]  
  
"Hm? Tell me."  
  
"I'm afraid it won't be enough."  
  
"And what would happen then?"  
  
[Harsh sigh] "Christ, Vig, I have no fucking idea!"  
  
[Pause] "I'm sorry."  
  
[Exhale] "Sorry- I didn't mean ta-" [ _Thump_ of fist hitting pillow]  
  
"Don't, please- this makes me want to try and crawl into the receiver and to where you are."  
  
[Harsh breathing] "Yer not the only one who wants ta do that."  
  
"Maybe we'd better talk about this then when I'm there with you." [Pause] "Just one more thing- have you ever thought about that I- the fact that I'm not a woman might actually make it easier for your parents to understand your divorces?"  
  
"What, so they'd think I'm queer?"  
  
"Not a point of view I'd share but basically, yes. Or rather that I'm able to give you something your wives never could."  
  
[Tired chuckle] "Maybe. Or it'd make things worse." [Pause] "The uncertainty's what's killing me."  
  
"I can't even imagine how you must be feeling."  
  
"Terrified, mostly." [Exhale] "Distract me?"  
  
"Anything particular you have in mind?"  
  
"Tell me about yer day."  
  
"I had breakfast with Ian, Bernard and John, actually. A bit surreal, but a lot of fun, too."  
  
"Oh aye? What did you all talk about?"  
  
[Chuckle] "Well, you know what happens when they get together, they dig up ancedotes from one set or another and from there it's pretty much a perpetum mobile. I just listened, most of he time."  
  
"Tell me a story they told you?"  
  
"Ian told a story about how he ended up getting standing ovations by tumbling into the orchestra pit during a Shakespeare performance. I don't remember which play it was, but he was playing one of those grim kings. He was alone on stage, loudly bemoaning his fate and plotting intrigues, and he was supposed to get more and more agitated with every line and end up hissing and spitting with rage. And Ian had had a bad day, he'd been fighting with someone about something, and he said he simply let go and used the momentum of his own rage to carry him through the scene. And he got so wrapped up that he walked right into it the orchestra pit. After the initial shock he had to laugh about himself, terribly, but tried to continue, from down there, and the audience couldn't see him, just hear this weird mixture of Shakespearean lines mixing with laughter. And they loved it. Eventually one of the musicians gave him a bunk-up and he clambered back onto stage, still continuing the monologue and fighting the laughter, and rubbing his back where it ached from the tumble, and someone handed him his crown back and he took a moment to polish it and brush off his clothes before he continued and afterwards, the applause just wouldn't stop." [Chuckle] "You should've heard him tell it. John almost was in tears because he was laughing so hard."  
  
[Laughing] "I'm laughing just imagining it. It's one of those stories that make you wish you've been there, eh?"  
  
[Chuckle] "Definitely. I'd have given a lot to be able to see that. And Bernard told us how he was on some outdoor shoot, decades ago, and really needed to pee. The toilets were occupied so he went to find a tree- and had to discover that they were going to shoot one of the upcoming scenes, a love scene, with the actress who played his love interest leaning against that very tree... and he said he died a thousand deaths trying to subtly talk the director into taking another tree. But the lighting turned out to be perfect just there and he said at some point he couldn't continue arguing without appearing weird. And he absolutely didn't want to admit in front of the whole crew that he pissed against the tree because he had a little crush on that very actress. Thirty of the most uncomfortable minutes of his life, he said, while he tried to get through the scene."  
  
[Roaring laughter] "Oh _Christ_ , the poor woman! Wasn't there a smell of some sort?"  
  
"Ugh, I don't know. He painted quite a vivid scene, I didn't really ask for more details." [Laugh]  
  
[Teasingly:] "Thought the kind of morbid curiosity would be right up yer alley."  
  
"Hey, aren't you the one who's never shy when there's talk about pee? I'm usually far more discreet in these matters."  
  
" _Really_."  
  
[Chuckles] "What on earth are you on about, cariño? I have no idea."  
  
[Laughing:] "Hey, pulling out the nicknames ain't fair."  
  
[Deliberately hoarse whisper]: "Y porqué no, mi amor?"  
  
"Don't force me ta get up and switch on the computer, luv."  
  
"Remind me to teach you some Spanish next time I see you. It's a little frustrating when you don't understand that I'm making a move on you."  
  
"Oh, that bit's clear 'nough from the voice yer using. And the 'amor' bit. I'm just confused by the rest."  
  
"Don't be. Just go with the flow..."  
  
"The flow, eh?" [Rustling of sheets] "And what kind of flow is that?"  
  
"I vaguely remember that you said something about spicing things up a little when you were here..."  
  
[Pause] "I don't think I can tie meself up with a phone to me ear."  
  
[Chuckle] "You could try, though. Or you know, we could just try that other thing you mentioned."  
  
"Why don't you start this second thing?"  
  
"Fucking _tease_!"  
  
[Chuckles]  
  
"You know, I was planning on sending you some pictures first before we tried this."  
  
"What kind of pictures would those be?"  
  
"Well, you remember that little bag you left under the bed...?"  
  
"How could I forget?"  
  
"Well, I took some pictures of myself, playing with yours toys." [Pause. Teasingly]: "Shame you can't see them now."  
  
[Hoarsely:] " _Christ_ , Vig. Now who's the tease?"  
  
[Chuckle] "Well, if you ask nicely, I might describe them to you..."  
  
"I'm waiting." [Long exhale] "Please."  
  
"The first one is a shot of just my hands, black and white, a little blurry, but you can clearly see your silk scarf that ties them together."  
  
[Abruptly:] "Did you show anyone else that?"  
  
"I would never. They are for you, and only for you. I'm developing them myself."  
  
"How did you take 'em?"  
  
"I crouched on the floor, swore while I tried to tie myself up and knocked the tripod over three times. But let me tell you about the pictures now?"  
  
[Chuckles. Sound of skin sliding against sheets] "Tell me then."  
  
"My head is turned away from the camera, towards my naked shoulder and the scarf is covering my eyes."  
  
"Nn. Keep going."  
  
"I'm kneeling on the floor, naked. The picture is taken over my shoulder and the focus is on my hands. They are tied in front of my body and the contrast of the dark silk against my skin is very sharp."  
  
"I'm seeing yer skin, and it's like a splash of stark white against the black." [Exhale]  
  
[Affirmative hum] "It's very white." [Pause Softly]: "Tell me what your hands are doing?"  
  
[Soft laugh] "Take a guess."  
  
[Chuckle] "I could do that." [Inhale] "But I'd really like to hear you say it."  
  
"My fly's open." [Shaky breath] "And I'm palming me cock through me boxers."  
  
[Breathing hitching] " _God_ , Sean."  
  
"Tell me 'bout those pictures you took."  
  
"I'm on the bed, on my stomach, my arms are stretched out over my head and I'm holding onto the headboard."  
  
"And yer legs?"  
  
"You can follow them with your eyes from the very dirty soles of my feet to my ass, which of course is bare and as hairy as always."  
  
[Burst of laughing] "Christ. That almost broke the mood."  
  
[Teasingly]: "You like my ass, just admit it. I bet you're just as hard as you were two seconds ago." [Pause] "I know _I_ am."  
  
"Oh, I am. I like yer ass alright." [Inhale] "Wish I'm right there with you, so I can press me fingers inside you, stretch you open while you tell me 'bout these photographs."  
  
"If you were here, I could _show_ you. Or you could take some pictures yourself."  
  
[Low chuckle] "But yer always good with words, aren't you?"  
  
"So you keep saying- let me tell you about another one, then. My hands are tied but wrapped around my cock."  
  
"Mm. Keep going."  
  
"There is only one more and then you'll have to do some talking.." [Rustling of fabric, sound of zipper] "It's the same image, my hands around my cock, but this time there are white cum drops spattered over the silk."  
  
[ _THUMP_ ]  
  
[Soft chuckle] "Did you fall off the bed?"  
  
[Soft moan] "Oh aye." [ _Thud_ , scrape of carpet fibres] "Yer going ta kill me."  
  
Laughter] "Sorry, love, that's not my intention. Not at all." [Half-whispered]: "Stay there. On the floor. I want to imagine you sitting on the floor, just like I am, with your back against the bed and your hands inside you trousers."  
  
[Muffled groan] "I can almost see you. I think if I try a little harder, I'd be able to pretend this hand is yers."  
  
"Then try a little harder. I'm on the kitchen floor, leaning against the fridge and my pants are open, I didn't bother with underwear after taking a shower earlier so there'd be no offending fabric blocking your view. Or your access."  
  
"I'm imagining pulling down yer pants. Wrapping me hand around yer cock. Slipping me fingers down until I'm stroking yer balls. You like that, aye?"  
  
[Hoarsely]: "Yes. That's exactly what I like. When you're teasing me, never quite touching me properly. Makes me want to grind against your hand."  
  
[Moan] "Are you doing that now?"  
  
"Yes. I'm just using my fingertips now because-" [Deep breath] "Because it would be over in no time if I started touching myself in earnest."  
  
"Now you've given me an idea." [Low laugh] "I want you ta touch yerself, luv. Properly."  
  
"I will if you keep talking... _ah_ \--" [Soft moan]  
  
"Keep talking, eh? I can do it." [Deep breath] "I want ta stroke you properly, from base ta tip. Twist the head of yer cock just how you like it, press me thumb ta the slit. Are you wet enough fer me, Vig?"  
  
[Shaky breath] "Yes."  
  
"Good." [Harsh exhale] "Put yer finger inside yerself fer me."  
  
[ _Shift_. Rustling. Soft suckling sounds] "You remember- when you wanted to fuck me against the fridge and I didn't let you? You'd just have to pull me to my feet now."  
  
" _Nngh_." [Exhale] "I'm using two fingers on you now, luv. All the way in, until you can feel me thumb against yer balls."  
  
" _Ah_ , yes- I'd be tight, Sean, I'm so tight around my fingers right now- and I'd urge you on to hurry, I'm impatient today, I'd want you to fuck me without much preparation."  
  
[Hoarsely:] " _Fuck-_ ' [ _Thump_ ] "I'd crook me fingers, stroke you from inside out. I'd ignore yer begging because I love it when you beg me, I love ta make you come apart with just me fingers."  
  
"Mmmh-- _please_ , Sean- I want to feel you inside of me- so badly, you can't imagine how badly--please."  
  
"Slow, luv. Slow. I'd curl me fingers, find that spot inside you and make you scream."  
  
" _Ngh_ \- keep talking, please."  
  
"I love the way yer voice changes whenever you want me. The way it goes deep, rasps like its running through sandpaper and razors, the way you say me name and make it sound like the most obscene prayer..."  
  
[Hoarse whisper]: "I want you, Sean- I want you so badly."  
  
"Give yerself three fingers fer me, luv."  
  
"Sean--" [Shaky breath] "When you're not here, sometimes I come with your name on my lips. You are what I'm thinking about when I get myself off- about how it feels when you're moving inside of me- about how your trusts get more and more urgent until- that moment-" [Inhale] "-when everything else just stops mattering, and you're looking at me but I can tell that you can't focus anymore and I don't care if the neighbors can hear us-- because all I can think about is how damned good it feels-"  
  
[Hoarse, rough breaths] " _Christ_ , Vig. I'm thinking 'bout you right now, 'bout how you look when yer spread out on the bed, yer hair like a damned halo 'round yer face. I'm thinking about how you sound when I drive into you."  
  
[Drawn out moan]  
  
"Aye. Just like that."  
  
"Keep talking, please- mmhh-" [Breathlessly]: "I'm going to--"  
  
"Yer going ta... what? C'mon, luv." [Chuckles] "Don't tease."  
  
Panting] "I'm going to- come all over my hands- and my trousers- and- _mmh_ the kitchen floor--"  
  
"Yer a filthy bastard." [Groan] "I'm going ta stain me sheets, you know that?" [Pause] "I'm twisting me fingers inside you, fucking you just with 'em. Beg me fer me cock, Vig. I want ta hear you."  
  
[Strangled moan] " _God_ , Sean-- " [Deep breath] "Stain your sheets. Wish I could see you--- but make me _hear_ it instead."  
  
[Deep, harsh growl]  
  
" _Ah_ \- Sean--" [Loud moan, harsh breaths] "I'm- so close-- so close- say something-"  
  
"What do you want me ta say, Vig?" [Shaky inhale] "That yer voice is making me hard, incredibly hard? That I think I can come from imagining you fucking yerself while thinking of me? I can tell you that. It's the truth."  
  
[Hitch of breath] "Sean, I'm-" [Moan] " _Ahh_ \- _Sean_ \--"  
  
"Vig- Christ- talk ta me. Talk ta me."  
  
[Ragged breaths] "What-- damn, I-" [Burst of laughter] "I came all over myself and - onto my face!"  
  
[Strangled laughter] "Vig! Goddamnit, don't kill me erection!"  
  
"So sorry, I can't--" [Laughter]  
  
"Vig- I'm damned close-" [Shuddering inhale] "Give me some help here?"  
  
"Wish you could see me-- I'm on the kitchen floor with my pants around my ankles and still half hard and now I'm dipping my fingers into my cum to paint your name onto the kitchen floor. 'cause this is all your fault-"  
  
" _Nn_ \- Vig-" [Low cry]  
  
[Soft chuckle] "I'm never going to tire of hearing you come. Makes me want to go for a second round directly."  
  
[Harsh panting:] "Think I need a bit of a break before that, luv." [Soft laugh]  
  
[Chuckle] "So do I. Don't worry." [Content sigh] "That was really hot."  
  
"I think we just had phone sex without meaning ta."  
  
[Laugh] "I certainly meant to!"  
  
"Oh aye?" [Teasingly:] "So I was tricked, wasn't I?"  
  
"Psh, you are the kinkiest bastard I know and _I_ ended up on the floor with cum in my face. I would say I am the one who was tricked."  
  
"I'm the kinkiest bastard you know? How did that happen?"  
  
"You tell me! There I was, peacefully minding my own innocent business and suddenly I'm being envisioned tied up like a parcel and begging to be fucked. How indeed did that happen?" [Laughter]  
  
"What can I say? You've got a pair of hands that'd look damned good between a silk scarf."  
  
[Chuckle] "I almost agree. There were some pictures that had a certain appeal."  
  
"Certain appeal, eh?"  
  
"Mmh. Aesthetically. I'd love to take some pictures like those of you. You'd be beautiful."  
  
[Teasingly:] "Aesthetically?"  
  
"Well, looking at them doesn't exactly get me hard, but I think understand why you might find this exciting."  
  
"I'd be worried if looking at pictures of yerself makes you hard, luv." [Chuckles]  
  
"Oh, fuck off, you know exactly what I mean!" [Teasingly]: "Careful now, love, if you don't want me to shred these pretty pics into tiny pieces, stuff only half of them into an envelope and make you chase the perfect image forever..."  
  
"Now that ain't teasing - that's just cruelty."  
  
[Quietly]: "I'll post them tomorrow, if you want."  
  
"You sure the post's safe?"  
  
"I don't know." [Soft chuckle] "Believe it or not, I've never had to ask myself that question ever before. It's not something I usually send to people." [Pause] "I'd be fine to mail them, you can't see my face in any of them, but this could turn out to be unpleasant for you, hm? Maybe if I send them by registered mail?"  
  
"You'd have ta put yer name in registered mail, luv." [Soft laugh] "Wrap 'em in black paper or summat?"  
  
"I can stick them between the pages of a very boring book, how's that?" [Pause] "I really want you to see them, I'm dying to hear if you like them, but we don't have to do this this way. We can also just look at them together next time you're here, I don't want this to cause you any trouble."  
  
"The book idea's good. I don't think I can wait that long ta see the pictures." [Chuckles]  
  
"I hope I didn't promise too much and you like them."  
  
"I don't think you can even if you tried."  
  
[Chuckle] "What a day-- marriage proposals, phone sex and now you're showering me with compliments..."  
  
"And all through the phone at that." [Chuckles] "Should I mark the calendar?"  
  
"You should mark _me_. But that'll hardly be possible through the phone."  
  
[Sharp inhale] "Don't say that without meaning it, Vig."  
  
[Pause] "I think I do. Mean it."  
  
[Long, low groan] " _Christ_."  
  
[Soft chuckle] "Now, what are _you_ thinking about?"  
  
"Marking you as mine." [Hitched breath] "Tell me what yer thinking of when you said that."  
  
"I'm not sure yet. Any traces of your presence on my body, I think. Those scratch marks you sometimes leave, maybe. Something like that."  
  
"What 'bout something... more permanent?"  
  
"Like a love bite? Or _permanent_ permanent?"  
  
"A love bite's good." [Swallow] "Fer a start."  
  
"I'd-" [A little hoarsely]: "On the inside of my thigh."  
  
"That's a good spot, aye."  
  
"I've been finding myself frustrated because- actually I think because I've been chasing that one perfect image. I want to capture _us_ , I want to capture how that idea makes me feel-- it's difficult though, without having you here. There's something missing in every picture."  
  
"A picture, eh?" [Soft hum] "Like the tattoo of Henry's scribbling you've got on yer wrist?"  
  
[Pause] "I haven't thought about it that way. But that doesn't quite- I don't know. Maybe tattoos are for Henry and Exene." [Soft chuckle] "I have this huge box with pictures that I've taken since I met you, trying to somehow make all of this visible. I don't know. Maybe it's not possible. But I think what I managed to do was to impressively document your absence at least."  
  
[Long pause] "I have another idea."  
  
"Why do I have the feeling that this is either going to make me hard again or want to hit you on the head with something hard?"  
  
[Shaky breath] "I can- I can brand you."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Brand you. Make it permanent."  
  
[Long pause. Shuffling. Fridge door being opened. Sounds of ice cubes in a glass. Door being closed] "Where did you stash that bottle of whiskey?"  
  
"Nightstand."  
  
"Right. Where else." [Footsteps]  
  
[Pause] "You alright, luv?" [Longer pause] "Are we alright?"  
  
[Softly]: "Of course we are." [Drawer being opened, bottle uncorked, liquid poured. Rustling. Sip] "It's just that I sometimes don't know if I'm put off or turned on by all of your crazy ideas."  
  
"You don't have ta agree ta anything I suggest. You know that, aye?"  
  
"I know. That has never been the problem." [Pause] "Usually I am."  
  
"But this seems a little too extreme?" [Pause] "I've never done it before either."  
  
"Right now I'm trying to get the images of cattle herds out of my head."  
  
[Heavily:] "Not like that."  
  
"I know." [Pause] "I think I know exactly what you mean." [Long pause] "Scares the shit out of me."  
  
"Can I tell you a secret?" [Soft chuckle] "It scares the hell out of me too."  
  
[Long silence]  
  
[Softly:] "Vig?"  
  
"Yeah." [Sigh] "I just- I don't-- know what to say or feel or- _fuck_."  
  
[Steadily:] "I'll let you think 'bout it, aye? You don't have to give me an answer. Not now, not ever."  
  
"I don't even know if I _want_ to think about it to begin with." [Shaky breath. Very quietly]: "I wish so much you were here right now."  
  
[Muffled sound of surprise] "I didn't think you'd want me ta be there after what I just said."  
  
"Oh, Sean-" [Hoarsely]: "Of course I want you to be here. I-- I just want to wrap around you bury my face against your neck and- stop thinking for a moment."  
  
"No, no-" [Harsh exhale] "I just- I don't want ta rush you or- or anything." [Pause] "Fuck, I _know_ I said that already. I-" [ _Click_ of teeth meeting] "Do you want me ta stop talking and leave you alone?"  
  
"No." [Soft chuckle] "I don't want you to go anywhere." [Fondly]: "I love you, you idiot."  
  
[Nervous laugh] "I'm tempted ta pull a Han Solo and say 'I know'." [Pause] "I might've done that before."  
  
"You have. And sometimes that's perfectly fine. But right now is not one of those moments."  
  
[Softly, quickly:] "I love you."  
  
[Breath catching]  
  
"Wine comes in at the mouth, and love comes in at the eye." [Pause, inhale] "That's all we shall know for truth, before we grow old and die. I lift the glass to my mouth, I look at you, and sigh."  
  
[Soft laugh] "Well, skål to that!" [Clinking of ice cubes. Swallowing. Quietly]: "Thank you."  
  
[Chuckles] "I have no idea what you just said, but I can guess well enough."  
  
" _Cheers_ , love."  
  
"Try not ta get drunk, eh?"  
  
"No, no. I'm not going to promise that. I'm planning to get drunk."  
  
"Should I leave you alone ta do that?"  
  
"No. I really don't want you to hang up." [Pause. Softly]: "What did I say to make you this insecure all of a sudden?"  
  
"I'm afraid I've done something wrong."  
  
"You haven't." [Pause. Softly]: "You're still scared that you might say something that'll make me leave you?"  
  
"It's-" [Heavy exhale] "Why are you getting drunk, Vig?"  
  
[Soft chuckle] "It's been quite the ride, this phone call. You managed to propose to me, get me off, talk to me about your parents and offer to fucking brand me in less than an hour. Oh, and we were discussing the problems of sending each other erotic pictures by mail. Calls for a celebratory drink, don't you think?" [Softly]: "And before you start wondering- this is _exactly_ why I'm with you. I've never met anyone before with whom I felt comfortable enough to do all this."  
  
[Chuckle] "How does it always end up with you reassuring me, eh?"  
  
[Laughs] "I have no idea! Hey- is there a mini-bar in your room?"  
  
"'Course there is." [Soft laugh]  
  
"Get a little drunk with me."  
  
[Chuckles. Shifting of sheets] "Alright then."  
  
  
  
  



	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean talks to Mel about Viggo, princesses and fire hydrants. Dialogue only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

**Los Angeles, 30-09-2000, 1:45 pm**

 

[Dial tone]  
  
"Hello?"  
  
[Softly:] "Hey, old girl.  
  
"Sean? Hi! Are you back?"  
  
"I just left!" [Soft laugh] "No, I'm still in LA."  
  
" _Just_ is relative. There are these two little girls here who think you've been gone for ages and keep asking when you'll be back."  
  
"Don't make me want ta fly back right at this moment. I can't." [Pause] "Hey, Mel, do you think I can talk ta you fer a bit?"  
  
[Immediately]: "That sound's pretty serious. Is everything alright?"  
  
"I'm trying ta figure out if I'm being a coward or an idiot."  
  
"Wait, let me make a cup of tea." [Footsteps. Sound of water running] "And you might want to start at the beginning." [Clinking of porcelain]  
  
"I think the beginning's with you." [Pause] "Hey, did you keep the handcuffs and ropes?"  
  
[Clatter] "Christ, Sean. What is this about?" [Pause. Then, teasingly]: "Do you want them back?"  
  
[Cough. Laughingly:] "What, you don't use 'em anymore?"  
  
[Chuckles] "You don't expect me to use the ones you bought with another guy, do you?"  
  
"So you bought new ones, eh?"  
  
[Softly]: "What is this about, Sean?"  
  
"Two things at once, really." [Pause] "Both ta do with introductions." [Another pause] "Christ, I'm stalling, ain't I?" [Deep breath] "I want ta tell Pa 'bout Viggo and I told Viggo 'bout the tying up thing and I don't know if those two are in order of importance." [A second's pause] "And I've been spending too long with Vig 'cause I'm babbling like he does."  
  
"Okay." [Pause] "What do you want to talk about first? There's time, the girls are asleep and James is out with a friend. I'm listening if you want me to."  
  
"The first one, I guess." [Pause] "Did you tell James 'bout them?"  
  
"No. I never did. It just never came up."  
  
"Would you ever tell him?"  
  
"I think I might, if he ever showed any signs of interest. But I've never thought about it, not really. Relationships have different dynamics, you know that." [Pause] "What happened with Viggo? Did you fight about this?"  
  
"No, we didn't. I told him 'bout it and he's interested." [Pause. Shaky inhale] "Then he started talking 'bout wanting a permanent mark from me."  
  
[Pause] "I'm not quite sure if I can follow you. But you sound terribly upset. Continue?"  
  
"I kind of offered ta brand 'im and I don't know how he's feeling 'bout it, and it's made worse 'cause I don't even know if I can tell me parents 'bout him."  
  
"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What?"  
  
"I can't marry him, so-" [Heavy groan] "Don't make me say it again. _Christ_."  
  
"I'm lost. You can't marry him- and we have been over that, Sean, you don't _have_ to marry every person you fall in love with- and that's why you offered to _brand_ him- as some sign of your commitment, I take it? And what is it that you can't tell your parents? That you are head over heels for a man only a couple of months after you latest divorce?"  
  
"The problematic part is the second last bit of yer last sentence."  
  
"That he's a man?"  
  
"Nn."  
  
"Do you really think this would be a problem for your parents? After the initial surprise, I mean?"  
  
"Me dad never wanted me ta be a luvvie." [Pause] "That's why I'm not sure if I'm a coward or if I'm an idiot."  
  
"You're neither, Sean. Just someone who is not inclined to follow the path in life that his parents might have imagined he'd choose." [Pause] "But are you really sure that they'd disapprove of your choice?"  
  
"I don't know. That's me problem." [Heavy sigh]  
  
"What about your mum?"  
  
"Part of me still thinks she'd rather me stay as a welder and married ta Debra." [Pause] "Sorry. Christ, that weren't fair. Not ta you nor ta her."  
  
"Don't worry about it. You know I'm very fond of your parents and they have been nothing but very kind and welcoming. I don't know if I've ever told you this, but when you took me with you to meet them, that very first time, I remember being in the kitchen with your mum, and you were outside with you dad, we could see the two of you through the window. And you were laughing together, and then you looked up at smiled at me. One of those smiles that- never mind. But when I turned back to your mum she said that she had been so worried because of the divorce, worried about both you and Debra, but that you were looking so happy at that moment, when you smiled at me, and that that was all what truly mattered and that I was always welcome."  
  
[Long pause. A soft laugh] "How do you always make me feel better, eh?"  
  
"Well, I've known you for quite some time." [Pause] "They both love you very much, you know. And they love the girls. And your mum, I can only admire with how much grace and patience she takes all these changes. She's really trying to make all of us feel as part of a family, do you realise that? She's always asking about James when she calls to talk to the girls, and about Abby. When we've been to visit them she always asks me to send her the newest pictures of Evie. I'm sure she'll be just as fantastic a grandma to her as she is to our two, she just wants to give Abby a little more time to figure out how she wants to do this. She's- you might be mourning your losses, but so is she, you know. I think she's liked all of us and it's difficult for her to see things fall apart over and over again. Right after the divorce, she couldn't get a hold of you in New Zealand and called to ask if I knew how you were doing, and she said that she had been hoping to the last moment that- well, that things would work out for you this time, that you'd finally found what you had been looking for all this time." [Pause] "I really think she's the last person on earth who'd begrudge you your happiness."  
  
[Shaky breath] "Christ, me ma's great, isn't she?" [Pause. Sounds of clinking porcelain] God, Mel, I don't know. I'm terrified this might be something fleeting. It doesn't feel fleeting, but it never does."  
  
[Softly]: "Do you realise how happy you sound when you're talking about him?"  
  
[A hoarse chuckle] "So I've been told."  
  
"How long have you been brooding over this? Over whether or not to tell your parents?"  
  
"Ever since I left New Zealand."  
  
"You'll never know how they react before you actually tell them. And maybe, in the long run, it's easier just to get this over with, don't you think? If this has been on your mind for weeks." [Pause] "And no matter what happens, we'll always back you up and be there for you, I want you to know that. The offer still stands, if you don't want to do this alone, I'll go with you."  
  
"Thank you, Mel." [Pause] "But- it'd probably be better fer me ta do it alone."  
  
"Of course. Just so that you know."  
  
[Deep breath] "How're you, Mel?" [Pause] "I spent all this time yakking me head off 'bout me problems without asking about you."  
  
"I'm fine. I've a new project coming up and the past weeks have been quite busy, but the right kind of busy." [Laugh] "Not quite as exciting as your life at the moment, I fear. But thanks for asking, really, I appreciate it."  
  
"Do you want ta tell me 'bout it?"  
  
"The project? I'm getting to be Lady Macbeth." [Chuckles] "I'm really looking forward to it."  
  
"That is fucking _amazing_!"  
  
"It is. You know how long I've wanted to do that." [Pause] "Would you think I'm crazy if I told you that I still wish you'd be Macbeth, though?" [Quietly:] "We always used to dream about that, back then, do you remember?"  
  
"Of course I remember." [Pause. Soft chuckle] "Aye, I'd love that. I always wanted ta play Macbeth. It's a great role, and so's his Lady."  
  
"Well, it's never too late for coming back to the stage." [Teasingly:] "Unless you can't escape the charms of Hollywood anymore? Have they corrupted you?"  
  
[Chuckles] "Christ, I'd love ta come back ta the stage. It'd be a good chance ta do some _real_ acting."  
  
[Laughter] "Dissatisfied with this film? Or just suddenly missing the company of a certain colleague...?"  
  
"Nah, just that acting fer film's damned irritating sometimes. Having ta do a take a billion times, and having ta wait half an hour every ten minutes so the cameras can be moved."  
  
"You're preaching to the choir here, really. I'd do theatre only if it wasn't for the money."  
  
[Chuckles] "Starving theatre actor stereotype isn't a good way ta live, no."  
  
"Not after you've hit 35, no. Too bloody exhausting."  
  
" _Yes._ " [Exhales] "I'm over forty. Let me have me comforts and hotel rooms, fer Christ's sake."  
  
[Chuckles] "I was talking about myself, actually. Don't beat yourself up about your age now also."  
  
"Oy. Don't hog all the age whining, alrigh'?"  
  
[Laughter] "It's always a pleasure to talk to you."  
  
"I'm glad ta hear it, old girl." [Definitely teasing]  
  
"And now enough of all the niceties, before I die of curiosity- tell me more about trying to _brand_ your man, you lunatic."  
  
"Well- uh- he- uh-" [Deep breath] "He said he wanted something permanent of mine. A mark. I suggested a tattoo, but he didn't want that. A brand's the first thing I thought of, and it- kind of slipped me tongue."  
  
"Sounds as if you regret that it did?"  
  
"I've probably taken it too far, too fast."  
  
"What did he say?"  
  
"He didn't say much. Started getting drunk instead."  
  
"Do you think he was angry? Or just- overwhelmed, perhaps? This is quite drastic, Sean, you realize that. Fiercely romantic but- well, kind of brutal."  
  
"I have no idea what he feels 'bout it and it disturbs me. 'Overwhelmed' might be a good word." [Pause. Sigh] "I thought I was working on getting rid of me possessive streak."  
  
"Nah, don't get rid of it, it's charming, maybe just fine-tune it a bit." [Pause] "Did he look upset when you sprung that on him?"  
  
"Uh."  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"I didn't- uhm- get ta see his face when I told him."  
  
"How-- you told him on the phone?"  
  
[Muffled] "Aye." [Pause] "Told him I would marry him almost right before too."  
  
 _"Christ_ , Sean." [Pause] "I'm starting to get this 'he-didn't-say-much-just-got-drunk' thing."  
  
[Even more muffled:] "Yeah I kind of fucked it up."  
  
"Did he say no? To the marriage proposal?"  
  
"He didn't say no." [Pause] "Just that I have really shite timing, and- uh- that he didn't realise I would want that."  
  
"Well, I agree with him, it's nice to hear something like that in person. So you don't know how he feels about this either?"  
  
"Aye. And I don't want ta rush him ta give me an answer."  
  
"Okay. So you told him you wanted to marry him. And he said that he'll think about it, or something like that? And _then_ he asked you for something permanent, like you said, and you offered to brand him?"  
  
"No- uh- I told him I want ta marry him, and he said yes. He wanted ta make a ring for me, or something like that, but I don't like rings anymore." [Nervous laugh] "He wanted something more permanent, something different than a tattoo, and I just kind of blurting out the branding thing."  
  
"So, he asked you for a ring and you proposed to go all in and brand him? But he said he'd want to marry you. That's wonderful, Sean."  
  
[Softly:] "It is." [Pause] "I'm just afraid I fucked it up."  
  
"How did you part, when you ended that call?"  
  
"We ended up drinking together. He kind of fell asleep on the phone, and I told him to hang up. Didn't say much beyond that, really."  
  
"Now, I don't know your Viggo. But he said yes when you said you'd want to marry him. And maybe you shocked him with that second proposal but I can't imagine that this would change how he feels about you. I mean, if you don't want a ring, and he doesn't want a scar, then you can surely settle on something else?"  
  
"I don't think he'd stop- but- when you find out something utterly strange 'bout a person, won't you rethink yer assumptions about them all over again?"  
  
"If it's something extreme, you might, of course. But you didn't murder his mother, you just proposed something unconventional. If you'd ever asked me that question I'd told you to fuck off and forget about it, but it wouldn't have made me leave you." [Pause] "But ask him how he feels about it? It's not the same thing as pressuring him for an answer. And you told him that he doesn't _have_ to say yes, maybe?"  
  
[Hoarse laugh] "Aye. I even told him he doesn't have to give me an answer at all."  
  
"I'm not sure if I understand why you are so worried, then."  
  
"I don't know what he thinks 'bout the whole thing. It's- Vig's always been _really_ easy to read. An open book, really, but now I have no idea what he thinks and I can't stop thinking 'bout it."  
  
"And why can't you just ask him? Because you're too afraid of what he might say?"  
  
"It's not easy ta tell someone you like that kind of thing."  
  
"No, it isn't. But you already _did_ that, didn't you? You said you told him about the cuffs?"  
  
"Branding's a whole different level."  
  
"But isn't that- I mean, the ropes and the cuffs, isn't that more difficult to talk about? Because it's so intimate? To talk to someone about your most secret desires? But this branding thing- I'd indeed see that as an expression of your possessive streak. It is a little extreme, most people go with a ring, you know, but it's a less intimate topic than the other stuff, don't you think?"  
  
"It's more intimate, Mel. It's- someone's mark, someone's hand, going deep into yer skin and muscles, all the way down ta the bone. Until- until it's permanent, and the pain brands you as- as someone else's. Forever."  
  
"And the forever is what make this so very romantic. Even if he doesn't want to do it, maybe he sees this. But what did you offer him in return?"  
  
"I can't think of anything." [Pause] "Except fer him ta do it ta me."  
  
"What thought is more exciting, the one of branding him or having him brand you?"  
  
"The first one."  
  
"Sexually? Or because it'd feed your possessive monkey? Because he'd wear a stamp that says 'belongs to Sean'?"  
  
"Possessive _monkey_?"  
  
[Teasingly:] "Why, of course! Come on, you know that yourself. You descend right from Tarzan, you want the claim on your Jane to be absolute." [Pause] "Don't tell him I just compared him with Jane, though."  
  
[Uncontrollable laughter]  
  
[Chuckles] "I can vividly imagine you beating your chest, too."  
  
"That's because I _am_! Christ, Mel." [Laughter]  
  
[Laughs] "Good to know I can still make you laugh like that."  
  
"Seriously, I don't even know how you come up with phrases like that."  
  
"Neither do I, they just tumble out of my mouth."  
  
[Chuckles] "Thank you. Seriously."  
  
"You're always welcome, Tarzan. And now quit stalling and answer my question: Does the thought of branding him turn you on? The thought of inflicting pain?"  
  
"No! No that's- that's never what I liked." [Pause] "I ain't Tarzan, oy. Frollo, maybe, if we're going all Disney."  
  
"You philistine! You realise that the Disney movie is an adaptation of an actual novel, yes?" [Chuckle] "Your little evasive strategies don't work on me, Sean, remember, I see right through you at times. So, but if you're not secretly wishing to hurt him, I really don't understand where you think the problem is. So, perhaps you scared him, but- and let me say this very clearly so that you have another chance at understanding the significance of that- he said that he would _marry you_ if the world was a better place. Perhaps you might want to begin to consider that he loves you and that you're stuck with him, weird proposals or not."  
  
"I want nothing more than ta be stuck with him. I just..." [Pause. Exhale]  
  
[Softly]: "You just have difficulties with believing that you might indeed be, that he wants you just as much?"  
  
"Mm." [Chuckles] "You know I don't have a good track record."  
  
"I know. But don't worry too much about all the what ifs, hm? You asked an important question and got the answer you were hoping for. You both seem to want this, I don't know what more one could possibly ask for."  
  
"A wedding, maybe?" [Chuckles] "The girls can be his bridesmaids."  
  
[Chuckles] "Oh, I'm sure they'd love that! Molly is actually going through another princess-phase right now. I find that a little disturbing but in case of a wedding it might come in handy."  
  
"A princess phase, eh? Tell me more 'bout it?"  
  
[Irritated huff] "I have no idea where this is coming from, I thought we'd gotten that over with. But now the only clothes she'll let me buy her are pink ones. I almost threw a tantrum at the store. She looks like a little piglet, for Christ's sake."  
  
"Modern princesses wear all colours. Very proper suits and such." [Stifling laughter]  
  
"Yeah, you tell her that! I've tried everything. And Lorna isn't helping either, she thinks it's cute and is encouraging her."  
  
"I would think Lorna's a little bit too young ta have the privilege of thinking anyone else is 'cute'." [Chuckles] "Why'd she want ta be a princess?"  
  
"I don't know, it's beyond me. I never encouraged this. And she's eight!" [Sigh] " _And_ I used up all of my motherly patience in this matter over the endless discussions with her during the last phase. It took me weeks to get her to understand that she can't grow up to be a Barbie. Policewoman- yes, fire brigades- yes, dancer-yes, doctor-yes, but not a bloody Barbie!"  
  
"According ta me ma, I wanted ta be a fire hydrant when I was little." [Pause. Coughs. Very seriously:] "Tell her she can be a Barbie if she grows up. Maybe if you stop telling her 'no', she'll be bored of it."  
  
"She can be a fire hydrant if she wants to, fine with me!"  
  
"You can put a fire hydrant in a skirt and tell her it's a hydrant princess." [Pause] "I'd even take credit fer it."  
  
[Chuckles] "That fire hydrant thing is incredibly cute. Careful or I'll fall for you all over again."  
  
"Please don't. I don't want James after me with a shotgun."  
  
[Laughter] "Now, we both know he's not that kind of guy. He'd probably take a good swing at your career though. And you're quite safe, mister, I don't want anymore of that princess-sperm of yours. I've had enough of that for a life-time."  
  
"Princess-sperm? _Mel_!"  
  
"What? Look at them closely, I bet they are all wearing little pink tutus!"  
  
"Ex _cuse_ me, it's fire hydrant-sperm, not princess sperm!" [Pause] "I can't believe I just said that."  
  
[Laughter] "You did! And all the evidence we have says it isn't- princesses, princesses, princesses!"  
  
[Laughing] "I can't even think of an argument right now."  
  
"There are none, I'm right about this!" [Laughter]  
  
"I'd say that it's such a ridiculous argument that there's no possible argument against it that'd make sense!"  
  
"Don't try to weasel your way out of this, I'm holding you accountable. As soon as you set your foot back into London, you'll be in charge of all clothes-shopping that has to be done with that child. And you'll find her a ballet-school. Because nobody wears pink at football practice and she doesn't want to go there anymore."  
  
"What? No! That's ridiculous! She can wear all the pink she wants ta football practice!"  
  
"Tell her that, maybe she'll listen to you."  
  
"I will when I call her next."  
  
[Quietly]: "Call them soon, they miss you."  
  
[Immediately serious:] "Aye, I will."  
  
"They really enjoyed that week they spent with you before you went to Berlin. How do you feel about that? Do you want to have them stay with you again when you get back?"  
  
"Do you think I'd ever say no?"  
  
[Soft chuckle] "After all the information you just got on their clothing style... it _can_ be a little bit embarrassing when you're out with them."  
  
"I think I can deal with that."  
  
[Chuckles] "Alright. Tell them when you talk to them." [Pause] "Do you feel a little calmer now?"  
  
[Exhale] "Yeah, I do." [Pause] "Ta, luv."  
  
[Soft chuckle] "You're welcome. And Sean, you know what? Get him a ring or something, too. Something he can wear until he comes to terms with the branding offer, and even afterwards. Something special."  
  
"I really should start paying you ta be me relationship counsellor." [Laughing]  
  
"Nah, it's fun talking to you. And I got to vent my frustration about someone's fondness for pink clothes, I don't get to do that every day." [Laughs]  
  
"Does James like Molly being a princess?"  
  
"No. But the thought doesn't make his heart bleed either. He just smiles at me and tells me the storm will blow over soon enough."  
  
"Does that make you want ta punch him?"  
  
"He's a clever man, he usually combines this with a hug and the assurance that I have smart kids and that they will grow up to be fine women one day, even if it sometimes appears as if they won't." [Chuckles] "It's comforting, but to be honest, I prefer to rage over it, now and then."  
  
[Teasingly:] "I've heard that it's not healthy ta never get frustrated at yer kids."  
  
[Laughs] "I can assure you it isn't! Some days I think I'll have a coronary if this craziness continues." [Quietly:] "But then, when you go in there in the morning to wake them, and they smile at you, those cute drowsy smiles, then- well, all of sudden princess phases don't seem to be so very important anymore."  
  
[Long pause] "Sometimes I think going ta Hollywood just ain't worth it."  
  
"That depends on what you what from life, Sean. And you know where I stand on this, I'd much rather be with them than filming with A-listers." [Pause] "Just try to make decisions that you are happy with, okay?"  
  
"Mm. I'll try me best. That's all I can do, aye?"  
  
"That's all we all can ever do. And it appears as if you are, with Viggo."  
  
"That I'm happy? Or that I'm trying me best?"  
  
"That you made some decisions that made you happy."  
  
"Aye, I did." [Pause] "James makes you happy, Mel? You always sound so soft when you speak 'bout him."  
  
"He does. He really does."  
  
"I'm glad." [Pause] "He's a good man."  
  
"We're good together. And he possesses all the serenity and patience and ability to plan that I'm lacking at times."  
  
"Balance, right?" [Chuckles] "And people say opposites attract don't work."  
  
"Well, neither of us has ever been overly concerned with what people say, but this certainly is a pleasant side-effect it. I'm happy with how things are at the moment." [Pause. Dryly:] "I hope he's right about the princess phase passing, though. I'd hate having to give her up for adoption, after all these years. I've become quite attached to her."  
  
"Oy, no giving up of our kid up without consulting me, alright?" [Soft chuckle] "By the way, did I ever tell you Viggo has a son?"  
  
"That I can promise." [Chuckles] "No, I don't think you did. How old is he?"  
  
"A year younger than Lorna." [Pause] "D'you- d'you think it'd ever be a good idea fer the girls ta meet him?"  
  
"Of course, why wouldn't I? What's his name?"  
  
"Great." [Exhale] "His name is Henry, and he's a good kid."  
  
"When did you meet him?"  
  
"He came over ta visit his dad a couple of months before I left."  
  
"And how was that?"  
  
"I didn't get ta speak ta him much. We just somehow kept missing each other." [Sheepish laugh] "But Vig told him 'bout us, and he's alright with it."  
  
"That's great." [Pause] "Did you think more about if you want to tell the girls?"  
  
"Well, if the girls are ta meet Henry, I'd have ta tell 'em." [Pause] "Do you think Molly will understand? She's so little."  
  
"But what's not to understand? It's going to be less difficult than with Abby. Viggo is not going to be a threat to life as she knows it, and Abby was. And we managed even that."  
  
"... You really think that?" [Pause] "I'd have thought it'd be an even bigger surprise, what with Vig being a man and all."  
  
"Well, you might have to explain to them that you can fall in love with a woman first and afterwards with a man, that's news to them, I think. But other than that- no, I really think it'll be much easier. With Abby-" [Pause] "The whole situation was different. You were gone, all I ever did was cry and then you wanted them to meet her- how were they supposed to understand that, really?" [Pause] "You know, when Abby and you separated- I think it actually got easier for Molly then. Because she really couldn't understand that you didn't want to be with us anymore but with her and the baby. And you'll hardly have a baby with Viggo now, will you? Just tell them, I'll think you'll be fine."  
  
[Teasingly:] "I don't know. I might want a baby with Viggo one day." [Pause. Seriously:] "Aye, I know how much I screwed up with telling Lorna and Molly 'bout Abby. Everything just happened way too fast and I rushed into it, but I can't say I regret it because it's given me Evie, and I don't regret her." [Pause] "Still. I'm sorry."  
  
[Dryly:] "At least this time you know how not to do it."  
  
"Aye, I know that." [Pause. Inhale] "Thanks, Mel. Really."  
  
[Sighs] "You know, sometimes you can sound so- I don't know, detached about all of it-- and it still-- somehow this still hurts. After all that time."  
  
[Long pause] "It still hurts me too."  
  
[Pause. Softly:] "Thanks, Sean." [Pause] "I can imagine that it must. You didn't- you didn't get to see them grow up."  
  
"There are pieces of their lives that I can only see in pictures." [Inhale] "Christ."  
  
"I know." [Quietly:] "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to open old wounds again."  
  
"Well." [Rough chuckle] "I did it first."  
  
"Don't worry, with our history that's just going to happen now and then." [Pause] "James and I- we're planning to take the girls for a short trip during the midterm break in February. It's still some months until then, I know, but perhaps- if you're not filming at the other side of the globe then, perhaps you'd want to join us for a couple of days?"  
  
"I'd- I'd love that." [Pause] "Where are you all planning on going?"  
  
"We're not sure yet. Spain, maybe. Or Portugal. Somewhere where it's a little warmer than here in winter." [Pause] "Think about it. It would be great if you could come. Really, I mean that."  
  
"I'll try me best with the scheduling." [Pause] "I'd love ta come. You know that, aye?"  
  
"I was hoping you'd say that. But don't tell the girls, okay, not before you're really sure that you'll make it."  
  
"I won't. It'd be cruel ta give 'em false hope, I know that."  
  
"I just don't want them to be disappointed. When will you be back, by the way?"  
  
"Filming will last 'round four months or so. I'll be back after that then."  
  
"Then you might just back in time for those holidays, with a little luck, hm?" [Pause] "I didn't realise this would take so long. Won't you be back in London at all in between?"  
  
"A couple of days, for Christmas. But other than that, I won't." [Pause] "I do have a break in between, but..."  
  
"You want to see Viggo?"  
  
"I promised I'd be with him in New Zealand when he's finished filming." [Pause. Sigh] "Help him pack away the ranger, and all that."  
  
"And I think you should do that, absolutely. I just- wish you'd be around more often, for the girl's sake." [Pause] "Maybe you can manage in February."  
  
"I wish I'd be home more often too." [Pause] "Fucking hell. The world's too damned big sometimes."  
  
"[Softly:] "Just call them when you get a chance, alright?"  
  
"Aye. You know I will." [Pause] "Do I get ta wake 'em up?"  
  
"Now, you mean?"  
  
"Aye." [Pause] "Or 'round this time."  
  
"Preferably not on a school night, only if you feel you can't wait another second. Even if they aren't princesses, they need their sleep. But on weekends, just call, sure, I'll wake them for you."  
  
"Alright." [Pause] "I keep having ta thank you tonight, don't I?"  
  
"I'm just trying to help you to make ends meet. Let's talk again soon, hm?"  
  
"Aye, we should."  
  
"Okay. And call any time you need someone to talk to, too, yeah?"  
  
"I appreciate that." [Pause] "You can do that too, you know."  
  
"Thank you. I'll keep that in mind in case the little pink princess of terror becomes unbearable." [Pause] "Sean- I'm glad that- um- that we're able to talk like this again. It's good talking to you and- well, I've missed this."  
  
"Yer not the only one." [Exhale] "I'm glad we're friends, Mel."  
  
So am I. I really am." [Pause] "That's a lovely note to end this call on, don't you think?"  
  
[Chuckles] "Have a good night, Mel."  
  
"You, too. I'll give the girls a kiss from you. And greetings to Viggo, I'm looking forward to meeting him whenever there's an opportunity."  
  
  
  



	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viggo talks to Exene about Sean through many, many derailments of the topic. Still dialogue-only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

 

**New Zealand, 01-10-2000, 11:08 pm**

  
 [Dial tone]  
  
"Yes?" [Clatter] "Damn- hang on a second." [Rustling] "Hej?"  
  
"What on earth are you doing?"  
  
[Flatly:] "I'm seriously thinking about getting a cordless phone." [Pause] "What time is it?"  
  
"I'm several timezones away from you. Why are you asking me?"  
  
"Because I was going to do a hundred times before going to bed and- never mind." [Deep breath] "How are you, Exene?"  
  
"Do a hundred times?" [Pause] "I'm good. Just really confused right at this moment. No big."  
  
"Things- I was going to do a hundred _things_ before going to bed. Damn." [Sigh] "We could pretend that you dialed the wrong number and that we don't know each other, if you want? Might make for a much better evening on your side."  
  
"Why don't you tell me what's bothering you to the point that you're stumbling over your own words?"  
  
[Pause] "I'm just stuck with a couple of thoughts that I can't get out of my head."  
  
[Encouraging sound]  
  
[Soft chuckle] "It's not even that long since we last spoke and I already managed to get completely ensnared in weird stuff again. I don't even know where to start." [Exhale] "Maybe to get that out of the way: I bought Uraeus."  
  
"Please tell me that's an animal, not a person."  
  
[Laughter] "Yes! No worries, I haven't secretly started dealing in slaves while I was away. I've heard it's nowadays frowned upon in most countries. It's the horse I told you about, remember? I couldn't stand the thought of parting with him."  
  
"... I'm guessing this is not the list of your 'weird things', because it doesn't sound weird at all to me."  
  
"It isn't, it's just something that also happened during the last days. Something good." [Pause] "I think I got engaged, sort of."  
  
"Sort of?" [Pause] "Is it like a half-engagement? 'I'm down on my knees but I don't have a ring yet but marry me anyway?'"  
  
"More like 'Nobody will let us do this, but you realize that I'd want to marry you?'." [Pause] "Over the phone."  
  
"Was he on his knees? Did he tell you he was on his knees?"  
  
"I don't know. I was too surprised to ask, frankly. I ended up on my ass on the floor, if that's of any interest, because I had to sit down."  
  
[Laughter] "Christ, Vig, this can only happen to you."  
  
[In mock indignance]: "It wasn't even my fault! You make it sound as if I tricked him into asking me or something!"  
  
"I'm thinking more of 'only you can fall for a man who tells you he would marry you over the phone'. And _he would_ at that, instead of a more normal and polite ' _will you_ marry me'."  
  
"And who ends up _accidentally_ telling me. I think he really didn't plan on doing that."  
  
"I feel like I should make some popcorn."  
  
[Laughter] "Do I detect a trace of malicious joy, maybe, hm? Admit it!"  
  
"Actually it's more of intense amusement. Seriously, Viggo." [Stifling laughter]  
  
"Well, off you go then, better make a bucket full, because that's far from all of it."  
  
[Shifting. Footsteps] "I'm actually going to do this. So tell me more?"  
  
[Sighs] "It's a mess. My head's a mess. But then, you're one of the leading experts in this area, aren't you? Just try not to laugh too hard, okay, because some of this is actually troubling me. That marriage proposal made me ridiculously happy."  
  
"I'm listening." [Pause] "Actually, wait, before you begin, because I know I'll forget- I'm planning for a getaway with Henry some time after New Year's, in January or February. You should be done with filming then, right?"  
  
"Yes. Where do you want to go?"  
  
"That's for you to figure out. I'm leaving out North Europe, just saying."  
  
[Teasingly:] "Only because people don't understand your version of Danish. But I'd love to spend time with Henry and you, after all of this. I can talk to him and hear what he wants? Or do you want to ask him?"  
  
"You can talk to him. I think I annoyed him by saying I don't want to make a decision."  
  
"About the place? Or because you ruled out Denmark to begin with? You know he loves visiting Mads and Mette and the kids."  
  
"I told him I don't want to go to North Europe because it's going to be cold in winter, but he gets free rein with whatever he wants. Then he started arguing for Denmark just to be contrary."  
  
[Chuckle] "I'm sure we can find a solution. I'll talk to him. Maybe we can finally go to Spain, how would you feel about that? I've been wanting to show you the south for such a long time."  
  
"Spain, huh? It'd be a good idea." [Pause] "And oh look, you even speak the language."  
  
"That would be a brilliant argument for Denmark, too, then." [Chuckles] "But I'd love to go to Spain, it's been a while. And it would be good for Henry's Spanish."  
  
"Alright." [Pause] "Now that we're done with the pleasant, sane interlude, let's get back to your story." [DING!]  
  
[Dryly:] "You might want to sit down, then."  
  
[Muffled:] "I am. I even have popcorn."  
  
"I was- I don't really know what happened- but- one minute I am talking about taking pictures of- about capturing his presence in my life, on my body- I have been experimenting with that and I thought about- I don't know scratch marks, love bites, something like that -- and he- " [Sighs] "He offered to _brand_ me."  
  
[Long pause]  
  
"Are you still there?"  
  
"Yeah." [Pause] "Most people get rings. A tattoo."  
  
"He proposed that first."  
  
"And... then what happened?"  
  
"I'm not quite sure. I didn't know what to say and then he got insecure- and we ended up drunk. Or I did, anyway."  
  
"This might be a dumb question, but why on Earth did you get drunk?!"  
  
[Pause] "Because I needed a bit of rest from my thoughts."  
  
"Run the engine on me on the count of three." [Pause] "That's me telling you to ramble. Three, go."  
  
"I don't know." [Long pause] "He pushes my boundaries, and I like that about him, a lot- but- I think I'm afraid of losing myself over this, of doing things that-" [Pause] "There are things about him, things he says, things he wants that I- don't understand and it just- scares the shit out of me." [Pause] "He's come to mean so much to me--"  
  
"... But?"  
  
[Quietly:] "I don't want to lose him, I've only just found him."  
  
"Wait, hold up. Explain to me why you think you'll lose him?"  
  
"Because- I don't think I can give him these things. I'm- maybe that's just not who I am."  
  
"Then tell him it's not something you want to do." [Quiet snort] "Come on now, Viggo. He _proposed_ to you!"  
  
"He did. And I love him. But I- I don't want to be tied up, in bed-" [Hoarsely:] "I really don't."  
  
"Okay, that's a little bit TMI." [Pause] "Then you tell him that you don't want to. I imagine this is a new development, right, and the two of you got along without it perfectly well so far?"  
  
"Yes." [Pause] "It's not- I don't feel forced to do this or anything but-" [Deep breath] "He seems to like this- to _really_ like this."  
  
"... I've never thought that a guy like him would be a kinky bastard."  
  
[Sigh]  
  
"Sorry." [Pause] "Uh. Does it only like tying you up, or did he mention something about the opposite as well?"  
  
"Both. And actually I think he likes being tied up more."  
  
"I can't believe I'm asking this, but do you want to try that?"  
  
"No. I can't- when he was here, he bought some cuffs and showed them to me- leather cuffs- and I've been staring at them for two weeks now and can't- no, no. I don't."  
  
[Pause. Long whistle] "Christ, he _has_ experience in this. Have you told him that it really isn't your thing?"  
  
"No. He'd- he'd gone to a store and picked them out- for us-- I couldn't. I asked him to leave them here and said I'd think about it. And I tried, I took some pictures- not with the leather ones, there was a silk scarf as well. And I went through eight or nine films and only got a handful I could stand to look at in the end."  
  
"... You should really tell him and stop forcing yourself."  
  
"And then what? He'll feel rejected." [Long pause] "And I kind of already told him about the pictures."  
  
"Look, Vig." [Heavy sigh] "I've dabbled in this before, you know, and you know the most important part of the whole thing, right? He told you?"  
  
"You- what? You've never told me about this! And what are you talking about? What part?"  
  
" _Jesus_. Okay. One, I think having sex on stage is kinky enough to not have to go into cuffs and such. Two, I was in the punk scene in the eighties, Vig, there's no kink I haven't tried or heard of before. Three, safe, sane, _consensual_. Tell me he told you about that, at least."  
  
"Don't make him sound like a selfish bastard. He didn't force me to do anything!"  
  
"No, it's you who is a stupid bastard and who is forcing himself to do kinky things you're not suited for." [Pause] "And he's a stupid bastard for not telling you the rules. If you two were a soap opera I'd be throwing popcorn at the television."  
  
"What rules?"  
  
"Look, if it doesn't turn you on, then it's not your thing, don't do it. That's the most basic rule."  
  
[Long pause] "It turns me on to see him turned on like this." [Pause] "And- to know that _I_ did this, that I can make him sound like this and move like this."  
  
"You don't need cuffs to do that, right?"  
  
" _I_ don't, no." [Pause. Very quietly:] "But what if he does?"  
  
[Dryly:] "I didn't realise you never managed to turn him on until now."  
  
"I thought I did-" [Pause] "But when he showed me the cuffs he said- something about 'spicing things up'."  
  
"Did he say why he wants to?"  
  
"Why he wants what?"  
  
"To spice things up."  
  
"No. Or yes, he-- what he said was that he didn't want me to get bored." [Pause] "But I never was. We used to have great sex."  
  
"... I might just be taking a wild stab in the dark here, but I think he's afraid you might get bored." [Pause, soft laugh] "You're the one with the bohemian reputation, you know? Just tell him that you're not good with that, Viggo, and you'll be fine."  
  
"And then one day I wake up and he's the one bored."  
  
"Cross that bridge when you get there."  
  
[Chuckle] "Since when are you the patient one of us, hm?" [Pause] "You don't think that this could be something I enjoy?"  
  
"Nah. It's more of that if you keep trying to force yourself to like it, you're going to get resentful of Sean sooner or later. And you won't like it." [Pause. Popcorn crunching] "I don't."  
  
"Why not? And with whom did you try this?" [Soft laugh] "Wish I could steal some of your popcorn now."  
  
"Sorry, I can't transfer popcorn via a phone line." [Chuckles] "It was with John, before you. It was the early eighties and we came up with the idea while high." [Pause] "We actually tried it while we _weren't_ high, though."  
  
"And?"  
  
[Chewing sounds] "Honestly, we both kept laughing and it utterly ruined the mood. It just seemed ridiculous, really, to use equipment and such things. John said that if he wants to pin me down he can just use his hands."  
  
[Dryly:] "Maybe i I should call him then, see if he wants to get together. My approach exactly."  
  
[Even more dryly:] "Hey, you're the one who said no to a threesome."  
  
"I didn't know we would do such exciting things as tying each other up! You should have told me, I might have reconsidered." [Laughs]  
  
"Or it might've sent you running far, far away?"  
  
"Well, you didn't manage to convince me that I'd be the one with the bigger penis so I thought it safer to pass on that offer."  
  
[Clatter. Roaring laughter]  
  
"Careful with the popcorn, dear!" [Chuckles]  
  
[Gasping with laughter:] "Popcorn's safe. The phone wasn't, though." [Coughs] "Christ, Vig. Did you get into penis-measuring contests with Sean, by the way?"  
  
"Doesn't need that much measuring if you have one of your own. It's pretty clear who wins as soon as you get naked together for the first time."  
  
"I'm waiting for you to tell me the results."  
  
[Laughter] "Of course you are!"  
  
[Grumpily:] "Fucking tease."  
  
"He wins."  
  
[Pause. Shuffling. Long wolf-whistle]  
  
[Laughter]  
  
"So now that we have been sufficiently derailed..." [Chuckling] "How are you planning to solve that dilemma of yours?"  
  
"Wish I knew that. It would be easier if he was here with me."  
  
"You don't have to solve it right now."  
  
"No. But I don't want him to get excited about something that won't happen either."  
  
"Tell you what. You're always better with words when you write them down and ponder over them. Try doing that?"  
  
"Yeah." [Pause] "When John held you down, did you like that?"  
  
"Yeah." [Chuckles] "Sure, I could have kneed him in the ribs and he'd have had to let go. But it's nice to pretend for a while."  
  
"What's uncomfortable about the thought of being tied up, for you?"  
  
"It's not that it's uncomfortable, exactly. It's just that I can't stop feeling ridiculous about it." [Giggles] "Imagine the picture I made, with my hands tied upwards and armpit hair on display."  
  
[Chuckles] "That's a little mean now, to paint such a picture. You know I'm a huge fan of these hairs."  
  
"Now be careful about saying that. I have an idea that this Sean of yours is pretty possessive."  
  
"No, really, why would you say that?" [Laughs] "If you don't send him a postcard and tell him I want to bury my face in your armpit, we should be fine, though." [Pause] "Don't even think about doing that."  
  
"No, I don't think your relationship needs added fire from this end."  
  
"I'm not sure. Maybe spicing things up a little..."  
  
"Let me put it another way. I'm not willing to risk my life and sanity to spice up your sex life." [Chuckles]  
  
"That's a pity." [Laughs] "So you tied each other up, had a laughing fit and that was that?"  
  
"Basically." [Pause] "Well, I broke out some of the other toys with him, but you know that bit because I showed you too."  
  
"Yeah, and maybe that's why I fell for a man now, after more than a decade of abstinence." [Chuckle] "What's with that 'basically'? What is it you're not telling me? And, more importantly, _why_? Now seems hardly the time to start hiding things from each other."  
  
[Laughter] "If I turned you to men, I expect a thank-you gift, alright? Since you're happy with Sean and all." [Pause] "There's nothing else, really. I promise."  
  
"I'd buy you a horse but I have been told that there are people who wouldn't appreciate the thought." [Pause] "I'm not convinced, Exene, it's the penis discussion all over again. You're hiding something. But if it's too terrible to tell me, by all means, let it rest."  
  
"You're getting paranoid in your old age."  
  
[Chuckle] "You're just adding to my suspicions now."  
  
"Shush, you."  
  
"Alright, alright. And I really am, happy, I mean, with Sean."  
  
"I'm glad." [Chuckles] "I'm pretty sure you two will still be happy even after you tell him you're not into the same thing as he is."  
  
"It's not even that I'm worried about how he'll react, I think I know. He'll say it's fine, he's said that all along, that we don't have to do this if I don't want to." [Pause] "But I want to, _and_ at the same time I don't. And that's the problem."  
  
"... I'm confused."  
  
"The fact that he wants this makes me want to do this."  
  
"... Uh, Viggo? Newsflash: you don't have to like everything someone you love likes."  
  
"Damn, you should have told me that before you made me listen to punk music."  
  
"I'm so incredibly insulted right now." [Laughing]  
  
"I loved your music because I loved you. Would you rather have had it the other way around?"  
  
"I don't want you to love anything because you love me, Vig. That's not how it works."  
  
"It did. Your CDs are still all over my place. Maybe you had to nudge me into that direction but I ended up liking them. And maybe that's the same with Sean's bonds."  
  
"Do you actually enjoy them or do you tolerate them? Talking about CDs here."  
  
"I like them. I really do. I wouldn't play them while I'm having breakfast, but I have a whole stack of them in my car."  
  
"Oh...kay. But did they make you viscerally uncomfortable the first time I made you listen to them?"  
  
"Um-- they didn't exactly made me want to listen to them again. Ever."  
  
"You told me you liked it from the first listening!" [Laughter]  
  
[Pause] "Tell me I didn't."  
  
"You completely, absolutely did. I thought it was brilliant and absolutely romantic and therefore I went on a second date with you."  
  
"Yes, you are right. Damn." [Chuckle. Softly:] "Because I liked the way your eyes changed when you turned on the recorder, and your smile and the way you tapped the beat on my thigh. Thought it would made me sound like a creep, though."  
  
"So... you like how turned on Sean gets when he's talking about the kinky stuff?"  
  
"Yeah. His voice changes and he- the other day, we- that might be another popcorn part of the story, actually- in between his proposals to marry and brand me, we somehow managed to have phone sex- that's where the pictures come in, also- and he- he used images that didn't really do much for me- but his voice always does, in those moments. If he'd get turned on by reading the phone directory to me, I'd be fine with that, too, I suppose."  
  
[Popcorn crunching:] "I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to answer it honestly for me."  
  
"I'll try my very best."  
  
"Do you feel like you're forcing yourself to like what he like? Is that why you're uncomfortable?" [Pause] "Okay, that's two questions, but answer them honestly anyway."  
  
"No. I don't think so. What puts me off are my own associations, I can't seem to separate the cuffs from violence in my thoughts, from being forced to do something that I don't want to do. I just can't imagine that I could possible enjoy being tied up, not even if it's with Sean."  
  
"... You're consenting to being forced to do something you don't want to admit you want to do. Does that make sense?"  
  
"With regard to Sean, yes."  
  
"No, I mean- you _are_ being forced to do something you don't want to, but that's the whole thrill of it. Someone taking control from you."  
  
[Pause] "That's where the problem is, I think. I don't like that."  
  
"Flip the scenario around. Do you think you'd be fine with forcing Sean to do something he doesn't want to, even though he tells you beforehand and you know it's exactly what he wants?"  
  
[Hoarsely]: "Yeah. I think I might- if- it turns him on."  
  
"Tell him you'd prefer to tie him up, wait for a chance to do that, and see how it goes."  
  
"See, that's why I'm talking to you about this. Because you make this sound as easy as making pancakes."  
  
"That's because you have a habit of overthinking things and chasing your thoughts into circles until you're all trapped in the strings."  
  
"I know." [Soft laugh] "But I can't seem to help it." [Pause] "Do you think tying him up without being interested in the actual tying up part would be a stupid idea, though?"  
  
"... You don't make sense right now."  
  
"I would be turned on despite having tied him up and not because of it."  
  
"Give up on the tying up bit, then. Come on, Vig. You're an artist. Be creative. How else can you pretend to force someone to obey you?" [Pause] "Pinning down using hands is not a good answer because _I_ said that."  
  
"Pinning him down using my whole body then? Telling him he won't get what he wants unless I say so?" [Pause] "Paint the bonds onto him?"  
  
"The second _is_ very creative."  
  
"But it's not- doesn't it have to be physical?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
[Pause] "No?"  
  
"You really don't have to."  
  
"I thought- I thought the point is that you can't do something you want to do, because something is keeping you from it, physically?"  
  
"Not... really. Look, I don't know this really well and you should research it - because I don't think _Sean_ knows this that well either - but I've heard of people being able to restrain someone with just their voice."  
  
[Breath catching]  
  
"Did I just hit one of your buttons?"  
  
[Chuckle] "Apparently." [Pause] "You remember that- after Henry was born, you'd sometimes wake me, early, and we'd make out and sometimes- Henry would start to cry next door, and you'd slip out of bed and never return and then keep withdrawing all day, with that little mischievous smile of yours. You'd let me kiss you, maybe, for a moment, just to rekindle the fire and then you'd come up with some silly errand and send me away again." [Soft chuckle] "Until I was crazy with want."  
  
[Crunching popcorn. Amused:] "Mmhmm."  
  
"This always led to spectacular sex. Once you let me pounce on you." [Chuckle]  
  
"See, you have a handle on this already."  
  
"But how am I going to explain that to him? What am I supposed to tell him: 'Grope me until I'm hard, then desert me in bed and don't allow me to have sex with you for the rest of the day. In the meantime, a couple of smoldering glances and a well-measured amount of dirty-talk would be very much appreciated, maybe even light touches, but once you're done teasing me I need to get my hands all over you, no need for bringing out cuffs or other kinky stuff, thank you very much, I'll be excited as fuck as it is'?"  
  
"Sure, why not."  
  
"Indeed, why not. Might be a start." [Rustling. Sound of a lighter. Deep inhale] "You know-" [Exhale] "I think what unsettles me about this is it involves a renegotiation of boundaries after I'd just started to feel secure with him. I need to get over that thought that if I say yes to something now it doesn't mean that I don't get to change my mind later and we can deal with that together, Sean and I."  
  
"It's starting to sound unhealthy, how insecure you are with him."  
  
[Long silence] "What are you saying?"  
  
"I'm saying that if you're this terrified about telling him something just in case he dislikes you for it, I don't think the problem is with the cuffs."  
  
[Pause] "I want this to last so badly."  
  
"Can I tell you a secret?"  
  
"Always."  
  
[Dramatic whisper:] "Every time you agreed with me on something or did what I wanted you to do, I found it boring." [Popcorn crunching] "There."  
  
[Surprised chuckle] "What?"  
  
"It's fine to argue because you can find a compromise, you know." [More popcorn crunching] "Who wants a doormat?"  
  
[Huff] "I'm not a doormat. You of all people should know that. Would you have wanted me to throw a flower pot at you _every_ time we disagreed on something instead of every third of fourth?"  
  
"Yeah, see? We argued, we disagreed, we fought, and we were just fine." [Pause] "Granted, it's not the most reassuring that we end up divorcing, but I remember that the makeup sex was awesome."  
  
[Laughter] "It was. Part of the problem, probably. And not just the make-up sex." [Chuckles] "The thing is- Sean and I, we just haven't fought yet. Not really. All we ever do is misunderstand each other."  
  
"Use small words and speak slowly?"  
  
"Hey! Don't make it sound as if he's stupid."  
  
"Okay. Tell him to use small words and speak slowly." [More popcorn crunching]  
  
"I'm one second away from throwing the phone at you. Sadly, it won't fly that far."  
  
[Laughter] "Okay, okay. But seriously, I think it's probably that both of you are old and used to your ways. Is he any good at talking?"  
  
"Let me put it diplomatically: We are getting better at that."  
  
"So he's shit at talking and you talk too much and solve problems by talking." [Pause] "No wonder you two have problems."  
  
"We don't have _problems_ , there are just some things that... We don't have problems!"  
  
"Don't make me go Alcoholic Anonymous on you."  
  
"Maybe it's not an ideal constellation with regard to how we communicate but we're both trying and I think we've come a long way already."  
  
"Okay. How do you think he'll react if you tell him you _really_ don't like the idea of being tied up?"  
  
"Depends on _how_ I tell him, but I don't think it'll be that much of a deal. Maybe he'll be disappointed but he has been very sweet about this all along and said that it's fine if I don't want to do this."  
  
"... I don't understand why you're worried." [Pause] "I have this feeling I'm just here for you to pour your overwrought emotions at before you gain sense again. Kind of like the Wilhelm to your Werther." [Popcorn crunching] "I'm almost tempted to make you buy me new popcorn."  
  
"I'll buy you a carton full as soon as I get back, hm? And I appreciate that you're listening to all of this, Exene, you know I do, don't you?"  
  
"Stop it, you sappy idiot. Of course I know. You're not _rude_."  
  
"Keep this up, and you're down to half a carton!"  
  
"Shutting up."  
  
[Laughter] "Is there anything going on in your life that I could offer my humble advice on in return for your troubles?"  
  
"Not really." [Pause] "I'm not in a relationship, so that cuts down on a lot of personal drama."  
  
"But you're still living with our son. Is he behaving himself?"  
  
"If Henry is misbehaving it's more of "I'm going to listen to classical music instead of rock, see how _you_ like that, mom!", so no it's all good."  
  
[Chuckles] "He keeps amazing me. I'm so curious about what will become of him when he grows up."  
  
"Sometimes I don't really want him to."  
  
"Grow up? No, me neither. But then I never wanted him to reach school age either."  
  
"So he can tag along with you on movie sets and be a better director than your actual director?"  
  
"Or my co-star. I'm sure he showed you the pictures two million times already? In this orc costume?"  
  
"He won't stop talking about it." [Pause] "And he's happy about you and Sean, by the way. Though somehow he thought I didn't know about it."  
  
"Really? What did he say?"  
  
"He was really serious one day and told me he had to talk to me, and he told me in this extremely sweet and kind voice that his Dad found someone else and he's very happy with him." [Chuckles] "It took all of my damned self-control to not burst out laughing because it was too adorable."  
  
[Soft chuckle] " _Christ_. What did we do to that child? And he turned out so damn brilliant anyway."  
  
"I don't know. I don't think it's repeatable."  
  
"Don't proposition me!"  
  
"I wasn't! Get your mind out of the gutter!" [Laughing]  
  
"Wonder how a second one would have turned out, a girl."  
  
"I'm all for this experiment if you go through pregnancy and childbirth. I think we should take turns."  
  
[Dryly:] "I'll get back to you as soon as I have news on the whereabouts of my uterus."  
  
"You can check Sean's car, just in case you left it there."  
  
[Laughter] "Hm, along with my panties."  
  
"... Is that metaphorical panties or literal panties?"  
  
"Exene!" [Laughter] "Talking about kinky shit, hm? Tell me what he said about Sean."  
  
"Mostly that he'd like to meet him and-" [in a very serious voice:] "judge if he's good enough for dad, because dad is a little bit silly sometimes."  
  
"He didn't really say that? You're screwing with my head?"  
  
"I'm not screwing with your head. He really said that."  
  
[Pause] "Damn."  
  
"Elaborate."  
  
"Damn, as in: I-don'-want-my-kid-to-think-I'm-silly-damn."  
  
[Drawling:] "Too late."  
  
"You realize that we absolutely have to have a second one, then, right?"  
  
"Find your uterus first."  
  
[Huffs] "I'll start looking."  
  
"If you find it, you can go try for a baby with Sean. Just a thought." [Popcorn crunching]  
  
"Ngh. Don't put ideas in my head."  
  
"... If you want new kids, adopt his or something."  
  
"I'm sure their mothers will be besides themselves with joy."  
  
"Well, you're not going to usurp their positions as mom, are you?" [Pause] "Or are you going for a sex change soon?"  
  
"Okay, we have officially reached the end of this call."  
  
[Laughter]  
  
[Chuckles] "But maybe I should really sit down with my notebook now and write down what I want to tell Sean. Or simply go to bed and figure it out tomorrow, it's past midnight here."  
  
"Goodnight, you." [Still laughing] "You owe me cartons of popcorn, by the way. Just so you remember."  
  
"I owe you so much more, you know that. Call me anytime you want to talk about yourself, okay? But tell me at the beginning of the call."  
  
"So... like always? 'Shut up Viggo I need to talk to you and you just sit there and listen for the next ten minutes, and then you can be empathetic'?"  
  
"It makes me sound weird if you put it like that but you know that's how it works best." [Chuckles] "Talk to you soon, okay?" [Pause] "I miss you. And don't reply to that and ruin the moment, I'll hang up now. Hej."  
  
[Extra loud popcorn crunching]  
  
 _tbc..._


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Viggo negotiate tying each other up. Still dialogue-only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

  
  


**New Zealand, 02-10-2000, 09:14 pm**

  
"Sean here. Leave a message and I'll get back ta you."  
  
"Hej! I was hoping I'd get a hold of you, but I fear I might be wearing out your mailbox. Maybe- can we make some time for talking- properly- some evening this week? There are some things I'd like to talk to you about. But in private, when neither of us is stressed or surrounded by other people." [Pause. Chuckle] "Sorry, that sounds dramatic. It's not though. I just- I spoke to Exene and she untwisted some of my thoughts and I'd like to talk to you about this. And I miss you. But I hope you know that." [Sigh] "Okay. Call me, hm? Hej."  
  
  


**Los Angeles, 02-10-2000, 4:13 pm**

  
"Hej, this is Viggo. I can't answer right now but you are welcome to leave a message."  
  
"Shite, did I miss you?" [Pause] "Call me at any time in the evening, alright? We're doing day shoots right now, so I'm free." [Another pause] "I miss you. Hear from you soon, luv."  
  
  


**New Zealand, 03-10-2000, 12:18 am**

  
[Dial tone]  
  
"Hey, Vig?"  
  
"Hej!" [Soft chuckle] "Finally! I thought I was condemned to talk to your mailbox until the end of my days."  
  
"Sometimes it's like writing letters." [Chuckles] "What's up? You sounded pretty ominous."  
  
"Sorry, I know. I managed to make it sound as if it's something terribly dramatic. It's not. It's just- after we spoke last, I've been thinking a lot, about that call, about us, and I'd like to tell you about that, if you want."  
  
"Let me make some tea, luv."  
  
"Sure. How's filming going?"  
  
"Pretty good. It's fun to be the bad guy."  
  
"It usually is, isn't it?"  
  
"Aye. It won't earn me any Oscars, but who cares 'bout those?" [Sounds of clinking porcelain]  
  
"I certainly don't. You know I'm happiest if I can just work and don't have to show up at events and press conferences and ceremonies... I think it really should be about the working process. If you didn't enjoy making the film, a price won't make you any happier, I suppose."  
  
[Chuckles] "Exactly." [Pause. Sounds of tea being sipped] "Now what is it you needed ta talk ta me 'bout?"  
  
[Deep breath] "The handcuffs."  
  
[Cautiously:] "What 'bout 'em?"  
  
"I don't think it's my thing." [Pause. Hesitantly]: "How disappointed would you be if they stayed in that bag?"  
  
"A little bit." [Pause] "I thought you like 'em."  
  
"Because of the pictures?"  
  
"Aye." [Pause] "Tell me what's going on in yer head, Vig."  
  
[Weary chuckle] "I can try, but you have work to do tomorrow!"  
  
"I won't be able ta sleep if you don't tell me."  
  
[Pause. Softly]: "I wish I were there with you now. I'd rather talk about this in person." [Pause] "But I think it can't wait that long."  
  
"I don't think it can either."  
  
"I'm sorry, if the pictures-" [Deep breath] "I thought I might stumble onto something I'd want to try with you.  
  
"... _Ah_. Nah, it really _is_ alright, Vig."  
  
[Soft chuckle] "I told Exene you'd say that. And I'm sure it is. But I still wish you could share this with me."  
  
"If it ain't yer thing, it really ain't. Don't force yerself, alright?"  
  
"I won't. And I haven't. Taking those pictures was fun." [Pause] "And even more so was describing them to you."  
  
"What's fun 'bout the describing bit, luv? Can you tell me?"  
  
"Your reaction. To know that it turns you on. To _hear_ that." [Quietly:] "Thinking about that has made me hard a couple of times since then."  
  
"You don't have ta tie yerself up and take pictures ta turn me on, Vig." [Soft chuckle] "Just having yer voice here, talking like that ta me... Well, it's doing something."  
  
[Laughs] "We're _not_ having phone sex now, Sean, don't tempt me!"  
  
"But why not?" [Chuckles]  
  
"Keep the idea for later, hm?" [Quietly]: "Let's talk about this first, hm?"  
  
"Alright."  
  
"For you it's different, isn't it, the restraints turn you on?"  
  
"Not really." [Sipping tea] "Not with the pictures."  
  
[Pause] "Try to explain? I'm really not sure if I get what it's about."  
  
"With the pictures, it's the idea that you got off on it that... that made it exciting fer me." [Shuddering exhale] "It ain't 'bout the restraints. It's... bit of what you said before. That you like it when I make you obey me with just me voice. With me, the important part is- 'make you obey me'."  
  
"Then maybe--" [Hoarsely]: "-then maybe it's my thing after all."  
  
"Christ, Vig. Don't decide it now, yeah?"  
  
"No, but- when I spoke to Exene- she used to do something that-" [Pause] "She used to start making out with me and then she'd just slip away and wouldn't have me get anywhere near her for the rest of the day. Or well, she'd let me kiss her, but it'd never lead anywhere, not until she decided that it was the right moment." [Pause. Chuckle]: "I was so turned on."  
  
"I... I think that's a bit different."  
  
"Is it? It's about being patient when I really don't want to be and letting you decide what we do and when we do it."  
  
[Softly:] "That's 'bout yer control. Not 'bout mine. That's the difference."  
  
"But you'd be the one in control?"  
  
"No, it's-" [Porcelain clattering] "I- Christ- I can't _explain_ it!"  
  
[Pause] "Please, try again. Please. I really don't get it yet." [Pause] "And I really would like to. No matter what you say, I swear I won't laugh, hm?"  
  
"It's not that I think you'd laugh. It's- fucking impossible ta put in words. It's a feeling."  
  
"I'm going to start feeling really silly in a moment if I keep repeating this, but please, Sean, _try_. This- it unsettles me and that there is something you apparently like, that makes you go to a store and pick out something that you want us to try together- and I feel that I don't get what this is about and can't respond to it properly--" [Deep breath. Very quietly:] " _Please_."  
  
"I don't want you ta think you have ta respond ta it _properly_ or anything like that!" [Harsh exhale] "Look, the simplest way I can say it is that it's a control thing. Whether you get off on it or not, there ain't nothing proper 'bout it. What you did with yer ex-wife is something entirely different, 'cause that's _suspense_. She ain't having control over you; yer being playful with each other. This is something else entirely."  
  
[Pause] "Tell me what you'd want to do to me if I did want to try this? If I'd consent to anything you'd want to do?"  
  
"Vig, I don't want ta do anything _ta_ you about it. It's- Christ, it's not a chore, not something you can do ta make me happy, alright? It's something we do together." [Pause] "I wish I hadn't brought up the whole thing."  
  
[Long silence]  
  
"Look, yer trying ta like it because of me, and I don't _want_ that. It's not- it's not something you can understand. It's not intellectual. Every step I got with this was entirely by instinct. I bought cuffs, aye, but I started with scarves, ties, even me own shoelaces, because it's this itch and this image and I _knew_ exactly what I wanted ta do or have done ta me. Like at the snap of the fingers." [Sigh] "I'm sorry if you feel like you have ta like this because of me. You don't have ta."  
  
"I'm not anywhere near being able to tell you if I like this-- this is completely new for me and I-- you started out with a _scarf_ and then you just show up with damned _handcuffs_ and expect me to just get it-- and then-" [Pause. Hoarsely]: "And now you make me feel as if I did something wrong to even try and ask."  
  
[Long pause] "I told you, Vig. I keep telling you, the essential thing 'bout it. Make me. Push me down and hold me there and _make_ me obey you. Tie me up until I can't fight me way through the knots. Refuse ta let me come unless you allow me ta." [Shuddering exhale] " _Force me_." [Pause] "It ain't you who did anything wrong, luv. It's me."  
  
"Look, I can't tell you more than that I want to try and find something that we both like. Together with you. But you'll have to have a little patience with me."  
  
[Heavily:] "Yeah. I- look, let's not talk 'bout this until we see each other again, alright?"  
  
[Pause] "Okay."  
  
[Sounds of clinking porcelain] "Me tea's all gone cold." [Shaky laugh]  
  
[Pause]"I'm not quite sure how to continue now. Everything I can say now is going to feel weird."  
  
"Tell me- tell me 'bout yer day? Would that be weird?"  
  
"I don't think I-" [Pause. Swallows] "Why don't you tell me about yours."  
  
"Well." [Deep breath] "I had to threaten a pretty lady today, but she seemed alright with it. And one of the cast members came on ta me, brave girl. But I told her no."  
  
[Pause. Rustling. Sound of lighter. Inhale] "Quite the day, hm?"  
  
"Quite, aye." [Pause] "Did I upset you?"  
  
[Swallows hard] "Yes."  
  
[Long pause. Inhale] "I'm sorry."  
  
[Hoarsely]: "Thanks." [Pause] "I know you probably didn't mean it that way, but it- you just made me feel that what I came up with- the pictures and what I liked doing with Exene- as if that's just plain wrong and- it's so far away from what you were talking about that its not even worth trying."  
  
"It's not- it's not that it's wrong. It's just-" [Deep breath] "I'm an unreasonable bastard and expected you to be able to get things the same way I did. It ain't yer fault."  
  
[Pause] "It's not a _chore_ for me. I'm not trying to like this to please you, I don't want you to think that."  
  
"I just feel odd that yer doing this fer me."  
  
[Softly]: "I'm going to do this _with_ you, not for you, hm? We'll find something that we both like."  
  
"Yeah." [Heavy exhale] "Yeah. And I don't think- I don't think we can do it with all these miles separating us."  
  
"No." [Pause] "I'll sleep much better now that we talked about it, though. What about you? Something else you want to get out of the way?" [Teasingly]: "Before you tell me about that woman that hit on my man?"  
  
[Pause] "Yer man, eh?"  
  
[Chuckles.Teasingly]: "Would you prefer I call you 'darling'?"  
  
"No, no." [Pause] "I just like the sound of that, that's all. That I am yours."  
  
"I know exactly what you mean. I like that, too."  
  
[Softly]: "That I'm yers?"  
  
"Mmh." [Soft chuckle] "Makes my toes curl possessively."  
  
[Ragged exhale. A soft laugh] "Ah, so I'm not the only possessive one."  
  
"No, you're not."  
  
[Long pause] "Maybe we've been doing things the wrong way 'round."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I just mean that-" [Swallow] "We've been talking 'bout holding _you_ down and such. Maybe we should do it the other way 'round."  
  
[Soft chuckle] "That's what I would have offered after this conversation." [Pause] "I actually think I-- might enjoy that."  
  
[Hitched breath] "Aye? You think so?"  
  
"That time, when I was holding you down- the way you sounded and moved, I- you were so beautiful-" [Swallows] "I want to do that again."  
  
[Long exhale] "Aye. That sounds good ta me too."  
  
[Softly, teasingly]: "Could it be that this sounds even better to you, if you are completely honest?"  
  
[Hoarse chuckle] "I'm hard, Vig. Just from you saying it."  
  
"Damn- don't do that when I'm on the other side of the world!"  
  
[Soft, breathy moan]  
  
 [Low voice]: "If I were there with you now, maybe I'd sneak up to you from behind and kiss your neck, you know, the way that makes you draw in your breath-- and then I'd turn you around and back you into the nearest wall and trap you there, with my hands around your wrists and my hip pressed against yours..."  
  
 "Ahhh- Vig-" [Hitched breath] "Christ-"  
  
 [Chuckle] "Something you want to say, love?"  
  
 "I want-" [Inhale] "Keep talking. God, I wish you could fuck me right now."  
  
"You'd be impatient to get your hands on me, you always are,; if I let you, you'd rip all my clothes off me. But I'd just tighten my grip around your wrists and graze your earlobe with my teeth. I like that little shiver of yours, and the way your breathing changes when I do that." [Pause. Quietly]: "What are your hands doing?"  
  
 "My hands are- they're struggling ta get out of yer grasp. You need to try harder ta hold me down."  
  
 [Softly]: "Then I'll do just that, tighten my grip. And whisper into your ear that you can struggle all you want but it won't help you, you won't get what you want any faster. On the contrary."  
  
"You fucking bastard-" [Hitched breath, exhale] "I'm struggling even harder, trying ta turn you around, pin you ta the bed so I can ride you and take what I wish from you."  
  
"I won't have any of it. I'll turn your t-shirt inside out and pull it off over your head, backwards, so that your arms get trapped inside of it behind your back."  
  
"So what will you do now that you have me hands tied, eh?"  
  
"I'll get down on my knees in front of you and take off your pants. But I'll stop the second you try to get your hands free."  
  
"You- tease." [Ragged inhale] "Christ, Vig, yer killing me here."  
  
[Quietly:] "Touch yourself for me. But slowly, very slowly. You don't want this to be over too quickly, hm?"  
  
[Almost teasingly:] "I can't- I can't touch meself, Vig. Not with you trapping me hands with that shirt."  
  
"If you can come just from me talking to you, then don't." [Chuckle] "Otherwise it's fine if you're cheating a little now, just this once." [Pause] "I'll brush my lips over you before I take you into my mouth."  
  
[Groan] "Let me move my hands, luv? Please?"  
  
"Not yet. I'll get to my feet, slowly, and press against you so that you can feel through my jeans how hard I am for you when I kiss you."  
  
[Hoarse laughter] "Are you going ta do anything with that, luv?"  
  
[Chuckle] "My Sean…always so impatient. Why the hurry? No, I'll turn you around and wrap an arm around you so that you don't bolt. And then I'll walk you to the dining table. I can't recall to have promised you a bed..."  
  
"Me with me arms tied by a shirt, you holding me like that..." [Long exhale] "Christ, Vig. What are you thinking ta do ta me?"  
  
"I'll make you sit down on the edge of the table and free your arms. I'll step between your legs and lean over you to kiss you." [Pause] "You can take off my clothes now, if you want."  
  
"I'll-" [Loud swallow] "I'll kiss you first, and I'm ripping yer clothes off. Yer shirt's tearing beneath me hands, and all the buttons of your trousers are coming off."  
  
"I've been longing for a proper kiss all the time. I'll let you undress me completely before I push you backwards until your back touches the table." [Pause] "Stretch out your arms over your head for me."  
  
"If you want a kiss from me, you can just take it." [Hoarse laugh] "I'm stretching out me arms right now, flat on me back on the table, looking at you."  
  
"You're so beautiful like this, I'll just stand there for a moment and admire the view of you, stretched out and waiting for me." [Softly]: 'Before I tie you up.'  
  
"How are you going ta tie me up, luv? Tell me."  
  
"With my jeans."  
  
[Hitched breath] "God, Vig, yer just improvising the whole night, eh?" [Soft, pleased chuckle]  
  
[Affirmative hum] "Any objections? Or are you going to lean back and watch while I bend down to pick up my jeans?"  
  
"No, no objections. 'Specially not to the view." [Chuckle]  
  
"Hear, hear." [Laughs. Then, quietly]: "I'll cover your body with mine while I'm tying your hands together. Test if the knot is strong enough."  
  
"Is it?"  
  
"It is. Unless you manage to tear the jeans apart. You can reach the edge of the table with your fingers, in case you want to hold on to something."  
  
"I'm holding onto the edge of the table, spreading meself out fer you." [Soft sigh] "I'm spreading me legs open as well, because I'm getting all impatient."  
  
[Hoarsely]: "God, Sean-- I was about to let you choose- watch me prepare myself for riding you or wrap your legs around my waist and get fucked- but now I won't." [Exhale] "I want you so badly."  
  
"You can ride me the next time, aye?" [Shuddering inhale] "God, Vig. I want yer cock. I want it now."  
  
"You'll have to wait." [Pause] "I'll make you wait because I want to watch you come apart under my hands and my tongue, because I want to hear your voice change with need. I'll kiss you and touch you, everywhere, I won't miss one single spot, and you'll squirm and shiver and swear."  
  
[Rasping gasp]  
  
"Keep looking at me. I'll stop if you turn away your eyes. I want to see what I'm doing to you."  
  
"I'm- I'm looking at you. How can I not?"  
  
[Quietly]: "I'm tempted to go get my camera."  
  
"I'll sit on you if you try, you bastard!" [Choked laughter]  
  
"Don't worry, I'm not leaving you now. Spread your legs a little further for me."  
  
[Shuddering breath] "Aye, I am. The- the table's cold."  
  
"You'll be warm in a second, I promise. There's no lube around so I'm letting you coat my fingers with your spit."  
  
[Muffled]: "I'm surprised yer even bothering ta stretch me."  
  
"Still impatient, hm? I'll take my time and go real slow, I don't want this to be over any time soon. I'll wrap my other hand around your cock while I push one finger inside."  
  
"You fucking tease- you better do something. I'm so close-" [Hitched breath]  
  
"I'm drawing back my hands. You're not going to come until I tell you to."  
  
"I-" [Deep breath] "Alright. Alright, I won't."  
  
"Sure? You need a break? Maybe it's better if you watch me stroke myself for a while?" [Low voice] "I'm so hard for you, Sean."  
  
"Christ- no- if I watch you do that I'll come-" [Shuddering breath] "Don't stop. Don't stop, Vig."  
  
[Soft hum] "Alright. I won't. There, I'm pushing in again."  
  
[Long, drawn-out groan] "God, I wish I could feel it. Wish I could really feel it."  
  
[Shaky breath] "Damn, Sean, I-" [Hoarsely]: "You'll be tight around my finger, you always are, and I want you so badly that I don't want to wait another second."  
  
"Don't wait. You don't have ta- don't have ta wait."  
  
"I've barely prepared you. It'll sting."  
  
"I want it ta. So I'll remember it."  
  
"I'll lift up your legs and wrap them around my hips. I'll need you to look at me while I enter you."  
  
"Where else can I look, luv?"  
  
"You're beautiful when-" [Pause. Shakily]: "When your brow furrows with the first stab of pain and you bite your lip."  
  
"God- ah- _yes_ \- I-" [Shuddering moan] "I'm doing that right now, and I'm spreading me legs even more."  
  
"You'll be so tight, I-" [Deep inhale] "Damn, Sean, you're killing me."  
  
[Soft laugh] "Let's say it ta be a mutual killing and call it even, aye?"  
  
[Chuckles] "Yes." [Pause] "More?"  
  
"Aye. More."  
  
"You've worn my patience down. All I want is- to feel more of you and I'm pushing in steadily."  
  
"I want ta feel all of you. I'm wrapping me legs 'round yer hips, shoving meself forward- because I can't fucking wait, and yer being too slow."  
  
[Soft chuckle] "I'm holding your hips down. We'll do this my way, Sean. Slowly. Want to curse me yet?"  
  
"Fucking- what the hell are you _planning_ , Vig?!"  
  
"I want to see you fighting off your orgasm."  
  
 [Hoarse laugh] "So that's what you like, eh?" [Long sigh] "Alright, though I'd still have ta protest that you can't see it proper."  
  
"Then give me a better view."  
  
"Shall I fly over ta you now?" [Pause] "Wish I could, luv, but can you see me, luv? Can you see me stretching back, giving you all that you'd want ta see of me?"  
  
[Hoarsely]: "I can. You're breathtaking."  
  
"Tell me what you look like, Vig. Let me look at you."  
  
"My hands are trembling where they are holding your legs because I'm so turned on. I'm looking straight at you and I'm biting my lip almost hard enough to draw blood so that I don't just thrust forward."  
  
"And I'm pulling you down with me legs, licking yer lips... Christ, Vig, you don't want ta wait and neither do I."  
  
"No, I don't. I don't want to wait another second. Enough teasing. I'll push in deep and my fingers are digging ino your thighs."  
  
[Long, low groan]  
  
"I'll push you further onto the table and climb atop of you so that I can kiss you properly and lace my fingers through yours where they are bound. I won't be able to go slow, and the table is squeaking underneath us."  
  
"I'm trying ta- trying ta buck up- God, Vig. _More_."  
  
"Place your feet onto the table. Push into my thrusts, I'll hold you."  
  
[Softly]: "Yes, sir."  
  
"So forthcoming..."  
  
"You don't like that?"  
  
"Of course I do. I can slide in so deep now and you're so tight around me."  
  
"Keep- keep talking. I want ta hear yer voice while you fuck me. I want ta know yer feel this as strongly as I do." [Shuddering sigh]  
  
"How couldn't I? You feel incredible around me and those sounds you're making, somewhere between a groan and a moan- I love those. I really have told hold back so that I don't come immediately. I'll slow down a little, I want this to last as long as possible."  
  
[Makes that exact sound] "You feel- you feel so good around me, inside me- Christ, I'm going ta come, Vig. I ain't- I can't last."  
  
"It's okay. Come for me. Just from the feeling of me moving inside of you and my lips on yours. Let go, Sean, I want to hear you."  
  
[Hitched breath] "Christ- Vig- ah- I'm almost- so _close_ -"  
  
"Can you feel me? Can you feel me inside of you? I'm pushing in deep and fast, I'm not going to last much longer. It's too much- too damn good, the way you're moving with me, meeting me-- do you need me to touch you?"  
  
"Yes- God, _yes_ \- touch me. Touch me, Vig." [Strangled moan]  
  
"I am. I'm wrapping my hand around you. My coordination is bad, I'm too close, but I'm stroking you, fast- faster-" [Hoarsely]: "Come for me."  
  
"I-" [Sharp gasp]  
  
[Hoarsely chuckle]: "You just came. Let me hear it, love, I'm so close."  
  
[Harsh inhale. Long, low groan:] " _Vig_. Come fer me. Come in me."  
  
[Soft moan] "I-- keep talking, please keep talking--"  
  
"Do you know how hot you look when yer so close ta coming? When yer still fucking me, and every thrust is painful and pleasurable all at once, and I'm just giving meself ta you, all fer yer taking, yer using, just ta make you come." [Groan] "C'mon, Vig. _C'mon_."  
  
"I'm-" [Gasp] "God, Sean- Seanseanseansean- mmh- SEAN!" [Clatter. Distant moan]  
  
[Pause. Soft laugh] "Vig? You there?"  
  
[Rustling] "Yes, I-" [Heavy breathing] "Damn, what are you doing to me?" [Laughs] "That was really good."  
  
[Teasingly:] "Only 'really good'?"  
  
"Amazing, fantastic, spectacular... you choose!" [Chuckles] "Remind me to take off my pants at the beginning of a call in the future, I tend to make a terrible mess."  
  
[Laughter] "You and me both. But if you take off yer pants fer all our calls, they'll just end up this way. You sure you want that?"  
  
[Laughs] "Well, maybe we should keep this to the calls I'm making from home, not from work or my car but otherwise- you won't hear me complaining about it."  
  
"I'll take yer word fer it." [Pause. Softly]: "You like this, don't you?"  
  
[As softly]: "Having phone sex with you? I do. Do you?"  
  
"No, I meant-" [Clears throat] "The bit 'bout holding me down."  
  
"It's not so much the holding down part. I think-- I think I like being in control like that, being able to tease you and touch you like this. And most of all, I like seeing, or imagining to see, what this does to you."  
  
[Hoarse laugh] "Aye, I like it too. For you ta be in control."  
  
"Oy, we won't be going for a second round now!" [Laughs. Then, quietly]: "You sound amazing when you're surrendering to me."  
  
[Hitched breath] "Christ, Vig. If I could get hard again this fast, I would right now."  
  
[Swallows] "Damn. I wish so much you were here with me right now."  
  
"I want you ta be with me as well." [Exhale] "I miss you so fucking much."  
  
"Shh, love, so do I. Soon, hm? It's not that long until shooting here wraps and then we get to fall asleep next to each other."  
  
"That'll be good, aye." [Soft sigh] "Funny, really. I almost miss yer heartbeat."  
  
"I know what you mean- to hear your heart beating under my ear before I fall asleep, I miss that, too. And waking up surrounded by your warmth and your smell-- can you-" [Pause] "Send me the shirt you've been wearing today?"  
  
[Teasingly]: "Should I wash it first?"  
  
[With emphasis]: "Don't you dare!" [Laughs] "Am I creeping you out?"  
  
[Chuckles] "I'm flattered, really. There's come on me shirt."  
  
"That's not exactly what I'm out after, but it'll do as long as it smells of you. I'll send you back the other ones in case you're running out of shirts?"  
  
"I can buy more." [Soft laugh] "I'd like ta- I'd like ta see you wear 'em."  
  
"I'm wearing them a lot. At home, or when we're going out for drinks. I like wearing something that reminds me of you. And- it's a little silly, really, nobody knows they are yours but- but still, they're telling everybody that I'm yours."  
  
[Shaky breath in] "Christ, Vig." [Breath out] "You like that? You like showing off that yer mine?"  
  
"Of course, how couldn't I?" [Pause. Softly:] "I've been thinking about that idea of yours- of having something permanent, something that reminds me of you already in the shower in the morning. I like that thought."  
  
"... You'd be- you'd be alright with it. If I brand you." [Pause] "Is that what yer saying?"  
  
[Soft chuckle] "It's completely insane. But yes. Yes, I would be. Tattoos somehow belong to Henry and Exene. I want something that's just for you."  
  
[Quietly]: "You can't laser a brand away, Vig."  
  
"Why would I want to do that? It's the whole point of it, that it's always going to be there, no matter what."  
  
"Because-" [Pause. Loud swallow] "I don't know if I can - or if I _should_ , even - promise forever, luv."  
  
[Softly:] "You don't have to, Sean. Nobody knows what the future will bring, I don't know that either. But what I know is that I want this now. And if it's not meant to last then I'll always have a reminder of how happy I was with you. That's not a bad thing, a reminder of a very happy time."  
  
[Pause. Inhale] "Alright. But- you'll have ta do it ta me too."  
  
[Pause] "Are you sure about that?"  
  
"Aye. I've always had rings and such, but I can't marry you and-" [Pause. Swallow] "I want something more permanent, something I can't take off."  
  
"Then let's figure out how to do this when we see each other, hm?" [Pause] "Would you- would you get me a ring, too? So that I can wear it and people will know that my heart is not free?"  
  
[Pause] "The way you put things..." [Soft laugh] "People might ask. Interviewers and such. You sure 'bout that?"  
  
"Yes. Very sure." [Softly]: "Although I don't want to tell the world. Not yet. I just- I guess I'm feeling a little protective of what we have. I don't want to be forced to discuss this in public. But I like people to be able to tell without many words that I'm in a relationship." [Teasingly]: "Might help with colleagues hitting on you, too."  
  
[Incredulously]: "Are you jealous, luv?"  
  
[Chuckles] "No, just curious. Tell me about it?"  
  
"There's really not much ta tell. I was having a smoke when she came over, and she asked me if I'm free tonight, fer dinner." [Pause. Then, rolling the word on his tongue]: " _Dinner_."  
  
[Laughs] "You don't believe in innocent dinner invitations?"  
  
[Snorts] "Not with the way she was looking at me."  
  
"Flirtatiously? Undressing you with her eyes? Come on, don't be so tongue-tied, tell me more!"  
  
[Cough] "Oh c'mon, Vig, why do you want ta know?"  
  
[Suddenly serious]: "Cause we've never talked about this. About the charms women will always possess."  
  
[Pause. Jokingly]: "Am I still allowed ta look?"  
  
"Well, I'm looking occasionally, so I think it's only fair if you are."  
  
"Oh, good. Because I am." [Chuckles] "Not tempted ta do anything, though."  
  
[Softly]: "I'm glad."  
  
[Delightedly]: "You _are_ jealous."  
  
[Chuckles] "No reason to sound this pleased! And I'm not. It's just that all your exes have breasts. And I have a disconcertingly hairy chest."  
  
[Soft laugh] "I won't say I don't miss softness, but none of me wives had a cock, and I like yers plenty."  
  
[Laughs] "Thank you!" [Teasingly]: "I could always stop shaving my chest if you miss something soft?"  
  
[Wryly]: "I don't think it's the same kind of softness. But it'd be interesting, aye. I could hold onto it."  
  
[Laughs] "Mh, and you're soft anyway because of your stunning lack of hair."  
  
[Surprised laugh] "Hey, are you insulting me masculinity?"  
  
"Never. That would mean to insult your fine cock."  
  
[Laughter] "Christ, I've missed you, Vig."  
  
[Laughs] "I hope not only because of my conversational skills."  
  
"I really want ta run me hand down yer chest, since we're talking about it."  
  
"Mhh. I like it when you do that. It's quite soft at the moment."  
  
"Aragorn's wearing all those clothes so you don't have to shave, eh?"  
  
"I strongly suspect that! I don't see a point in shaving when you're not here, really."  
  
"You don't have to shave even when I am, luv."  
  
[Chuckles] "I do. Maybe not shave, I'm just doing that because it's easier to shave everything off every couple of weeks, but I prefer it if they're comparatively short. Less warm, less scary. I don't want to frighten the poor costume people."  
  
[Quiet laugh] "I don't think they'd be scared, luv. Aroused, maybe."  
  
[Laughter] "I wouldn't want that!"  
  
"Really now."  
  
"Really." [Lightly, teasingly]: "Why? Do you think I should count on it and use my hairy chest as a special weapon when I need a favor?"  
  
[Chuckling] "Well, it's a pretty specialised weapon, so you need ta be on the lookout fer those who'd be susceptible first."  
  
"Meaning yourself?"  
  
"Just one of 'em, aye."  
  
"One of them? Who else would there be?"  
  
"Who else are you showing yer hairy chest ta?"  
  
"To nobody. Well, if you don't count the people at the hospital. They always insist on it."  
  
"Nobody, eh? I like the sound of that."  
  
[Quietly]: "Nobody."  
  
[Pause. Long, soft exhale] "God, yer making me wish I could get it up again."  
  
[Soft chuckle] "Try? Seems as if I can..."  
  
[Pause. Burst of laughter] "Vig, are you stroking yerself off right now?"  
  
"Guilty as charged!" [Laughter]  
  
"How did you recover so fast, you bastard?!"  
  
"It's your voice. Gets me hard during any phone call."  
  
[Chuckles] "My Viagra isn't that effective." [Pause] "And I have ta go ta sleep. Earlyish call tomorrow."  
  
[Mock inignant huff]: "And that after I granted you exclusive rights to my chest hair." [Laughs] "But alright, I don't want you to be tired tomorrow. There was just one more thing, do you have five more minutes?"  
  
[Drawling]: "Well, I'm looking at me phone bill..." [Chuckles] "Aye, I do."  
  
[Teasingly]: "Didn't I call you? Never mind, we can throw the bills on one pile and divide them between us if ou want. But what I wanted to ask, are you free in January or early February for some days?"  
  
[Pause] "Depends on what yer planning."  
  
"Exene is planning a trip to Europe with Henry, and I'll join them. We'll go to Spain, probably, if Henry is fine with that. And I thought I'd- I'd love to spend some days in Spain with you, and sit in some restaurant and look out onto some square and have lunch and watch the people stroll by. Just a weekend would be great, just for us, away from everything. What do you think?"  
  
[Laughter]  
  
"What's funny about that?"  
  
"Because Mel and James are taking the girls at the beginning of February or so ta Spain as well, and they want me ta go with them."  
  
[Chuckles] "What a coincidence!"  
  
"Ain't it?" [Soft laugh] "I know they'd be going in February. Do you think Exene and Henry would mind rescheduling?"  
  
"Wait, wait, wait. Do you want all of us to meet there?"  
  
[Pause] "Aye. Do you think it'd be a bad idea?"  
  
"Not at all. But that's not just for the two of us to decide, hm? How'd Mel feel about meeting me? And about meeting Henry and Exene?"  
  
"I'd have ta ask her 'bout that." [Pause. Soft yawn] "Do you think it'd be too early?"  
  
[Softly]: "You're tired." [Pause] "I don't think it's too early. I'm not planning on going anywhere soon, I'd love to meet them. But talk to Mel and the girls about it first. And maybe you should tell them about me before they meet me, hm?"  
  
"I've told Mel 'bout you already. But not the girls." [Pause] "Aye, I would need ta talk ta 'em, won't I?"  
  
"I'd do that. Don't spring such a surprise on them during their holidays."  
  
"Mm. Will you talk ta Exene and Henry as well?"  
  
"I'll hear what they think about it. But Sean- don't rush this, okay? If you're not ready to tell the girls, then wait. We'll find another time where we can meet. I can come to London in winter, maybe."  
  
"It's a little silly and probably too idealistic, but I kind of want- I want us all ta be part of a family somehow, you know? The whole lot of us."  
  
[Pause. Hoarsely]: "God, Sean, I---"  
  
[Cautiously]: "Vig?"  
  
"It's just- damn, I-" [Pause] "I just wish you were here." [Softly:] "I love you."  
  
"I'm tempted ta pull a Han Solo and say 'I know'." [Chuckles]  
  
"Like you always do." [Pause] "Try not to?"  
  
[Long pause] "You mean a great deal ta me, luv. You know that."  
  
"Mhh, I have no reason to doubt that."  
  
"... But?"  
  
"No but. I have no reason to doubt it." [Pause] "And I don't need to hear you say that you love me every time I say it, not at all. Just maybe don't say 'I know'." [Pause] "Because I- it makes me feel a little silly."  
  
[Chuckles. Teasing]: "Do I make you feel like Princess Leia, Vig?"  
  
[Groan] "Don't say something like that, you know I have a vivid imagination. Now I'm seeing myself with these strange braids!"  
  
[Roar of laughter. Yawning] "Or maybe that gold bikini."  
  
[Dryly]: "Would go great with the hairy chest." [Quietly]: "Go to bed, Sean, before you fall asleep on me. I should go to bed, too. It's long past midnight here." [Pause] "Did I get my point across before we ended up picturing me in a bikini?"  
  
"Which point?"  
  
"No more Han Solo, please."  
  
"Got it." [Pause] 'Night, Vig."  
  
[Chuckle] "Off with you to bed, love. And pleasant dreams. Talk to you real soon, okay?"  
  
"Mm. Sleep well." [Pause] "It was good talking ta you."  
  
"Same here. It's always good to talk to you. I'll ask Henry and Exene about Spain, alright? Sleep tight."  
  
  
 _tbc..._

 

 


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dom, Billy, and Orlando interrogate Ian and Karl. About Sean and Viggo. Still dialogue-only and second-to-last part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

 

**New Zealand, 22-11-2000, 08:03 pm**

  
"Last one to the table buys the first round!"  
  
"Oy, Orlando- that's not damned fair!"  
  
"Dom!" [ _Shuffle, wrestle_ ] "Stop whining and run, I'll hold him."  
  
[Cackling] "You'll never catch me, Bills!"  
  
[Huff] "Vain elfling, I'll show you-" [ _Shuffle. Thud_ ]  
  
"GERONIMO!" [ _THUMP_ ]  
  
[Yelling:] "Lemme go, lemme go, you filthy cheats!"  
  
[Laughter] "Pin him down, sit on him!"  
  
[Clearing of throat] " _Boys_."  
  
[Muffled:] "Hi Ian!"  
  
[Groan of disgust] "Dom, get your armpit out of my mouth, Jesus, you disgusting creature!"  
  
[A little breathlessly:] "Don't worry about us, just secure a table, would you? We'll join you in a moment. And order a round, by all means, darling Orlando here has promised to buy us all drinks."  
  
[Loud cry of indignation:] "I have _not!"_  
  
"Oh yes you have. On three, Billy?"  
  
"Stop denying it. And stop squirming." [Pause] "Three!" [Shuffling. Rapid footsteps. Creaking of door hinges. Laughter]  
  
"HA!" [Stomping]  
  
"You goddamned- hi Ian!- you stupid wankers, get your arses back here!" [Slow footsteps following]  
  
"He'll scowl at us all evening, you realise that, aye? Scoot over a little, Karl's on his way here, too."  
  
"You're both dirty cheaters."  
  
[Footsteps] "I trust that you boys are all done."  
  
"Yeah, we are now, Ian. Even if Orlando is still pouting."  
  
"Oh, he will be for a while." [Soft thump] "Come, Lan, I'll give you a hand with the drinks. Next round's on me."  
  
[Pause] "... Is there a catch to that? I don't have to dance the hokey-pokey on top of the table, do I?"  
  
[Laughter] "Careful, don't put ideas into my head! Now, get your sorry excuse for an ass moving, I really need a drink, after all the excitement we've had today."  
  
"Fine, fine. I'll just get the usual." [ _Thump_ , fading footsteps]  
  
[Pause. Shifting] "So, _Ian_..."  
  
"Ah, have we reached the reason why you invited me out today without even getting me a drink?"  
  
[Calls] "Ian, what are you having?"  
  
[Calls back:] "White wine, please, my dear boy."  
  
[Squeaking of leather chairs] "C'mon now, Ian. Won't you tell?"  
  
[Footsteps, clinking of glasses] "There we go, a glass of white wine for our wizard, and- oy, Dom, careful, let me sit down!"  
  
"Give it to me, give it to me!"  
  
"Jesus, you really are like a kid. Or a heroin addict."  
  
[Dryly:] "Or both. But now, let's talk business, gentlemen. So, Ian---" [Dramatic pause] "Since when?"  
  
[Chuckles] "Come on now, William, do you think I would give up secrets so easily?"  
  
"It's not _easily_. We're bribing you with the best white wine in the house!"  
  
"You can hardly call it a secret anymore, oy."  
  
"Plus, I'm absolutely _dying_ with curiosity. You don't want Merry to die now, or do you, dear, dear Gandalf?"  
  
"I am neither the Grey Wizard nor the White, Dom." [Sips]  
  
[ _Thump_ ] "Shut up, Dom. Ian, won't you tell us? You know letting us make things up is going to be worse."  
  
[Soft chuckle] "You're enjoying this far too much, old man." [Pause] "How do we even know that he _knows_? Maybe he's just tricking us into paying for his drinks!"  
  
"Do you not trust a word of an old man, Billy?"  
  
"Not where you are concerned, no."  
  
"I'm immensely injured. So much that I have decided that I'm not going to tell you anything." [Sip]  
  
[ _SMACK_ ] "Shut up, Bills. Come on, Ian. I promise we'll buy all your drinks when we all come back for pickups."  
  
"Oy!"  
  
"Orlando agrees."  
  
"How couldn't he? I'll even do you one better, I'll buy you those pastries you're so fond of."  
  
"Is this bribery?"  
  
"Of course. And I was protesting because I have taste, unlike Dom, and I'd get you all the awesome porn that you want."  
  
"I don't think that's quite the right bait here, Lan." [Pause] "Come on, Ian, we need something we can tell Karl when he gets here!"  
  
"Billy is indeed wise, but not quite." [Chuckles] "So why don't you wait until Karl is here?"  
  
"Because I'm close to jumping out of my skin in curiosity, that's why."  
  
"That's it, I'm getting you another glass of wine." [Chair scraping over floor]  
  
"Are you boys planning to get me drunk to worm information out of me?"  
  
" _May_ be."  
  
"Shush, Dom. Don't give away our plans."  
  
[Glasses clinking] "Look whom I ran into on my way to the bar. Make room for Karl, guys."  
  
[Sounds of shifting]  
  
"Now Ian doesn't have an excuse not to tell."  
  
"And a good evening to you, too, Dom." [Chuckle] "Now what's so important that it has you almost peeing your pants?"  
  
"Bills, Bills, tell it with me. So." [Pause] "You know today is Viggo's last day-"  
  
"I know, that's why I'm here, believe it or not. So, where is he? Taking a leak, already?"  
  
"Shh, don't interrupt us now, we'll get there soon enough. So Dom was saying, today was Viggo's last day, right, and everybody was there, except you, naturally."  
  
"Naturally, because you have Important Things to Do." [Cackles] "Anyway, so he's on his last take, and we're all clapping for him. Pete gives him a _big_ hug, and then..." [Sound of fingers tapping thigh, like a drumroll]  
  
"Well, someone was blocking my view, big bloke, one of the stunt team, and I couldn't see Viggo for a moment, and then there was this _roar_ all of sudden, frightening really, like Aragorn leading his troops to war, and all the cheering stopped, and next to me,  I could hear Dom swearing--"  
  
"Yeah, he made that sound. But before that, which Bills forgot to say, was this wolf whistle. So Viggo turns, and I was swearing because I was luckier than the poor bastard Bills here. I could see where Viggo's eyes went. And I followed them, and lo and behold, it's our lost Steward, back from the dead."  
  
"I had elbowed my way to the front row by then, luckily, because I would never have believed my ears if someone had told me later what happened then."  
  
[Chuckle] "Well. Let's see if I believe it, then, you two, come on."  
  
"So Viggo slams into him in that crazy full body tackle-"  
  
"Sean calls it a _rugby_ tackle, and it's weird, isn't it, that we never thought of anything about how Viggo only-"  
  
"Shut up, Orlando, Bills and me are telling the story. Anyway, Viggo bodyslams him, and Sean goes all over the floor. And they're laughing, and then Viggo grabs Sean by the face and kisses him." [Dramatic pause] "With tongue."  
  
[In awe] "With a _lot_ of tongue."  
  
[Pause. Then laughter] "What? Why are you looking at me like this? What do you expect me to do?"  
  
"They want details, Karl." [Sip] "Like the overeager plebeians they are."  
  
[Thump] "I am slain, my good wizard, I am slain."  
  
"Orlando, get off my lap."  
  
"Wait, wait, wait-- so you knew, too? You disloyal little--"  
  
[Teasingly:] "Hush, careful, Bill, you don't want to insult one of the people you could provide you with details now, would you?"  
  
"So are _either_ of you going to tell us anything?"  
  
"You can ask Viggo and Sean yourselves, you know."  
  
"One, Viggo and Sean are probably sequested somewhere, fucking like bunnies--"  
  
" _Ewwww_ , mental images!"  
  
"Shush, Dom. Fucking like bunnies. Two, it will take until tomorrow until we can ask, and I know _I_ can't wait until then."  
  
[Hopeful] "Maybe we could call them and ask?"  
  
"So, I take it Viggo isn't going to show, hm? If Sean's there, I mean. Last time he was here they holed up at home for a week." [Pause] "I need another beer if I have to put up with your combined curiosity. Can I get you a refill, Ian?"  
  
"The same, please." [Pause] "What do you say about indulging their curiosity at least a little, Karl?"  
  
"Maybe just a little. But they'll have to wait until I'm back with the drinks. Up with you, Orlando."  
  
"What do you mean 'the last time'? There is a last time, too?"  
  
"I'm not moving until Karl explains what he means by 'last time'."  
  
"Last time Sean flew over to visit him. And now get up. Or would you prefer getting a drink for me?"  
  
"I'm not going to miss a story like that." [Shuffling, footsteps] "When did Sean visit him?"  
  
"And why didn't he visit the rest of us? Rude! Very rude."  
  
[Laughter] "You ever wonder why he never rugbytackled you? Alright, I'll be right back. Try not to drive Ian insane while I'm gone."  
  
"Did you get to see him when he was here, Ian?"  
  
"I did, and that's all you'll get from me."  
  
"But, _Ian_..."  
  
"Pouting and whining does an elfling no good."  
  
"Will it help if it's a hobbit?"  
  
[Footsteps] "There you go, Ian." [Shuffling] "So, anything else new?"  
  
[Thump] "Karl!"  
  
"Ouch! What?"  
  
"They're trying to tempt me with puppy eyes and failing miserably. Thank you, dear boy."  
  
"Karl, if you don't tell me now I'm going to explode and rain blood all over you."  
  
"I agree with Lan, except with less disgusting imagery."  
  
"What do you even want to know? So, apparently, as you might have deduced, they like each other."  
  
"Oh, duh, Karl. Really?" [Pause] "But _how_ and when and---?"  
  
"You know, it's strange." [Sip] "I can't quite tell when it began, just that it had. And it's a good thing, a true thing."  
  
[Pause] "Is that a hint?"  
  
[Quietly:] "Yeah, it really is. A good thing. They're good together."  
  
"If we're getting soppy, I need a stronger drink than beer."  
  
[ _Smack_ ] "Don't ruin the moment, Dom."  
  
"Really, shut up, Dom, this was the closest to some actual information we got all evening!"  
  
"There is no information to get, Billy, what do you expect us to tell? They spent time together, they fell in love. That's it."  
  
"Wait, wait, _woah_. Woah. That's big. They fell in love? That's big. How did we not know?" [Pause] "You know, now that you mentioned it..."  
  
[Sigh] "And we get more evidence that Orlando Bloom is airheaded and notices nothing."  
  
"Oy, let him talk!"  
  
"You guys remember the landslide?"  
  
"Of course. My sneakers were soaked for days after all that rain. What about it?"  
  
"When the helicopter came to pick us up, Viggo was in the 'copter. During the ride, they were shouting things I couldn't hear because I had the mufflers on, but they were clinging pretty closely to each other when I checked back." [Pause] "I didn't think much about it - they're best mates, far as I could tell, and Sean is terrified enough of the thing that I can see it."  
  
"You never told us!"  
  
"See, so you knew even longer than I did. Because Viggo told me when we went out for drinks that night, after he'd flown out to pick you up."  
  
"This is a great betrayal, Lan!"  
  
"No- wait- look, I didn't tell you because I didn't think it was important." [Pause] "Hey, Karl, any chance of you spilling what Viggo said that night?"  
  
"Not much. He mentioned it when we were saying our goodbyes."  
  
"So he said nothing about me?"  
  
"The world does not revolve around you, my dear boy, no matter how prettily you bat your eyes."  
  
"About you? What would that have been? That you look pretty in a blonde wig?"  
  
"Why did he tell you? Did he just tell you?"  
  
"He did. He said he was seeing someone, and that this someone was Sean."  
  
"Stop pouting, Lan." [Sip] "You know, I'm more curious about how they managed to hide something so big from most of us when we're living in each other's pockets for so long."  
  
"Discretion, Dominic. It's quite a virtue."  
  
"Well, I can understand why one would hide something like that from the lot of you. You're worse than a horde of gossiping school girls."  
  
"Well if they just told us, then we wouldn't be so curious now, would we?"  
  
"Nah, but we'd just have been curious before." [Pause. Long, soft whistle] "But seriously, that's one hell of a reunion kiss."  
  
[Sighs] "It really was."  
  
[Chuckles] "Do I hear a hint of jealousy?"  
  
"Are you jealous, Bills? Do you want to fly your girl over here so you can compete? You do, don't you?"  
  
"Oh ouch, don't talk about her, Dom, not tonight. Let me just sit here and get drunk and hear all about our King courting our Steward behind our backs."  
  
"You'll be home with her real soon, hm? And now finish that story, you never got past the kiss."  
  
"Let me tell it this time, so shush, Dom. So Viggo attacked Sean and they were kissing, and then Dom here starting hooting, and then Sean started blushing. Seriously, he's over forty, he's not allowed to blush, because it just looks _weird_ -"  
  
[ _Smack_ ] "This is why you're never allowed to tell stories. Bills, let's do this again. Pete was clearing his throat, and he's grinning wide like anything."  
  
"And Viggo didn't even hear him. But Sean did, and yes, he blushed very prettily, but Viggo just laughed, this slightly mad laughter of his, and then-"  
  
"And then they're pulling each other up, clinging to each other like barnacles or something. Viggo goes and drags Sean over to the bus - he still has to get out of his makeup and costume- hey, Ian, did you hear about the haka dance thing?"  
  
"No. Not yet, it seems. Tell me, boys."  
  
"Wait, but in the right order. So he was dragging Sean to the bus, and they got inside, and there were cheers and wolf-whistles and Peter was just grinning into his beard. And then, suddenly, the bus started moving. I mean, this old, run down thing, I thought it would have to be dragged out there. But someone managed to fire up the engine."  
  
"You should've seen that thing go, Ian! It just crawled along at first, and everyone's shouting and laughing at it. We couldn't- couldn't _believe_ the bus was moving."  
  
"Yeah, and when they reached the studios, Viggo bounced out with Sean still beside him. His makeup was off, and Bernard's with them. So the stunties grabbed Viggo and Bernard, and Sean's pushing Viggo forward-"  
  
"And then the stunties lined up and did this dance for them, _haka_ they call it. All these tall guys, stomping and shouting, advancing on Viggo and Bernard, it was really impressive. And Viggo, he was so moved, had tears in his eyes the whole time. When it was over, he made his way through them, head-butting all of them, the crazy bugger. And Sean was just standing there, watching him, this huge grin on his face, and when Viggo turned back towards him, rubbing his head, which must have been sore by then, Sean stepped forward, pulled him into his arms and placed this incredibly soft kiss onto his forehead."  
  
"A return of the benediction Aragorn gave Boromir." [Soft chuckle]  
  
"Something like that, yeah. It almost gave me diabetes to look at it."  
  
 _[Smack]_ "Dom, you're ruining the moment again."  
  
[Laughter] "And tell me again which questions remain open after witnessing all of this today? Apart from the one why they forgot to inform you in time, which I have no trouble answering."  
  
"When did they get together?"  
  
"When's their first kiss?"  
  
"How did they get started?"  
  
"And the like."  
  
"And how comes that Sean suddenly is into bearded people, after all those marriages?"  
  
"Don't you think all of this is very personal information?"  
  
"That's exactly why we're asking you two instead of them."  
  
"Oh look, mark the calendar! Dom says something smart!"  
  
"And you just expect me to violate all the rules of friendship and tell you everything I know? Seriously?"  
  
"I would say, however, that you all should be far less narrow-minded." [Chuckles] "Sexuality is far more fluid and unpredictable than you might think, dear boys."  
  
[Long pause]  
  
"Help, Bills. I don't speak cryptic."  
  
"He says you might wake up yet to a beautiful morning next to Orlando..." [Cackles]  
  
[Screeching war cry. _CRASH. Smack_ ] "What? What? You don't want me, Billy? Is that it? Is that what it is?"  
  
"What can I say, you have seen his puppy eyes... who could resist those? And his lovely pout..."  
  
[Hollering:] "Stop making me sound like a girl! And you're disgusting, Billy!"  
  
[Sounds of pummelling]  
  
[Quietly:] "This time it's actually useful that they are so easily distracted. So when did Sean arrive? Viggo said he wouldn't be able to come before the weekend."  
  
[Whispering:] "This afternoon. He's been preparing for this for quite some time, I think." [Chuckles] "Viggo is going to have a surprise when he returns home."  
  
"Sounds big. You know what he's planned?"  
  
"I didn't ask." [Clink] "I'm sure it's something nice. Hey, Orlando, release Billy before he starts getting blue in the face, yeah?"  
  
[Coughing] "You hear what the grown- ups say, Lan, let-go-of-me---" [Thud. Clinking]  
  
"When did Karl become a grown-up?"  
  
"Excuse me, when I became a father? You remember this sweet little toothless creature I let you hold last week?"  
  
"Hey Dom, Billy. Let's make a pact to never become parents. We'd just turn _boring_."  
  
"Agreed."  
  
"Yeah, we'll talk about that in ten years, Orlando. See how boring you are then. By the way, how are things with that charming girl from make-up that I saw you snogging behind your trailer last week?"  
  
"We... snogged and it was a nice snog? It's not the snog of true love, Bills, gross."  
  
"Get off me, you infant." [Sigh. _Thump_ ]  
  
"Rumor has it she's quite smitten with you."  
  
"... Okay, no more snogging."  
  
[Chuckles]  
  
"It's unfair, Lan, to keep them all to yourself when there are so many of us without a girl."  
  
"Oy! You Be careful with the girls, you don't want to leave a ton of broken hearts behind."  
  
"I'm not trying to break hearts, okay? I just don't want a girlfriend, that's all." [Pause. Sigh] "Or a boyfriend, so stop doing that horrible kissy-face, Dom."  
  
"Orlando and Some Guy sitting in a tree, K-I-S-"  
  
"Seriously? 'Some Guy'?"  
  
"I'm not going to inflict anyone I know on you, dude."  
  
"He might wish it were Viggo though. He can say what he wants, biggest man-crush I've seen in a while."  
  
"The keyword here is 'man'. Dude, kissing Viggo would be like... would be like helping my uncle cheat on my aunt."  
  
[Silence]  
  
"Sean will be well-pleased to know you think of him as your aunt, Orlando."  
  
"He'll be beside himself with joy, I'm sure."  
  
"And who said anything about _kissing_ Viggo? What's going on in your dirty little mind?"  
  
"Dom's the one who brought up kissing first, not me!"  
  
"You're just jealous, Billy, because Viggo kissing you doesn't look half as special anymore now."  
  
"Oh definitely, I'll die of a broken heart. I can already feel it coming. You better get me another beer to stabilise my blood pressure."  
  
[Roar of laughter]  
  
"Be careful Sean doesn't decide to stalk you so he can claim his territory properly, William."  
  
"Yes, you better watch out for that, I don't think he's willing to share and won't have anybody pee on his territory."  
  
"Pee on-" [Cackling laughter]  
  
"Shut up, Dom." [Thump] "So... I hear a story here."  
  
"What? Where?"  
  
"No reason for wetting yourselves with excitement now after you were doing so well, there is no story there."  
  
"You can't tease us with a tidbit like that and not follow up. So, so, so did Sean get jealous, eh? Were you there to watch?"  
  
"Ooooh, no, no, no, I know. I mean, we all know that Sean doesn't like you, he's very bad at hiding it." [Dramatic pause] "Now suddenly this all makes so much more sense. You and Viggo are pretty close, aren't you? I mean, he even tackles you to the ground now and then..."  
  
"And then, _dum dum dum dum..._ Sean finds out, and he storms over to your house..."  
  
"Dom is the biggest fucking dork ever. Anyway, he storms over to your house, Karl, and did he rip your shirt off?"  
  
"Wait, that's another story entirely. Backtrack, backtrack. Sean storming into Karl's house, with Viggo in tow maybe, and peeing is involved somehow. Right? What do you say, Ian?"  
  
"Oh, leave me out of this." [Chuckling]  
  
"Peeing, Dom, really? You little pervert. And what are you dreaming off at night?"  
  
"Well, if you want to keep them from speculating wildly, maybe you should just tell us how it went down? Just saying..."  
  
"To quote Orlando: you started it."  
  
"I didn't even say anything!"  
  
"Quote, peeing on his territory, unquote. You can't unsay things, Karl."  
  
"That's not a word, Dom."  
  
"That's so a word. Stop wailing for attention, Lan, shush."  
  
"Oy, do I have to sit in between you to make this stop? You're like an old married couple!"  
  
"I was referring to Billy and his amorous advances on Viggo with the peeing quote!"  
  
[Snorts] " _My_ advances? Seriously? I suddenly had a mouth full of Viggo's facial hair!"  
  
"You kissed back! You cheated on me, Pippin, with that filthy Ranger!"  
  
"Who says I kissed back?"  
  
[Chuckle] "Oh, Viggo does."  
  
"What? That-- _bastard_ \--"  
  
"A faithless cheat, that's what you are, Bills! Faithless, faithless! My heart is broken and it will never recover and I will stand on a cliff with a white handkerchief representing my untouched honour!"  
  
"Orlando, dear boy, will you get me another saucer of peanuts? I feel that I need it, for there is no popcorn around here."  
  
"'Course, Ian." [ _Thump_ ] "Dom, off my fucking lap."  
  
"Get him a refill, too, he'll need it if you keep going like this."  
  
"Untouched honour my ass." [Laughter] "You are the filthiest creature strolling over this planet that I've ever met. You showed me your dick when we'd only just met!"  
  
"It was a mutual dick-display!"  
  
"What on earth are you guys talking about?"  
  
"I could hear you from the fucking bar, Dom. Move over. Here, Ian, your wine and your peanuts. At your service."  
  
"We're discussing first meetings and being nostalgic, Karl. And lying off our asses."  
  
"I'd say that, too, now, if I were you..." [Laughs]  
  
[Stage whisper] "Follow me to the bathroom and I'll show you mine if you show me yours."  
  
[Pause] "I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear that, Bill."  
  
"Don't have a penis-measuring contest without inviting me, boys." [Sip]  
  
"Hear, hear. So, what makes you think you'd win? Does it grow with age?"  
  
"Billy! Stop molesting poor Ian! That eyebrow waggle is outright filthy!"  
  
"Oh, I don't mind it."  
  
"I'm getting another drink. Now. Up with you, Billy." [Shuffling]  
  
"Just when things are getting interesting. Don't think you'll escape the measuring!"  
  
"I think Karl won by proxy already, actually. What with his virility and everything."  
  
"Translation required from Orlando to English, please."  
  
"Well, he has a kid."  
  
"Doesn't necessarily mean he's the one best equipped. Just saying."  
  
"What about me?" [Clinking] "Gossiping about the guy who's getting the next round is bad style, you lot."  
  
"Okay, I'm tired of talking about dicks. Let's go back to Viggo and Sean and _you_ , Karl."  
  
"About me? How do I fit in there?"  
  
"Maybe a dirty threesome. Has that ever happened?"  
  
"You've forgotten about Sean and his peeing already, Lan." [Chuckles] "No, no, Karl, you're not going to get away from telling us how you have _such_ intimate knowledge about how Sean might react if he gets jealous."  
  
"But I don't. I don't know where you got that idea from!"  
  
"Of course you do. That's a lovely blush by the way, Karl." [Chuckles] "Stop denying it and start talking!"  
  
[Soft chuckle] "It is better to sate their curiosity slightly than to leave it open like this, Karl."  
  
[Heavy sigh] "Alright, alright. You'll be disappointed though. So, when Viggo was at the hospital after he hit his head Sean wasn't able to reach him for almost a day. And when finally someone picked up the next morning it was me." [Pause] "Let's just say he was a little pissed before I got round to explaining why I was answering Viggo's phone."  
  
[Long pause]  
  
"I'm getting another drink because that is so saccharine sweet that I might keel over from sugar shock if I don't have more alcohol."  
  
"You have no romantic bone in your body, Dom."  
  
"Nope. Move your ass."  
  
"And you're wondering why I'm trying to pair you off with Orlando." [Eagerly:] "And then he challenged you to a duel, yes?"  
  
[Laughs] "He did no such thing Billy, he was a continent away!"  
  
"Besides, if Sean challenges Karl to a duel, both of them would've been trounced easily by Vig. He's the best swordsman of all of us."  
  
"Your mancrush is showing, Orlando."  
  
"It really is. Don't forget to let Viggo sign a poster of his face before Sean whisks him away so that you have something to moon over."  
  
"Oy! Shut up, you bastards!" [ _ThumpthumpTHUMP_ ]  
  
"And this reaction will make us reconsider, you think?" [Sip] "I'd say you just confirmed their assumptions."  
  
"He definitely did. Three blind mice would see that you have a crush on him!"  
  
"Ugh, you guys are disgusting."  
  
"That's a very mean word, don't let Sean hear it. Or he'll have your balls on a plate. If I'm interpreting the subtext underneath Karl's little story correctly."  
  
"There isn't even much of a story, how can there be a subtext?"  
  
"There's never no subtext to any story. If you don't think there's subtext, you're just not looking hard enough. Right, Ian?"  
  
"Don't try and drag me into this, Dominic."  
  
"You only want to see subtext because of sex."  
  
"Go have your hearing checked, there wasn't any sex in that story to begin with."  
  
"Oh, there's nothing wrong with his hearing, but maybe we could have them do some imaging of his head. I'm sure there's something wired incorrectly there. He's already talking about sex over breakfast."  
  
"Oy, oy! I wasn't the one who brought up sex, Orlando was! I wasn't even thinking about it!"  
  
"Oh come on, that's such a fakeout and you know it."  
  
"Yeah, nice try. But you know-- _Karl_ , to judge from that blush earlier, there must be a little more to that story. Even though I don't have any problems imagining Sean to be leaning towards the possessive side, I'm sure you answering Viggo's phone after he almost got himself killed would disturb his sleep..."  
  
"What are you trying to imply now, William?"  
  
"Trying to imply? Noooo, never. Just saying. Weird story."  
  
"Sorry to disappoint you, but there was neither any peeing nor sex. Just a phone call."  
  
"You're such a bad storyteller."  
  
"So, then how do you think this story should be told, hm? Go on, the scene is all yours."  
  
"But I don't actually know what happened, and making things up is boring because I do it all the time. So you should learn to tell the story better instead. Works better all around."  
  
"The truth is not always spectacular, Dom. Sorry to disappoint you. By the way, when are you all leaving, we are having a little party next week, enough reason to celebrate, and you're all invited. Just don't tell everybody else, okay? We don't have room for the whole cast and crew at home."  
  
"You shouldn't leave anyone out. They would get hurt. Get a bigger house, Karl."  
  
"He should leave you out, Lan, with the way you whine and pout. Might be competition for his baby."  
  
"Nah, you'll miss me too much."  
  
[Clears throat] " _Gentlemen_ , as fun as this might be, I must now head home."  
  
[Almost too quickly:] "That's a shame, but can I give you a lift?"  
  
"You two old geezers are trying to escape us!"  
  
"Of course I won't turn down a lift, Karl."  
  
"And now ignoring us. My heart bleeds in pain."  
  
"Oh, I'm sure you'll be fine. You'll be able to speculate and gossip unrestrictedly then. Call me some time this week and tell me if you're going to come next Thursday, okay?"  
  
"Of course we're going to come. Wouldn't miss a baby party for the world. Hope there'll be enough formula for everybody."  
  
"I'll save a bottle for you, don't worry. Alright." [Shuffling] "Have fun."  
  
"Have fun, gentlemen. Try not to get too drunk."  
  
"Yessir!"  
  
  
 _tbc..._  
  
  
  



	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Viggo have a proper reunion. Still dialogue-only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Didn't happen, just a product of imagination!

  
  
  
  


**New Zealand, 22-11-2000, 08:11 pm**

  
"Do you think the guys are gossiping about us right about now?"  
  
[Soft laugh] "They are. You know them. And they'll be enraged because _they_ didn't know."  
  
"You think we need to talk to them to make sure no one blabs to the press or something like that?"  
  
[Pause. Sounds of the car] "I'm sorry, Sean, I didn't-- I didn't _think_. I was just so happy to see you." [Pause] "I didn't even realize that there were so many people there."  
  
"No, shush." [Chuckles] "I'm not complaining, luv."  
  
"You're--" [Sounds of car coming to a sudden stop. Deep breath] "You are not?"  
  
[Pause. Soft kiss] "No, I'm not. I- uh- I told the girls. Even told Abby, actually. Haven't told my parents but- I've got most of the bases covered, so I'm not too worried."  
  
"God, Sean--" [Kiss] "You didn't say a word! How did it go?"  
  
"I don't think Molly understood it, but I think Lorna did." [Pause] "Abby was _really_ confused for a long while, but we didn't actually fight over it, which is a relief." [Soft laugh]  
  
"Maybe Molly just needs a little more time." [Soft kiss] "And Abby, too."  
  
"She thought I was straight."  
  
"Was she upset?"  
  
"I don't know. She got all quiet on me and said she needs to think more about it. But she hopes I'm happy, either way."  
  
[Kiss] "You must have been so nervous. I had no idea that you managed to squeeze a trip to London into your schedule."  
  
[Softly:] "I was there for two days, actually. Filming finished a week early, and I didn't want ta tell you because I wanted it ta be a surprise."  
  
[Series of soft kisses] "It was. A wonderful surprise." [Very softly:] "And even more so is having you here today."  
  
"Will you still think that way if I tell you I've been here since the morning? And I went ta yer house?"  
  
[Chuckle] "Depends on what you were doing there. But that's what your key is for, you know, so that you can come and go whenever you want."  
  
"If you start up the car again, I can show you what I was doing there."  
  
"Alright. Now I'm curious. Did you manage to pair up the pile of spare socks?" [Rustling] "One more kiss."  
  
"Nope." [Kiss] "Though I saw the boxes."  
  
[Sound of engine starting and gear shifting] "Hm. I got everything ready as far as I could so that I don't have to pack while you're here." [Laughs] "It's so tidy, it's as if I'm coming home to a different place in the evenings."  
  
"I was wondering if I'd broken into the wrong house, honestly." [Soft laugh]  
  
[Laughter] "It's almost disconcerting, actually." [Pause] "How was your flight? Was it alright?"  
  
"I took sleeping pills." [Pause] "Didn't have a chance to sleep at all before, really."  
  
"Did you come here from London directly?"  
  
"Mm. Yeah, I did."  
  
"Must have been two tough days, if you talked to the girls and Abby." [Softly:] "You okay?"  
  
"It's a bit of a rush." [Pause. Sigh] "Maybe a little bit too much, but I can't change that now."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Mm, just that I couldn't sit down and spend time with them and tell it properly. I told 'em, and then I had to leave again."  
  
"I'm sorry, Sean." [Pause] "Call the girls when we're home and hear how they're doing?"  
  
"I'll do it tomorrow morning." [Squeaking of leather] "Today's just fer you."  
  
[Soft hum] "I like the sound of that. But call them any time you want, okay? I'd hate to be stealing their time."  
  
"You won't be." [Chuckles] "Are we there yet?"  
  
[Laughs] "You know that we are! Try not to jump out of the car while it's still moving, okay? One more block."  
  
"Well, since we were talking about kids, I figured I might as well try acting like one."  
  
"I actually prefer it if you are just your same old self." [Sounds of car coming to a halt] "There we are." [Brief kiss] "Let's get inside, feels as if I've been waiting for an eternity for being alone with you."  
  
"No, no, wait here." [Thump, rushing footsteps] "Come up to the porch, but don't enter until I say so, alright?"  
  
[Surprised chuckle] "What on earth are you up to, Sean?" [Footsteps] "Alright, I'll wait right here."  
  
[Click of lock opening. Footsteps. Silence for a few minutes] "You can come in now."  
  
[Footsteps, coming to a sudden halt. Silence. Shaky inhale. Very softly:] "How did you do this?"  
  
"I brought candles and called for takeout just before I left fer the set, and, well, it's just setting up, really. It's a good thing you haven't packed yer dishes and table, eh?"  
  
[Shaky laugh. Footsteps. Rustling of fabric] "You're amazing."  
  
[Slide of skin against hair. Kiss] "I'm just damned glad you like it, luv."  
  
[Muffled] "Of course I like it!" [Kiss. Softly:] "Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome, Vig." [Kiss] "Let's go eat, luv?"  
  
"Mmh. I'm starving. Just- just one more moment. It's been far too long since I got to hold you."  
  
"Alright."  
  
"You smell nice." [Stomach rumbling. Chuckle] "And the food smells great, too. What did you get?"  
  
"Takeout." [Soft laugh] "It's Russian, actually. I figured that you like trying new things, and it's odd to see something from so far North so far South. So why not?" [Kiss]  
  
"Sounds good." [Quietly:] "I'm tempted to drag you upstairs immediately but let's eat first, for a change."  
  
[Chuckles] "Good, because I am hungry."  
  
[Footsteps. Scraping of chair over floor] "What is all of this? It looks really good."  
  
"Borscht, bliny, knish, and some other things I can't pronounce properly." [Soft laugh]  
  
[Kiss] "Doesn't matter. Gimme your plate?"  
  
"Here you go, luv."  
  
"If you'd arrived two days earlier you would've had to dig out the table from beneath a giant heap of stuff I tried to pack away." [Clinking] "Are you very hungry? More?"  
  
"Aye, I'm hungry. But not fer food." [Chuckles]  
  
[Plate being set down] "Thank god." [Wood scraping over wood. Footsteps. Kiss.] "Get up. I need--"  
  
[Slide of skin over skin] "What do you need, luv?"  
  
[Shaky exhale] "You."  
  
[Soft chuckle. Footsteps] "After we've eaten. We don't want me efforts ta go ta waste, yeah? You can have me afterwards, I promise that."  
  
[Grumbling:] "You tease!"  
  
[Laughter] "Of course, Vig. Now sit down."  
  
[Chuckle] "Bossy, bossy, bossy. Do I get another kiss at least? If I have to sit through dinner with a hard-on."  
  
[Shifting. Footsteps. Hard kiss, teeth clacking]  
  
"Mhh." [Rustling. Hoarsely:] "More."  
  
"Nope. Food first." [Slide of skin against skin] "I know you've barely eaten the whole day, Vig. Humour me, at least."  
  
[Soft sigh] "Okay." [Clinking of porcelain] "It's not that I don't appreciate this, Sean, you know that, right? It's just been too damn long since we've seen each other."  
  
"I know." [Pause] "Well, I wouldn't have ta do this if you knew how ta take care of yerself properly."  
  
"It's not that I don't eat. Today was a special day." [Pause] "Actually I was too nervous to have breakfast today."  
  
"Why?" [Clinking of porcelain] "Eat while you talk, oy."  
  
[Laughs] "Alright, alright." [Muffled by food:] "It's just all of this coming to an end. Working with all of these amazing people-" [Swallows] "With friends, really-- Aragorn coming to an end. And the green screen on top of all of it."  
  
[Shifting. Footsteps] "I promised ta help you pack up the Ranger, luv." [Pause] "At least temporarily, until the pickups."  
  
[Quietly:] "It's good to have you here. If you weren't, I'd probably sit here all by myself, mourning my loss."  
  
[Soft thud] "I like keeping my promises, luv, and the thought of you being lonely tonight... just ain't worth thinking 'bout."  
  
[Skin sliding through hair] "I don't have to worry about that now." [Pause. Softly:] "What are you doing down there, love?"  
  
[Chuckles] "You know, I'm terrible at keeping promises ta meself. I was thinking I should wait until tomorrow. Get you fed first, and you'd fuck me through the mattress, and we'd hold each other and sleep. And I'd make you breakfast or something in the morning." [Pause] "Christ, I-" [Deep breath. Shifting] "I'm terrible at this." [ _Click_ ] "Will you marry me, Vig? Now that I'm asking you properly?"  
  
[Sharp inhale. Silence]  
  
[Fidgeting] "Viggo?"  
  
[Trembling breath. Wood scraping over wood. Thud. Fierce kiss]  
  
"Mmph!" [Clatter. THUD]  
  
[Breathlessly:] "Yes!" [Kiss] "Yes-" [Kiss] "Yes-" [Kiss] "I will." [Muffled chuckle] "Of course I will!"  
  
[Breathless laughter] "Good-" [Kiss] "Vig-" [Long, fierce kiss]  
  
[Appreciative hum. Soft laugh] "You didn't think I'd say no, did you?"  
  
"I was trying ta not think 'bout what you might say. Don't want ta have expectations at all."  
  
[Soft kiss] "Expect me to be around whenever I can."  
  
"Good." [Kiss] "Get off me so I can look to see if we managed ta lose the rings ta the floorboards?"  
  
[Chuckle] " _Rings_? Do I get more than one?" [Shifting]  
  
"Greedy arse." [Chuckles] "I bought a set; kept mine underneath yers."  
  
"Oy! Do you really take me to be that cheap? You don't have to get your own ring!" [Pause] "Hm. Looks indeed like I managed to lose them before I got to take a proper look at them."  
  
"I saw you pick 'em up, you arse." [Chuckles. Pause] "I just... I don't know why I bought both, really."  
  
[Creaking of floorboards. Soft kiss] "It's nice to have matching ones." [Soft clinking] "There. Show them to me?"  
  
"You could've just opened yer hand." [Chuckles]  
  
"No. You picked them out for us. They are yours to show to me."  
  
"Here, luv."  
  
 [Pause] "They are beautiful. What do those letters mean?"  
  
[Chuckles] "And here I was thinking you know how to read Tengwar by now." [Pause] "It's- uh- it's our names. Full names."  
  
"You're brilliant." [Kiss] "Try if it fits."  
  
"It'd better." [Pause] "There. Does it?"  
  
"Yes." [Pause. Quietly:] "Thank you."  
  
[Shuddering inhale] "Put mine on me?"  
  
[Pause] "Do you mind if- I'd like to see if the one I got for you fits."  
  
[Long pause] "You got a ring fer me, luv?"  
  
"Of course I did." [Soft kiss] "Let me go get it?"  
  
"Aye."  
  
"Don't move. I'll only be a second." [Creaking. Rapid footsteps]  
  
[Silence. Tapping of fingers on wood]  
  
[Footsteps approaching. Thud. Deep breath] "Open your hand."  
  
"Alright."  
  
[Softly:] "There."  
  
[Whispered:] "A moving sea between the shores of our souls." [Sharp inhale] "You found Gibran. Christ. I didn't think you'd've remembered."  
  
[Very softly:] "You like it?"  
  
"Aye." [Chuckles] "At this rate we'll have two rings each."  
  
[Soft chuckle] "I only got this one, actually. It wasn't that easy to talk the people at the workshop into making one for me, discreetly. Give me your hand?"  
  
"I had mine made in LA." [Soft laugh] "Was a bit of a rush, trying ta not let people figure it out."  
  
"They still had your size in their records. It should fit."  
  
[Soft laugh] "Aye, it does. Perfectly, even."  
  
[Lips sliding over skin. Soft laugh] "You messed up my surprise a little. But it doesn't matter. All that matters is that you like it."  
  
"I do. And I'd apologise fer spoiling the surprise, but I think yer happy 'bout it." [Chuckle. Pause] "You feel cold, Vig."  
  
"Mh. I'm feeling a little lightheaded, too." [Laugh] "It might be your presence, but maybe I really should eat something."  
  
"C'mon, up on that chair and get some food into yer stomach." [Kiss] "I can't let me husband starve."  
  
"Your husband, hm?" [Kiss]  
  
"I proposed, we've put rings on each other. Fuck the registry of marriage and all that shite." [Breathless laugh] "I mean it. Up, and food."  
  
"I'm going to insist on a proper cake, though." [Laughs. Shuffling] "Alright. Put something on my plate and I'll eat it. I promise."  
  
"I'll take you for your word on that. Both the food and the cake." [Kiss. Thump] "Here. It's getting cold."  
  
"It's all my fault." [Around food:] "It's probably smart to eat now, I'm not planning to let you leave the bed again tonight.  
  
[Chuckle] "I'll take you up ta that too, my King."  
  
"I certainly hope so!" [Swallows] "This is really good. What was this one called again?"  
  
"Knish." [Soft laugh] "If I ever go to the restaurant again, I'll relay yer compliments, luv."  
  
"Absolutely, they deserve praise. I'm starting to feel better, too."  
  
"That's what happens when you don't eat fer a whole day, silly bugger." [Laugh. Sounds of chewing]  
  
[Laughs] "I was working! Then there was all of this hugging and kissing and shaking hands. _And_ I was trying very hard to not burst into tears the whole day. When do you think I should have taken a break for having a snack, hm?"  
  
[Teasing:] "Maybe you could've eaten one of the guys."  
  
"Or nicked a chocolate bar from Peter's secret stash, now that he can't fire me anymore."  
  
"Or that." [Chuckling] "But it doesn't seem like a good idea, because there's still this pickups thing."  
  
"Which makes it a little easier to leave now." [Clinking. Teasingly:] "I ate everything you piled onto my plate, am I allowed to get up now?"  
  
"Mm, I don't know. Are you still hungry?"  
  
"No. If I eat more, I'm not going to be able to move." [Pause] "And that--" [Shifting] "--would be--" [Soft kiss. Huskily:] "- a shame..."  
  
[Kiss. Muffled laughter] "I should clean up the dishes. Stop ants from coming and all that."  
  
"Screw that, I'm moving out." [Wood scraping over wood. Footsteps] "What you _should_ do is- [Series of soft kisses] "- you should let me get you out of these clothes and upstairs..."  
  
"Nnn." [Long sigh] "Did I ever mention I really like this possessive, dominating streak of yers?" [Hitched breath. Slide of lips over skin] "Bedroom?"  
  
[Whispered:] "I know you do." [Kiss] "Come on, or we'll never make it upstairs." [Shaky laugh] "I want you so badly. All of this phone sex-- up with you, now."  
  
[Stumbling footsteps] "Aye, aye, my lord." [Kiss] "I've been dreaming 'bout this fer days."  
  
[Footsteps. Rustling of fabric] "What have you been dreaming about?" [Soft thud of fabric hitting the ground] "Tell me."  
  
"I- uh-" [Nervous chuckles] "You holding me arms down while you fucked me. Or- or me being on hands and knees, hands cuffed behind me back, and you'd fuck me before you pulled me into yer lap and-" [Muffled groan] "God, _Vig_."  
  
"Keep talking. It's just the two of us, no one but me will ever know about this." [Hard kiss] "Before I'm pulling you into my lap and---?"  
  
"You-" [Harsh gulp of air] "You- yer hands are on me hips, holding them still, and yer stretching me open and it burns because it's been so _long_ -" [Rapid pants] "Don't make me keep talking. I can't- can't find the words."  
  
"Shh." [Zipper being pulled open] "You're finding all the right words." [Kiss] "I'll--" [Shaky inhale] "I can't tie you up, not now. Later... I- I need you to touch me, I've been waiting for this so damn long. To just hear your voice on the phone- I've been missing you so much-" [Quietly:] "You can't imagine how much." [Pause. Swallows] "I want you to- leave marks. There's no more filming, tomorrow I want to be able to _see_ how much you wanted me tonight."  
  
"Yeah- yeah, God, _yes_ , I want ta mark you. I want ta-" [Hard kiss] "Fuck me. Fuck me hard enough that I can't walk straight tomorrow and everyone will know what you've been doing ta me."  
  
"Yes." [Groan] "Move, move, move-" [Rustling] "I want you so much-" [Stumbling footsteps. Kiss]  
  
"C'mon, we're almost here." [Rapid laughter] "I hope you haven't packed the bed, luv."  
  
[Chuckles] "Of course not." [Kiss] "And not the lube either. Wait, let me-" [Rustling] "--get naked for you." [Soft thud]  
  
"God, yer beautiful." [Soft thump] "And you haven't shaved. Good."  
  
[Laughs] "I would've, if I had known you were coming." [Kiss] "You like me better hairy?"  
  
"It-" [Pause] "Yer going ta laugh at me."  
  
"Never. Go on?"  
  
"It makes me remember that yer a man. That it's you."  
  
[Fierce kiss]  
  
"Mm!"  
  
[Muffled chuckle] "You're still wearing too many clothes. Off, now!"  
  
[Softly:] "Aye, my lord." [Rustling. Soft thumps]  
  
[Appreciative hum. Skin sliding against skin. Hoarsely:] "God, you're so hard already and I haven't even touched you yet."  
  
"How can I not be when yer teasing me like this?"  
  
"Teasing, eh?" [Thudthud] "You'd prefer this, maybe?" [Soft suckling sounds]  
  
"Nn- God- Vig- let me sit down before I fall over-"  
  
[Muffled chuckle. _Pop_ ] "Lie down, while you're at it."  
  
[Scrambling. Hard thud] "C'mere, you damned tease."  
  
[Breath hitching] "Sean-- I don't think I-- God, I want--" [Shaky exhale. Soft chuckle] "I really want to fuck you."  
  
" _Yes_. God yes, do it-" [Hard kiss] "C'mon, Vig. Give me yer cock."  
  
"Not without preparing you, it's been ages--" [Shuffling. Drawer opening] "I bought a whole new tube."  
  
"Think we'll finish it in one night?" [Chuckles]  
  
"We might." [Laughs] "Spread your legs a little for me."  
  
[Hitched breath. Cloth against skin] "Alrigh'."  
  
[Kiss. Skin sliding over skin] "I'll go slow. Look at me. I like- to see--" [Sharp inhale] " God, you're so tight."  
  
[Strangled moan. Harsh pant]  
  
[Murmured:] "You're so beautiful like this. So damn beautiful." [Kiss]  
  
"Trying ta insult me masculinity, luv?" [Low laugh]  
  
"Trying to compliment you. And trying to distract myself a little." [Skin sliding over skin. Whispered:] "So hard--"  
  
[Moan] "Oh Christ- stop teasing me like that!"  
  
"You think you're ready?"  
  
"One finger and long months of abstinence say no, but fuck it. I want you, Vig." [Shifting. Slide of skin across skin] "I want ta feel you. _Really_ feel you."  
  
[Soft moan] "Don't do this, I'm not- I'm not very patient today." [Kiss] "And I don't want to hurt you. Wait, let me- two fingers at least."  
  
[Long moan] "Yer mouth." [Hitched breath] "Vig, give me yer mouth."  
  
[Chuckle] "Where?" [Soft kiss] "Here?" [Shifting] "Or down here?"  
  
"Fucking- tease!" [Sharp exhale] "Me _cock_ , you arse."  
  
[Muffled laughter. Soft hum]  
  
"Fuck!" [ _THUMP_ ]  
  
[Breathless chuckle. Wet sounds]  
  
[Soft whimper]  
  
[Quietly:] "You want me to make you come now or with my cock inside you?"  
  
"Can I- nnngh- can I have both?"  
  
[Soft laugh] "You can have everything, love." [Suckling sound]  
  
"Ah- God- more- fingers- Viggo, please!"  
  
"Alright-- there." [Series of soft kisses] "Don't hold back, I want to hear you."  
  
[Long, shuddering moan] "Close-"  
  
[Long low hum. Wet sliding sounds]  
  
"Ah- ah, God- Vig-" [Strangled sound]  
  
[Swallows. Deep breath. Shifting. Hoarsely:] "Touch me."  
  
[Slide of skin against skin] "Aye, I am. Can't reach far but- _nngh_ \- I am."  
  
[Muffled moan] "Wait, let me-- [Shifting. Skin sliding against skin] "God, Sean--I'm not going to- mmh- last--"  
  
"Get in me, then." [Rapid panting] "Get in me."  
  
"No." [Kiss. Muffled:] "I want us to come together, later. Please- just- touch me- I'm so close-"  
  
"Come up here. Let me touch you properly."  
  
[Shifting. Creaking of bedsprings] "Yes-- _ngh_ \-- Sean, I'm--" [Moan]  
  
[Slide of skin against skin] "Yeah, that's it." [Kiss] "Come fer me, Vig. Let me see you when you come. I've missed seeing it."  
  
[Rapid breathing] "Yes- Sean-Sean-Sean- mmmh-" [Loud moan] "Ahh- I'm- I'm-- yes- God---SEAN!"  
  
"Mmm." [Slurp. _Pop_ ] "Yer beautiful, Vig." [Shuddering exhale] "Touch me. Touch me again."  
  
[Panting] "Damn- you're going to kill me--"  
  
"Nn- yes- faster, Vig-"  
  
[Kiss] "I missed this- the feeling of you pressing against me, of you in my hand- and the way you sound when you're getting impatient because I'm stalling---"  
  
"Ahh- you _bastard_ -" [Dragging inhale] "Please, Vig. Fingers- I need _something_ -"  
  
[Soft moan. Hoarsely:] "You have no idea how beautiful you are like this-" [Kiss] "Trembling with arousal- for me-" [Kiss] "Just for me." [Softly:] "Lift up your leg a little. Like this. There." [Kiss] "Fingers."  
  
"Vig- _God_ -" [Sharp, wordless cry]  
  
[Softly:] "Good? You're still so tight."  
  
[Breathless laugh] "Yer hard again already?"  
  
"Mmh. I've been waiting for this for weeks and weeks." [Kiss] "I want you."  
  
"Come and have me, then." [Soft chuckle] "Though I don't have yer supply of Viagra, luv."  
  
"Move over a little. And stretch out your arms over your head." [Shaky breath] "God. I love that look on your face." [Skin sliding against skin. Fierce kiss]  
  
[Slide of skin against cloth] "What look are you talking 'bout?" [Kiss]  
  
[Quietly:] "Your eyes change when I'm- when I'm giving you orders."  
  
"That's the look of me cock getting hard, that's what it is." [Nervous laugh]  
  
[Chuckles] "Liar. You've been hard since dinner, too." [Kiss. Murmured:] "Everything okay?"  
  
"Mm." [Pause. Shuddering breath] "It scares me sometimes, how much I want you. How much I-" [Swallow] "How much I love you."  
  
[Breath hitching. Swallowing] "Sean--God--"[Shaky laugh. Soft kisses]  
  
[Long, wet kiss] "Viggo. _Mi marido_."  
  
[Gasp. Muffled half-sob. Hoarsely:] " _Te quiero. No te imaginas cuanto te quiero_." [Hard kiss]  
  
"Mm." [Soft pant] "I don't speak that much Spanish, luv. You'll have ta teach me."  
  
" _I love you, Sean_." [Kiss] " _I want you_." [Kiss] " _You have no idea how much_." [Kiss. Shaky inhale ] "Wrap your legs around me, I can't- I can't wait for another second." [Kiss] "I need to _feel_ you."  
  
"Oh, I can imagine how much. Evidence's clear around me thigh." [Soft laugh. Shifting, skin sliding against sheets] "C'mere, luv. I've been waiting fer this for weeks."  
  
"So have I." [Kiss] "Give me your hands. If you want, I'll- I'll hold you for a moment."  
  
" _Yes_."  
  
"Up with them, then. Over your head." [Kiss] "Let me just get the lube." [ _Snap_ ]  
  
[Teasing:] "Did you drop it over the bed?"  
  
[Laughs] "Cheeky!" [Low voice:] "Or do you want me to make you shut up?"  
  
"I-" [Harsh panting] "Not- not tonight."  
  
"No." [Kiss] "I want to hear you."  
  
"I'm starting ta doubt that since yer not in me yet." [Soft laugh]  
  
"Alright. Lift up your leg." [Groan] "God--" [Breath hitching]  
  
"Ah! Ah- _God_ \- Vig!" [ _Creak_ ] "Good- so damned good-"  
  
"Yes." [Moan]  
  
[Rapid, shallow pants]  
  
"You're- _ahh_ you feel so damn- good-- I--" [Panting] 'I want- let me- lift you up- _God_ \-- Sean---"  
  
"Ah- aaaah! When did you- when did you get this _strong_?"  
  
[Panting] "When you told me that you like to be held down."  
  
[Choked-off sob. Ragged inhale. Incoherent shout]  
  
[Growl] "You're so beautiful like this- so-- fucking beautiful- and no one gets to see you like this- flushed and moaning and biting your lip- no one but me---"  
  
"Harder- please, Vig! Harder!"  
  
[Skin slapping against skin] "Sean-- damn-" [Moan] "Touch me-- _mark_ me--"  
  
[ _CREAK_ ] "Aye." [Slide of skin against skin. Muffled:] "Like you'll mark me."  
  
"Yes- yes- ahh-" [Moan]  
  
[Kiss] "Vig- God-"  
  
"More- Sean- I want to- I'm---" [Ragged inhale] "You're so tight- so good- so good- mmh- yes-yes-yes-"  
  
"Vig- good- harder, deeper, please- pleasepleasepleaseplease _please_!"  
  
[Thudthudthudthud] "Sean- Sean- I'm- I'm so close- I-" [Kiss] "Do you- want me to - touch you? I want- I want to feel you coming around me while- I'm coming-  
  
"I- ah- I don't know- touch me- I- _ahh!_ "  
  
"Come with me, love- come with me inside of you- come while I'm fucking you-" [Ragged breaths] "Please- Sean-" [Kiss. Whispered:] "Please."  
  
"Yes- yesyesyes- _please_ , Vig! Give it to me!"  
  
[Strangled cry] "I'm-- Sean---please---"  
  
"Ah- Vig- _Viggo_ -!"  
  
[Ragged breaths] "God, Sean--" [Muffled moan] "I-- _ahhh_ \- Sean-- Sean-- Sean--- --"  
  
[Harsh breathing. Kiss]  
  
[Unsteady breaths. Poorly stifled sob]  
  
"Shhh..." [Kiss] "Hey, what's wrong?"  
  
[Trembling inhale] "Nothing." [Soft kisses. Breathless chuckle] "I'm just a little overwhelmed." [Pause. Hoarsely:] "God, how I missed you."  
  
[Slide of skin through hair] "Aye, I missed you too. So much." [Kiss] " _Viggo_."  
  
[Laugh] "Yes, Sean?" [Kiss] "I love hearing you say my name like this."  
  
"Was tasting it." [Kiss] "Trying ta memorise how you taste, how you smell, how you sound, so every time I say yer name I'll remember it."  
  
[Kiss. Softly:] "Don't make me cry."  
  
"Not trying ta." [Long sigh]  
  
[Soft kiss] "Sigh of contentment?"  
  
"Mm." [Laughter] "And exhaustion."  
  
[Chuckle] "Not getting any younger, are we?"  
  
"Nope." [Chuckles] "I almost wish I'm seventeen again, so I can go another round with you."  
  
"There's no need to rush. I'm not planning on going anywhere, not for a long while." [Kiss]  
  
"Good, because I won't let you."  
  
"I'm counting on it." [Soft kiss]  
  
  
 _fin_  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you for following this series for so many months and for all your lovely comments! We hope that you had just as much fun reading our monologues as we had while writing them!
> 
> PS: We are working on a sequel to this and will start posting again in a couple of weeks...


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